Well, if you are reading this you could probably tell from the title that I had a very interesting night. I do not remember most of it...well I remember all of it until I started crying and freaking out outside of the Red Lion Bar. Me, Laura, and her two uncles Mark & Scott went out drinking last night. The night started out well at Gators bar where I drank about four beers and played pool. We took pictures (soon to come) with the Captain and other pre & post drunk candids. However, I wanted to play darts ...so we all headed to the Red Lion, where I started drinking doubles of Jameson straight up...I got some looks : / . We started to play darts and at some point I went outside to have a ciggy... and Laura's uncles came out and I got a disheartened look and shake of the head from Scott when he saw me smoking. I went into the story about how I had quit smoking three months back and how this was my last pack as a tribute to E.B. I started to cry and some random old-ass veteran told me "he did his job" and I started to freak-the-fuck out at him saying he shouldn't have gone and I was super pissed. Most of the night after that point was a blur. However, this morning I was informed by Laura that I punched her uncle Scott in the Jaw and "close-lined" Mark. I don't remember this...but I do remember me standing in front of Scott with my hands behind my back, egging him on to hit me. He didn't. Did I mention both Scott and Mark are buff, huge, and ridiculously athletic (wait & check on these pics). I also acquired the nickname "Jaws" because apparently Scott put me in a soft headlock (btw he was teaching me some fighting moves earlier that night, including a headlock) and I bit him in the side. When we left the bar I cried silently the entire way home, and then went for a drunk walk to calm down with Laura and we talked and cried and she is so fucking awesome, I am so lucky to have a friend like her. So       I went go cart racing today, and I heard all about the previous night on the way there...I will never live this down. I only wish I could remember me hitting Scott in the face, I'm not really sure why... I think the look on his face would have been priceless. It's funny, they are good sports b/c they were talking about going out again soon. Oh, this was the first time I have been drunk since E.B. died, and everything was let out... no joke.

And when my life is less complicated, it would be nice to relax and focus on my friends, family, and finding someone. Untill then I will keep on keeping on, stress is all I have right now. My aspirations keep my chin up and the tears back, but it's painfull to see and pass opportunities that aren't deemed as bettering my situation in the long term. This is to everyone and everything I have passed along the way and never had the strength to look back at, I am sorry. However, I am focused and self motivated, I know in the end it is for the better, but I can't stop hating myself for it now.  

merry christmas.

I am going to miss my Evan. He is like me in that, we are the same type of friend. When we are your close friend, we would go to the end of the earth for you. Not so that you continue to be our friend or even like us, but b/c we find you to be the type of person who deserves it. We are like pitt bulls and we protect and stand up for our friends come hell or high water. Now, I have good friends.. but I sometimes feel like I put out more loyalties than the other... however, with Evan I get the same I put in. He and I have changed a lot since we met eachother, but for better or worse there is a bond there that is so permanent... death couldnt break it. If we are kindred souls, which I wouldnt doubt... we will melt into eachother like a twist cone.

p.s. I am eating frozen grapes.