Yeah ... one of my best buds is going to get married ... and I need a date. Preferably someone that is willing to have it be more than just a one-time date. And regardless of what you think of yourself, gals ... I'm not too picky.

Here's the rules:

1 - You have to be of at least average intelligence (aka could hold a conversation and not constantly screw up using a cellphone because "it's too hard" or be surprised by an invention called a "laptop" .... never again, good people, never again. I wish I could say I didn't know anyone who fit that criteria. Ugh.).
2 - I have to find you attractive. And no - I'm not looking for "supermodel" quality. I'm looking for someone, that when I look at them, my first thought is "wow - they're cute/attractive/hot".
3 - You're ok with the fact that I haven't had a date in over four years.
4 - You won't laugh or say "I don't believe you" when I say I haven't had a kiss in all that time. Hey, it's the truth. *shrug* And yes - I haven't that, either. Yes, over four years without sex. Big whoop.
5 - You don't abuse my trust and be honest with me, no matter what. If you're the type of gal who leaves her friends behind when she gets a bf - don't lie to me and say you won't do that and then go ahead and do that. I used to have a big heart - but too many people have taken advantage of that - and me. Which leads me to ...
6 - Don't do this just to meet some other nice guy at the wedding.

Ok, here's some of the basics - this won't be a blind date. I'm not going to do that to my friend. I'd much rather go alone than bring someone that I don't really know well, who could ruin their big day. No way. Nor will I do that to myself. I already have a room secured, and I'm not going to share a room with someone I don't know.

I'll be happy with a date, but I'm really hoping to get a girlfriend out of this ... being single has it's own advantages - but I think it's time to find someone special - and if you're a single gal that fits the rules above - send me a message!

Yarrr, sweet. Life rocks.

Mmmmph - just a project upgrade for y'all. For a room remodeling project - this is going slow. But it's a combination of how little I can really do by myself in combination with getting other's schedules together to make all the dots connect. I mean ... yeah, I COULD buy a bunch of sheets of sheetrock, cut them all in half and lug them up and put them up and so forth. I could. But then that doubles the workload after the fact ... taping and mudding. I'd have that many more joints to have to deal with. That many more areas where the whole room could look like crap. Since I'm not in any HUGE hurry ... I'm waiting for my help to find the time in their schedules.

Learning something new all the time. Here's the lowdown - I've run through the at-home stock of drywall. The room doesn't look half bad ... doesn't look half good, either. *laugh* But the electrical is all run, I now have two cable wires to my tv nook - yes, two. One for regular cable ... the other for satellite. Just because it's the master bedroom doesn't mean I should skimp on the entertainment possibilities for the room. Primarily for sleeping ... romantic movie, ladies?

You know it. Hopefully this weekend, I'll be able to wrangle some friends and finish up the sheetrock. Because at that point it becomes a one-man job ... for the most part. Tape and mud, then paint, light fixtures, closet hardware (shelves n such), then carpet, trim, and closet doors.

I'm pumped.

Laters, programs!
~Buzz

Well - after some delays and a couple days spent putting up insulation (yay, insulation!) ... and a couple days realizing that it is SO very much time to get a haircut. Things need to be done.

Anyways - back to the home thing. So this very recently pass Saturday (yes ... yesterday .... *sigh*) I was able to match schedules and get my bro-in-law down for the day. We did all the framing that we need to ... the space for my closets is now blocked out and ready for sheetrock ... the TV nook is ready for plywood and then sheetrock ... and my room now has a ceiling. We rented a sheetrock lift, and got the ceiling panels up and looking good. It's finally nice to have a room that's not open to the attic space. Awesome.

So next stage is to now go about and put up what sheetrock I can by myself ... the whole bottom part. The top half of the walls will be done with help. But my room is coming together! After that comes mudding all the joints. Then I bring down my good friend Robyn who's my interior designer for the project. She'll help me choose a color that keeps the room feeling bright but still suitable for a bedroom. Then i'll match a neutralish carpet color, installing that myself. Then I put up the doors and closet accessories .... and move in. I simply cannot freaking wait. I have high hopes ... I just hope I don't feel like trash like I did today ... so much to do .....

Chat me up, y'all!
~Buzz

Arrr, matey. Avast you lubby land lubbers! You bilge rats! You'll walk th' plank, you bunch of parrot lovers! Today was "Talk like a Pirate Day! Arr!"

So arrrr ..... hope you lubbers had a good day ... I had a chat with a beauty, don'tcha know.


Arrrr

9:30am: I'm going get this done TODAY. I won't call my emergency friend yet - let's see how much I can do myself.

10:00am: Dressed and protected, starting to demo.

12:00pm: Noontime break alarm. I decide to keep working, I'm doing good, making progress.

1:30pm: Parents swing over, dad brings some big demo tools. My mom gets some more deck staining done - looking really good. Great birthday gift! She also entertains my cat Mimi - maybe she won't keep me up all night wanting to play. :-P

3:45pm: Room demo finally done! Walls are all gone, ceiling is gone, and now there's just piles of junk in the room to be bagged and bundled and trashed. Sweet! My dad's know-how really helped make this go quicker.

Tomorrow my dad will come back and I'll get some new electrical run into the room. I may switch the lighting in the room, too. But I'm still not going to bite off too much. The less stuff that I do crazy - the better off I am. All that's left for the room now is cleaning, electrical (maybe cable and network drops), and insulation. Five days until the whole crew comes over and we finish any insulation, build walls for the closets, and sheetrock it all. Unless something special happens ... Days 6 thru 9 will just be cleaning up and some insulation, so I won't list them here. Look for Days 5 and 10 ... Though Day 5 may not be noteworthy with times. We'll see.

I didn't do a damn thing today. Instead, I went to a party. Didn't meet any cute girls that I hooked up with (cute girls, but no hook-ups) but it was a definite fun time. Rock on!

5:00pm: Got some energy - high hopes of hopefully finishing this room After this one, another to go. Not going to get discouraged ... not going to ... no no no ....

5:25pm: Realized mistake made last night. Now I'll have to spend time sorting out all the wood to be burned from all the rest of the junk - and pile it so I can still do work on the walls.

6:48pm: Made a huge mess - half a closet torn down. Went downstairs to get a shovel and a drink of water.

7:20pm: Sorted out closet mess, stacking wood and sort debris.

7:40pm: Earned nickname IronJaw Buzz. Too much water decided to kick back. Upchucking into my dust mask is not a appealing idea. I lock my jaw and lips and suck it back down.

7:41pm: Really REALLY regret not going to the bathroom to hurl.

7:44pm: Stomach settled, back to work.

8:05pm: Done for the night. All stuff sorted and out of the way of further work. Not much progress on the room itself. *sigh* Two days on one room - hopes are low. I have a few hours left for tomorrow before I have to make myself presentable to head out to an engagement party for my good pal J and his girl. Most of a precious day shot. I'll need to see if I can get some help for Sunday.

Why the rush ... I hope to get the electrical run on Monday ... or this whole thing is going to crash and burn and need new scheduling. And sleeping in my living room has lost all appeal ... *sigh* ... how can I impress Avril Lavigne if she happened to stop by? *laugh*

Keep in mind - I get home 'round 4:30pm ...

5:30pm: Hopes are high, ambition is high, I'm going to do this! I got my trusty crowbar, a bunch of energy and determination, and half a day to see how far I can get. This shouldn't take too long.

5:45pm: Found old plaster slats behind sheetrock. No insulation in walls as expected. Slats could be a big issue. Conferred over phone with co-contractor for this project (my bro-in-law - rock on). Heard the news I was afraid of. To do it right - the slats have got to go. I can do this.

6:25pm: Plaster in the closets ... this is losing it's fun appeal.

7:30pm: Found some old baseball cards. I'll be rich!

7:35pm: Finally stopped laughing from such a stupid idea. Got back to work.

8:00pm: Alarm goes off - done for the night. Feeling utterly exhausted. Good amount of mess done - decent amount of work done. Rough guess is 50% complete on demo.

Yeah, so it's a Monday morning - Labor Day - and to all those who actually are laboring today ... stay strong, y'all! Did the retail thing myself for two years ... I know how it goes.

I have to say, though, that it's incredibly interesting how things just seem to fall into place, how some things just flow a certain way, how some people continue to be exactly the same even when they cry out that they're not. How hard is it to actually change? How much of a challenge is it to actually take a chance with someone, and see if it's worth the effort? How much harder is it when they're an opposite of you, or when everyone around you is telling you "No, it's not worth it."

There were times when I bucked against that - where I said "That's your opinion. I'm going to find out." People often say "It'll never work." and I've come to realize that most people fling that off the cuff because they simply don't want you happier than they are.

Sometimes, I get the chance to say - if even just in my head - "I was right, biatch." And then sometimes it's "She said she wasn't, but she's one hell of a bitch."

At times like those, I'm often told "Don't worry about it. She'll regret it when she finally grows up." But when I think about it ... why would she grow up? Everything has worked out just fine, reinforcing her lifestyle. She won't grow up. She will quite probably pop out a kid or two, and go right back to partying and drinking and whatnot.

Hiding her shame and self-doubt behind a drug- and alcohol-ridden haze of existence that drags her down to the absolute low. People deal with pain and suffering their own way - what works for one person doesn't work for others. Me ... I face it, or completely avoid it. I don't go to funerals. Not out of disrespect for the person, but because death, to me, is an accepted part of life. One day, I will die. And I hope that instead of sitting around a coffin with my mangled and mutilated corpse (I'd have a newbie coroner :-P) ... my friends, and the people who know me, would gather around some food .. and talk about the good times. Share memories of the things I did, basically enjoy the life I've lived.

And while yes - I'm not the active person who went and did such and such, or went out drinking every night ... I'm the guy that saved a girl's life. Don't get me wrong - I'm of the full opinion that Robyn would have turned herself around and gotten to where she is without my help. So how did I save her life? Because I cared. I literally opened up my heart and said "Welcome. You are beautiful. I cherish you." and that gave her something to build on. She did all the hard work and can fully claim that I did nothing ... but she won't. She always tells me that I helped.

And I got a really good friend out of the deal. Hi, Robyn!

So back to the shame department .... I know of two people who are hiding behind drugs and/or alcohol. For one - I know it's both. For the other, just alcohol. The one with both - my ex, of all people, was probably my greatest failure. Her life was anything but excellent when I met her. But I fell for her, opened my heart and cared for her. But she was also my first girlfriend - and I had a LOT to learn at that point. While most people had made their mistakes at 15, 16, or 17 ... I was doing it at 24. And it showed.

I ultimately, through my fault, pushed her away. Now - her drug use and drinking are not my fault ... she was well on her way towards that before I met her. But I failed to help - failed to really show her how beautiful she was, failed to help her work through the demons of her past. So when we broke up and she literally walked out of my life .... she was better than she was ... but not as good as she could have been. My fault, and I shall carry that to my eventual end. But - I realized a lot of things, I went from "he who is only an egg" into someone a lot more mature. And it allowed me to help Robyn.

And the other, who I mentioned on occasion as Marie, spends her time playing softball and hitting up bars and parties and drinking and having short sexual relationships. There was a time when she may have been coming on to me, and I didn't act. Not out of desire (which was obviously there) but because she had earlier said how she wanted to work things out with her boyfriend at the time - her one long-term relationship. Basically - he had faults, and while she would ultimately go on to get out of that generally bad relationship ... instead of focusing on the aspect "I can have long meaningful relationships" ... she went back to her old ways. And while I have to be honest and say I don't know about her sexual activities - knowing her and some of the things that showed up on her myspace when I was checking it out to try and come up with a good time for the two of us to hang out, see if things went anywhere, was that she was more or less back with her usual activities. I could be wrong - she could just be doing a lot of drinking and partying and that's all. But that's not like her.

But here's the thing - as I'm sure a bunch of you can attest .... brief random sexual encounters do nothing for the self-esteem. Because while yes - "I'm hot, he wants me!" - does bolster it .... the fact that the guy is ONLY swinging by for sex sits in the mind, and rips at the self-esteem. Guys are more interested in her body and sexual skills than they are with who she actually is. Now - this is by all means not an all-inclusive. For all I know - she found someone who connected with who she is - and lusted for her after the fact. That is love - finding a person who you connect with on the spiritual/emotional/personal level ... that you also think is hot. You can find it in either order ... but you really know you have something when you connect ... and then lust.

I extended every chance to her, trying to get her to see that I wanted to get to know her and who she is. But she obviously wasn't interested in me, and through lack of action, killed any caring I had. I will happily open up my heart and care about someone ... as long as they work with me on some level in return. Simply being my friend and chatting now and then works just fine. Hang out with me once in a while. Do that ... and I'll care about you in return. Continually blow me off and don't make any effort in return ... not worth my time.

But at least I am comfortable with who I am that I don't have to hide behind mind-altering substances. Don't get me wrong - the occasional night of drinking is just fine - I have NO problems tossing back a few with friends. But I can also go a whole night without having to drink with said friends. I don't need to "relax" - I don't need to "unwind" - I don't need a "buzz". I get my own "buzz" just by being me - and finding that special someone to care about - and enjoying the buzz of the warm feelings from being cared for in return.

And while right now, I don't have that feeling .... I don't need to turn to alcohol or drugs for it. Because I know that she's out there. One day I will find her, and then I'll once again enjoy the awesome feeling ... made all the better because I didn't waste it on the wrong person. Call me old-fashioned if you must .... but there's just something about the morning light in a gal's shining eyes ....

I really don't see why my subject should match up with anything that I'm blogging about here. I mean, really. Who reads this stuff, anyways? Myspace tells me that I had 12 views with my latest post ... but then again, Myspace insisted that I had more friends than it showed me I had.

Of course - as of this writing, they somehow had that fixed and I'm back to my 12 friends. One could guess that they all read my blog ... but I really doubt half of them check my account that often *grin* Especially since two of them are singers (one of who sent me a Happy Bday for my 27th, but totally skipped it this year *laugh*) Not like I really expected most people to ... I downplay my birthday enough as is. If other people want to throw a party in my honor - then I'll attend, be pleasantly surprised if needed, and do my best to have a fun time. But if left on my own ... I'd buy a cupcake, light a candle, and say "hooray beer!" ... well - "happy day!" ... and then "hooray beer!"

Not that I drink .. pretty much at all. Oh sure - stick me in a crowd of people or with friends - and if I have a ride home or a place to crash, I'll have no problem drinking until quite smashed and I collapse in a corner to spend the night getting the best night's sleep on a hardwood floor.

Sleeping on the floor or on a concrete slab seem to give me a really good night's sleep. I don't get it. At all. But what works, works.

Anyways .... I'm spacing out so I'll wrap this up to rant about something some other time.

Oh yeah - one last thing of note. There's a certain someone that I'm pretty much ignoring because of how she ignored me. Well - either said someone had a really bad day .... or it wasn't a coincidence that she put extra force into opening a door (slamming it against the wall) or that as she walked past me on the hangar floor and went from idly banging on the metal rail to rather pounding it after I walked past her without a word. Now - it could be simply sheer chance that she happened to see me prior to it. Or she could be pissed off about something unrelated to me.

Either way ... it's just plain funny.

Hey - screw me over or lead me on ... I'm a nice guy, but once you blow up that bridge, I'm not going to care. Only way to get me to care - rebuild the bridge.

Rather simple, really.

Later y'all. ~Buzz