OK, so it's been two months.  I'm all settled in here.  It's fabulous.  I get to see my wonderful Love everyday.  I get paid fat for doing hardly anything.  I have weekends OFF!  It's beautiful. 

I have finally gotten over the homesick hump.  That was hard.  Let me tell you.

Talk about romantic!  My Love danced with me under the stars in one of the most beautiful places I have been.  We were leaving his friend's wedding and hadn't danced due to the absence of slow songs and that's when it happened.  He looked at me, grabbed me hand, spun me around, and pulled me close to him.  We danced for what seemed like forever but it was only a minute or two.  It was the best moment in my life, thus far. SWOON.

So, the other day I was at the gas station weraing my prized "berkeley" tee when the attendant asks me "did you really go there"  and I was like "WTF"!  So I slapped him upside the head with my glock and grabbed atwinkie as I walked out.

-Kate

What is it about change that forces you to grow.  Oh, right, the changing part. Hmmm.

I'm a grown up now.  I'm making my own decisions, moving away from mom and dad, and getting a REAL job.  In the last six months I have grown up and grown into who I should have been all along. 

I was always confident but now I can back up my confidence with actual feeling not just responsibility.  I was always laughing but now my laughter is more true with honest happiness behind it.  I was always a shoulder to lean on but now that service means more because I have my very own shoulder to lean on.

I have figured out the basics of essential human relations.  I've been through my trials and tribulations related to that subject and have found the light at the end of the FIRST tunnel.

Life is finally heading in the right direction.  I just hope nothing derails my simple plan.

**A wise man once told me, "Ninjas are better than pirates!" Then I whipped out my machete and chopped his head off.  You should never mess with a blade yeilding woman.**

-Katie

Baby, I don't know how I'm gonna make it through these next two weeks. After you hung up with me I called my sister and just broke down. She reminded of a few other things I have to do. Friday I have a meeting and practice to go to. I just want this all to be over. I am tired of living my life like I am a 16 year old. I'm hoping that all of my sadness and heartbreak will be gone the minute I step foot out of this house and take all of my things with me. I wish I had a fast forward button.

I hate to be a complainer but this stress is lethal. I've got to take a break, a long break. I'm sure I'll probably tell you all of this again on the phone and you won't care because you are a wonderful person. I bet you'd listen to the same story ten times if you knew it made me happy.

I have needed you for a long time and I am so glad I found you. I needed someone who could be objective and sympathize instead of criticizing me and throwing it in my face. My sister does the best she can but then again she's my siter so she tells it like it is. You are the only one who can listen to a story and see it from my point of view and just listen to how I feel. I don't know if you know how good that feels, but it's something I have always wanted and I found in you.

This waiting is excrutiating. It's worse than waiting a few days to see you or a few hours even. It's the worst feeling, when someone else's world is on your shoulders and you are the only one carrying it and as you carry it more shit gets piled on top.

The worst thing about all this is that I can't hop in the car and come cry on your shoulder which is what I want to do the most right now. I know you would just hold me and tell me that everything is fine. I would believe you, you've never lied to me. I don't know if you know this but I feel the most real when I am with you. I don't have to fake a smile or pretend to be nice or that I care. It's all honest and true. It's so hard to be something you're not.

Ok, if you're still reading this (which I think you probably are) thank you. I miss you beyond the existence of feeling, if you can understand what I meant.

-Katie

...{This is in regard to some shit that has been going on for more than 8 months.  It will all reach "Critical Mass" on June 11th.  The explosion will be magnificent.}...