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Saturday, January 24, 2009

My Special Needs Child
Current mood:

blessed
Category: Religion and Philosophy

This week has been very rough. It's been one of those weeks when I begin to wonder if teaching is what God really wants me to do. Am I in the right place? Am I doing a good job? I'm sure every teacher has those kind of weeks. My breakdown came on Tuesday. Pretty much a day like any other day, got up, went to school and began working with the children in my class. They are usually a pretty normal bunch of 5 year olds but that day I felt like I was drowning. It felt like they weren't listening. It seemed that they did nothing they were asked to do. It felt like I wasn't even speaking and that they had forgotten everything they had been taught over the past months. One child in particular was being particularly frustrating. We'll call her K. Now you have to understand that on K's best days she is a challenge to work with. K has a special needs brother and sometimes despite K's parents best efforts the special needs sibling demands most of their attention and she doesn't get much attention. So Tuesday was one of those days that K and I were really not on the same page. We were stuck in a power struggle... and she was winning. By the time I took my lunch break I was nearly in tears. Feeling pretty sorry for myself I have to say... doing the whole pity party thing.. complaining to co-workers the whole nine yards and then I went to the parking lot and talked to God.. I just laid it all out there... poured out all my feelings of helplessness and frustration and then I went and poured it all out to my director. Had myself a good cry on her shoulder and got some of the feelings out so that I could at least finish the day. Well K and I made it through the rest of the week in one piece and tonight as I was sitting here playing some silly game I had an epiphany or perhaps it was God speaking to me. This thought came into my mind... K is a special needs child too... she may not having a physical disability that you can see but deep in her heart she has special needs too. She needs your love... for you to love her like I love you... She needs your hugs... She needs your patience... She needs your mercy... She needs you to listen! Not exactly the answer I was looking for there God. You know I was thinking more along the lines of "You poor baby" "your having such a rough time" you know sympathy.. and what I got was the realization that I am special needs child... we are all God's special needs children... I may not throw myself down on the floor and cry and scream like K does or roll around on the floor instead of sitting in my chair like K does to get attention but I do other things that express my need for attention that probably looks like throwing a tantrum to God. But does He ever push me away when my behavior is inappropriate.. No He stands there with His arms open waiting for me to come back to Him... When I "kick, scream, cry and throw a fit" He is waiting there to gather me up in His arms... loving me and taking me back every time... His love is unconditional. He loves me no matter what.. Not just when I'm "sitting in the chair" and doing what He tells me to... He loves me even when I'm in the midst of a tantrum... even when I'm at my most unlovable... He loves me and pleads with me to come back to Him... May He give me that kind of love to show to K. I pray that the next time she throws a fit... instead of reacting with frustration, that I will act with love... that I will take the time to give her one more hug, a kind word, let her sit on my lap for that extra few minutes... I pray that I will love her daily the way the Lord loves me.. unconditionally and fully.
Do you have a "special needs" child? Are you a "special needs" child? Well take heart God loves His special needs children and wants us to love them too.

8:12 AM

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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

GBE 69 "I Resolve to...."
Current mood:

satisfied
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

This year I resolve to be healthier; physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I resolve to eat a healthier low carb diet and to exercise regularly (and not beat myself up if I miss a day).

I resolve to take time for myself, to take time to listen to the quiet and to contemplate the peace instead of keeping myself so busy I don't have time to think.

I resolve to make time each day to build a personal relationship with my God.

Well there you have it.. what do you resolve to do?

Currently reading:
The Rescuer (The O'Malley Series #6)
By Dee Henderson

2:30 AM

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Monday, December 29, 2008

His Love Endures Forever
Current mood:

blessed
Category: Religion and Philosophy

This song has been running through my head all day. As I lay quietly in my bed tonight I began to really think about the words to this song. Music has always been a way for me to express my emotions, which is rather strange since I am not at all musically inclined. I play no musical instrument(other than the radio or cd player) and though I try my best to sing .. more often than not I'm just a fraction or more off, but the words in different songs always speak to me. I am constantly in awe of people who write songs, people who can sing songs .., and people who play musical instruments. Today the words to this song and hearing it sung so beautifully by human voices was so awe inspiring that it struck me harder than usual so that I really paid attention to the words as we lifted the song up to the Lord. It's not an unusual song for us to sing during a worship service or even a new song I've just learned, but for some reason the words struck a chord with me today. As I lay in bed a few minutes ago I began to think about how easy it is to accept giving thanks to the Lord, but how difficult it is to believe His love endures forever!

The dictionary defines the word forever as "for eternity; for always; endlessly, at all times; always" This is such a hard concept for my small brain to accept...eternity? I have a hard time with tomorrow... for always? really? even in my most difficult times? endlessly? I can't even imagine something with no end... at all times? even when I sin? even when I am not loving towards others? even when I'm at my worst? ALWAYS? I think the reason I have such a hard time with this concept is because I struggle with loving those in my life always. It is so hard as a human to understand that God loves me no matter what. Because I have a hard time continuing to love those in my life who are at times difficult. And since I know that the Lord knows I am difficult most of the time, it's hard for me to accept that He loves me always. It's an issue that I have struggled with for a long time. I think at times I even challenged God by behaving badly... tested Him you might say... to see if what He says is really true... Hey Lord watch this... can you love me after this? I seem to say...

Each day I struggle with accepting that He does love me, that He will love me and that He will always love me. And that all He asks in return is that I love Him, that I believe in Him and that I strive daily to do His will. That He loved me enough to send His only Son to die on a cross for me is so humbling and challenges me to love those in my life that I find it difficult to love or even be in the same room with. I pray that as I go through the days ahead of me that I will take each moment as it comes and for that moment I will attempt to love those whom God places in my path... I know it won't come easily but I pray that He will open my eyes to those around me that I might open my heart for a moment and love that person the way God loves me.. and even though I don't understand the concept of forever.. I can try to love that person in that moment the same way that God loves me eternally.

8:20 PM

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Monday, December 29, 2008

Thank you Lord!
Current mood:

blessed
Category: Religion and Philosophy

There's a song I love to sing called "Thank You Lord" and it starts like this...
"Thank you Lord for loving me and thank you Lord for blessing me, thank you Lord for making me whole and saving my soul." I love that song...The words of that song have always resonated with me.
I don't know why, but I awoke at 4:00 this morning with this song going through my head and as I do most times when something like this happens... I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep... well as you can see rolling over didn't work so well... so it's now 4:30 and here I sit... recline actually in my bed, typing on my laptop (Thank you Lord for sending people like Lara and Bruce into my life who besides fixing laptops do so much more to enrich my life.) Have you ever sat and wondered why this person or that person is in your life... well I'm a firm believer that the Lord sends people into our lives for a specific reason or season of our lives... some are just here briefly, but they touch our lives in such a way that we will never forget them and the impact they have on our lives goes with us throughout the rest of our lives. Others that He sends, stay with us longer, they walk with us daily, they are there through the joys and the sorrows, the laughter and the tears, the ups and downs on this roller coaster called life. A friend of mine recently lost her father and her brother in less that six months. I cannot even imagine how she and her family feel after losing 2 such vital members of their family.. but I know that the father and brother have made an impact on not only her life but on the lives of each person they met, no matter how briefly or how long they knew them. Kathryn's story is still being written and the events of the last 6 months happened for a reason. The impact of losing 2 loved ones in such a short amount of time will be with her for the rest of her life, but I know that God will use this tragedy to help her to minister to someone one day in such a way that the other persons life will be permanently changed. So Thank you Lord for making us whole and saving our souls. We may not always understand, but we stand, we wait and we trust in You always to lead us. We know that You carry us in Your hands and cover us with Your love, surrounding us daily with Your peace. Thank you Father!

8:19 PM

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Monday, December 29, 2008

Thankful final installment
Category: Religion and Philosophy

1. I am thankful for Kathryn Ponder and her courage to step out in faith to do what God wants her to do and for friendship which has richly blessed my life.

2. I am thankful for Lara Dodds, her exceptional singing voice which is truly a gift from God and for her friendship.

3. I am thankful for quiet Saturday mornings to spend time contemplating the wonders of God's creation.

4. I am thankful for all the ministers and elders at Highland Oaks who strive daily to do God's will.

5. I am thankful for the beauty of the human voice to lift praises up to God.

6. I am thankful for people who have the gift of cooking and for those that serve the food.

7. I am thankful for authors who with their gift of words can take us away for a little to places we may never see.

8:16 PM

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Monday, December 29, 2008

thanks
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Ahhh Fridays... the end of most people's work week and the beginning of the much treasured weekends... Here is today's list of "things" I am thankful for...

1. Well for Fridays of course :)

2. But also for Mondays because they make us appreciate our weekends more.

3. For all of the animals, especially my cat Sierra.

4. For beautiful blue skies with puffy white clouds and dark stormy gray skies filled with the promise of rain.

5. The sweet sound of a bird song early in the morning.

6. Courteous drivers

7. Polite sales clerks.

8:16 PM

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Monday, December 29, 2008

More Thanks
Category: Religion and Philosophy

1. For the mute button on my remote control

2. My boyfriend, James

3. My soft bed and comfy blanket

4. Rainy days

5. Cool, autumn days

6. Soft, flannel pjs

7. My computer

8:15 PM

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Monday, December 29, 2008

Thankful
Current mood:

awake
Category: Religion and Philosophy

Today I am thankful for the following "things"...

1. That I live in a country where I can worship God in my own way, without risk of persecution.

2. That I have food to eat daily when so many are starving.

3. That I work with children, they help me to see the world in new and different ways all the time.

4. That I have eyes to see God's wonderful creations and ears to hear the wonderful music of nature.

5. That I have moments of blessed silence, especially at the end of the day :0.

6. Chocolate

7. That I am able to own copies of God's words while so many don't have that privilege or are at risk of persecution for owning a copy. Thank you Lord for allowing me to be born in a country free of religious persecution and dear Lord please be with those that live in countries where people are not allowed to worship You freely. Watch over them Lord and please keep them safe and Lord please bring peace to them and let them one day live in a country where they can worship You without fear.

8:13 PM

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Monday, December 29, 2008

Give Me Your Eyes
Current mood:

blessed
Category: Religion and Philosophy

A month or so ago I was driving down the road listening to the radio... not an unusual pasttime for me and this song came on the radio... And it spoke to me... It has become one of my favorite songs. It is by Brandon Heath and the name of the song is "Give Me Your Eyes". It expresses the thoughts that have been going through my head so eloquently.

..

"Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black tile
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Chorus:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
yeah yeah yeah yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide whats underneath
Theres a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work
He's buying time
All those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Chorus
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
yeah yeah yeah yeah

I've Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes just move and pass me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all alone

Chorus
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
yeah yeah yeah yeah

The words of this song speak to me... urging me to open up my eyes and really look at those around me... not through them or over them... but to really look at them and to see them as God sees them... with love and mercy... how He sees me...Please Lord, help me to see everyone with Your eyes and to love them the way you love me"

Currently listening:
What If We
By Brandon Heath
Release date: 2008-08-19

3:13 PM

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