http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiCKE1-lhPc

this song really means a lot to me..

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgRGQQ3Qv_U

couldn't get this song out of my head

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAwUNahrMs0

video of me playing in London, the song "sometime around midnight" by airborne toxic event

http://soundcloud.com/breaking-glass/somewhere-aro...

i couldn't get this song out of my head so i covered it..

love is the blood of god...


there's is nothing more fulfilling, more profound, more joyous than spending an entire day with the love of your life, who is your best friend and the person you like more than anyone in the world, the person you love in a manner that would make you kill anyone who dared to hurt her, that is your absolute dream girl as a lover, that is the one person in the world who is 100% perfectly sexually compatible with you..the person you find the most beautiful girl you've ever known.


a day spent in conversation and sharing, of admiring music and art and splurging on watching bad tv.. of opening up in levels you didn't know possible.. months ago I couldn't have concieved that we would be able to grow any closer, yet we do..


you realize your life is your dream manifest. The touch of her soul changed me, profoundly.. I was transformed.. I do not have to think of how I can be a better fiance or partner, it is easy b/c it is what I feel is what I want to do, the right thing to do, and she deserves no less. The negative habit patterns I might have had in past relationships do not exist.. merely b/c I could never imagine treating her in a way that would cause a single instant of pain..


Mutual admiration and respect.. aknowledgement of each others strengths and weakness's and the ability to share your darkest secrets comfortably without fear of judgement.


When we get married I want to make that vow "till death do us part. And for the first time in my life I believe in that, I want it, I will hold true to it.


I know that if God forbid something was to happen to rip her from my life, she will have been the love of my life, and although I may have companionship and lovers while I live out the rest of my life approaching death, there will never be another who could make me feel the pure love i feel with her, who could possibly replace her, who could possible be an upgrade.


I will not be able to love like this again, and it would be so unfair to ever compare her to any one I ever walked with in my future.. she is so special, so unique, so perfect in the way she fits me I would be insane to ever hope of finding that again.


I will take the possible bad years that may come as life rolls by, the times when we are not as close, the times where we may feel frustrated with one another or have hard times communicating, b/c i have full faith that those times will pass and we will fall in love all over again, and ever find a deeper more profound love than we had before. such is the way of true marriage, when you marry the right person for the right reasons.


I am not tryin to change her, to improve her, she is not a work in progress.. she is perfect and yet she still suprises me with how amazingly perfect she is, as I am with her.


This is the miracle, this is divinity in motion. This is true love..


and i truly feel like I have been given the greatest gift in the universe.


There was never a struggle, there where never obstacles to be over come, there was never doubt, all it took was us opening our hearts to discover the possibility and we were swept on the current of this river of love.. no need to paddle, the river brings us ever closer to our Shang-Ri-La.


I sometimes wonder if I've ever been in love before truly, for I certainly have never know a love like this. A love that could actually make me believe in that silly concept of soul mates..


I feel as if this will be the first Marriage for me, the first real Ceremony, as it will be the first time I will say those vows without hesitation, without delay, and with my heart, mind and will 100% behind them.. truly believing in them


I dream of forever with her, I cannot even concieve of life without her


I feel blessed, I feel like I found the dream..


I admire, respect, adore, like, lust after, am inspired by, amazed, suprised by and frankly transformed by this woman.. my fiance, Emily Bein


I've recently decided to go to therapy, and one of my biggest motivating factors is so I can be free of the issues that might make it hard for me to truly allow myself to be vulnerable and not deal with loss and pain and letting go of the past.. A big reason I want to do this is so I can become the best Husband I can be for her.. she truly deserves the best..


I truly wish from the bottom of my heart that all of you can find and allow yourselves to find this magick as well..

on occasion i like to record myself rehersing, as i find that i tend to notice my mistakes far better in retrospect than at the time.. i was pretty pleased with these attempts..