Please read blogs with the earliest date first....

this way it might actually make some cronological sense...might...no promises though...

Ok I finally got off my ass and found out the final scores...only 34 teams finished...and at least we were not last...but we do suck...what is funny is that both teams suck about equally:

1. Misfit Toys Racing 3790
2. Queen and Country 3640
3. 2 More Misfits 3570
4. Team Trashwagon 3450

5. Team Merkin 3235
6. The Fat Bandits 3180
7. Trust in Rust 3055
8. Baked Potatoes 2845
9. Greasers 2680
10. Team Hot Dog 2630
11. Boston Driver 2595
11a. Dick Cheney & The Pacemakers 2535
12. Road Associates 2415
13. Junkyard Dawg 2400
14. Dont Dont Crush 2320
15. Atlantic Booze Cruisers 2245
16. The Wizzards From Oz 2165
17. ATM 2130
18. Too Fiesty Racing 2095
18a. Rickety Van 2005
19. Clutch Dumpers 2000
20. Crash Test Dummies 1940
21. The Pheasant Pluckers 1855
22. When Pigs Fly 1805
23. The Zoo Crew 1800
24. Team Wombat 1770
25. Dirt Bog Boys 1695
26. Sparky and the Wrench 1645
27. Rounders 1555
28. Dodging Child Support 1515
29. Sisters of FoMoCo 1395
30. Economy Superstar 1320
31. P3 Racing 1260
32. 1983 Ann Arbor 1195
33. The Shaeshpips 1010
34. All Down Hill Now 280

it is day four, the final day...

as we all wake up to the sound of some fucked up motorola product...i get off the floor (which i actually prefer) and ted gives us the low down on the free continental breakfast scene (if you travel you know that breakfasts can span from something that you would eat, to something that you would only eat if you had no other option)...the verdict from ted id "man, they have danish that have actually been in a oven, not from a microwave"....think back to day three when you saw the sausage biscuits on the dashboard of the wagon..that was all straight up microwave shit..actually if i may digress a moment..the breakfast bar was literally no shit the same bar that was open in the evening to beer...everything was microwave...including the waffles which are ususally 'some assembly required' at most places...

for some reason i was pleased with the oven baked danish...they were more of a cinnimon bun but they did the job...not for all...just ask brian...we eat...i get shit for my long morning preparation and roll out to the parking lot for the normal pre-flight checks...not so bad..add a bit of oil...so far we have used about 3-4 quarts of oil, 1 quart of power steering fluid, 1 quart of trans juice...back to the point...i start the sexy pig and this involves some pedal pumping, some full throttle revving, some "c'mon babys"...the wagon settles out and i finish the clean up from "operation panorama roof"...we assemble and load the cars...then i realize that i set my computer bag and duffle in front of the wagon's tailpipe...the wagon spews pure evil...black soot, lots of water, exhaust gasses that give you a buzz (hence my reason for sitting the 3rd row seat), and blue oil smoke....this clears up for the most part after about 10 min..so i just refer to it as 'automotive morning sickness'...so again..back to the point..my bags are now covered in this shit...that is not a pleasing thing...oh well...

we are to assemble at 8.50am for the group photo of all of the teams...it is 8.40...buuuuuuut we had a different plan...a plan that was hatched a week earlier when the horns got mounted to the caddy...it went something like "wouldn't it be cool if we had the caddy with the horns chased the wagon, but the wagon has a big red bedsheet attached to it"... as it was said, it was done...i found a red plastic table cloth at the dollar store back in jersey...(at the same time i found the pirate flags)...so we pinch the table cover into the back glass of the wagon and set of for the street next to the hotel...at this point we get some good pics, a good video or two (should be posted shortly) and a crowd...what is also funny is that cheered when a caddy rams a station wagon at 40 mph...(see the day for pics for the end result of the damage)...all in all, everyone waited until we were done to take the big ass group picture...

picture taken (which strangly had all of us together minus kevin...he wanted to stand next to some chick)... we get back to the cars ande ready to roll...while waiting for the line of cars to go past the exit check point, ted fires some rockets off the roof of the caddy to the cheers of he remaining folks in line...

finally on the road...and since it is alabama which is flat we are humming..i guess that most people picked slow cars or they are afraid of blowing up..but we seem not to give a shit...80mph is the standard...caddy in the lead and wagon on its tail...we pass a number of teams and are feeling fine...

then...

day4 'kicks it up another notch'

I am at helm of the wagon...and all the sudden the barely transparent windshield (brian and i vowed to not clean it for the duration) is now covered in fluid...it smells of coolant...i highbeam the caddy and we pull over..as we come to a stop i am thinking "oh shit the caddy just blew the fuck up in the woods of alabama"...

however it was not so sinister...it seems that one of the belts (power steering/ac belt becuase that big bitch needs two to run a/c and p/s)..has stretched, snapped and then caused the waterpump belt to jump off the pulleys...as we assess the situation and ted goes to work on the caddy (mind you the caddy is ripping hot under the hood, so ted has the elvis costume from day 2 half on so that he can use it to shield his arms from the heat)...we have about 5 teams stop (which we had recently passed at full steam) to offer help..the Automobile Mag limo offers what we need: water....the belts are back on..the windshilds are reluctantly cleaned..a piss or two is taken (see pictures) ted shoots some roman candles (actual text from package: "caution: flaming balls") at us and we are back on the road...we again are flying....

all the while we are travelling we have to find license plates as a challenge...as many as possible by 7.30pm this evening..when we actually have to be in New Orleans to check in...um..it is 420 mile day today...so there is not a lot of time to spare...

however, there is always time to stop for photos at the MBUSI entrance in Vance..(please see pics)...i am sure that the security folks were a bit concerned becuase it is not often that a shitbox wagon and a caddy with steer horns shows up at the entrance and takes pictures before speeding off..

buuuuut there is enough time to stop in tuscaloosa at the local hooters (becuase we need more signatures for the caddy and they have really good wings from what i hear)...however hooters is not open yet...so we roll on..but the caddy is making a p/s noise...on the way back to the highway we see that the caddy has two p/s belts for a reason...mostly becuase one just does not enjoy life pulling all the load..

as luck would have it there is an auto parts store within 'spittin' distance'..in northerner speak 'it is close by', so we head out in tihe wagon... ted stays with the caddy to yank off the old belts and also to presumably eat more fucking slim jims becuase there is no human way that he jumped that far ahead in the contest unless he found a way to freebase them....

we get back, ted is sweating to death changing he belts (half adorned in the elvis costume again) and brian and i sit in the wagon, i work on the blog and we plot out another scheme...see, kevin had been throwing pre-chewed gummy bears at us on the highway and we needed revenge...so brian and i thought that a hostess cupcake...left in the sun...and then thrown from a wagon at 70mph will hit the windscreen of a caddy and explode with great amusment..not to mention the amount of frosting and cream smeared on the windshild will be great becuase we know that the windshield washer on the caddy are not working...so we comprimise and buy 'Zingers'...a lower rent version of the cupcake but meats the design intent...frosting and creme filling..the best part is that when the first package was bought...kevin actually paid for it...and as they say 'no good deed goes unpunished'....also  brian states "wow it is fucking hot, look at ted sweating"..i retort " um yeah, that is why i am not out there"...

ok...belts on...we hit the road again...at the mississippi border we stop for the obligotry picture...then the caddy starts to erupt coolant again...but this time it looks like we have a bad radiator cap...but then again is it flippin hot...not as hot as it could be though in the wagon becuase of the new panorama roof...

we drive to Meridain MS...and park the car at a store called "the trucker supply store"...which is closed..but i can only assume that if they were open they would only sell meth, porno and beef jerky...but what do i know...we drive to the local advance auto parts store and get a new cap some radiator juice then it is off to outback steakhouse to eat and allow the car too cool down so that we can put the new cap on...

without outback out of the way...figurativly and literally..we service the caddy...someone who is travelling and sees us hangs out in his minivan for a bit quizzing what the F we are up to...he takes a lot of pictures....

now we are back on the road with a 'long time to go and a short time to get there'...we have to be in NO by 7.30p and it is like 4.30pm with 200 or so miles to go...

hammer down and 70-85 mph is the rule...

somewhere in Mississippi (that is just too many letters to type) the caddy need gas and for some reason when you are in the middle of nowhere MS you cannot seem to find an open gas station..but we do..in a town 'poplarville'...a town who's police station is pretty much a little ranch style house on the main country route...we hit the 'kangaroo' (think exxon tiger mart) gas station..while backwoods as fuck, they have the most impressive meat snack display that i have every seen...i literally had so many choices that i walked around the store a few times with the effort that i would if selecting a new car to purchase...

meat snack in hand (lots of which becuase ted is faaaar in the lead of the slim jim challenge) i hop in the hood of the wagon, jump in the roof and drop into the 3rd row seat...this access method afforded by the new panorama roof...now i must mention that when a caddy with horns, a wagon dressed a taxicab and four yanks with NJ tags hop out you get attention...couple that with entering the vehicle through the roof and you have a full on "boy, you ain't from around here" festival...

back to the highway...but...the 'Zingers' plan is under way...remember that i am in the third row...typing away at the day 3 blog...which kevin takes pictures of from the caddy...i then go into action...get the zingers..stand up out of the roof at 75mph and start throwing...mind you i have never stood out of a homemade sunroof nor thrown hostess snack cakes at another moving vehicle buuuuuuut i had yet again discounted the effort that is required in both..

taking brian's suggested method of aiming high and throwing in an arc (remember he has experience with the biscuits) i have six tries at satisfaction, one skims the roof two fly over then kevin leans out the window with the camera, and i, huck a zinger out...and for one fleeting moment as the zinger homed in on kevins head that was slightly hidden by the camera i thought 'jackpot!'...but at the last moment he sucked back in the caddy and i was deflated...i did however get one into the grill of the caddy...not satisfied i went for the 44oz soda which is really hard to throw...missed again...which in hind sight was probably a good thing because that might have taken out a windscreen...

kevin, not to be outdone leans out the window and ted  floorboards the caddy and pulls along side of wagon...kevin has a bottle of open Fanta and i have no defenses and a coffee table sized hole in the roof above me...but kev did not want just me, he wanted the car...as they fly by he lets loose the fanta..but not as a missle but as a stream... it covers the windscreen, drans off the roof onto me in the 3rd...the windscreen fogs over becuase of the sugar and becomes pretty useless when the evening sun is shining into it...remember we are heading due west...good thing i am not driving..

we are now 15 miles out of NO and you can really see that there is a lot of buildings and tall signs that have not been touched since katrina...full apartment complexes that are gutted or partially blown in just sit there...it is strange....across the ponchatrain bridge we go and it is the home stretch...as we pull into the French Quarter i pop out of the sunroof and roll video of our arrival..it is sweet...and the people yelling from the balconies are a pretty good welcome...

we ditch the cars in a parking garage after a whole host of disclaimers from the parking garage manager "we are not responible for anything missing from that wagon 'cuase you cut to roof out"...we are like OK..."'cause i dont even have to let that thing in here"...again we are like OK..."ya know anything that comes up missing is on you, not us"...so at this point he is pretty much promising me that stuff will come up missing...we move some stuff to caddy and take the risk...

we do some final closing ceremonies (literally like 10 min of talking) and we are done....it is now time to take a much needed shower and have a few much needed drinks..

Day three...the day of heat

started off the morning with the usual ritual of checking all fluids and making sure that there is nothing obviously wrong....i tend not to go into detail considering that the wheels of the wagon have not even been off the car to inspect anything under my watch...the car stops and that is all need to know...

we are about to get ready and the Automobile Mag folks fire up thier 83 caddy limo and immediatly have a floatilla of gas running down the parking lot..seems that thier fuel pump gave up the ghost and died in its sleep...

they have no tools and the engine is not original so we pitch in...as it turns out the engine is the same that is our car so the determination of what part is needed is easy...a quick trip down the road and we have a new part..and for our help we are comp-ed a tank of gas courtesy of Automobile Mag...

another 20 min of repair on the limo...and 5 min on the wagon to tighten the rocker cover so we do not have to keep smelling it leak oil on the exhaust and we are off...

oh i forgot...we fitted some bitchin' pirate flags that we got a dollar store...

on the road..which is pretty much going down a mountain at breakneck speeds with ill handling cars and the sound of pirate flags flapping next to a jersey wall is almost deafening...

first issue shows up when the rally route tells us to get off on some little ass road that just does not 'look' correct...so we decline and hop back on the highway to a route that we can actaully find on the map..

second issue comes when the state of NC fails yet again to mark thier roads properly and we have to turn a around in a gravel lot that has one hell of a drop off...this drop off my have injured the caddy becuase a grinding on turns starts shortly afterwards...in the investigation of the griding shows that the belts to the power steering have loosened for some reason... as ted and kevin play mr.goodwrench, brian and i take photos in front of the Bush's Baked Beans sign becuasse we just happen to have stopped at the manufacturing plant..."roll that wonderful bean footage"...oh btw it is like 90 degrees out...

we roll up a county route for a few  hours and come up on a motorcycle crash  scene...there is some sherrif making some motion to ted with one of those light up flashlight wand things that is used on the tarmac of the airport...it looks kinda like a 'slow down' motion...but i gues not...the cop start screaming at ted "you see this!!you see this! it means STOP!!, not look at the pretty lights!!"...i thought it was funny...we rolled on....

as we continue along to the highway we are steadly snapping pictures of historic cars..see that was todays challenge: take a picture of the oldest car you can find, then ID it and get points....the only hitch is that it has to have all four wheels attached and the photo has to prove that...you would not think that having 4 attached wheels was such a big factor but you would be wrong...remember this is rural NC and Tenn..

we find the highway and set it on autopilot..did i mention it was flippin hot...like africa hot....we stop for gas and are drawn into the a The Fireworks Superstore in Tenn...they are so nice in helping us find munitions for the evening...in fact it was a trip down memory lane for me becuase i am actually suprised that i still have all of my fingers and eyes based on the fireworks experiences i had in my innocent youth...when talking to the staff wen mention that we are hungry and need a place for a pitcher and some eats......so off to Hooters in Chattenooga, TN... ah yes tennesee...i have always loved the souther twang of the tennesee girl...it is not annoying southern like the deep south and not weak like in the carolinas...dont know why but the really pretty ones work at the cracker barrel..well and at Hooters..this was no exception...we have our fine dining and invite the grils out to see the caddy, sign the caddy, and take a picture or two...all of which were worth the extra time that it took from our busy, busy day...please see the pics for more details..

on the road we hatch a plan...a plan to make the optionless wagon seem a bit more upscale..spoiled by the riches of MB we are thinkink the rear facing seat needs more light and the vehicle could use better air circulation...so...we go for the panorama roof concept..(and god is it nice..i am in the back right now as i write this)..

we arrrive in Gadsten, AL..first order of business, drop kevin off at the hotel to check in, then the important stuff..'to the liquor store!'....we get our provisions which will be required to enjoy the evening and head for the local Lowes to rent a Swazall an extension cord and get a tarp (just in case it rains and to cover the interior during surgery)...Lowes let us the hell down...they do not rent tools like thier competitior Home Depot...bastards...oh and there is no Home Depot in Gadsten...i really do not even know where gadsten is...good thing i did not drive into town...

we are crushed....however the determination for ass-backwards engineering compels us to at the tool section anyhow...and as if a vision from the gods is a circular saw on sale for 30 bucks!!!...we are back on...a tarp is found for 4 bucks...metal blade discs for 4 each...and a 100ft extension cord for 12 bucks...hell yes...

as everone is assembling in the parking lot of the hotel for the evening of drinking, we do the prep work, mark the roof, fit the tarp in the car and make mixed drinks....

then we go for it...as if from some home spun and low-rent version of the A-team, we run the extension cord to the hotel, ted jumps on the roof, puts on the elvis glasses from elvis day (c'mon kids...it is all about safety) and lets the sparks fly...three discs, and about a million picutes and a few videos (i will post them as soon as i can) we have a new 2.5ft x 3ft panorama roof...i tell ya it could not have come out any better..even if we did not put a circular saw into a completly incorrect usage with discs that had the wrong arbor size and saftey glasses made by a 5 year old in shanghi...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGp44rpZrRk

the rest of the evening was spent enjoying our spoils, playing with class c explosives, mixing drinks, watching a whole host of half ass-ed auto repair which included the remanufacure of a perforated oil pan with fibre glass matting, jb weld and aluminium sheeting...the best part is that the repair was being done by a chick who was a chemical engineer and the wrench for her team...then there was ted putting in a tire plug into the caddy's right rear tire at 1am....

oh i forgot to mention that in a head battle of power between a caprice sedan and a gremlin...the gremlin loses...but does so with honor as it rear wheels smoke wildly going forward while the tire smoking caprice pushes it backwards...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwIUqiapPXs

the best part is that we are staying at a Holiday Inn Express...so I will be even smarter in the morning...

Fuel Economy (well kinda)

Caddy:

1st leg of day one:  About 8.5mpg
2nd leg of day one: about 12mpg
Day 2: about 12mpg

Wagon:
1st leg of day one: 19.2mpg
2nd leg of day one: 21mpg
Day2: still wating until a fill up...

over all we got about 20...we documented all of the mileage calculations on the roof of the wagon using a sharpie...i think ted has the picture somewhere...perhaps we will post it...

Slim Jim contest..

competitors:
ted
will

rules:

- eat as many slim jims as you can during the rally
- slim jim like meat snacks are allowed (i.e. jack link's brand)
- the flavors are not factored
- it is on your honor but you have to keep some kind of tabulation (i am using a sharpie and the dash board to keep count, ted is wrappers and recipts and a sharpie)
- such as in life it is about the length of the jim not just the total number or how fast you go

slim jims come in three lenghts that are just  about multiples of themselves...please see the picture...there is normal, big, and giant..

before i (will) left i hit up sam's club and got a box of 48 of the normal ones...ted is buying them on the fly and mostly giants...so i have to eat three to equal one giant...

becuase of this math were are counting but using the measure of the normal size one...

so as i write this i am eating a giant 'nacho' flavored jim and i just put three more slash marks on the dashboard with the sharpie..

and honestly i think that i am going to hurl...we have just left Hooters Chattanooga (details later) and are in 'Bama..it is hot...i have jim grease on my laptop and we are hauling in the wagon at about 80...which is bouncing like the opening theme montage from Baywatch..

i am not sure which one of us came up with this contest..i think it was me..but i am going to blame someone else when when i need a quad bypass surgery...or have to hose off the side of the wagon

Day 2...the day of many elvises/elvi..

so the say starts like any other...too early and in a slight fog of the mind..today is elvis day...we were forewarned that we would have to dress as elvis all day long..there was a strong hit of karaoke in thie warning...all of this meant that it would be a strange day that would end in copuious amounts of booze to make even the thought of elvis karaoke pallateable let alone possible..

we suit up in costumes found by ted on the innernet just a few days prior...they are polyester jumpsuits as you see in the pictures...almost the instant you put the suit on you realize that this is going to be a long, hot day in cars with no A/C wearing for all intents and purposes a polyester unitard even if it was 'the king'...and not richard petty..

step out in the sun and our day begins...the air horn blasts at 10am and we are off...our challenge of the day is to get pictures of us as elvis with groups of 3 or more other 'normal' people..the pics cannot be at the same location...as a bonus you can get more points if you have ten or more people in the pic..so we hit the road...go down an exit to Roanoke VA and stop at a Starbucks to embarrass ourselves...

before i go on, i feel that i must address a few point about the elvis costume:
- it is polyester so it like a white full body oven with red satin trim
- it has gigantic collars that when caught with a 70mph wind coming in the car window will slap you in the side of the head unexpectedly
- you have to think about your bathroom breaks with some amount of planning..it is not like the main zipper goes down that far..you have to kinda hunka-hunka hunker down with your forehead almost on the pipehead of the urinal to aviod taking the damn suit off..which mind you is stuck to you (see the first point)(now i know how women have to prepare when they wear certain clothes)
- they are tight and...well...revealing...in fact i (will) was told that i had 'visible panty line' by the writer/exec of Automobile Mag...at least she did not go into any other detail...the suit however goes into a lot of detail..in fact i am pretty sure that michael jordan (nor jackson) could grip balls so tightly...so apologies in some of the pics

after some shots at starbucks we hit the JMU campus which is dead becusae school is out...but the football team is running drills on the field...we ask them for a big group shot...they say sure but you have to wait for a break in thier drills...this took..mmm ten min...these dudes are flippin tanked running at full bore in the sun and 88 degree temps and you have 4 office dwellers in poly elvis suits about ready to blackout just standing there...in the end we got shanked on the big group shot but got a few guys..

the reaction that people have when the see a caddy with steer horns on the hood and 2 evli inside is quite comical..then they see the wagon with two more and you can see the lips in the form of 'what the f*ck'?!

the rest of the day pretty much filled out the same...people laughing...pointing and WTFing...however the nice girls of Hoooters in Roanoke were kind enough to give us a group shot of more than 10 people...they also gave us a bunch of 'I heart Hooters' stickers...and what little boys dont like stickers..

we did learn that the Tennesee Welcome Center is not so welcome to elvi en masse...i guess is blaspheming..good thing that we did not dress a dolly parton or they would have called the state troopers...oh wait...they did call them..luckily we had just left but the team behind us had to have a chat with 'the man' about the fact that they were loitering and soliciting...fuck...i mean elvis is like on the state crest you would think that they would appreciate the exposure (and i am not talking about the tight jumpsuits)

then it was time for the mountains...the caddy with it's 502 cubic inch engine (that is 8.2 litres for you metrics) really did not have a problem...the wagon..with it's tired out 307 Cubic inches (again 5.0l), its 100,000 more miles, and wasted transmission was not fond of the hills...in fact at one point i had my foot to the floor and was only able to eek out a solid 45mph...the best part is that when you work an engine like that, that hard...new issue start coming up...like more gasket leaks onto the exhaust manifold..so not only is the car about to die so are the occupants becuase of the oil smoke...

we get to the peak and stop at the friendliest place on earth..Walt disney needs to meet these folks..everyone wanted pics of us and would was in pics with us...the only hiccup was the girl in the pink John Deere hat must have been in the witness relo program becuase she did not want her face seen...

after some cool down and fluids added (if you have never seen elvis do automobile maintainence you have not lived) we are back on the road...now it is down the mountain...gravity likes the caddy and wagon...and since both handle like a bath tub full of water it was interesting to see the reactions of fellow motorists as we freight trained past them in neutral..at 80+...NOTE: the wagon's swaybar link bushings do not exist, so the swar bar is just along for the ride...

get into Asheville NC at about 8pm...waaaaaay ahead of a lot of teams that decided to go the blue ridge mountain route..granted it is a nice view and all that..but it was stupid hot..the car would not have liked it and elvis needs his open road...

we hit the judges stand to show off our pics, belt out a elvis song while being mocked by the judges..and then it was miller time...

out to the parking lot for a cooler of beer, stories of the road, meat snacks that contain "mechanically seperated chicken" (which if you have not seen before - think chicken centrifuge at about 50 Gs)... the night was pretty chill there was a few fuel leaks that had to be addressed, there was some oil spilled...but all in all a nice night...

did learn one thig though...you can use a slim jim (the long ones) as an offensive weapon...however you must use restraint becuase from the noise that kevin made when it contacted his lower back it must have really hurt...i then found out how quick someone can take off the metal whip antenna from a caddy and chase you around the parking lot...just as a note..the antenna hurts a lot too..

that was the end of the evening...more fun to come on day 3...

ok kids it is day 2...we are trying to post the day1 blog and pics and are having some serious I/T issues at both Mcdonalds and Starbucks...but then again we are in western Virginia.... we will update as soon as we can but we have to burn some gas.....

more to come....the updates will be at the bottom...riveting i assure you....

UPDATE:

NOTE: Spelling and grammar might have counted when we were seven and in second grade...here..well...not so much...so deal...with that said:

so here is the story...wake up on day one with perhaps about 3 hours of sleep..which is great when you have in conservative terms a 7 hour drive ahead of you...we load up the chariots and head out of Hoboken...not even out of town some poor soul who must submit to public transportation (as opposed to the fine craft that we are in) is provided the experience of squealing tires under breaking and the sight of a 6000 pound car with steer horns bearing down on her... well...that is what you get for walking when there are perfectly good hydrocarbons left on this planet...

off to staten island...which has a 6 buck admission fee..which is not really a good deal considering that i can get a 4 piece dark meat value meal from KFC for that price and 'finger lickin' provides far more amusment and enjoyment than staten island has ever afforded me...

the gathering in prep for the start...i see shitbox cars that i only hope the owners have good cell service to compensate for...but the best is there are two caddy limos (one is sponsored by Automobile mag)...2 benzes (one powered by only the vegetable oil that they have in the trunk..80 gallons of)...a festiva..that at the time of creation was not festive nor 'a' anything...and the gremlin...ya know i (will) looked for a gremlin (and a pacer) becuase AMC is the ultimate in cobbled together automotive engineering...but the gremilin..drove from WYOMING to be in this...that is a longer and far more boring drive than this whole rally...FFS i lived in wyoming and if you have ever driven through Kansas lengthwise you know what i am taking about...

alright enough about the cars (some convered in aluminimum foil, ducks, flamingo(es) and whatever...on to the start...

when the air horn sounds at 9.30am sharp the shitbox collection hits the road...you ar handed a 'nilla envelope on your way out of the parking lot which contains the day's challenges which earn you points in the rally...remember that the top prize is 1500 bucks...which is enough to purchase a jr. bacon cheeseburger at wendy's after you factor in all of the expenses associated with prepping a shitbox for a 5 state drive....back to the point and the challenges...there are two:

1. drive to the K-mart a few miles down the road and see how many different items you can purchase that cumulatively cost 1 dollar...ok fine...do-able i guess...but you have to have a recipt that is time stamped before 10.00am....when we arrived...it was 9.47am...13 min to make magic happen...well copperfield we are not...so as i stood in line with 120 other idiots clutching: gum, ramen noodles, a Kmart gift card for 5 cents, and a lollypop the poeple in front of me pulled a recipt that was 10.02am...shit...we got nuthin...

challenge 2...you get a 4 page packet of assorted stuff that you will see on you way from staten island to harrisonburg va which is about 7 hours south...we are talking road signs, cell towers, mile markers..everything...and this is not pedestrian shit mind you ..this is seriously photoshopped stuff where you have about 30% of the picture and you have to figure out where it is and what it is...but of the 16 images i think that we got 8-9 each...

now the fun begins...

at about 10 min south of exit 4 we pull into the Walt Whitman rest area..and Brian realizes that the steering is quite stiff...as it turns out, our rust bucket has blown the steel line for the powersteering becuase of rust...why trying to make a half assed repair the rest of the line snaps off in my hand...and now as emeril likes to say 'let's kick it up another notch'...

the steel line is only special order from the dealer and no auto parts store has it...so we dedicate our efforts to find some junk yard that mght have the part...none of them do ...which is really amazing to me because the Caprice is stupid common and should be in evey junk yard...but i guess just not today...

so we end up with Friendship Auto in tabernacle NJ...a short 60 mile round trip from the rest area where the wagon is dead...

first...i love junk yards...i have in fact been chased by a three legged dog in a junk yard before..but this one..well it was a shithole...it is a 'pick yer own part' meaning that you have to take it off of the junk car in order to buy it..

we arrive..mosey on in and see a very crashed suv being worked on...the guy working on the suv has just yanked the fuel sender/pump assy and is catching (or attempting to) catch the spilling gas in an old  kittly liter bucket....most ends up soaking into his uniform and the dirt below...this does not look like the first time this has occured

we get the nod as to where the 'them chevys are' and proceed to walk into the bowels of this yard...two things about junk yards you must know...1. never seem desperate becuase the price seems to wratchet up in proportion to you desperation, 2. wear approprate foot wear... we...well we had a different approach...we were more desperate than a telemarketer and 2 of 4 of us are wearing filp-flops...so i am envisioning a 20 dollar steering line and a battery of shots and stiches at the local hospital where ever that is...

ya know i have done a lot in life that had no real merit or worldly value..but i have never...ever...had to work on a car to harvest parts that just happened to have another car parked on its roof...in fact the hood would not open fully because of this...

so with grease up to my biceps, part in hand we pay the man 5 bucks and hit the road to go back to the stranded station wagon that is leaking at the rest stop..

the car is fixed in literally 10 min and we are back on the road...at 4pm...we arrived at the rest stop for eats at about 11.45am...nice eh?

so we haul down the highway, hit rush hour stop and go traffic in ever city we pass trhough and that means that the lack of A/C in the car coupled with vinyl seats or a 8.2litre engine that is throwing out som serious heat...

the rest of the voyage ewas uneventful...

until we arrive in Harrisionsomething VA...we pull into the lot of the best western to a cheer that could only be parraleled to people at Bowl America...i guess that when you arrive after everyone else in the rally, hours late and people have a beer or three in their blood stream and more in thier hand hand you are the automotive version or jesus on easter coming back from the dead (actually we were not the last to arrive, the VW bus was the last..until the Taurus SHO was the last)

so the trip was 12 hours total for day one...the trip should have taken like 7-8 hours...but this is nothing that a case of beer could not fix....and a lot of scrubbing of the hands to get off the grease...

so we drink and hang in the parking lot with the other teams and drink until 2am.....

there are some really good pictures posted so please go look..i have written enough..it is 3.06am on day 2 and we roll at 9.00am for Day 3...

Day 0 - meet in Staten Island and check in...

ok...well it is really the morning of Day 1 but on Day 0 we went out drinking, got home late...so i (will) feel like shit and cannot be expected to be witty at the moment...so...the slide show of day 0 is on the main page under the the first one...

The hotel in Staten Island that we met at was...well... not a place that I would ever go unless i was hiding from some one or was looking for some hourly companionship...which i think that there was a little of both by some of the people i saw milling about....but it is next to an Applebees which seem to be trend becuase all the hotels are next to Applebee's according the rally guide... who would have ever thought that the Brits who orgainized this would like 'Eating good in the neighborhood' so much.... personally...i stuck to slim jims...

On the subject of slim jims....Ted and i (will) are going to have a small competiton of who can eat the most slim jims...i am not sure what the wager is but i think the winner gets a new colon becuase the old one will surely blow out trying to win...

I will add that we have some interesting competition...in fact a Saab rolled in the parking lot in Staten Island and has an air horn that blasts the Star Trek theme...that honestly scares me...

ok...time to leave and go to Staten for the official start...

The big beast- 1970 Caddy 8.2L El Dorado

Found on the side of an old house in Wayne, NJ.  Last time it ran was 9 yrs ago

Took a few hours of knocking away at dirt with razor blades to be able to see out the windows

It wasn't at all road worthy... time for a little bit of work changing the tires and replacing the brakes.

Ever use a outdoor broom to clean a car???  It took a few brooms and several hours of scrubbing to get most of the dirt off.

The heart of the beast, and the carb that has caused many many headaches, 502 cc

There no driving 1,300 miles without a radio.  now we've got 4 speakers (2, working, 2 semi working) and a semi working AM/FM only radio

And finally the Kings crown.  with that engine we'll run your ass over, or at least jab you with the horns