I'm at my parents house right now. I was feeling a bit anxious, so I decided to take a walk around the block.

Before I knew it, I was on a tour of old ghosts.

I walked past my friend's apartment that has been torn down.
I passed my Grandfather's apartment and remembered his face in the window as he would say goodbye.
I continued on to my the Catholic Church that we used to go to when I was young. I looked at the building for a minute and tried to go through the door that was always open. It was locked.
I passed the lot where I played with my friend since we were five. The apartment has been torn down and it's now a green lawn.
I passed my old house. I stopped for a minute and looked at the new exterior, but I could see the old house through it. I looked at the attic room and had a flashback to practicing my flute and trying on my grandmother's shoes. I remember I crammed my size 9 feet in her beautiful size 7 shoes just so I could feel closer to her. To have my feet where her foot once was...
I walked further to my old(er) house. The one where my brother died. The house that was filled with pain. I remember the silence the day after his funeral. It was so loud.

Then I just ran. I ran until my lungs felt like they would burst. I would run like this when I was a teenager. I have always been running away from here. I guess I always will.

I am so grateful for all of the love I received here. But, I am even more grateful that I'm not trapped here.

I just got back from a trip back home. 

Some of you may know that my father has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that has spread.  He is doing so good.  He's responding well to chemotherapy and his doctors and nurses are shocked at how well he is feeling and looking.

At home, I got to do some of my favorite things with my father. 

1) We went out in the morning to his garden

2)  We watched Judge Judy together (lame, I know)

3) We watched CNN and talked politics (more like yelling at the TV)

4)  We went to the Newell carnival together.  (I swear it was like a time warp)

There were a few other things and many little things.  So, today, I am thankful for my father.  I'm thankful that he is feeling good right now and not in too much pain.  I'm thankful for the lesson that he's teaching me about being brave and courageous in the face of such a big opponent.  If anyone can beat this, he can.

So, if there are things about your father that you wish you could change, stop focusing on it.  In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter.  Remember the love and the happy times and let go of everything else.  Today is all that matters.

I love Sarah Silverman, but I rarely watch her show.  A couple of months ago I did see part of an episode that I thought was great.

One friend discovers on the other friend's (the weird looking redhead from Mr. Show) Ipod a Spin Doctor's song.  He questions everything he knows about his friend.  Doesn't know if he want to keep their friendship up.  He can't get over it. Finally, Red tells him that it's his "keep me from going homicidal song".  He listens to it and it takes him back to a happy place.

I think that everyone has that song or album on their mp3 player.  I've decided that mine is the first Dave Matthews album.  Not that it's a horrible album...but it's just something that I probably wouldn't be into today if it came out tomorrow.  It reminds me of being fucked out of my head in college.  Not having responsibilites beyond getting beer for the night.

It's my safe place when I feel like taking out an uzi and cleaning house. 

There have been a couple of those times in the past couple days. 

Thank God for Jimi Thing.  It's kept me out of prison.

I'm watching VH1's Classic 120 Minutes.  I love it.  It's on Sunday nights but I just DVR it and play it when I'm working.

I just saw a video from the Alarm.  I don't know if you will remember them.  They were the poor man's U2.  They were slapped together by music executives and given marginal music to play.  So cheesy.

 I actually owned a Alarm cassette and I liked it.  It is just proof that your brain is underdeveloped when you are 13.

I love bad pop music but the Alarm is a low point.

 

 

I heard a really good song today called "Middle Distance Runner".  I put a song on my page from the band, Sea Wolf.

Of course, it wasn't about running. 

Although, it did make me think about my 8th grade year track experience.  I wasn't any good at sprinting.  I'm not built like that.  And I could never seem to get in the mind set that was necessary for me to run as fast as I possibly could at that moment.  I'm not that competitive.

Long distances were out for me as well.  I'm just not that great of an athlete and at the time I didn't have the focus.   I suppose that I still don't.  I have trouble doing anything slowly.  Yoga is so challenging to me.

I used to run all the middle distances.  I think that I used to run the 400.  It suited me.  I'm quick, but not really fast.   I like to focus and have a goal.  I always remember learning the "kick"...the push that you give at the last lap or turn.  

I still think that I'm a middle distance runner.  It's my style.  It's funny to me how my track coach knew it. 

Check out Claudia's commerical we entered into this Heinz commerical.

http://www.youtube.com/contest/TopThisTVChallenge&results_all=true?goto=2222

 

rate it if you want.

I used to laugh when I would hear that it was Monsoon season in the desert.  For those of you who don't live here, it's a few weeks in the summer when it rains almost daily. 

Last year, today actually, there was a horrible flood.  I've seen the Ohio river flood many times, but it was nothing in comparison to the assault of rain that pummeled the dry cracked earth.  The earth doesn't absorb anything.  Water just pours out of the sky and runs down mountains, roads, and roofs. 

My life has changed so much since that day last year when I stood at my front window and watched a river pour down my street.  I told my cleaning lady in broken Spanish, "It never rains like this in Ohio".  True.

In a weird way, I like monsoon season because it revitalizes everything.  My roses bloom like mad.  My car doesn't have the fine dust all over the body.  My hair curls up.  I say goodbye to the beginning and middle of the year. 

This summer, I said goodbye to things that were holding me back from being the true me.  My mind and body have gone through such a transformation. 

I feel free of alot of the things that needed washed away. And, I feel that there is still more to be cleansed.

So, as I look to the westward sky and see an enormous rain cloud, I say bring it on.

 

I'm feeling a bit patriotic today. 

I don't have much to say except Bush needs to be impeached.  I don't even need to explain it.  For everything, but especially the past couple of weeks. 

Worst president ever and we still have two more years.

It's what our founding fathers would have wanted.

Some of you may know that I've been through some insane health issues.  The past two weeks have been so difficult and I'm really happy to be alive as dramatic as it seems...

One thing that's kept me sane is David.  We've spent a lot of time together in the emergency room and the pre op area laughing.  It's my favorite defense mechanism.  I think it's the Irish in me.  When in doubt, make a joke.

Last Tuesday, we were in the pre op area.  I was completely terrified and rightfully so. 

We started talking about the Transformers movie.  I'm quite sure that it will be cool CGI but it will be even more corny than the cartoon.  Jon Voight is in it.  So, that says a lot.  Unless he's going to be a gay cowboy hustler, I don't find much use for him.

We were saying how funny it would be if they included the transformer that turned in to a cassette deck.  He would show up and all the other transformers would stare at him blankly.  At best, he could be used as a sheild or thrown at a Decepticon.

I must have sounded half insane...laughing as they got me ready for the op room. 

That's why David's my Optimus Prime.

I watched an hour and a half of this new show on Fuse.  I've never even watched Fuse, but there was nothing on.  Anyway, this show The Whitest Kids U Know is the funniest sketch comedy since Mr. Show.  I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

I checked and it's on frequently in the evening.  I don't think that the channel has much else going on. 

The Abraham Lincoln sketch was genius.  There was also a sketch with a piece of poop in it.  So there's something for everyone.

I'll try to post a skit on my page.  Please try to see it.  It would be a shame if it doesn't become huge.