I can't sleep, I can't eat. Most mornings I get up to a big fat ol' anxiety attack, caused by the utter futility of it all. Everyone just goes around living their meaningless little lives, ignoring the fact that death is our big fuckin' reward. I can't take the pressure, the horrible weight of the "human condition." Some would say if you accept the ineveitability of death than you should be living your life to the fullest do everything you can while you can. But I can't get past the fact that everything I do is meaningless, so if everything I do is meaningless... why bother? Why even get out of bed in the morning? I can't escape the horrible realization that I and everyone I love are just bags of bones waitin' around for our comfy dirt blanket. Everyday it's there pounding in my head making my heart feel like it will explode right out of my chest... GOD!!!(if I believed in "god" anymore) I need a pill, a shrink, or a freakin' cleaver in my brain...

 

You know why tricyles only have 3 wheels? Because that's the way they were designed, I mean "tri" means 3... So if you take a tricycle and try to attach a fourth one with like duct tape or something, it gets all wobbly and probably will fall over, or worse the fourth wheel will get attached to the side somehow and it won't even touch the ground. It will just get carried around to wherever 3 wheels wants to go. It will become completely useless, because, let's face it: What's the use of a wheel that doesn't roll? Is it even considered a wheel anymore? Or is it merely a decoration, that spins from time to time? Perhaps with some beads or even a playing card or 2 on the spokes so it makes that annoying click sound when it gets the energy to spin...

Don't worry little ones there are solutions to this problem.One option would be to leave the tricycle as is and the fourth wheel could just roll along side on it's own, but unicycles are unsteady, constantly rolling forward and back just to keep themselves upright, besides unicycles are lame and no one wants to roll alone... The second and more drastic solution would be to take a blow-torch to the tricycle and completely dismantle it. Then take all four wheels and weld them back together, on new framework. The new cart wouldn't be perfect and would still probably wobble from time to time, because afterall the wheels are still  different sizes, but this way they could all roll together.

P.S. Unicycles are not totally lame, they are actually pretty cool if you train a bear to ride them, then they are hilarious

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Bebop512

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Bebop512

 

Well... everyone else was doing it!

Did you know that when a female ferret is in "heat", if she doesn't find a suitable mate all those hormones build up in her and she DIES? It's why all ferrets that come from pet stores are spayed or neutered. I guess too many pet owners were losing perfectly good ferrets that way...

What kind of sick joke was Mother Nature playing, when she thought this whole ordeal up? I mean considering she's a woman and all, you'd think she'd be more compassionate. Afterall a girl shouldn't be punished for not being able to find a man hairy enough,or you know the one with the"good" burrow, or what ever ferrets find sexually attractive. Maybe it has nothing to do with Mother Nature... It's probably some crappy life lesson from "God" I mean he is a man afterall...

So ferrets are God's example of how women are too picky when it comes to choosing mates. Perhaps we should look not for the hairiest, richest ferret... maybe we should be searching for the ferret with the most inner beauty. That we should not be so hung up on the material and learn to love unconditionally.

However, I do know that whether he is hairy, rich, or inwardly beautiful at the end of the day... He's still a ferret. So maybe it's not our Earth Mother's way of punishing or playing a sick joke on us, or even God's way of teaching us to not be so superficial in an age where image is everything.

Perhaps ferrets are just the Universe's way of saying: "Go ahead, bang the one with the limp. It beats dying alone."

(Note: All readers should picture "quotation fingers" where noted w/ quotes, so as to fully experience the bulletin the way the author intended;-)

I once read an article about a female chimp in a zoo in China. The article was about how they were having so much trouble getting the chimps to mate in captivity. In actuality they were having trouble getting the female in particular to mate. It seems after being given the choice of several male suitors and the assistance of some special video aides, the female was simply "not interested" in her potential mates. So instead of gettin' busy for the sake of her species, this female chimp, has taken to scavenging the floor of her cage for cigarrette butts, and much to the chagrin of her keepers has developed the human equivalent to a 2-pack-a-day smoking habit.

It seems to me that things are tough all-over. I mean what does a girl have to do to get "good an' laid"? I am by no means shallow, but I consider myself to be a "reasonably attractive" female but I have been doing a bit of "cigarrette scavenging" myself lately. Not by choice but out of necessity. Maybe I'm the only girl who feels this way but, When did all the warm-blooded men in this country turn into needy-ass chicks? Hasn't anyone ever heard the saying: I don't want to wash your socks, I just want to fool around? If you have something interesting to say then say it,otherwise just take off your pants...


Don't get me wrong, as a woman I am not so eager to throw out my Lord Byron-esque(?) ideas of romance and love. It would be wonderful if some smitten paramour; who perhaps resembles a young Tom Waits, came riding in on his beat-up 74' Chevy Nova, blaring Black-Sabbath on the stereo that cost more than the whole car, wearing baggy pants, old Converse hi-tops, sporting a nice 5-o'clock shadow and a Malboro hanging out of his mouth... and while we're fantasizing add in a couple well placed facial piercings... *drool*............ huh? I'm sorry I seem to be getting away from the point... So like I was saying if that kind of guy ever turned up and professed his undying love for me, sure I would totally consider it. Til' then I would just settle for someone to make-out with on a regular basis... maybe some excessive groping...

So until that day comes, Anybody got a light?

err... OK first time blogger(?) here, so please bear with me. At first I thought this was a bit ridiculous, you know an online forum where any yahoo can come and rant about their parents, their job, or just what a raw deal the world has given them... Who cares, right? Apparently alot of people because I get an e-mail at least twice a week, informing me of a new "blog" entry I just HAVE to read. Or maybe people caring about what you have to say isn't really important... I suppose it's more of a small form of catharsis. I also know that most people aren't happy unless they're complaining about something. So in the spirit of all things blog here's a small list of my most recent complaints...

1.) The flippin' Melvins, who tell you " you'd better fill-up your gas tank, the price is going up 1.7693 cents tomorrow."

~First of all... duh! and I'll tell you something else the gas prices are going to keep going up just like the prices of everything else! Let's face the truth if people need gas they will pay the extra price, I mean what else are you going to do? It's not like you can just make some gas at home so stop telling me all about it like I need to prepare for Armageddon.

2.)People who feel the need to share the most intimate details of their medical ailments/procedures.

~If I wanted to hear about that 1/4 inch of flesh that had to be removed from the inner most part of your anus, believe me I would ask... So I'm sorry you're dying of the Mongolian Funk, could you just keep that to yourself and maybe stand a good 3ft away.

3.) Those jerks at tech support... if my problem were as simple as restarting my computer I would not have called you!!!

3a.) In lieu of the whole tech support jerk comment, I must say that if you're going to get a job helping people over the phone, you should be able to communicate CLEARLY. Afterall isn't that what you're being paid for? I'm all for equal opportunity employment but if your accent or speech impediment impairs you so much that you cannot not communicate your ideas to another person without resigning to rudimentary hand gestures, then perhaps a career w/ the phone company is not for you.

ok, that's enough for now, will complain more later... I'm so sure you're just holding your breath...right?