I haven't written in awhile, because I guess I'm tired about bitching about the same bull shit.
As many of you know I had a BF (bitch fit) today.  I'm just tired of being used and not taken seriously by guys or just plain taken advantage.  I just wish I could have a normal relationship with someone that felt the same way I do for them.  The last person I told I really liked them and all that, just blew me off and that's why I hate opening up but you know what "one man's trash is another man's treasure" and I sure as hell aint trash but I will some day be someone's treasure.  Because the man that will be by myside I will make the happiest ever.  I've been through so much these past 5 years that I'm more than ready to settle down.
The funny thing is that the ones that are interested in me, I'm not interested in them.  I have met some really cool interesting people lately that I'm getting to know and enjoying my time with, so I'm pretty sure I will find someone soon.  Today I went on a rampage because I hate feeling used, so I'm getting rid of all the trash and drama and people that don't really want to be in my life.  So if you're one of those.  Do me a favor and delete yourself from my page and my life!
Some times I'm just too damn nice.  I have some great and wonderful people in my life that I would do anything for and love dearly.
Nancy - you know I love you bitch forever and ever...you are an annoying lil sis sometimes but I'd do anything for you.
Carlos - my lil party friend for ever until we are walking around with our canes LOL.  Puro desmadre. (blue hippo blue hippo buh peace)
Rey - I know I just met you, but you're a pretty awesome little guy ha ha.  I like hangin out with you.  Watching scary movies and just chillin = awesome
El Yames - ay we've done some crazy things...you took care of me that night ;-)
Ay Tim - of all people my ex the least expected.  I know I screwed you over hard core, but you are still there for me.  You pick me up when I'm down, always making me laugh and all.  I'm glad we've become closer. 
I love you guys!!
To all the losers out there that have hurt me, good thing you did because I didn't need you in my life.  I do way better without you.  I can't wait to live on my own and just make my life complete.  Thank you to everyone that listened to me today when I was in my bitchy mood.  You too Hector!!

1. What is your middle name? I don't have one...

2. What color underwear are you wearing now? Pink

3. What are you listening to right now? Nothing just the dogs whining

5. What was the last thing you ate? Deluxe breakfast from McD's

 6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Pink duh!

7. How is the weather right now? Just perfect

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? well no one ever calls me...last person was - Adrian my tocayo

 9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Gotta admit their looks all in all

10. Favorite type of Food? shrimp

11. Do you drink? Occasionaly....

 12. Do you smoke? No.  Used to just cause I thought it was cool only when I would drink but no more and cigarettes only!

13. Ever get so drunk you dont remember what you did? Yes....OMG

14. Hair color? Naturally brown...right now redish brown

 15. Eye color? Brown

16. Do you wear contacts? No, 20/20 baby

17. Favorite Holiday? Christmas - i guess

18. Favorite Month? August ...actually no February because income tax return baby! LOL

19. Have you ever cried for no reason? I think i have all of a sudden when i remember something

20. What was the last movie you watched? Be Kind Rewind 

21. Favorite Day of the Year? August 26

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? in person yes...but i can do it through text or online lol

23. If you can say something to someone right now what would it be? You just made me that much stronger...thank you!

24. Hugs or Kisses? depends on who it is

25. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla

26. Do you want your friends to respond? Sure...

27. Who is most likely to respond? I would say Mayra but I stole this from her

28. Who is least likely to respond? who cares

35. aim? Yahoo

36. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? salted & butter

37. Dogs or cats? Dogs even though im not an animal lover ...but i have Lexy!

38. Favorite Flower? I don't have one

39. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to? LOL yes...OMG so embarrassing

40. Are you taken or single? Single

41. Have you ever loved someone? Yes :[

42. Who would you like to see right now? Letty

43. Are you still friends with your ex? Yes

44. Have you ever fired a gun? Nope

 45. Do you like to travel by plane? Only done it once and it was great 

46. Right-handed or Left-handed? Right

47. If you could be with someone right now, who would it be? My friends

 48. How many pillows do you sleep with? I can barely sleep with one

49. Are you missing someone? Mmm kinda

50. Do you have a Tattoo? Yes

? NOTHING MORE....

This is my fave. song!

Alibi -

I walk through silent streets and now
I can't find my way
Lost in the labyrinth of my mind
And I'm tongue-tied, and I can't find
The words that define the way I feel
My heart, my fire, my love, my desire for you

Now it's you that knows the way
I found the words to say
I want them all the know

It's you
Won't you be my alibi
Always right by my side, every night
My love, my alibi

Now this is significance, it's not coincidence
That brings us here
Could it be the hands of dice
Or is it a roll of fate
Now this is true, just me and you
This secret I must tell you
You're my heart, my fire, my love, my desire it's you

 

Ok I'm gonna tell you all about my damn crazy night for my birthday.

We got to the club and got a table.  We were just there and it was still very early and we ordered a drink I ordered a Malibu and pineapple.  Then I realize my camera didn't have batteries so my sis tells me to go get some and go to her to get my lil bday crown so i go and come back and still very early lol yes we helped sweep the club to open LOL.  So I finish my drink and order another Malibu.  Then Gus gets there and we're just there making fun of everyone.  so after that Malibu i figured the damn thing didn't even taste like alcohol so i ordered a Bacardi instead and then the girl with the shots comes and Jesse orders one for me and Christy and we don't know what the hell we're drinking but we're like fuck it..so we take it and then their like another one another one so we take another one haha it was a royal fuck well thats what Gus says it is LOL..so ok we're now at 2 Malibus - 1 Bacardi - 2 royal fucks.  and then i get a text from JD that he's on his way and I'm like yay! and he gets there and immediately start taking pics lol..then he takes me to the bar and buys me a tequila shot oh my god is that strong never in my life had I tasted Tequila now i know why LOL...i didn't even drink the whole thing JD drank the rest lol...ok then i start feeling the buzz really kick in and I order another Bacardi LOL then the shot lady comes again and JD is like take it take it so they buy me another shot of tequila man after that I was gone.  And i finally make christy go with me to dance and we danced for a lil bit and JD was there so we danced then i had to go sit down LOL.  Then Carlos calls me that he's outside so I go and I'm so messed up i was bumping into everyone and practically falling i was so embarrassed everyone was looking at me.  well turns out i didn't even see carlos so i go back in well after that they turn on the lights cause it was over.  so we start walking out and my sis sees  Louie (C-styles) and tells me hey isn't that C-Styles so i turn and yup sure enough...so i go up to him and hug him and all this but i was so fucked up i can't remember what i said (I am so sorry Louie I was acting like a total dumbass :-(  ) well we are walking out and my sis says I was screaming at everyone GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY! lol...oops..so anyways my sis had to drive me home and as we were going i called everyone and their mother LOL sorry guys...Louie sorry again...then after talking to Louie i dont remember that much lol...my sis said we got here and i couldn't get off so she freakin pulled me out of the car and i fell on the street and laid there then jesse came and picked me up and threw me over his shoulder and took me inside..then this is the funny part..i had to pee so my sis took me and as i was peeing haha i had to throw up so i threw up in the bath tub cause its right next to the toilet and my stupid lil sis was recording me I was so messed up I dont remember half of the end...and this morning i woke up still feeling drunk...but it was a great birthday..i had never gotten like that it was very fun actually.

sorry for this long ass story it was just so funny i had to write about it..it is funnier if you would of been there to see it lol.

If you are looking for love, would you recognize it if you found it?
Can you tell the difference between love and infatuation?
Between love and attraction?
Between love and sexual desire?
Between love and friendship?
Between sex and intimacy?
Between a good relationship and one that is only pleasurable?

All relationships --love, infatuation, friendship, dating, marriage, family, community, and professional-- involve three key elements:

Emotions --how we feel about each other
Ethics --how good or bad we are for each other
Joys --how much we satisfy or dissatisfy each other

 

Is there even a such thing as love?

Anyways I think not...the only love there is in life is the love for your family.  I know because the only love that is true is the ones for my family and kids.  That is TRUE love nothing can break that.  When you are in a relationship that is just like an infatuation and you are so lost in the moment that you think and believe you are in love, but as soon as something goes wrong everything turns to shit...and we all know this is true..as soon as one little thing happens you have hatred for that person that you so thought you loved how can you say that was at all love...TRUE love is the one you have for your kids and family because no matter how they hurt you or what they do you will NEVER have hate for them.   Guys and girls just go and come I believe there is never true love there its just a feeling of needing someone there and having someone there.  I have learned that in this past month.  For anyone that is a close friend you should know the hardship I have gone through these past weeks.  I went to hell and back.  I was very sick and went through something I don't wish to anyone, but it has made me a much stronger woman and mother.  I have learned to cherish my family.  My kids, family, and close friends are the only thing that matter in my life.  I love you guys that were by my side through this tough time.  And that asshole that broke my heart and made me stronger I only thank for he has made me that much stronger.   And I am sure there are many more assholes to come along. 

I want to thank my mom and sisters for being there...without you I don't know where I would be. Erika - god thank you so much for putting her in my path she has always been such a great friend.  I know I have not been the greatest friend because I'm not always there but you know I you have always been MY best friend no matter what..you are a true friend every girl should have a friend like you.  I love you so much and thank you!  Carlos - we haven't known each other for that long but we've had our share of damn good times and many more to come :-) you always know how to get me out of my bad mood hehe..thank you!

Thank you everyone, love you!

So much going on lately.  Man life can get so tough. 

Just found out a very good friend which was like family past away last night.  It is so hard no one so close has ever passed away.  This is the first time I go through this and its like I can't even cry like it hasn't hit me yet.  I feel so bad I didn't even go see him for a last time.  All the chances I had to go see him and he would call me up to go see him and I just wouldn't make the time, gosh I fuckin regret it so much.

I just think to myself how hard it must of been for him and being so young not even being able to live his life.  And we take advantage of stuff like this and we complain all the time about stupid little shit that is not even worth it. 

I really miss you Steve I can't believe you were taken from us...it seems like just yesterday we were out at the clubs and having fun.  But I know your not in pain anymore and you are all better looking down on us..We'll all be up there some day with you..you were the best..always looking out for people and stuff.  

WE'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND YOU'LL ALWAYS BE IN OUR PRAYERS AND HEARTS!

R.I.P - Steve Moreno 03-10-07 

Life sucks without someone to love you.  I am so tired of being single.  I don't think I've ever been single this long, well maybe I have but it feels like forever.  Just knowing that you don't have anyone to hold you and tell you they love you, no one to cuddle with or anything it bites.  Its like I find guys and they don't want anything serious, I really don't know what it is they want. 

I met this awesome guy like more than a month ago and I've talked to him every day ever since I met him there hasn't been a day that goes by that I don't talk to him, but he lives in San Antonio and I've gone to see him and all this but like he says long distance just doesn't work out and its true but I've gotten close to him so its hard...but hey I have a great friend now.  its like how come the great guys don't live in the shitty valley they are always from somewhere else..I hate this damn place ...guys from here are so fucking lame.  Maybe its true and I should listen to my friend Chrissy poo about getting the hell out of here..but its not that easy LOL...so I won't even go there...but anyways...well I guess I just felt like venting a little bit...its the weekend and its time to go out and get out of my depression for atleast a few days..well laters people..and for those of you that have your loved ones...appreciate them and take care of them there aren't many as lucky. 

 

Why does everything in my life always go wrong? That is something I would love answered..I can not take this...all I ask for is tranquility and settlement...it is not much to ask for and all I get is drama, problems, and stress. So many things happen I just want to be happy and I can't seem to get to that point I swear it has been more than 3 years since I've really been happy. When I think everything is going good it all comes down the hill and crashing right before my eyes. Now that I feel I don't need anyone to be happy and I'm trying to just wait for that special someone to come along everything else is going bad...and how long does it take to meet someone man..i dont want to be getting married until I'm 30 screw that...if that means i have to marry the first guy that walks through the door so be it because i'm tired there is no right guy out there and the ones i find are far from me or some other stuff...if you all don't like to hear me complain then don't read my blogs because thats what I do on here all the time complain complain...anyways well I guess laters everyone hope everyones life is better than mine.

Hey everyone, well for who ever cares and knows Saturday is my birthday. And we're gonna party!! I hope we are lol...well we're staying at the island all weekend...so it should be fun just to relax and have some drinks...see what happens...I really need to have some fun I'm pretty stressed with work and all...I want to get wasted..especially cause I'm getting older it sucks..I can imagine how I'm gonna feel when I turn 30 lol..naw but its cool I'm not ancient yet..anyways well yeah good thing is I'm gonna spend it with great people, my lil sis, my older sis, her b/f, my crazy cousin Toya, maybe our friend Carlos, and my buddy from Cali Chris is coming down yay! I feel so important haha yeah right...so yup yup its all good..believe me I'll have alot of pictures...hopefully not so crazy pics lol..well I guess I'll talk to you all later...have a great weekend everyone! Luv ya!