I am just a Man, doing what I can

to stay above the Line, though I don't always feel like tryin'

Don't practice what I preach, still think that I can teach

I wonder if I'll ever learn, as I stand in line and wait my turn

the Line it keeps getting shorter,
and my Life it keeps getting longer
it's always out in front of me,
and I'd grab it it if I were Stronger

but I am just a Man, doing what I can

we are out here, all of us by ourselves, doing what we can... then we come together because we are bound... we share... then we go our seperate ways and live our lives til we need to connect again...

...running and gunning and stunning myself from my growth…or am I? I question this, perhaps just because I want to run, but also because I learn while I have fun…I’m nitro now, burning my fuel that I think is the thing that will keep me cool…but it only, in the end, kills my experience, my friend, so isn’t the running part of the deal…? I fight this and I own it, and I sell it, and I condone it…I love to do it, because I connect so much more, but am i fooling myself by walking through this hyped up door…? I wonder and I wander and I wonder what I do, and why I do…I want it, I need it, and I have it…right now! So why don’t I just go? Why can’t I just go and enjoy and employ the fantastical parts of this fucked side of me…I can’t be…I can’t accept, it is me, and I don’t want it…but I do, really, I want it more than life… This is my dilemma: I want, but I tell myself I don’t…I do it, when I tell myself I won’t…2 congruent thoughts, forming at the same time, makes my ass human, fighting elements of time, and space, and reality, and my mind and all of its inner workings…cause its working and jerking me awake…and a sleep at the same time, as I rhyme in my attempt to feel sublime and free and alive!!!! I want to be alive and free and real and true…nothing is more important than being true, that is what I want…and I feel I cheat myself when I get my juice from substance abuse…is it right? Is it wrong? I could think about this one all year long…and I do and I do and I do…so I ask you, my friend, what would you do? How would you roll, when the toll is steep, and your weaknesses creep to the point where they own you…they own you, and you want to own them, but you can’t because they were never yours to begin with…you are stiff…you are a vessel, for what you can’t control…so can you let go…? Can you give in…? Can you sin and grin and take it all in as it comes like the drum that beats in your head and in your heart and in your soul…the very source of your rejection is something I can’t fathom, I don’t know it, so I blow it…and I love it from up above it…I can see it and I can be it and I can run with it till my legs fall off…when will they fall, and when will i stand tall…? Am I standing already, with all of my flaws…? My jaw tightens, I grit my teeth, I look at the line and know I am weak…because I go back, again I sin, and I love it, and I love it, and I love it again…because it makes me hate, something i am not great…at doing…I do and I do and I do and I do…because it is all I have ever known…my mind is blown and my body is numb…because I like to run, and I like to run and I like to run…this shit is so fun…even if my rap sucks, and my vest don’t mean shit…the only way that I know how to deal with it…and I give over, and I am weak, and I am soft, and I am strong because I AM real…I feel I feel and I feel like I don’t know what I feel like I am but that is it, that’s the shit…where I belong, when I let go and accept, that is when I am strong…I am both, I am weak, but I am on a streak, which to me feels good cause I’m in my hood, where i belong and the doors are open and I’m sliding and I’m sloping cause its all I know to do…run to you, run from you…I do both at once, so I twist and I turn and I live and I learn and I run and I hide and I’m naked minus the pride…cause that left long ago, in a store font, for sale, biggest item in the window…as you walk past and see, you’re browsing the problems of me…wondering, “should I buy or should I pass?”, or should I do it and feel guilty, so I can feed myself, this toxic fun, and I can feed myself, this fuel that makes me run…its what I hate, and its what I love, at the same time which shakes me from above and below and inside and out…there is no telling what this is all about…something….that’s for sure…nothing, is the cure…except to just let go and let go and let go…