I've been meaning to write something new for quite some time now, but I couldn't find myself here long enough to do so.  Well, needless to say, I'm here now; and another year older... yay.  Those of you who personally know me, already know I had a birthday recently; to those who don't, I had a birthday recently.  Good ol' 22; a year that has no impact on your life aside from the fact you've finally become aware that you are now just getting older.  Up till now there have always been birthdays to look forward to: 13, you became a teenager; 16 you could drive; 17 you could see R-rated movies; 18 you could smoke, watch dirty movies, and otherwise be considered an adult to the government; and lastly 21... you could drink and be considered the full adult.  What's after that you ask; well nothing but many years and then you get hit with the fact that you are not getting any younger, you are not gaining anything special for your new year.  You're just older.  Well, I guess I'll end my depressing news (yeah, like that ever happens), and get to recent events.

I find myself looking around and wondering, what am I going to do with myself.  I don't want to be a Kroger cashier forever, and while I could do that, and live fine and dandy; I don't think I'd be content with myself when I look back.  I'm 22 years old, I make the same amount of money as most teenagers, and I have a family to look after.  This isn't going to work.  College seems like the only alternative for me, and I don't know if I got the balls to make it.  It seems everybody I know is looking to getting all that good stuff started; moving closer to their college of choice, and leaving little old townie me to watch them go away while I ring up the local pervert's groceries as he checks out the underage bagger at the end of my lane. 

Well, to give a break from this whole, 'me bitching alot' thing, how about I write about the things I've been happy with.  Contrary to what it seems with my constant WoWing( and my bitching above), I feel I've had more of a social life in the last month or so than I've had in a long time.  I've hung out with somebody at least once or twice every week.  I'm glad that I have friends that still find me interesting enough to at least talk to.  I've been enjoying getting to play table top RPGs again.  It's been since Job Corps since I got to play.  The game has been great so far, I'm having lots of fun, and I really loving the new people I've met.  The game is Hunter: The Reckoning by the way, and if you get a good storyteller like us, then you're in for a good time.  Personally I'm planning on trying to get some local RPing started, so if you be interested in joining me in nerdom, please leave me a message; I'm looking into starting some D&D and World of Darkness games.

I know that many people might be turned off from the length of my blogs, and I do understand this.  Just remember that I'm a cancer, and we are the emos of the zodiac; so we tend to build up a lot of emotional baggage, and eventually even the toughest of crabs has to let it all out one way or the other.  At least with my long ass blogs it gets things off my chest and keeps me sane enough not to shoot up the next batch of customers that comes in.

Alright peeps, I feel that it's been an adequate amount of time since my last rant session... to celebrate, I have for you yet another rant session.  Don't you feel fuckin' lucky?  We got ourselves a wide range of shit to cover, so let's get to coverin'.

 

Being a cashier at a store that makes it a hobby to fuck up regularly generally can make your life a piss-hole when people want to throw some shit back.  Well let me say something, DON'T PUT ME IN THE FUCKIN' MIDDLE OF IT!!!  It isn't my fault the store's prices are a bit high on some things and it's not my fault that you forgot your Plus card.  To break down the many annoyances I've been having as of late dealing with my job, I've decided base the style off of Bill Maher's book, "New Rules."

 

New Rules for Customers:

 

Don't come in my line if you don't have the money to pay for all the shit you got.  I'm serious folks; they have the prices out for a reason... fuckin' use them.  It's not hard to keep a mental note of what you have so far.  Seriously I'd think most of the people here in Kentucky would have at least graduated middle school.

 

Don't look at me like you're a fuckin' lost puppy when you don't have your Plus card.  I can't help you.  I can offer you another card, or let you type in the phone number you used when you registered... that's it.  I'm not supposed to let you use somebody else's, nor am I supposed to let you use mine; and don't look at me like I shot Jesus when I say you can't.

 

Bring a sock for your fuckin' kids.  I love kids don't get me wrong, but I get sick of hearing every spoiled child in Jessamine County crying for this and that.  I know most of you might want to jump the gun and say, "hey you don't have any clue what it's like!  You don't have kids!"  Let me tell you something, I have a very spoiled niece and nephew, and I can get them to shut the fuck up, sit down, and be still for as long as I like when I'm mad enough.  No more fuckin' excuses.

 

Old people must get plastic surgery.  I'm sick of old people looking at me like I've left shit on their porch.  I'm sorry you're pissed off because you have to buy adult diapers, trust me; I'm pissed off too... I have to ring them up, which means I know your dirty, smelly little secret.

 

No more trying to convert me while I'm working.  Seriously, I have to hear this crap at my door, on the street, online, when I'm shopping, and on my phone.  I don't need to hear it when I'm not allowed to be a dick back. 

 

Learn to read the price tags.  I'm sick of people always bitching at me because the price came up different than what they thought it was.  Almost every time I go to check for them, they were looking at the price tag for the one next to it, or below it, or above it.  I know our state has a horrible literacy rate, but people should still be able to figure out what the damn things are saying.

 

Stop coming in my line when the lights off.  People, when that light is out it means that I'm not taking customers.  Not hard to figure out, you don't have to be Sherlock to get it.  People are being checked out at the lanes with lights on; the ones that are off don't have anybody, so logically you should be able to comprehend why I'm telling you to fuck off.  But then again, perhaps I'm being a bit pushy with this one; after all, most of you probably feel that we've only had 6000 years to gain common sense.

 

Ok, enough bitching about the job.  It's time to wrap this up.  But before I do, I have to say one thing.  In regards to the comment explosion over at Steph's blog, I want to make it clear that most people there were jumping the gun a bit too much.  If anybody actually takes a moment to read over the whole thing you'd see that it went like this: 

 

1. She makes blog where she condemns certain people and acts (which is fine, she can put what she likes).
2. In said blog she defends herself before her views are even brought into question (this is a little tacky).
3.  Approx. four comments in the beginning state opposing views, and make a side note of how she's been a bit pushy with her new beliefs, but nothing that warrants being called, "attacking."
4. Angela makes a little booboo by saying that she thought we were attacking Steph's beliefs.
5. Shit hits fan, and those supposedly 'attacking' are being attacked for their beliefs by friends who made it a point to mention how it was wrong for people to attack their friend's beliefs... strange huh?
6. James apologizes for shit he doesn't even need to apologize for.  And last...
7. Jesus shits himself a little because of this grotesque hypocrisy, or maybe it's because he died hanging from a cross and getting stabbed in the side with a spear; eh who cares anyway right?

 

That being said... Jesus is fuckin' dead, boohoo we're all sad, now let's get the fuck over it and move on shall we?

 

I do have some things to say in this blog.  Some deal with the world, some with me, and some to the many reactions to my last blog.  As far as my job goes, I still have it.  Yayness for me.  I have considered quitting many times due to the poor way they run things, but I need the money to help around the house, so I guess that's out of the question.  It's something I've had to get used to.  I've never been responsible for helping around the house, but now it's smacked me plum on my fat ass.  I haven't had the money to get anything that I really want; and I want a lot, especially a new camera.  One of the things I miss about High School was going around with my camera videoing everything I could.  I'd love to relive that.  But alas I have to be grown up about things and just get over it.  I won't lie, I've been treating myself to small things here and there, so I'm not 100 % noble, but I'm trying damn it.

 

I've been looking around at the world a bit since joining Kroger.  Shit's weird.  You've got Bush fucking things up (no surprise there), Cheney shooting people, and Muslims going on the warpath because of some cartoon that was published in a place that most of them don't even live near.  Sometimes I wonder when shit will truly hit the proverbial fan.  And thinking back on the Cheney issue, how come that mother fucker isn't in jail.  I guarantee that if my fat ass accidentally shot one of my friends on a hunt (especially if alcohol is involved; like it was with Cheney) I'd be flaunting the news fashion styles of the orange jumpsuit.  About the Muslims and the cartoon, they need to just get the fuck over it.  It's just a goddamned cartoon people.  Plenty of things make fun of Jesus (supposedly a walking god) and you don't see Christians destroying embassies.  What's with these dumb-asses?  They say that they refrain from treating Muhammad as a god; but with the latest events, I'm starting to wonder how they truly feel about him.  Either way, I don't feel any ill towards Muslims as a whole, it's just a lot of the more conservative Muslims are going way too far with their reaction.  To be clear on this, I do feel that the cartoons were in bad taste, but it's only one person's view on something he/she most likely knows nothing about.

 

I've been watching the 700 Club for a while now.  It's an interesting show to say the least.  I really enjoy the 'Skinny Wednesday' segments, but other than that I only watch the show to laugh at the bullshit Pat Robertson comes up with.  I don't understand how anybody can take this guy seriously.  Have you heard the BS that spills from his mouth?  Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with Christianity, so I'm not attacking him for being a Christian, but merely showing off everything that is horrible about Conservative Christians.  This fucker has actually attributed God's Wrath to the latest tragedies that has befallen the world.  We get hit by a hurricane that wipes out most of the southern coast, God's pissed at New Orleans, a Tsunami hits a country and kills many, God's wiping out Child Prostitution.  I don't get this guy, is he fucked up in the head; did his mama not love him enough?  And while I'm on the topic of Conservative Dickwads, let me take a shot or two at our good friend Bill O'Reilly.  Have you heard some of the new stuff from this guy?  He actually thinks that Al Gore saying a bad thing or two about the U.S. in a foreign country is bigger, and by far more controversial than Cheney shooting somebody.  Please explain the logic here... guy saying mean things about a country we just happen to live in, or some guy shooting someone in the face, which is a bigger deal!  And let's not forget his smug way at approaching debate.  If you ever have noticed him during one of his debates, he likes to use kind of a passive aggressive stance on things.  He's more than willing to talk about how 'dumb' something he opposes is, or how 'absurd' this thought is; but he avoids as much as possible actually saying something about the person who has the thought, lest they use his 'personal attacks' as a possible defamation on his character.

 

Back to more personal stuff; I've been getting my fair share of intolerance.  I might be exaggerating a bit using the word 'intolerance' but it still fits well enough.  I've just recently acquired a pentacle necklace.  I enjoy the way it looks and I feel a spiritual bond to it (cheap as it was, I still feel something for it).  Frankly, I wear it proudly.  But others are usually ignorant to what it means.  I usually get looks of contempt by most people.  Some have tried to 'save' my soul.  And I can remember at least one occasion, somebody straight up told me, 'I shouldn't wear that because it is bad.'

 

Don't worry, I'm about done.  I'm on my last topic, and that's my previous blog.  I have posted the poem, "Revelation" in multiple places to get a grand idea of what people think.  I've gotten mixed reviews.  Nothing really against the poem as a poem, but the subject matter has gotten a fair share response.  Most feel that I don't know anything about God because of what I said.  My response to this is:  Do you really have any idea who your god is?  I've gotten bible quotes, told I don't who or what God really is, and that no matter what I say about him, he will always love me.  Well to use a word that fits, and that I happen to love to read, HOGWASH!!!  Most of you don't have a goddamn clue as to the true nature of your God.  Either most don't want to admit that their god is a terrible force filled with malice, cruelty, and discrimination, or they don't know shit about the religion they choose to follow.  Read some of the things God has done, and tell me you wouldn't want to kill a man that did the same things as he.  Five bucks says if a man tried to flood the entire world with the exception of those he deemed worthy and select animals, you would put a bullet in his head and bitch slap any mother fucker who said you weren't a hero.  If a guy went around killing all the first born sons of ANY given area, he'd be given some dumb ass name by the media and the cops be looking to bust his ass.  Sorry if you don't agree with what I said in my poem, but I didn't make up anything just to get my point across.  God's done some fucked up shit, and you have the gall to tell me I don't know the truth about him.  Seriously, if any of you tell me you'd cut Hitler's neck without problem, you'd be there cheering at the hanging Mussolini, or gas Stalin with a smile on you face, but wouldn't think of at least shaking your finger at God for what he has done, then I'm concerned for you state of mind.

 

I'm sorry if you felt personally attacked by my last paragraph, but hey I'm not going keep things hidden in fear of what other might think.  It's how I feel and if you came here to read what I had to say then you had better not complain one goddamn bit about it.  You're welcomed to disagree of course, I'm only human and my opinion is no more valid than your's; but don't tell me I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

This is a little song I wrote to an idea a friend of mine had.  I think it sounds catchy and has a nice ring to it.  I would give an explanation, but I have a feeling by the time I was done the cops would be at my door and then I'd have no time to run.
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Feed us the Fetus

Writing by James Ryan; Idea by Wayne Workman

 

...There it is, living inside!

A nice comfy place, but no way to hide!

 

Inside the mother,

I hear its heart beat.

Too fucking bad she's dead now,

became the other white meat.

 

Losing consciousness and life,

This little thing trapped in a tomb.

Through the vaginal hole,

I rip it from its womb.

 

Feed us the fetus!

Now is the time.

I shall devour the little shit,

And enjoy the dastardly crime.

 

First its head and webbed toes,

 And then its chubby little feet.

Off with its arms and legs,

Make the rest ground meat.

 

The police can't stop me,

Or my morbid obsession with the dead.

The unstoppable slayer of youth!

Listen to what I have said.

 

Feed us the fetus!

Barely cost a dime.

Just a straight wire hanger,

And we can steal its borrowed time.

Not long ago I was talking with a several friends of mine, and one of them brought up something interesting. He was asking everyone around if they had a band or musician that changed their life. At the time I didn't answer the question, because I didn't have a band like that. But a few days later I kept thinking about that talk, and remembered that I did once say that a book had changed my life (not drastically, but made me see things differently), and that would have been the answer that I should have given (even though it would of changed the topic from musicians to books).

And now I find myself thinking about that situation and realizing that fictional books can be just as much of life changers as a holy book.

There have been two instances in my life when this has happened. Both books were written by Anne Rice; they were Interview with the Vampire and Queen of the Damned. The first had changed a lot of my philosophies about life and the way I thought of myself, when I saw that I had much in common with the main character Louie. With the second one, I had a total revamp in my views toward the spiritual and unexplained. Of course my views differ greatly from those that seem to be portrayed in the novel, but you can see where it has helped me in some of my current beliefs.

Now I have a theory, and it should be made VERY CLEAR, that this is JUST a THEORY. I've come to believe that fictional books of our time and holy books of yesteryear have much in common. Both delve deep into the fantasy part of man's psyche, and can make a person feel like there are no limits. Also it gives people that wonderful feeling of something touches your heart and makes you see things from a different light. With these ideas in mind I have concluded, though don't endorse, that fictional books of today are the stepping stones for a lot of our new spiritual beliefs. Like the holy text before them, they are bringing out people's fantasy worlds. Making people believe there is something more, and empowering them. I personally find this to be a good thing, and approve with the continuation of this new spirituality. Not meaning to denounce or defame any of the old time religions, but that is what they are, old. Of course I don't believe that they should be thrown out, but they should be enhanced, and the fiction books of today are well on their way to doing that.

I don't know if anyone else notices, but when you read a fictional book, you are looking into another persons mind and soul. They pour every fiber of themselves into this creation of theirs, and in it you can see who they really are, and what they see. I have fallen for Anne Rice's writing, because it touches me, a very rare thing. Something about her books just hit me, and brings me into a state of pure rapture, and I feel like I understand the world a little better.

I hope those of you who have taken the time to read this don't feel like I'm just throwing up a bunch of scribble. I don't want to waste anybodies time with mindless rhetoric, but I wanted to get this out and discuss it. Thanks for reading my thoughts and I hope I was able to present it coherently.

The Dark Night Sky By James D. Ryan At the window I stand, staring At the dark night sky; or me… Perhaps that is what I truly see. Unclouded yet still undecipherable This callous world seems amiss. At the window I wait for death’s cruel kiss. Waiting for my last embrace, I look up and see a light; A bright light amongst a dark night. This intruder in the dark… He is beckoning me by name. Unhesitant, out the window I came. Without fear I follow, knowing Now is not my time to die; But to travel under a dark night sky.

The Knife Wins By James David Ryan Deeper and deeper it goes. The blood, from me it flows... Pain overcomes. Thoughts fade away. I could never stop, Lest the demons have their way. The knife digs in, Penetrating skin. Why have I this sin? How does the knife... always win? Deeper and Deeper it goes. The pain, in me it grows... Anger released. Self-induced misery takes hold. No longer in control, My body to the knife is sold. The knife within, Penetrated skin. Why did I let it in? How does the knife... always win? Deeper and deeper it goes. The truth, only the knife knows...