ok, so here i am at work, and there is nothing to do... so i thought i would write a little something. i, really do not know where to begin really. there are so many things floating in this weird space i call my mind, that a lot of the times i find myself not being able to sleep at night.

i guess the thing that has been bugging me the most these past couple of weeks is the fact that there are some woman out there that do not know how to respect themselves and other woman for that mater. they feel the need to make themselves the victims of every situation, and not own up to the things they do or say. well i guess that i should not limit this to just girls. there are some guys out there that do the same. but in two occasions it has been girls for me.

i had come across this girl, who i thought was cool, and thought to be my friend, and i thought, "wow, someone who finally gets who i am at this point in my life." and then i find out that she was never who i thought she was. she lied to my face, and spread rumors so unfathomable. more incredible, was the way she denied everything when i confronted her. not only that, but she tried so hard to look the part of the victim. as if i was the bad guy for confronting her about it. she actually had the nerve to say that i should have known better. that i knew how messed up her life was, and that i should have expected that this would happen. WOW! i didn't get it, and i still dont. after everything was said and done, i told her that i had no problem hanging out with her, that i couldn't be friends with her, but we could hang when the group wanted to get together. her reaction was like another slap in the face. she said that we were never friends. and she just walked out of my life. i have no problem with that.... but i guess it still bothers me sometimes.

then there are the woman who come in and try and ruin your life even more. how do girls live with themselves knowing the sluts that they are. i am sorry, but any woman who deliberately tells a guy she wants to sleep with them, knowing they are in a relationship, are sluts. not to use a worse word. and then, when they are confronted about it, they try and deny it. not only that, but they try and get revenge on those who have "wronged" them. whatever that means.

i am so sick and tired of all this high school drama. we are all adults, and it's time we should act that way. but then i again, i guess life is like high school. not matter how old we get, there is always going to be drama. because the older we get the less truthful we are with ourselves, and with others. we like not accepting responsibility for our actions, we like hiding behind what and how we think we should act, for others to like us. when in reality, we just want to be accepted the way that we are. but in this day and age, your not normal unless you go with the crowd. and i guess the only time we were ever true to ourselves and everyone else, was when we were baby's. when we were still naive children.

it has been such a long time since i have written a blog. i’m not sure what to title it just yet.... i guess i will figure it out at the end of this. well here it goes.

i dont know where someone can get off saying that i can not love someone if they do not believe in god. that is stupid. i am so sick of these extreamis "christians". they’re not even christians. they think that because they walk the "path" that they are better than everyone else. that they never sin. they are quick to judge and place blame. they balme you for what happenes to you because you choose not to go to church, or because you live with your boyfriend before you get married. i am not saying that all christians are like this. it’s just that lately, those are the type of people i have been coming accross. judgmental idiots that think that give a holier than thou attitude, and i am sick of it.

don’t get me wrong, i love god, and all.... but there are just some people that just wont let things go. if i don’t want to go to church, leave me the hell alone. if i want to have a one on one relationship with god, leave me be. i hope this will not offend anyone, and if it does, that just proves my point. you should accept the people you love for who they are. not for who you want them to be.

so here i am, having yet another sleepless night. 

i dont understand y it is that for these couple of weeks i havnt been able to sleep. maybe it has something to do with this:

..

i look at this pic and the others like it and i think to myself

how lucky i am to still be alive and that

i had not major injury's. we are getting to the age where any day we can get a phone call letting us know that someone close to us is either dead or in really bad shape. in less than a week i heard about at leat 3 people that were close to my friends passing. now my question is:

how so we deal with the pain of our loved ones leaving, it being that the have passed on or just moved far far away. do we try and surpress the feeling of hurt and try and prepair ourselves for the day witch will come?

or should we shar our pain and let it all out. i am one that thinks that we should share the pain let it all out and just cry. the only thing is,if i start crying, i dont think i can stop. i have found myself these days holding back tears at all hours of the day. and the three people that i would normaly talk to, are the ones i cant talk to. we are all in the same boat

so ,

do we cry toether. let it all out. or just go on thrughout our day pretending it's all ok and that the day that we are all lamenting is never goign to come. i will say this.

i am going to lose my sister. even tho she will still be living in this world, it wont be the same. i wont be able to see her every day, or call her whenever i want. our relationship will consist of emails and myspace comments and the occasional call, whernever we can afford it.

i love u friend of mine, and i dont know wat is going to become of me when u leave.... i will miss u so... i love u!

its been so freakn long since the last time i wrote one of thse things... but any ways, to wat i was gonna say:

it has taken me 21 years to finnaly go to my first concert. im so freakn happy, i have been waiting four long years to see this artist live, and who might that be???

RICARDO ARJONA BABY!!!

JE JEA BOI!!!

OMG!!!!!

yes!!! i have finally found a job that i like... wat's more to like... u sit infront of a computer all day, pay's really good, and u can be chating and on myspace all the freakn time... wat more can i ask for... nothing really... yay!!

so after a long long long and i mean long talk, my guy told me that he didnt want to lose me and thah he wanted to try and make things work.

to tell u all the truth i had prayed for it since the night it happened. i hadnt prayed in such a long time. i dont know wat it is at this point in time that i cant see my self trusting god all that much. but i prayed and prayed, and last night i prayed again. i mean i fell asleep praying and he answered my prayers.

i want to thank diana and chris and gise for having me in there prayers and always being there for me when i need them... thnx guys, lov ya all with all my heart...

a special thanx to dee for the talk we had last night... lov ya boo

yea it happened, my heart has been broken once again. after one year and 18 days my boyfriend has decided to break up with me. i guess i brought upon myslef, but i never though that he would end it. no! i didnt cheat on him or anyhting, we just had a fight and in the heat of the moment i gave him an ulimatum. i know that was wrong, and i thought i would be ok with it, but i was wrong. i thought he would want to work it all out and things would be fine but i was wrong. my heart hurts like it's never hurt befor. not even when my father died did i feel this bad. and i dont know wat to do. he was one of the only things that would bring me joy and now, now its gone.

i was here on the computer and listening to music when this one song came on and it took me back to a long lost memory..... it is so odd how the mind works. how is it that something as simple as a scent or song can remind u of a point in time, or of someone. how is it that a song can have such power over the mind. there is always that one song that takes u back to that one day, or that one holiday.... if something that simpel has that much power over us, wat can we be capeble of when we have total control of our minds