Big Lots is a magical place.  It's kind of like the secret elephant burial ground, only with consumer goods.  It's where products come to die when they don't sell, whether it be because some overly optimistic purchaser took a look at the local market and thought "Yeah, now these are some people that could slam down a few dozen Jones brand Blueberry Lemonade sodas each" or because the product itself is just generally unwanted by anyone who hasn't suffered massive head trauma in a recent car accident.  I was in the Big Lots next door to where I work the other day, and found something that is definitely the latter.

I was cutting through the snack food aisle, which is a wonderland of canceled and nearly expired crap, when I saw something that caught my eye.  Take a look:

Oh yeah, you read that right.  Rap Snacks.  Go on, read it again.  Only slower this time.  Yeah, that's the way daddy likes it.

Anyway, there was no way I could leave the store without at least one bag of each flavor, so I did my best to quiet my schoolgirl-like giggles and grabbed both a bag of Sour Cream and Onion (as endorsed by the late Mr. Dirt McGirt) and the Southern Crunk Barbeque (representin' the Youngbloodz (sic)).

Looking at them, you can immediately tell a difference in the attitude of the two flavors.  On the one hand, you have the somber, more mature Sour Cream and Onion.  The little motto beneath the picture of Old Dirty Bastard encourages us to "Think responsibly."  I'm really not sure if ODB meant that to apply to life in general or if it specifically relates to snack foods, but irregardless its just plain good advice.

The Youngbloodz only guidance to us, however, is to "Get crunk."  These are wild young men living on the edge of society and playing by no rules but their own, and they have no time for, nor need of, responsible thinking.  Their whole lives, and by extension, their snack foods of choice, are a constant middle finger to the man that tries unsuccessfully to pull them down.  Life is for the living.  They don't have time for no dead man's sour cream.

Speaking of which, you may find yourself asking, "Rap Snacks, why did you choose Dirt McGirt for your spokesman after he done gone and got hisself shot?"  I think I can answer that.  You see, each bag has a little bio on the back that discusses the careers of the spokesman.  They're really not that interesting until you get to the last line of the Youngbloodz  blurb, which tells us to "Look out for the new album which will be in stores August 2004."  When I read this, I suddenly realized that this wasn't a case of finding a bad idea on its way up, but rather a company's long buried secret shame that had come to light just long enough to be sold for $0.80 at America's closeout store.  Yes, I'm afraid when these chips were packaged up what I can only guess is at least 4 years ago, Old Dirty was very much alive.  Heck, for all I know maybe it was jealousy over his sweet new endorsement deal that got him whacked. 

Anyway, I guess I can't possibly wrap this up without tasting these things.  I'm a little put off by the fact that I'm about to eat 4 year old chips with a dead man on the front, but what the hell, you only live once.

Well, the foil bag did its job, and the chips still seem as fresh as the day they were first packaged.  Not bad at all, really.  The Southern Crunk Barbeque are actually pretty darn good.  And it solved a mystery for me.  I had always wondered what "crunk" was, exactly, but after tasting these, I think it must be "black people" talk for hickory.

The Sour Cream & Onion are good, but not as impressive.  They have a really strong initial zing to them, but it fades pretty quickly.  Much like the career of the Wu Tang Clan that gave birth to them.

All in all, I would say that these potato chips are good, but don't have much more of a hip hop feel than my usual brand.  To really be called Rap Snacks, these things should have way more hip hop feel.  They should make Fritos look like the fat white kid that sat in the corner during PE talking about his latest D & D adventure, possibly in fluent Klingon.  Still though, I'd say the packaging alone was worth the buck sixty I paid for the batch or 'em.