Of Abby.
1 Contend, O LORD, with those contending third period students;
be obnoxious to the kids who are so obnoxious to me.
2 Take up detention slips and referrals;
arise and come when the bell rings.
3 Brandish answers
against those who ask stupid questions.
Say to my soul,
"I am the teacher."
4 May those who speak without raising their hands
be disgraced and put to shame;
may those mouths that comment incessantly
be duct taped shut.
5 May they be like accelerated reader books,
driven to the lost and found by Mrs. Haugen;
6 May their dilly-dally walking,
drive them straight to Mr. Esslinger’s office.
7 Since they persist to talk without cause
and without cause drown out my own voice,
8 may mass quantities of homework overtake them by surprise—
may their parents give them extra chores,
may they lose their lunch money, to their ruin.
9 Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD
and delight in his salvation.
10 My whole being will exclaim,
"Who is like you, O LORD ?
You rescue the teachers from those runny-nosed students,
the learned and exhausted from those who outtalk them."
11 Ruthless naggers come forward;
they question me on why they must have homework.
12 They repay me with laziness for all my efforts
and leave me working harder than they, to do their work.
13 Yet when they didn’t understand, I came to their desks
and humbled myself with answering questions.
When my answers returned to me with a, "I don’t get it,"
14 I went about mourning
as though for my friend or lost teaching career.
I bowed my head in grief
and wished I was back in bed.
15 But when I said 16 times 4 is 54, they gathered in glee;
attackers gathered against me when I was unaware.
They slandered me without ceasing.
16 Like the ungodly they maliciously mocked;
they whispered and scoffed at me.
17 O Lord, how long will you look on?
Rescue my life from their adolescence,
my precious life from these lion cubs.
18 Then I will give you thanks in the teachers lounge;
among the faculty and staff I will praise you.
19 Let not these 13-year-old’s gloat over me
who are my pupils against their will;
let not those who squeak their erasers
fling rubber bands across my classroom.
20 They do not speak coherently,
but devise unnecessary disturbances
to pester those who sit around them.
21 They gape at me and say, "Mrs. Stevens! Mrs. Stevens!
When does this class get out?"
22 O LORD, you have seen this; be not silent.
Do not be only in Bible class, O Lord.
23 Awake, and rise to my defense!
Teach for me, my God and Lord.
24 Give me many vacation days because of your righteousness
do not let them lord over me, O Lord my God.
25 Do not let them think, "Aha, just what we wanted!"
or say, "She cannot make us do work."
26 May all who gloat over my frustrations
be put to shame and academic confusion;
may all who lord their voices over mine
be clothed with shame and disgrace.
27 May those who sympathize with my strife
rejoice in my vindication,
may they always say, "The LORD be exalted,
who delights in the well-being of his math teachers."
28 My tongue will speak of your righteousness
and of your praises all day long at HCJH.