so, a few of you know that I've been hitting up the gym in recent months.  I figure once sunny season comes around again I'll get waxed properly and look damn good in a bikini.  so, be sure to see me this summer. 

by going to the gym frequently, I've began to appreciate the locker rooms, showers, and various amenities at different 24 hour fitness locations.  now, having said this, I must say there are some things going on INSIDE the locker rooms I really don't appreciate.  So, though they probably won't read this... I have a note for a few of you gym goers.

Mr Middle Age Oil Guy.

    Hey buddy, I know that oil is fun.  I mean, how many uses does it really have?  You can put it in your car, cook a mean spaghetti sauce, fix some squeaky household items, and even throw it on your skin at the beach for a mean Hawaiian tan.  On occasion, I've even been known to lather up for a darker skin tone.  But not you sir, not you.  Your overweight beer belly frame in your boxer shorts just likes to sit and rub it all over the man boobs while watching the Sharks game.  Purposefully, I took my time changing after my workout, just to see how long, and just how much of that Johnson and Johnson you were gonna use.  It was to long.  WAY TOO LONG.  and way way way too much.
    The whole locker room began to smell like a clean baby, but yet there was no infant to be found.  Just you, and a lovely bottle.  It was shortly after the game finished that you found your way to the steam room and completely confused the hell out of me.  Why would you rub oil on your body and then go sit in a room over 100 degrees?  Is there something I don't know?  Can you get a tan by doing this?  If so, please let me know, I gotta go find some oil.

Naked Roamer Guy.

    Oh boy.  I, as a fellow male can understand your appreciation for your own blessed penis.  I'm sure that your wife is happy about it too.  And yes, with you only wearing a wedding ring and no sandals, I'm sure you ARE happily married (and probably have fungi feet).  I mean, God gave us this junk for a reason, shouldn't we all proudly walk around with Gonzo getting some fresh air?  The answer is no.  This is a locker room with a shower for your b.o. convenience.  Get naked, wrap your towel around you, shower, get out, wrap your towel around you, and get changed.  There is absolutely no reason necessary to walk to the sink 3 times and check out your biceps naked.  None at all.  Put on some shorts.

I have more to go through, but this got a little long.  What are some things you've seen in the gym that you'd rather not?  and don't answer fat people... that's dumb.  They are there to get fit and healthy, I actually wish we saw more of em.  Obesity is a bitch in this country.

I'd make believe that you're up this late,
cause you've been out with someone new.
til the wee hours of the evening,
a bottle of wine turned into two.

And I'll make believe that you're happy now,
just so I can sleep okay.
Cause if I thought you were holding on,
I would just stay awake.

So you can make believe that I'm happy now,
cause it's better than the truth.
That I came and saw through streetlit windows,
and I came for you.

I'm up late. again.  wanted to write.

ain't no place for me in california,
ain't no sky as blue as where i'm from,
sometime you should come,
come on over

this must be the sound of the rain,
that i had hoped for
only how close I have came,
to sleep on your floor
like I wanted, like I wanted

like I wanted someone to hold,
right through every cold night
i am just a phone call away
to be by your side
like you wanted, like you wanted

so, I don't know why exactly, but I got a wild hair up my you know what, and decided to go down to san diego to do some recording. I was down there about 3 more days than expected, and on the drive home (7 hours) back to Nor Cal, I listened to a little talk radio.  here are the cliff notes versions of me, in the car.

To Dr. Laura:

I think you're great.  About 82% of the time.  The remaining 18% of you is lost on me.  I realize you are on talk radio, and that time is limited.  That doesn't mean that it gives you the right to cut people off and be rude.  Some of these people want certain answers to certain questions, and you want to talk about what is wrong with THEM.  It's funny that I figured this out within a matter of 5 minutes, and most of your listeners and callers have been on your bandwagon for years, and they don't understand this.  Oh yeah, and Dr. Laura, that woman should not have taken personal time for a friend, to go to the doctor with them.  It wasn't life threatening.  If you ever held a real job, you just might know how important our personal days are.  Somedays I wish your kid would wind up a drug crazed, left wing hippie, so we could point fingers at you, and tell you that, yes, YOU make mistakes too.

To listeners of Dr. Laura:

Be prepared to have your wrongs condemned, not those people around you.  If you don't wanna talk about your screwups, then don't call in.  For you women who hate your man... this is all she'll tell you.  You Chose Poorly.  It's all your fault that when you chose that 6'1'' muscle man in college, who was the big man on campus, and now his beer gut is 3 times the size of your rack, it's all your fault.  It's your doing, and you should stick beside him through his infedility, gambling, drinking, etc. etc.

To Ralph Bailey:

Get your head out of your ass.  Yes, the electoral college voting method should be thrown out.  It's as useful as the BCS standings for the college pigskin.  And if you do some minor research, San Diego isn't a liberal place.  It's very republican and right wing.  But, for the most part, I agree with you.

To Michael Savage:

Damnit, damnit, damnit.  Democrats aren't the cause for every problem in the world.  While you did condemn Bush a little on your program, I applaud you.  What you didn't do, is give any justification as to why you hate democrats.  If it weren't for you, HATING them, you wouldn't have a job.  So, every once in awhile, thank them. 

And Michael, global warming is a problem.  I realize that right now there are huge blizzards, and rain across the US, and it is a problem.  But lets talk about Georgia for a second.  Water Crisis.  They have enough water left for, a few months.  Maybe you should start talking about overpopulation.  And how the democrats are to blame for that.  Or, if you're really feeling "daring," call Dr. Laura.  Hopefully she can guide you back to the real problem with america.  Which in her book, could only be YOU.

(i apologize for the scatteredness of this blog, and most of you won't understand it.  listen to some talk radio some day.  it'll give you no one to scream at, but you'll feel like you aren't the only one who knows NOTHING about what is really going on.)

all that said - since it's election year, can't we just choose a President who has some common f'ing sense??

I think it's about time.

okay, so I know that some of you out there read my blogs. some of you even comment. that's great. I've decided to get a little bit deeper in my blogs, but thought I'd only do it for those of you who want to read em. so from now on, if you want the shallow version, you can read here. on myspace. for the rest of you who want to hear the story. or stories that I'll be posting, most of them in hilarious fashion, you might wanna check right over...

HERE!!

Thanks!

I know that some of you out there, are keeping tabs on me by reading my blogs, so I continue.

This weekend I house sat for Kyle and Jill, (see myspace: versakyle) in Mountain View. For those of you that don't know the bay area, myself included, it's about 30 minutes south of San Francisco. So, I took the opportunity on Friday and Saturday nights to go up to the city and hang out w/ some friends, and make some new ones.

Friday night I met up w/ recent San Diego transplants Phillip and Alissa. Alissa I've known since college, and Phil for about 2 years now. Luckily, Ryry and Deannas (I'm sure name dropping alot here, I know) sister and brother in law, Jen and Brady, were in town. We were in the Potrero Hills area of town, which isn't far from the heart of SF, but far enough to feel removed. We went and drank at a few places, and I checked out the neighborhood. Not somewhere I'd want to live, it took quite a walk when we started bar-hopping, and there didn't really seem to be much around the area. So, I woke up saturday morning and headed back to Mountain View, to check on the animals.

After a brief nap, I met up with an old ex girlfriend, Alia. I'm not really sure I can call her an ex cause well, we dated long distance, and if my memory serves me correctly, for not long. Her brother owns a bar in Palo Alto, so, she advised that I come down and get a.....BEAMISH!!! It's the first time I've had it since Earon and I were in Ireland, so I was thrilled. Only 1 problem. It was in a can (ewwww). If you ever see it on tap, make sure you try it. If you don't like it, send me the bill. (and the name of the bar where I can find it). and I digress.

Anyways, so at the Rubber Rose and Crown (I think it's the rubber rose. this could be false though cause there is a 'Rubber Rose in SD, but it's a well...adult shop. And mom, I only know this cause we wanted to know what the heck it was, not because I was shopping for adults.) I met a couple, Aaron and Carol. I think they were a bit smashed because they proceeded to tell me all about their lives in poetic fashion and how they were totally meant for eachother. I didn't really ask, but, I guess that's what you get at an english pub at 4 in the afternoon.

Later in the evening, I tried gathering some troops for my solo trip into SF, and it didn't really work out as well as I had hoped. They all flaked, so I was left up to my own devices, survivorman style. Drove around, got lost, called up an old friend to meet up. She had a bit too much the night before, so she wasn't having an 'outing,' and just invited me over. On the way over, (well, I had parked and was making my way to her casa) when I saw a traditional looking irish pub. I poked my head in for a pint when I met Mick, and Delkin, and Emma, and Steven, all irish, all regulars. For a minute I felt at home.

I only had planned to have a beer and leave, go visit, then go home, when Mick started bringing on the shots, welcoming me to San Francisco. It was a good 2 hours of fun, before I couldn't understand a word that the irish were saying, and I headed home. Didn't even get to say hello to my friend.

So, sunday I woke up and watched football all day, which really didn't matter til the sunday night game when the Chargers got their asses handed to them in a Boston Tea Party. What the hell happened Priv? LT, where were you buddy? Jeez, this better not be the story all year, or Norv Turner and I are probably gonna have to go outside.

And I guess the moral of the story after this long, dry, boring blog is this. I'm pretty certain I haven't made a mistake by moving up this way and trying to start a new life. It's happening slowly but surely, and I'm sure all the pieces will eventually fit together, and the picture puzzle will all make sense. Until then, in my boredom and challenge for something brilliant, I maintain my senseless blogs. I hope you my friend, are well, and your picture puzzle isn't as hazy as mine.

Cheers,

dshey

it's been quite some time where I've actually had to check outside, or turn on the weather channel to decide what the appropriate wardrobe is going to be for the day. It's a bit strange to me. Before I moved to California, I lived in New Mexico in real small town on the border of TX. We had, what you might call, seasons. A spring, summer, fall, and winter.

In California, it's been really hard for me to believe that there is any sign of seasons whatsoever, because I've been living in paradise for 9 years. I don't really think San Diego is "paradise," but alot of people up in NorCal seem to think that it's Gods loveliest creation. Don't get me wrong, it's really good, and I never checked the weather channel when I lived in San Diego, but yeah, whatever. (forgot where that sentence was headed)

So now that I'm up in the 'bay area,' i have to check things like - humidity, wind chill, temperature, barometric pressure, cold fronts and warm fronts, cummulus or nimbulus clouds (okay, I crack myself up.... whens the last time you heard someone say.. "HEY, those are CUMMULUS clouds!)

anyways, all this to say... Hey, seasons, I remember you. Glad to see you again.

somewhere east of san francisco are three towns some of you may never hear of, drive through, or know that they exist. Livermore, Pleasanton (it's not), and Dublin.

Now this interests me since I've been to Dublin, Ireland. I've never heard of, or been to Dublin, CA. So I'm thinking about headed there tomorrow. Currently, I'm just enjoying Liver-more.

Now, I don't really think about names all that much, but when you're locked in a room downstairs in your extended familys house, you got some time on your hands. You see, I couldn't go to the kitchen around the corner, because there is a motion sensor, and I have no idea how to turn it off. So, as I sit and watch the first season of Weeds last night, I start thinking about my liver. and how it needs more water.

I've been drinking for a long time now. I can't remember the last week I went without a drink. Actually, I can, June of 2004. Dry June. Here in livermore, I'm gonna give the liver a break, you all can buy me a drink later. time to find a job. and a house. anyone in the bay need a roomate?