Well, love is so many amazingly painful, beautiful, incredibly life changing experiences & feelings all wrapped up into a Groom's gaze down the aisle as he sees his Bride for the firstt time & realizes this is the beginning of life! Love is in the broken heart of a wife forgiving her husband for the ultimate crime in marriage; being unfaithful. It is all wrapped up in itty bitty lips of a 3 month old little girl as she kisses her Mommy's cheek when she wakes up because the little girl can tell Mommy's sad & needs it, & Mommy's amazed her little girl knows how heart broken she is that she just told her husband it's over. Love is in the souls of young lovers, bursting at the seams to tell everyone they know just how in love they are! And love is in the devotion of every living breathing human being to their Lord & Savior.

Love is what makes the world go around to me. That is all my story, just so you know. Everything that's happened to me is up there, & though it may sound heartbreaking & depressing, it is love, every piece of it had to do with love. You see, if love wasn't such an extraordinary emotion & whole body sensation, then it wouldn't affect us no matter if we're happy or sad. It's the only emotion that we will cry over if something amazing happens, & if something horrible happens. Without it, we will never be able to truly live our lives.

"I would rather to have loved & lost than to have never loved at all."

Get a fucking life! Seriously! I don't want anything to do with you & my husband sure as hell doesn't want anything to do with you! I don't get why you can't just move on it's getting old! I am happy with my life without the drama you bring in to it! I don't need to be harassed & I sure as shit don't need to be threatened So leave us alone! God, Please just leave us ALONE!

Those of you that know me know that this past year has been extremely hard for me. But 3 weeks ago God gave us the most amazing gift, our daughter Amelia. But now her Daddy is getting ready to leave us for 8 months. Duty calls I guess. I know it was my choice for him to re-enlist, but it still doesn't make it easier to say goodbye. We still don't have an exact date & he's leaving this weekend...

Daddy,
We are going to miss you horribly. We love you so much. You are our everything. Don't ever forget that we are waiting for you & will see you soon! I guess we are lucky that you are leaving now while Meliers is this young, so that you will be home in time to see her first steps & hear her first word & all of the amazing things you get to experience as a parent. We have been blessed, & our little one came early just so she could have these 3 weeks to spend with you before you left. Don't ever forget how much we love you baby.

So I have been going through A LOT the past few weeks & I didn't know if I was going to be able to take much more of it, much less even handle what's already been dealt to me. But I kept my priorities in line & remembered that it's not about me, or what I want anymore, but all about what's best for Amelia. My little miracle baby girl that will be here so soon! I can't wait to hold her in my arms, & see the way she looks at her Daddy as he holds her for the first time. I know she's going to be a Daddy's Little Girl. He is so excited for his daughter to come, sometimes he'll go into her room & just look around...I will not go into detail about what has gone on the past few weeks, but those of you that know, know that it almost broke me completely. On top of everything that's been going on, I have been in the hospital twice in the past 3 weeks. I went into preterm labor both times. I am only 31 weeks today, and though it seems I am really far along, our little Princess only weighs about 4 lbs so far, and she needs to be much stronger before she comes out! I have been put on bed rest, for obvious reasons, due to a tear in my placenta & separation between my placenta & membrane. I also have an extra piece of placenta that is causing problems, but little Amelia is getting all of the nutrition she needs right now! And despite her trying to enter the world too early, she is being a very good girl! She kicks Mommy, & whoever else is touching me on a daily basis. But I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has stood by my side & let me vent, & cry to them on a daily basis because of my problems. Things are going so much better! I am happy again & I feel like everything is how it's supposed to be again. So as for now, Jacob & I & our families are anxiously awaiting the arrival of Amelia Marlene! I think she's going to look JUST like her Daddy! But we will have to wait & see. I love you guys, & thank you again!

Sometimes it is so hard to forgive & forget. But that is what I have decided to do. Everyone makes mistakes, and without these mistakes there is no opportunity to become a stronger person. Without these mistakes there is no way to find out what is wrong & fix it. All I have to say is thank you to EVERYONE who was there for me & supported me. Thank you to everyone for listening. But especially, thank you to my beloved friends Alisha & Meagan! Without the two of you to talk to, I would have completely lost it! I love you guys! You're the best! Meggy - Moo, I miss you so much & I can't wait to bring Amelia home to meet her future husband & mother in law! Alisha, you're never allowed to move out! Lol, if you're not my neighbor anymore I will lose it & spend a lot of money on phone bills & in gas to come see you & the little man! And thank you to my mommy & my sissy. You have done nothing but protect me, help me, & support me in my decisions. I love you all so much! But I am happy to say that things are looking up & are slowly working out! The pain will never fully go away, but what I make of this experience will better my life, my daughter's life, & my marriage. I have my family, & I would not trade it for the world!

Love Always!
Me