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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

survey says:
Current mood:

artistic

What is a compliment you receive often?
Well it depends on if your talking to people who know me, or people on myspace. People on myspace always tell me I'm sexy or something generic and unthought of like that. But people who see me in person usually compliment my eyes or lips most. Sometimes my hair. It's really fuckin long these days.

Why did your last relationship end?
Because I grew up and no longer wanted to deal with being made to feel betrayed, unprotected, and uncared for.

Do you like funny people or serious people?
I like people who are a balance of both, because no sense of humor and no sense of seriousness are both equally annoying.

Is the last person you kissed older than you?
Hmmmm. It was my daughter so no. Oh did you mean romantically? Older then me by two years.

Are you happy right now?
I am at the moment actually. Wow, that's really nice to say for once.

Who did you last shoot a dirty look at?
Uhm. Lemme think. I don't make it a habit to mean mug people. But I am awfully good at it, and apparently do it unknowingly. I think it was probably my sister. I am not around people I don't like very much. I e-mean-mug plenty of people though. I make a lot of ugly faces reading some of the stupid shit people do sometimes.

Do you have any tan lines?
I don't tan a whole lot for one thing as I'm naturally brown but light skinned. I didn't tan this year at all though so no lines. I DO get tan lines. Donno if anyone else would notice them though.

Do you like your parents?
I like my dad. He's awesome. And I actually like my mom too, when I don't have to live with her.

What was the last thing you said to someone?
About the halloween pumpkins my sister bought.

How many good friends do you have?
I have an amazing boyfriend who is my best friend.... Other then that I no longer really have friends offline. I have Amber and Thom that I know in person but our relationships are mostly online based right now. But that's cus one lives an hour away and the other lives just far enough that it's hard on our gas tank. They're prolly my best friends at this point though.

Are there some songs you can't listen to because they remind you of someone?
A few actually. There are a few songs by Korn that remind me of shannon and of this boy I used to be real into and for some reason I have a hard time listening to the song and thinking about the two of them in that timeframe. I was really unhappy then. And some eminem reminds me WAY too much of my ex for comfort. Not because of the song, but because of eminems opinions and views on women.

Have you ever cheated on a partner?
Yep. Not proud of it or anything but it happened.

Have you ever told someone you loved them and meant it?
Yes. I've meant it every time I said it. It -was- different every time too. Because the way I love the man I am with now is so far beyond what I felt for those other men I would like to say I didn't love them. But I did.

Are you happy with where you are relationship-..wise now?
I am. I'd like if we could get married in feb like we wanted to. But it will help us more if we wait...I think. Maybe we'll just elope in vegas.

Do you like to spend time with people?
I would prefer to spend time with the boyfriend and my daughter then anyone else. I don't like a lot of people but strangely I do like to spend time with others. I hate to be alone.

Three feelings at the moment?
The baby kicking, up by my damn ribs.
disappointed.
Tired.

Done anything you regret so far in life?
Cheating. Certain relationships and misconceptions.

Are you thinking of someone right now?
Yeah. Two someones actually. One special, one used to be.

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Rosario Dawson. What a freakin compliment. She's hot stuff. They compaired me to her in clerks two. Not that horror flick she was just in. She was WAY skinny in that movie.

If you could have anything in the world, what would you want?
A home, in the country, with a green house where Jeremy can keep plants, we'd have a huge garden, a fenced portion of our land for the dogs I know Jeremy wants and a nice play yard for the kids. Financial security and financial comfort. I don't wanna be rich, I don't need excess. I just want to be secure and stable, and not have to worry about money so much. I want to spoil my kids but not too much.

Is there a difference between the word 'best friend' and 'friend'?
I think there definitely is.

Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone?
Besides my boyfriend? The last boyfriend. I like my friends.

Who is your celebrity crush?
Don't really have one.

Who were you with last night?
My family.

What language do you want to learn?
Latin. Spanish. French.

Is anything wrong?Yeah. Plenty. But too much to get into while I'm feeling happy.

Who's making you feel the way you are right now?
Jeremy.

When was the last time you had your heart broken?
My last relationship.

What do you dislike currently?
My ex.

Do you read your horoscope?
Every once in a while.

Have you ever smoked?
Depends on what we're talkin about. Meth? No. Lol. I smoke pot regularly, and I have smoked cigarettes before.

Have you ever wanted someone you can't have?
I often wanted someone I couldn't have.

Your ex's car breaks down and they ask you for a lift. Your response?
Yeah my most recent ex anyways. Sept he don't drive so it wouldn't happen.

Do you consider yourself religious?
Not really. I kinda wish I was.

Who is getting on your nerves right now?
My ex and his stupidity selfishness and irresponsibility.

What song are you listening to right now?
No song, just kids playing and blowing rasberrys.

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Mac and cheese.

Was yesterday better than today?
Yesterday was better then today. Btu today isn't so bad either.

When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?
Yesterday.

Do you hate anyone?
I don't really hate anyone no. I dislike, I get disgusted, I use the word hate. But it's not something I actually feel.

Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
A lot.

Can you handle the truth?
Naw I don't think so.

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
Naw. It's my man!

Do you know anyone who is pregnant right now?
I am. :P

Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?
Uh. Yeah. I have.

How many credit cards do you own?
Me + Credit cards would totally = disaster.

Would you rather be rich, or famous?
Rich. Fame is for the birds.

Are you hurting anywhere?
Naw.

Are you depressed?
At the moment no. And I'm pretty amused. My baby is beating people up with an empty milk jug.

Have you done something bad today?
Yeah. I took thirty cents out my ma's jar for a cup of ice when we go home.

Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
Nope. Saw him at the grocrie store a year or two ago.

Quote a song lyric?
You see the truth is you could slit my throat and in my last dying breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shoes.

Do you consider yourself bi-polar?
I am I guess. They say I am. I think I might have BPD instead.

Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friends?
Yes. Yes I have.

Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok?
Not ok, just...understandable.

Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
I have. But I won't ever again.

Where is the person you gave your heart to for the first time?
I hope he's rotting in a ditch addicted to drugs. I don't know where he really is. But he was a bastard.

Reason behind the last time you cried?
Man. It was something really retarded. I'm pregnant people I cry a lot for no reason.

Reason behind the last time you laughed really hard?
Hah. TAlking about gay sex with my boyfriend and my ex. It was pretty hilarious.

What side of a heart do you draw first?
Right.

Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2009?
Pretty much..

Has anything happened to you within the past month that has made you angry?
yeah.

Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now?
MAH BABY!

Are you dating the last person you talked to?
Nope. I wouldnt' date my sister kthnx. I'm not a redneck.

Does it annoy you when people play dumb?
Yes. Yes it does. Under any circumstances that shit is fucking annoying.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
Jeremy issss. He's called me twice on his way home already. xD

What if your ex found out you fell in love with another person?
My ex knows I'm in love, and also knows who I'm in love with. They're friends.

Have you talked about marriage with another person?
I talked about it. I mean it this time.

Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
Um. I suck at it.

Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
Well... I might. Not like.. "over" him, if he didn't know who he wanted, he could have that bitch. If she just wanted him and was disrespecting my relationship I'd beat that bitches ass.

What would you say about your last ex?
He usually has good intentions. But he's a selfish opportunistic dumbass.

So the last person you kissed asks you to marry them, you say?
Lets go. Right now.

Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something?
Yes. Our windsheild.

What are your plans for your next birthday?
Idk. I won't be knocked up anymore thank god. So prolly gettin' drunk

How many arguments did you have with the last person you kissed?
We get into arguments every now and then.

Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them?
Sometimes. It's usually the best way for me to deal with it. I fly off the handle pretty easy.

Is there someone you'd like to fix things with?
My "best friend" but I'm tired of trying to do it by myself. So unless HE changes something pretty fuckin huge I don't see it happening. At all.

Is there anything you want to say to someone?
I wish you were a better man.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
It's been two years thank you very much.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
Jeremy, of course.

Is there someone you used to talk to every day that you don't talk to now?
Sprout. Well I mean

7:30 PM

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Monday, September 21, 2009

ballllllllls deep.
Current mood:

bored

1. If your significant other was paralyzed from the waist down, would he be a burden to you? Or would you still love him the same way?
I would still love him the same way. It might be a little different after but it wouldn't be a burden.

2. Do you agree with the saying "a cheater is always a cheater"?
I totally agree with the person I took this survey from. It is much more likely that someone who has cheated will justify doing it again. However if that person learned their lesson and realizes how not worth it that sort of thing is, and all the trouble it can create for everyone involved, they might have learned their lesson and may not do it again.

3. Assuming you have a significant other, how would you feel if he suggested having a three some?
I wouldn't feel anything. How many guys don't want to get their girlfriend and another girl in bed? I wouldn't do it. Just because I don't like my pie with sausage. It's not a good mix. Not to mention all the threesomes I've ever been in resulted in some form of drama or another.

4. What do you do to maintain your healthy and/or body?
I don't....not really. I should better but I don't. I always plan to. And I actually plan to again. It's just hard when your pregnant to eat things that make you wanna retch. And most things make me wanna retch. Either way, when I have my own kitchen to keep it will be stocked with canned, fresh, and frozen fruits and veggies, good iron rich meats, and chicken and fish for balance. And I love fish now anyways. So I suppose I'll do more of that. We like a lot of italian food and a lot of mexican. I also really enjoy making asian food so we'll have a lot of multi-cultural items aswell as kitchen staples.

5. Is there anybody from your past, that you miss?
I miss my grandpa. A lot. Every day. I also miss my old friends Shannon and Jessica. I'd like for both of them to meet my daughter. I also really miss my old friend Adam. But I haven't spoken to him since I was about thirteen.

6. What are your views on one night stands?
If that's for you, then as long as your safe who's buisness is it? I can't do it. I'm too attached to physical affection.

7. Is there any song genre that just sets you in the mood?
No. Music has never really done that to me much.

8. When you imagine your wedding... How do you picture it?
(Wow candice, your barbies sound like mine.....) I never imagined my wedding. I am getting ready to PLAN it and I still get no clear picture in my head about how it is going to be or will look or anything. I'm scared to look at dresses I'm scared to look at rings and I'm scared to think too much about the whole thing. I'm kind of afraid paying too much attention will make it run away.

9. What is your opinion of gay marriage?
I feel like, getting married, for a straight person, is a personal matter, so why the fuck shouldn't it be, just because a woman wants to marry another woman or a man another man. I feel like everyone has the right to get married to. And who they marry is no one elses business.

10. Do you prefer sleeping by yourself, or with somebody else?
I don't sleep very well when I sleep by myself. But likewise, sometimes, I would rather sleep alone, cus the boyfriend sometimes snores like a damn train.

11.If you've ever had sex before, how was your last experience? ( Good, bad, alright, etc.)
It was exciting. I have a tad of rug-burn though.

11. Do you constantly always pick out your own flaws, when really nobody knows them until you point them out?
Yes.... Yes I do. Fairly often in fact.

12. Do you know anybody with a contagious laugh?
No not really.

13. Name something from your childhood that would comfort you when you were scared.
My teddy bear. My grandparents.

14. Have you ever been "speechless" because of another person?
Yeah, but it doesn't last long. And boy did I have something to say when it was over.

15. If you were pregnant right now, and you knew that if you had an abortion, there would be no chance of children in the future, would you keep it?
I am keeping it. :p

16. Have you ever been through a natural disaster?
Just a tornado or two. There was a flood or two in fargo while I lived there too but it always floods in fargo.

17. Do you over analyze things?
I over analyze EVERYTHING.

18. Are you open about your sex life?
Not really. It's no ones business but his and mine. I get a little emberassed when people talk about their sex lives infront of me.

19. Have you ever needed a best friend, boyfriend, family member, whatever to lean on, & they failed to do so?
Yeah.... plenty of people failed and disappointed me when my grandpa died.

20. Can you sleep in pure silence?
I donno. I think I'd drive myself crazy.

21. Have you ever had a brush of death?
Haha just that one time in my car with Jeremy rob dre and marisol.

22. If so, did that make you see life differently, or change any aspect of it?
It made me look at the exits better when I go wizzing off them.

23. Do you appreciate the small things that life has to offer?
Yes.

24. Do you think you will attend your ten year class reunion?
I don't think my highschool will have one. If they do I might go. I'm prettier now and I have amazing kids. They could eat their hearts out.

25. What is the most romantic thing you've done for a significant other?
I do a lot of little thoughtful things for my significant other. I donno what one would peg as romantic though.

26. What is your favorite book?
I donno if I really have a -favorite-. I enjoy my occult encyclopedia a lot.

27. Why did you enjoy it so much?
I love reading about the weird things people believe in sometimes.

28. Do you have a tattoo?
A little ghetto one. A heart on my hand. Like that fag lindsy lohan sept I had mines first.

29. What is the meaning behind them, to you?
It's my heart on my sleeve. Sort of.

30. Hand made gifts are great, right? Besides those, what is something you enjoy receiving?
I like any gift that is thoughtful. Honestly. I love the hand made ones most because they have the most thought and feeling in them. Art supplies are always a safe rout with me though if you have to buy me something.

31. Has a friend ever stabbed you in the back?
Oh yeah.

32. What is your favorite form of exercise?
I like to ride my bike when I have one. I am interested in yoga and pilaties though.

33.What is something you own, that guaranteed when you slip it on, you will feel sexy?
This vintage looking polka dot dress. Certain jeans that fit just right make me feel uber sexy too. But it's not a guarantee. Because sometimes I just feel fat and lumpy.

34.What is your favorite comfort food?
I like....uhm...stuffing and gravy.

-------------------------------------
WHO
Who was the first person you wanted to be like?
Annie Stuart, in second grade. Cus everyone liked her, and she used to be my best friend. But then she didn't like me anymore.

Who do you think raised you the most: your mom or dad?
Well of the two, my mother did. My dad had nothing to do with me till I was older. But more then her my grand parents raised me the most.

Who have you not been completely honest with lately?
Everyone around me except for Jeremy. I gave him a good dose of honesty the other day.

Who is the last person in your family to die?
My grandpa.

Who do you think is the most attractive person you know?
Mmm. Some girls I know on myspace. My sister and her friends.

Who are you willing to die for?
My daughter. My niece. My youngest siblings.

Who has a crush on you right now?
My boyfriend. Prolly some myspace perverts want in to my drawrs right now.

Who do you want to get to know more?
I want to get to know some of the chicklettes on my myspace and facebook. They live around here and I need some new friends. Being social is so hard for me though.

Who would star as you in the movie about your life?
Rosario dawson I suppose. Since people seem to think I look like her.

Who did you go to your senior prom with?
I didn't.

Who is the nicest person you've ever met?
Mmmmmmmm that's a hard one. I'd have to say Lori. Because she gives and gives and gives and never expects anything but respect back.

Who taught you how to ride a bike?
My grandpa. :'(

Who has been annoying you lately?
Sprout.

Who do you regret ever knowing?
Mike Schmidt. And Jeremiah White. Crazy, psychotic, internet boyfriends.

Who do you think will read this when you're done?
Prolly very few.

WHAT
What's your bedroom's colour scheme?
It's just white. And messy. When we move maybe I'll do something decorative instead of just throwing blankets on the bed.

What kind of ice do you prefer: cubed or crushed?
I LOOOOVE crushed ice. But ice in general is one of my vices.

What languages do you speak fluently?:
English. I know a tiny tiny bit of german and spanish. I understand more then I speak.

What about you sets you apart from the crowd?
My adoration for fart jokes...My biracialness coupled with my racistness. And my general sense of backwards messed up humor.

What impact have you made, however big or small?
I hope I've made a big impact on my daughter. Lol.

What is your favourite game show?
I don't dig gameshows. I suppose wheel of fortune isn't so bad.

What would you most likely go to jail for?
The only thing I CAN go to jail for would be pot and I'd have to have a lot of that.

What is the first thing you do when you get your paycheck cashed?
I don't get a paycheck. When I did, it usually went to gas pot food and clothes. Usually in that order too.

What are you most uncomfortable with about yourself?
My head.... what goes on in there and the things it hinders me from doing. And my body shape. All this extra skin is highly unattractive.

What's the first thing that you notice about someone?
How they make me feel. Their mannerisms.

What celebrity do people tell you that you look like?
Rosario Dawson. Is the only one. Ever. Oh wait no. I guess I used to look like Liberty from Degrassi.

What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
Check on the baby.

What's one thing people would never expect you to do?
I donno.

What do you hope to accomplish in your lifetime?
To raise a happy, healthy, successful family.

WHEN
When did you lose your first tooth?
I was around five.

When did you lose your virginity?
When I was 18.

When is the last time you puked?
My body hates throwing up. So it's not ever easy. But since I've been pregnant for sure.

When do you want to get married?
In the next year or two.

When do you think you'll die?
I donno!

When is the appropriate time to bring up bad news?
Depends on the news.

When was the last time you visited a doctor?:
A month ago. I go again tomorrow.

When is it the easiest for you to fall asleep?
When it's really late and really cold out.

When do you usually wake up?
Around seven usually.

When did you start learning about puberty?
Girlscouts, around kindergarten.

When is your parents' anniversary?
My mom isn't married anymore.

When did you get tired of answering these questions?
I'm not.

WHERE
Where were you when the first 9/11 attacks happened?
In mah house.

Where did you have your first kiss?
At my church.

Where do you feel the most comfortable?
At home.

Where is the last place you found something you'd lost?
My bedroom.

Where do you like to go for fun?
With my friends, or to my dads.

Where would you take someone for a first date?
I donno. I have only been on one date and it was to the movies and to chill at the mall of america.

Where do you refuse to go?
Well, I don't dig public situations. I refuse...to go to a KKK rally. How bout that?

Where do you keep the things you don't want people to find?
My box. On my person, in my backpack.

Where is the party usually at?
I don't do parties.

Where is the perfect place to get to know someone?
Somewhere private.

Where is the last place you broke up with someone?
At our apartment.

Where do you wish you lived?
Near a lake, in a big house full of kids.

Where was your secret hiding spot as a kid?
My closet. It still is.

Where did or do you go to school?
many places, I may tre herzing college soon.

Where are you going after this?:
nowhere prolly.

WHY
Why are you in the position that you're in? what type of position?
Because my boyfriend won't tell his dad he owes him money and STAND UP for it.

Why would you give someone five dollars?
If they needed it.

Why aren't you out doing something else?
Because it's early, and I'm feeding my baby.

Why would anyone go out of their way to please someone?
To make them happy.

Why are you on MySpace?
Boredom.

Why do you cry at movies?
Because I'm pregnant.

Why are you single (or taken)?
Because I can't imagine my life with anyone else and I love him more then I can think of.

2:35 PM

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Friday, September 18, 2009

They think I'm crazy too.
Current mood:

contemplative

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	Very High
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Very High
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	High
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	Very High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

2:25 AM

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Friday, August 28, 2009

When you grow up
Current mood:

amused

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.

2:27 PM

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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Survey, coming soon: Announcments.
Current mood:

happy

Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?
I think my daughter, and my sister watched. Not like all in my grill watched, but they were here when the boyfriend kissed me goodbye this morning.

When you're walking, do you stop to drink?
Not usually.

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
No. Not always. I know it can HELP you get it. But just because you want it doesn't mean it will ever be possible. For instance, no matter how bad I want my grandpa to walk me down the isle. He's still not alive to do so.

Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?
Yeah moving and unmoving.

Ever snuck out of your house?
I never had to. I had permission to go most places and to come home when I saw fit.

Kill or Be killed?
Kill. I have a huge fear of being brutally murdered.

Break someone’s heart or have your heart broken?
I'd really prefer not to do either. Because they are both life changing depression inducing events. I'd rather stay together.

What did you do today?
I took a shower, brushed my teeth, will get the baby dressed soon and I'm going to my first prenatal appointment.

Do you like someone right this second?
Very much so yes.

Would you ever get a tattoo?
Yep. I'm getting a dream catcher with my daughters birth date, andd I gotta figure something out for the new baby first. THen after I get my extra skin removed after losing my baby weight I will get toooooooonnnnns of ink. Mmmm ink.

What was the last thing you ate?
Scrambled eggs and toast.

Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night person, but my baby's a morning person so I get up in the morning. Woo coffee.

Do you snore?
when I'm really sick or something yes.

Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
Yeah. a few people actually. Hell a few people I know had more then one.

What would you do if you opened up your front door to a dead body?
Take pictures. Then call the cops. Well I suppose that depends on who it is.

Do you like to spend time with people?
I love to spend time with Jeremy. I also love spending time with the rest of my family, my dad, my daughter, my mom, my sister. It's a different quality of time but my daughter and JEremy are the most quality time I get. She's amazing. I also enjoy spending time with Amber, and with Sprout. I just don't like sprouts nasty ass apartment. LOL

Are you hungry?
nah. but I'm still craving sushi.

Are you a forgiving person?
I can forgive but I can't forget. I will remember and it will hurt forever. I try really hard not to react to the hurt of remembering though.

When was the last time you did the dishes?
I luckly haven't had to do dishes in a really long time. It will be nice to have a dish washer when it's my kitchen and stuff though.

Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
Yep. Cindy and Amber. Woot toot.

Do you want a relationship right now?
Im in one and very much in love thanks much.

What are you about to do?
I'ma get the baby dressed and wait for Jeremy to take me to my apt.

Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't?
No, they were really dead.

If you could be a superhero what would you want to do?
Teleport.

Your name plus "ness"?
Chantalness. or Chantiness, or Chaniness. I like chaniness most.

Three feelings at the moment?
Excited, anxious. I think that's it. I suppose maybe I could put content in there because so far I'm pretty content.

Done anything you regret so far in life?
I dont regret much that I can think of.

Are you listening to anything?
Not really, just the tv.

Where are you right now?
Home. In my moms recliner.

What are you scared of?
Being alone, being brutally murdered. Something happening to my daughter.

Last movie you watched?
Madagascar two.

Last song you sang out loud?
I cant remember. It was probably "you the best" or "on you" which by the way is totally a ron burgandy quote "Excuse me miss, if I may, take this thought, and send it your way, and if you don't like that, send it right back, I wanna be on you. On you. I wanna be on you." TOTALLY RON FUCKING BURGANDY!

Are you thinking of someone right now?
Hehe actually I was.

Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
my booooyfriend.

Last thing you downloaded on your computer?
Paint.net.

Have you changed much this year?
I became a mother. I became a mother of an infant expecting. I became an official fiance (we just need a ring.). I turned twenty four.

Where was the last place you went besides where you are?
the gas station. my dads house.

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Yeah I got told twice I looked like Rosario dawson or "that chick from clerks two"

Do you speak any other language?
No but I'd like to learn spanish and french.

Do you dress for style or comfort?
Comfort mostly. I haven't bought clothes for "style" since just after highschool. I will again though one day.

Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?
Nope never been out of this country.

What's the craziest thing you've done?
Stalkery shit. I haven't done anything "wild" crazy. Not college freshmen crazy or anything.

Favorite color(s)?
Red, green, orange, pink.

What is your favorite Nickelback song?
uh if I have one I don't know. LOL

What are you looking forward to this summer?
Summers almost over. I am currently looking forward to fatty foods on a stick.

Last time you smiled?
I've been smiling off and on since yesterday with my happy little secret. I can't wait to start telling people.

If you could choose any fate what would you choose?
Get married to JEremy and live happily ever after in the country.

If you could have anything in the world, what would you want?
To get married, to take care of and fix up this house while we live in it. Help my mom sell it when we can buy our own house, get our own house in the country and live with our two kids happily ever after. Nyah.

3:23 PM

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Friday, July 31, 2009

monticello again.
Current mood:

betrayed

Well everythings fucked up. We're not moving into a cute little apartment like I planned. And I hate absolutely everything right now. I know realistically I don't hate everyone. But I feel like I do unless I think of specific people who don't suck lately. (My dad, lori, jamie, joe....extended family and so on.)

The people directly involved in my life right now? Well they suck. Jeremy, my mom, my sister, Sprout...you all SUCK right now. I hate EVERYTHING about life right now and I just want to go to sleep and not get back up. OH And news flash, since I let the cat out of the bag during an argument this morning. I'm pregnant again. yay joy and celebration. No. Wrong. As much as I wanted to be excited about this baby and as much as -I- actually am. I can't. Too much stress. Too much bullshit and too much I don't know what to do with.

I guess apparently I will be in monticello for a month or so. By myself. Going crazy. With just my daughter and her aunt as company. At Jeremys dads house. Again. At least his dad will be in the cities. Detraction? Jeremy will be too. Yay for suspicion breeding concepts and arrangments. I just want to fucking die right now I'm so stressed out. I just don't want to deal with any of this shit.

I called sprout and told him off. I don't feel bad yet and it's all shit I needed to get off my chest anyways and I figure I'll be alone in monticello anyways I might aswell fuck everything up while I can and I can quit pretending to give a fuck what comes out his argumentitive mouth anyways. And I can stop pretending I enjoy his comapny anymore cus I don't. He's on bullshit. All the time. And I don't like being bullshitted. We all know better, your not fooling anyone. Especially not yourself. Fucker.

I just want to be left alone, except for my dads family. Because I actually feel like part of my dads family. Not necissairly the extended family. I feel out of place with them sometimes. But at least I always get that "these are my people" type of feeling around them despite not feeling inner circle. But alas I don't feel inner circle anywhere so it doesn't really matter. I apparently am not even inner circle in this fucking relationship. Big suprise right? Not really. talking to jeremy about anything important is either an argument or like dealing with a big ass brick wall.

5:08 PM

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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea.
Current mood:

amused

Without naming names, say one thing to someone?
Please do the soul searching you need to, and figure out what is going to make you actually HAPPY.

Do you want someone back in your life?
I can't think of anyone not in my life that should be. I mean aside from my dead grandfather.

What song did you hear last?
Sponge bob square pants theme song. WHOLIVESINAPINEAPPLEUNDERTHESEA

Who was the last person u talked to on the phone & what did you talk about?
Uhm. I think it was JEremy telling me he was on his way to pick me up.

Do you, or are you supposed to wear retainers?
No. Never have had but a single tooth slightly out of alignment. Although with this big ass wisdom tooth horning it's way in here I'm sure theres more out of line..

Who are all the texts from in your inbox?
I don't have a cell phone right now. I need one so I can text my sister in laws.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
I was too exhausted to be happy. But I'm kind of happy now.

Have you talked to a complete jerk today?
not yet but I'm getting ready to call one. :p

Listening to music?
Nope, sponge bob.

What are you excited for?
Getting the thai, seafood, or chipotle I want so desperately. Jeremy coming home from work.

Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
My delightful boyfriend.

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
A grape.

Have a best friend?
Yeah I do. We call him Sprout.

Are you scared to fall in love?
No. I'm already there.

Do you think teenagers can be in love?
I think that teenagers think they're in love. I know I sure was OMGSOFUCKINGINLOVE when I was a teenager. But now as an adult, I realize, those feelings were irrational, childish, and unrealistic, and that the way I feel about people now is much stronger and much more true.

Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
Uhm. I'm pretty sure it was Sprout.

What time is it right this second?
Nine fifty six.

What do you want right now?
Sea food. Thai food. Pot. The boyfriend and I in the car. Fun times.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
My daughter.

Are you single/taken/heartbroken/or confused?
Taken. Usually very happily.

When was the last time you cried?
Yesterday.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Sometimes I have a good relationship with my mom sometmies I don't. And I always have a good one with my dad I would like to think.

Do you find it hard to trust others?
Almost impossible actually.

How fast does your mind change?
Pretty fast.

I bet you miss somebody right now.
I miss my grandpa. Desperately. But theres nothing to be done about that. I miss Jeremy too, but he's just at work.

Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
I'm sitting in one of the most comfortible chairs ever, with my laptop on my legs and my daughter across my chest sleeping and cuddling me. I'm FAR more then ok right now. :)

Why do you think so many people cheat?
I agree with the chickadee I stole this from. Some people don't know how to deal with temptation. And some people are just weak and some are just assholes.

What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
Moving, getting the apartment set up, having grocries in my own crib, going to the doctor and finally getting this effing tooth out of my head. I need to make an appointment.

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
Yeah.I steal my boyfriends clothes frequently. My favorite is a tee that say "I don't know how to tell you this but I'm kind of a big deal."

When did you last talk to your number 1 top friend?
Errrrrrm I think it's my mom. She's sitting with me now.

When is your next road trip?
I have no idea. We went to duluth not long ago.

Do you have someone of the oppostie sex you can tell anything to?
I have someone of the opp sex that I can tell anything to, but I have a hard time telling anyone the terribly dark things.

How's your heart?
I am feeling pretty loved and loving lately.

What are you planning on doing after this?
I'm going to possibly find something to eat. And then I'm giving my daughter a bath and getting her ready to go to my nieces fathers court hearing.

Next time you will kiss someone?
I kiss my daughter all day. But if we're talking about tongue kissing it'll be the boyfriend when he gets home.

Have you told anybody you loved them today?
Yes, my daughter, my niece, and my boyfriend.

Who do you not get along with?
My sister.

What does your third text on your phone say?
Nope. No phone for texting.

What are you wearing right now?
Pajama pants and an old maternity shirt.

When's the last time you had a grilled cheese?
A day or two ago. That sounds yummy.

How did you feel when you woke up?
Exhausted.

Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
No. I'mma call the besty in a minute here.

Do you crack your knuckles?
Yeah.

What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
Uhm. Sleeping. How lame.

What are your LEGAL initials?
CNB.

Whos the first B in your contacts?
uhm I don't know.

when was the last time you laughed really hard?
I don't remember. I think it was the balls slapping together convo me sprout and jeremy had a week ago or so.

Your number 1 top friend walks out of your life, do you go after them?
Dude it's my mom.

Last awkward moment?
Uhhh. Getting pulled over for running a stop sign less then a minute after putting a blunt out.

Are you afraid of the dark?
Sometimes.

Do you have good vision?
My vision is MUCH better then it used to be.

Have you ever tripped someone?
HAHAHA Yes.

Have you ever slapped someone?
Yeah.

Are you irish?
Nope.

Do you use chap stick?
Sometimes. If I was smart I'd do it more often.

Do you have any scars?
I have a billion. I have a number of self inflicted scars, I have words carved in my leg. I have tons of misqueto bite and acne and general skin picking scars everywhere.

Is there someone you will never forgive?
Naw. I'm a pretty forgiving person. You mean it, you got it, I don't forget though.

Would you marry someone 8 years older than you?
I don't see why not.

Can you go in public looking like you do?
Fuck no.

What side of the bed do you sleep on?
I like to sleep on the inside but I get up with the baby all night and pee a lot so it's impractical to sleep by the wall. But I feel safer between JEremy and the wall.

Whats the first thing you'll do on your wedding day?
Dear god I don't know.

Do you fall for people easily?
Yes.... I do.

Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
Oh yeah. I got good cuddles this morning.

Do you miss the way things used to be?
No. I used to be a billion times more miserible.

Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
Yeah a few times.

Song You're listening to right now?
Again, I am watching sponge bob.

Will tomorrow be better than today?
I hope so. Tomorrow is thursday which leads into friday.

What’s the color of you’re shirt you are wearing?
grey.

Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally?
Yes.

Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
Yes. Yes it does, a lot.

Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
Yeah. What's not to understand? We love each other, we have a child together and we have plans to get married.

Are you a naturally happy person? Or is your happiness forced?
I am not naturally a happy person I don't think. But I go through periods where I am extremely happy.

If you had to get a tattoo where would you get it?
I have many ideas. I can't get done yet cus of extra skin but one day.

If you had to dye your hair a color what color would it be?
Purple.

If you had to get a piercing what would you get?
A monroe, my labret re pierced or maybe even snakebites like the girly before me. I know a lot of people with them though. But they're just SO hot.

Would you rather love one person or have many short relationships?
Love one person.

How late did you stay up last night?
Like.....nine ten oclock.

Where is the person you have feelings for right now?
He is workin' hard for his family.

Anyone say they wanted to be with you forever?
Yep. Jeremy, sprout, Brian...I think those ones meant it. The ones I think didn't mean it were jeremiah and mike. They did a number on me.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Yes and no.

Do you ever get good morning texts from anyone?
Nah.

Is there anyone you cannot go a day without talking to?
Uhm... It used to be my dad but I haven't been good at calling him lately. I also hate going a day without talking to Jeremy.

What were you doing 10 minutes ago?
This.

Do you look people in the eye when you talk to them?
Most of the time.

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
Yes.

Do you try hard in school?
I didn't. No.

What's annoying you?
Nothin really.

Do you remember who you liked this time three months ago?
Jeremy.

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
Oh yeah. Jeremy means everything to me right behind my baby. And Sprout is my bestest best friend.

What are your plans for the weekend?
Uhm. Eating good food, getting ready to move on the first.

Do you understand football?
To an extent.

Is your number one single?
Yes.

What are you doing right now?
Watching tv, this.

When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
Last night.

What if your bestfriend liked the same person as you do?
I'd be worried about his sexuality.

Do you smoke weed everyday?
Unless I'm too broke.

Can you go a day without music?
I could but I don't think my daughter will deal with it.

Do you miss your past?
I only miss childhood.

Do you like anyone?
Well, uh I wouldn't have a boyfriend if I didn't.

Have you ever gone camping?
Yeah. But Jeremy owes me camping.

The person you have the strongest feelings for dies, do you care?
I would be devistated. My grandfather died close to this time last year and I'm still dealing with that.

Would you ever date someone who was gorgeous but they had a conceited personality?
No, it's all about personality and attraction. And an unattractive personality makes a person ass ugly to me.

Who was the last person to yell your name?
Jeremy or my mom. Maybe my niece. TANTAAAAALLLLL

Who was the last person you had an argument with?
Jeremy.

Do you think things will change in the next few months?
Yeah. I have moving appointments and a lot of new shit to look forward to changing soon.

List three things near you?
My daughter, her bottle, and....an end table with a lamp

Is your hair naturally straight?
Quite the opposite, very curly.

Has anybody ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
Jeremy LOVES my brown eyes. I've always found them to be really boring but Jeremy absolutely loves my eyes. He thinks they're stunning.

If you were in the hospital would your number one come see you?
Oh yeah.

Were you single on your last birthday?..
No, the boyfriend treated me super well on my last birthday..

2:49 PM

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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Unhappy with myself? LETS change something!
Current mood:

animated

I have this habit of changing the way I look when I am upset with the way my life is going. It makes me feel like changes have genuinely started. And there are a few ideas I have to edit my appearance. I can't afford to buy new clothes nor would I spend money on a new wardrobe right now, we need to move. But once we do I might consider saving some money for a shopping spree. I'd really like to go to a mall and do some shopping for myself for once. It'd be really fun. Even if I went by myself. But it'd be even more fun if Jeremy went with me. He has really amazing taste in womens clothes for a women and has gotten me some really nice things on his own.

I want a piercing. I thought about getting my nose pierced but I'm not terribly huge on that idea. I like the idea of repiercing my labret or getting a monroe. My mom says the nose is better but I like the lip idea better. Especially the labret idea. I miss it plenty.

It'd be nice to get a tattoo but they're expensive and I have little money to think I can work with here, and even that is making an assumption. I'd really like to get my heart filled in. (on my hand.)

I thought about cutting my hair short, since my face is thinner then it has been before and it might suit my face shape and such now instead of making me feel fat. But I know as soon as I do I will feel loss and sadness over it. Lol what a girl.
I thought about dreading my hair, in cute narrow neat thin little pencil type dreads, but I'd really miss brushing my hair, it's kind of thereputic. And my scalp itches from dandruff sometimes and brushing helps that. I donno how I'd deal with dreads and dandruff anyways.
I thought about leaving it long but getting it layered and dying the under side. I was thinking pink, red, or purple but I'm not sure. My sister suggested blonde, I'm undecided on that idea. I looked good the one time I dyed my hair blonde, and it would definately be easier on my hair's health then if I bleached it and dyed it some crazy color. But I miss my crazy. I miss my colors!! And purple I've never done before. I think it would look good, especially if I did the top part in black or blue-black. It'd be lovely.

Other then those things, I'm not sure what to do with my appearance. It will change my perspective and I think that's what I need. I also need to not feel like the blubbery cow I feel like most of the time lately. At any rate I need to stop sitting here typing and go on into the bedroom and finally get dressed so I can go chill with mah bestie on his birthday. Because I'm feeling particularly loving today. Love the besty, love the boy friend. love the sister and the mama even. Isn't it grand? I like the up beat feeling I've got going on and I hope it continues for a while. Not likely for me but I can hope for a while. I shall see ya'll blog readers laters. Muahs and much love.

8:46 PM

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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I want./I don't want.
Current mood:

lethargic

I want to be confident and sucessful.
I want to have goals and achieve them.
I want to have friends that love cherish and need me.
I want to have friends that I love cherish and need.
I want to have a happy healthy relationship with ALL of my cousins.
I want to make friends with more of my family members. (Some family though should stay just family I think.)
I want to have more connections.
I want to improve upon myself as much as I can.
I want to learn.
I want to create.
I want to be more creative and artistic.
I want to help those I love as much as possible.
I want to love as many people as I can.
I want to touch people emotionally.
I want to impact peoples lives.
I want to be the best mother I can.
I want to be the mom my daughter can talk to about anything.
I want to be the best lover I can be.
I want to be the best wife and life partner I can be.
I want to be the best home maker I can be.
I want to be loved, the way I love, wanted the way I want and needed the way I need.
I want to see the bright side of everything. The silver lining to every cloud.
I want to be able to see the positive instead of the negative all the time.
I want to be seen as the person I am rather then the person people think I am.

I don't want to be seen as manipulative, just because I'm a bit of a control freak due to fear of a lack of security.
I don't want my kindness taken for weakness.
I don't want to be taken advantage of.
I don't want to be told how I feel.
I don't want to be told how to feel.
I don't want to settle for "content" for the rest of my life.
I don't want to flounder in all this anxiety and pain built up inside me.
I don't want to lose this battle with myself.
I don't want to fight forever.
I don't want to feel weak and hopeless anymore.
I don't want to be stressed and confused.
I don't want any more secrets.
I don't want to be the instigator.
I don't want to be a victim.
I don't want to continue to go unheard.
I don't want to be ignored.

3:41 PM

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