Chase's First day of Kindergarten and the first time riding the bus - No Fear~

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This is long...but the truth and worth it...I know this - because I've gone through this...no joke.

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL.....

   1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
   holding a baby.  Position right forefinger and thumb on either side
   of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding
   pill in right hand.  As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow
   cat to close mouth and swallow.

   2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.  Cradle cat in
   left arm and repeat process.

   3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

   4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding
   rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to
   back of mouth with right forefinger.  Hold mouth shut for a count of
   ten.

   5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
   Call spouse from garden.

   6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front
   and rear paws.  Ignore low growls emitted by cat.  Get spouse to
   hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into
   mouth.  Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

   7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
    Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.  Carefully sweep
   shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for
   gluing later.

   8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head
   just visible from below armpit.  Put pill in end of drinking straw,
   force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

   9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink one
   beer to take taste away.  Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and
   remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

   10 Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.  Get another pill.  Open
   another beer.  Place cat in cupboard, and close door on neck, to
   leave head showing.  Force mouth open with dessert spoon.  Flick
   pill down throat with elastic band.

   11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
   hinges.  Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch.  Pour shot, drink.
   Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last
   tetanus shot.  Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.  Toss
   back another shot.  Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from
   bedroom.

   12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the tree
   across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while
   swerving to avoid cat.  Take last pill from foil wrap.

   13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden
   twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty
   pruning gloves from shed.  Push pill into mouth followed by large
   piece of filet steak.  Be rough about it.  H old head vertically and
   pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

   14. Consume remainder of scotch.  Get spouse to drive you to the
   emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and
   forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.  Call furniture
   shop on way home to order new table.

   15 Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local
   pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


   *How To Give A Dog A Pill *

   1. Wrap it in bacon.

   2. Toss it in the air.

Good Boy!

This is the story of my life. I'm the Bear. Working nights, though financially rewarding, is stressful when you are trying to sleep during the day. Peace

Sony Stupid POS Commercial

I really want to try this. Looks like fun! I posted it to my blog so I would have the recipe.