What Johan Santana accomplished today, delivering a three-hit complete game shut out in a must-win situation, just three days following a start in which he threw the most pitches he has ever thrown in his storied career, can be regarded as nothing less than one of the greatest performances in the history of the New York Mets, baseball's most awesome team of all time.

Not merely a masterful performance, Santana provided a master's performance, the kind of rare achievement that pushes the boundaries of sport into the realms of human expression and asks us to further question the limits of human possibility.

American social Activist and Tennis champion Arthur Ashe once said, "True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost." I could not help but think of this quote as Johan Santana left the field today and tipped his cap to the Carvel ice cream eating Shea faithful, as if to say, "I make millions of dollars to be your faithful steward."

The humbled huddled offered its appreciation: "Worth every penny."

Ya Gotta Believe!

{disco vietnam}

Addendum: In lieu of the Mets' heartbreaking loss today please disregard all of the above.

Welcome to yet another edition of Disco Vietnam's The Pick-Up Artist, because if there is one thing the members of Disco Vietnam understand it's women. Today's lesson will be brought to you, once again, by Disco Vietnam affiliate and board-certified mack Dr. Chet Rockstone. Dr. Rockstone has slept with so many chicks his balls can hold their own presidential primary.

"Black man watch out, she salt-water trout.
Al Deuce dug her back out, inside the dugout.
Heard the pussy was good, big niggaz fell victim
Mentally stripped em, one God turned Christian!
- Ghostface Killah, "Marvel"

Yo God, let me pour y'all the science about the womb
It's a black hole for those who lose control
- RZA, "Marvel"

Full disclosure: I, Dr. Chet Rockstone, am a Giants fan to the death. Let's Go G-men!!! I never miss a game; I'm on the waitlist for season tickets (35 more years!); I even fully endorse the use of the term "G-fense" in casual conversation. So I might be a little biased when I say I think our defense played their fucking asses off Sunday night baby! Even Eli Manning came through with a gutsy, gutsy performance, a performance made all the more impressive when you consider he's only 6-years-old! What could you do when you were 6-years-old!? Huh?!

Still, burdened with the wisdom that comes with being Dr. Chet Rockstone, I can find little satisfaction in this victory. In spite of our seemingly great performance I can't help but think … perhaps 'twas darker forces that conspired for our favor; dark forces whose power is beyond anything you or I could ever imagine.

Pussy.

We have a lot of fun here at Disco Vietnam Pick-Up Artistry, don't we? We drink some beers, have a couple of laughs, and we learn stuff about chicks to manipulate them into doing things with us they don't even realize they might like doing yet. But, if you don't mind, I'd like to get serious for a minute:

When I talk about pussy, I'm not talking about women. I'm talking about pussy. There is a world of difference and understanding this difference is crucial to both your personal and professional survival.

They say behind every great man is a great woman. If we are to accept this rather suspiciously convenient logic (I'm onto you "They." You're probably some chick) then, naturally, behind every disgrace, failure and fallen empire is the dry stench of salt-water trout. Women weaken legs but pussy will weaken your entire existence. Especially if you ask it to.

The haunting closing track of Ghostface Killah's 1996 debut Ironman "Marvel" will tell you everything you need to know about pussy, the nature of pussy and the ways in which pussy can destroy a man before he even gets a chance to become one. A companion piece to the greatest break-up song of all time, the appropriately vitriolic "Wildflower," "Marvel" is a veritable laundry list of the consequences you invite into your life when you confuse love for lust and let your temptations govern your decisions. Never let your dick think for you. That's your brain's job and he's awesome at it. And never, ever confuse your dick for your heart, either.

Tony Romo's had a rough few weeks. He was placed in the rather precarious position of continuing to lead the Dallas Cowboys to a storied season while being presented with the unique opportunity to fuck someone he's basically admitted jerking off to on multiple occasions. These opportunities don't come around everyday (though studies have shown the odds increase considerably when you're a quarterback at any level of play. Even Junior Floyd got the Icebox!), and Romo did what any normal human being would do. He's the quarterback and she's the homecoming queen; they're basically required by Texan law to get together.

Jessica Simpson's pussy is a lot like the steroids scandal: it certainly must have some sort of effect on performance, unfortunately that effect cannot be measured or quantified in any statistically conclusive or even remotely tangible way. But Jessica Simpson's pussy had been publicly identified as a potential threat to the general populace long before she stepped out on the balcony with that 9 Jersey.

Regardless of whether or not his relationship with Jessica Simpson affected his performance Romo invited the negativity surrounding that kind of situation into his professional life by being public about who he was fucking. Time will tell if this situation will have an effect on the rest of his career. I suspect it won't. He carried himself rather well and didn't play as poorly as some would have you believe. But even so, that shit was a little too close for the people of Dallas, TX. He must earn their trust all over again. All because of pussy.

(Dr. Chet Rockstone Sidenote, to be heretofore referred to as "Chit-Chet:" Few may remember but this isn't even the first time pussy has threatened a Dallas sports team with obliteration! Back in 1996 the Mavericks were primed to become the NBA's team of the future until Toni Braxton convinced Jason Kidd and Jimmy Jackson to assassinate Jamal Mashburn. I think that's the story.)

Last year, when accused of trying to kill himself Terrell Owens laughed as though it was the most ridiculous thing in the world and you were a fool to have ever believed it was true in the first place. But to hear the criticism of Tony Romo, implying his vacation with Simpson may have contributed to their loss, drove this man to tears.

"This is not about Tony. You guys can point the finger at him, you can talk about the vacation, and if you do that, it's really unfair. That's my teammate. That's my quarterback. You guys do that, it's not fair. We lost as a team. We lost as a team, man."

Owens is right. But Tony Romo is still learning like all of us. It isn't fair Tony Romo has to learn these hard lessons in front of all these people with all this pressure. I believe Owens truly feels for him and those tears are because he knows Romo still has no choice but to learn.

And you my friends, my padawans, would be wise to do the same, preferably not the hard way like Tony Romo with Jessica Simpson and Ghostface Killah with Wildflower and all the unfortunate souls who fell prey to the pink darkside of the Force. They never stood a chance. They never stood a chance against the power that is pussy. Respect that power. Marvel at that power.

But if you always remember to stay on point, to see beyond your decisions you will be impervious to its dark powers. You can have as much of Jessica Simpson's pussy as you want. Or you can find that great woman behind your greatness; you'll be a king with his queen and, if you're lucky, a Vince Lombardi trophy.

But until then LET'S GO GIANTS BABY!!! G-FENSE!

Get on point

Be on point

Stay on point

Dr. Chet Rockstone

Greetings Disco Vietcong,

Disco Vietnam is excited to announce our good friend Ryan Weiner (or R-Dubs as he forbids me to call him) will be joining the band as our new permanent bassist.

Now, you're probably thinking to yourself, "Wait a minute. I wasn't even aware Disco Vietnam was in need of a new bassist. Usually when bands need new bassists they lose their minds and post bulletins about needing new bassists. But not Disco Vietnam. They solved that shit on the low. Hmm. Very interesting. Perhaps there is more to this band than I was previously aware."

Wow. You thought about that pretty hard. But yes, exactly. That's how we move. Stealth ninja Jedi. Take notes.

A guitarist by trade Ryan Weiner currently studies at the New School of Jazz in Manhattan with Disco Vietnam drummer Kenny Schwartz. He is also a member of Disco Vietnam affiliate Dick Hurt Remedy where, along with his 237 pedals, he provides the ultimate remedy for a hurt dick. He's a good dude and a great musician and when we asked him to join the third best band in Huntington he simply responded, "Some matzoh ball soup just entered my life. I'm down for the cause."

And it all started … with an omen.

During our initial feel-each-other-out rehearsal this past Saturday Ryan immediately proved to be a quick study. After a few quick run-throughs of our material we decided to tackle a whole set and immediately launched into what may have been the definitive blistering performance of "The NP." It was loud, it was full and everyone in that basement was psyched to be playing it. Midway through the breakdown while beating on my strings like they owed me money I thought to myself, "I am about to break a string. That will most likely be a drag but I don't give a shit. This shit sounds too good." Seconds later my e string told me to go fuck myself. But I was right. It was worth it. We tore through the final chorus and that was that.

I looked at Kenny

Kenny looked at me.

I looked at Ryan.

Ryan looked at Kenny.

Kenny lifted his snare drum off its stand only to reveal its head had literally burst open from the punishment Kenny had just inflicted upon it.

"Holy shit," I said. "Maybe only two or three guys in history ever busted the guts out of a snare drum. Must be an omen."

And so it was. And so it is.

2008 will find Disco Vietnam in the third year of its 5 year plan. You can look forward to seeing us perform a whole lot more and, of course, entering the studio with Ryan Siegel of the Rivalry to record the follow up to Get At Me Corruption, the long-awaited, oft-delayed Unicron's Tears EP. Sorry about that everyone. We just had to get our house in order.

They say your winter decides your summer. It's gonna be a hot winter baby.

{disco vietnam}

Welcome to yet another edition of Disco Vietnam's The Pick-Up Artist, because if there is one thing the members of Disco Vietnam understand it's women. Today's lesson will be brought to you by Disco Vietnam affiliate and board-certified mack Dr. Chet Rockstone. Dr. Chet Rockstone comes to us with a wealth of experience, having served as the personal mack instructor to the stars for over 10 years. Dr. Rockstone has slept with so many chicks when you ask him for a ballpark figure he says, "Yes!"

Splitting 8s

Before we proceed with today's lesson I, Dr. Chet Rockstone, would like to review a couple of things:

1. All chicks are fucking insane

2. See rule 1

Yes indeedeedoo my friends! The secret to landing that cinnamon bun broad of your wettest waking dreams is to understand chicks don't really have brains. Dudes have brains! Yeah, and we got something else, too! Haha! Do the math, chumps!

You see, dudes are logical; chicks are emotional. That's the dialectic. When dudes argue with chicks our objective is to present a series of rational explanations for our decisions. When chicks argue with dudes, however, their objective is to get us to lose our fucking minds by forcing us to think with our emotions, something dudes aren't capable of doing with any proficiency while still being hot for chicks.

So, if you want to land that hot broad you got to make logic triumph over emotion. Understanding the simple logic "all women are fucking crazy" and using that information to your advantage will surely put you on the path to landing that smoking hot delicious piece of salt water trout you've been smacking your lips thinking about since you first got a whiff. Hell yeah!

Now, without further ado I would like to present today's lesson, something I like to call "Splitting 8s."

Splitting 8s is a highly advanced technique. Some of you may have difficulty grasping the concept and for those people I recommend either reviewing the previous chapters of Disco Vietnam's Pick-Up Artistry or beating' off.

OK. Let's say you meet two hot young chicks, one blonde, the other brunette. They're two young idealistic 22-year-olds just out of college getting their first taste of the real world. And I don't need to remind you guys, it's a jungle out there. You remember, right? Well, guess what? Thing haven't changed. It's still a jungle out there and while our two hot chicks may not want to admit to it, you can tell they're a bit overwhelmed (Don't forget to prey on their weakness! See chapter 7 for review).

Now, let's say you've met them with some of your friends on a Wednesday night where all of you had a great time dancing to indie rock or early 90s Top 40 rap or something (I don't know what you kids do). You immediately recognize they are best friends, seemingly connected at the hip, but in their obvious desperation to meet new people and make the crazy big jungle world they've entered just a little bit smaller they both give you their number. Two days later, as is recommended in the guidebook, you call them up to invite them to a chill DJ party in the Lower East Side. They seem interested and sure enough they show up. This time your friends are gone and it's just you and two girls and here's where it gets interesting.

You dance with both girls equally, drink with both girls equally, talk to both girls equally, flirt with both girls equally, smoke with both girls equally. By all accounts it's defintely on. But with who?

Here are your scenarios:

1. Neither
2. The blonde
3. The brunette
4. The blonde and the brunette
5. The blonde and the brunette, at the same time.

As you can see by scenario 5 you have an opportunity of a lifetime here if you play it right. Well, the only way to play this right: split your 8s.

When playing Blackjack, if in the event you are dealt two 8s, two fairly good cards that appear to be of equal value, it is generally understood (depending on what the dealer is showing, of course) you split them.

Splitting 8s is generally considered a defensive play, a means of cutting one's losses. However, in this case I would argue it is a means of maximizing success. 4 of those 5 scenarios are fucking awesome. By splitting 8s what you're actually doing is letting the game come to you. You may happen to like the brunette more than the blonde, but let’s not get crazy here. You should never let something as meaningless as your personal preferences leave you with dry balls. You don't have to choose which chick wants to hook-up with you just as you don't have to choose which one of your 8s will beat the dealer once you hit. All you can really do is just hit on both individually and get the fuck out of the way. The more you leave these decisions up to girls the more in control they feel. But they're not in control. Ever. They're chicks. They're fucking nuts. You're in control. Stay in your lane.

Of course it's important to note: women aren't actually cards; women are women, and as we've established, women are fucking insane. Don't forget, you can use this to your advantage in a variety of ways.

As a result of being fucking insane many women absolutely despise their best friends. Test these waters by creating a subtle competition for your affections. Women don't really want what they want, they just want to get what they want. If you turn yourself into a prize instead of a human being before you know it these two best friends/enemies will be fighting over you surrounded by pillows and sheets. Threesome! Everyone wins! Most importantly, you! Hell yeah! Split your 8s.

{disco vietnam}

I'm so far ahead of my time, I'm bout to start another life

Look behind you, I'm about to pass you twice.

Back to the future and gotta slow up for the present.

- Jay-Z, "Hovi Baby"

Growing up a chubby Jewish whiteboy from Long Island one tends to learn the essential lessons of social survival rather early. Foremost among these lessons: do everything you possibly can to not completely humiliate yourself in public. That's just the basic math. As long as you don't draw the potential for any negative attention to yourself I swear to you you'll be just fine.

Still, knowing the path and walking the path are two very different things; sometimes a fat kids's burning desire fails to overcome his physical deficiences and, perhaps one day, while running the dreaded mile in gym class, he gets lapped.

There is nothing worse than being lapped. Stitches in your left side, drenched in sweat, you breathe arhytmically, panting, as some Aryan robot and the girl you've had an unrequited masturbatorial affair with for the last seven weeks flies right past you. And they know. They know they've lapped you. You know they've lapped you. You know they know they've lapped you. They know you know they know. Soon, everyone in your gym class will know, and by 7th period the entire school. You're 13-years-old but the cosmos have already decided: "Settle in, buddy. You will not be losing your virginity for quite some time." Your whole life just got fucked. Today will be one of the days of your life you will have to watch like in that Albert Brooks movie Defending Your Life.

All because you got lapped.

Which brings us to today's topic:

On November 2nd, Ridley Scott's heavily anticipated crime saga American Gangster will debut in theaters nationwide. Starring Denzel Washington, American Gangster chronicles the life of Frank Lucas, a 1970s Manhattan heroin kingpin, and Richie Roberts (Russell Crowe), the detective working tirelessly to bring him to justice. If the trailer for American Gangster is any indication then you know this much: this shit is going to be pretty fucking badass. Being that I myself am also a badass I plan on seeing and enjoying this scrumptious movie.

Within a few short weeks American Gangster has somehow already positioned itself firmly within the tradition of similarly themed films: The Godfather, Scarface, King of New York, all of which have contributed to the glorification of criminal as folk hero. Nothing really wrong with that. Michael Corleone, Tony Montana, Frank White and later Tony Soprano: each of them men of questionable character, questionable intentions and distorted value systems, but each them also inarguably badass motherfuckers. Icons.

Frank Lucas, whom the film's trailer describes as the only black man to operate above the Mafia, has all the prerequisites for induction into this distinguished fraternity. The fact that he was a real person certainly helps. The fact that he's being portrayed by Denzel Washington, an icon in his own right, also gives him a nice little jump. People are psyched; it's not everyday you get a new anti-hero, and within the last week I've already read and spoken to a number of people who have proclaimed, "American Gangster is going to be the next Scarface."

Still, I can't help but feel that in everyone's haste to annoint American Gangster "The Scarface of our time!" they've rather conveniently forgotten to, you know, SEE THE FUCKING MOVIE FIRST! (I mean come on! You don't watch Entourage? The fuck is wrong with you people? Adrian Grenier isn't an oracle! Pay attention!)

Now, I'm not saying American Gangster isn't going to be the next Scarface or even that it won't be fucking amazing. I'm just saying it isn't fucking out yet so you haven't fucking seen it yet so it can't possibly be the next Scarface yet. In fact, the film technically doesn't even exist as a pop culture entity yet and can't be until people have access to it on a mass level.

But, as has been widely reported, one of the people who has seen American Gangster is Jay-Z. Apparently Jay-Z was so affected by the film, overwhelmed by what he perceived to be its startling parallels to his own life and personal cosmology, he has spontaneously decided to record an entire concept album inspired by American Gangster to be a companion piece to the film itself. News of the album was greeted with much fanfare, with many expecting the album to be Jay-Z's return to a grittier street hustler style, (the hip-hop equivalent of Thom Yorke saying In Rainbows is going to kind of sounds like The Bends) causing mass HOFNARs throughout the nerd kingdom. Whatever it sounds like Jay-Z's American Gangster will be released on November 6th, only four days after the release of the film.

Now, this seems all well and good until you consider we live in reality; movies don't really leak, but there's no way in hell Jay-Z's American Gangster's isn't going to leak before the release of the film American Gangster. Which creates a rather interesting little paradox I like to call "Preemptive Postmodernism": the metaphor precedes the literal. A rather large group of people experience a piece of pop art directly inspired by another original independent piece of pop art before they will even have the opportunity to access the experience of original independent piece of pop art. That's a little fucked.

So what this means is if you listen to Jay-Z's new album before the Friday the film is released, you are potentially allowing Jay-Z's singular experience of the film to preemptively recontextualize your experience of the film. And this was all made possible because Jay-Z is rich and famous and awesome and they screened the fucking movie for him. This begs the question:

Pop culture is acclerating, but can it lap itself?

I foresee two possibilities: One: If pop culture get's lapped it will become deeply embarrassed, go into shock and simply pass out and never lose its virginity; in seizing the opportunity to attach himself to the next Scarface Jay-Z effectively ensures that it doesn't become the next Scarface. (Actual irony!)

Or, two: the encounter could create a time paradox, the result of which could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space-time continuum and destroy the entire universe! Granted that's a worst case scenario. The destruction might in fact be very localized, limited to merely our own galaxy.

Now that you've read that last paragraph, imagine I'd written and published it before the release of Back to the Future II. That would be a fucking dick thing to do.

So, Jay-Z I think you're being kind of a dick. And you might also be putting the entire galaxy in danger so, if you're so ahead of your time, yeah, maybe you could think ahead next time, ya dick.

{disco vietnam}

originally published at Passion of the Weiss

As some of you probably know Jews don't have confession. Rather than atone for our sins week to week we like to stockpile our misdeeds over the course of an entire year, allowing them to gain interest, then we cut out each September by purchasing foreclosed property and eating more bagels than you could possibly ever dream of. Three. Usually three whole bagels. With cream cheese and lox and baked salmon salad and a secret fish that can be only seen by Jews known as "sturgeon." If you've ever gone to your local bagel store and wondered why there's always an empty tray, well there is something in it. It's called sturgeon. You just can't see it. Like thestrals. It tastes pretty ok.

Today, on this the most holiest of holy days, Yom Kippur, we thought we'd share with you some of the horrible horrible things we've done over the last year for which our God will rather casually shrug off as "nothing too crazy" and inscribe our names in the BOOK OF LIFE. Thanks God.

Without further ado:

1. On February 7th Barry told a skinny girl she'd been looking kind of chubby lately to see if she would immediately become a full-blown anorexic. Unsurprisingly, this worked. He feels kinda bad about it.

2. Last November Kenny Schwartz was on a west-bound train making its stop in Mineola. He got the attention of a stranger waiting on the east-bound platform and gave the guy the finger, mouthing "go fuck yourself" as the train pulled away. "Haha," said Kenny. "What's he gonna do about it!"

3. On 15 separate occassions in the past year Barry stole gillette razors from CVS. Barry has a full beard.

4. Last October Barry went to a diner with Jared and Seth Alvo. He didn't order anything but he asked the waitress for a bread basket. What the fuck is wrong with him?

5. Kenny doesn't like how Adam Levine from Maroon 5 makes out with a hot girl in every video for no reason. Kenny is guilty of player hating. The ultimate sin.

6. Jared has not sinned this year.

{disco vietnam}

Shalom to the Disco Vietcong ganza mishpachas! L'shanah tovah tikatevu bitches

Grab your schmeckels whether you're a mensch, a shmendrik or a shagetz ( or even a meeskite shiksa with your own putz). Some people think our style's a little ungepotchket but everybody got their own mishigas, don't be yutzi, ya yutz. We ain't on no goyim nachas shit. We're balebetishen yidden; we ain't usin this space to kvetch and we ain't got time for patschkieing cuz if it don't make gelt then it don't make sense, knahmsayin. Gevalt geshreeyeh. Yentas be hatin but vos vet zein, vet zein. You got 20 yentas hatin on you then you need 20 more of them klips. Don't get famisched.

Anyway a good yontif to our peoples. Zei Gesund bubeleh.

{disco vietnam}

Today we have a special guest blogger: Eli Manning, QB for the 2007 New York Giants.

hi everyone. my name is eli and i play football. when i was a little boy i liked to play football and now that i am all grown up i still play football, but i don't think i like it. sometimes i throw the ball and the person i threw the ball to doesn't catch it. that makes me very sad. the bad man with the clipboard yells at me and tells me something about red cross chickenwings and something called a "cornerback" who he says "isn't one of our receivers" so "don't throw to him anymore." I don't understand. sometimes i want to cry. when i was little i would cry and my brother peyton used to say "eli why are you crying?" and i would say "because i am very sad." i feel like that all the time now.

last year i was doing some crying and someone told me the bad man with the clipboard wouldn't be back this year. that made me very happy. i was talking to jeremy, my friend with all the tattoos who always calls me "faggot." he's funny. he told me he was very happy about the bad man, too, but the handsome journalist who always takes the ball from me and runs away with it said the bad man was coming back and he would rather "be on tv filing reports about new blankets at 6:00am." then i was very sad again. so i did what i usually do when i get very sad. i cried.

mommy sent me to summer camp in new jersey again this year. i said i didn't want to go because of the bad man with the clipboard and the bad breath and all the people who yell at me and all the fat people who i go to camp with that call me gayton manning. but mommy said i signed up for camp so i have to go. but mommy also said if i have another terrible year i won't have to go anymore. that made me happy. i was still sad but i didn't cry. yay! maybe i'm cured!

mommy said i get to play football against the cowboys tonight. a lot of the fat people i go to camp with are saying "it's our year." they said that last year too so i don't know if it is or not. did we win last year too? some of the fat people from other camps said it was their year too. i'm so confused. when i get confused i get very sad. do you know what usually happens when i get very sad? you're right. i cry. i'm crying.


{disco vietnam}

Disco Vietnam would like to wish all our secondary school Disco Vietcong good luck in the coming school year. Here are some things to watch out for:

1. Math

Math is fake. You don't need to learn math. Numbers weren't discovered; we invented them. Math works because we told it to.

2. Science

Everything is math until it's science so science must also be a complete scam. You don't need to learn science. You're not God.

3. American History

History is a bunch of lies told by liars. We murdered the Indians and stole their land, enslaved black people for 400 years and dropped an atomic bomb on Japan and all the presidents are fucking cousins and descendents of the people on the Mayflower. The pilgrims didn't come here because of religious persecution. They just wanted to be king. It worked.

4. English

If you don't like a book ask your teacher if your teacher likes the book. If your teacher says no, ask him why you're reading it. If your teacher says yes, ask him what makes the book good. If he can't express to you why the book is good then your teacher isn't qualified to be a teacher and you shouldn't go to that class. Go to your guidance counselor or principal and say "I am not going to have my education fucked up because you assigned me a teacher who sucks. Give me a teacher that is good."

5. Gym

Gym is fun 2 weeks out of the year when you play European Handball. Every other day you should cut gym. You'll find your school is not going to refuse your graduation because you flunked gym because that would be absurd and lower your school's graduation rate, which they can't allow to happen because a school is a business just like any other business.

6. Study Hall

So let me get this straight: i have to wake up at 6:30am every morning and if I'm even a minute late to school I get in trouble. But for 45 minutes a day I've been assigned and scheduled to do absolutely nothing.

7. The Pledge of Allegiance

You don't have to stand for the pledge of allegience for the simple reason that if you are late to school they don't bring you to a room so you can do the pledge by yourself before you go on with your day.

8. Lunch

School lunch costs money. Why? Just ask yourself why. Your parents pay school taxes and you are required by law to be in school and you are assigned to be in lunch at lunchtime. So if cafeteria food costs money then it should be a tax writeoff for your parents.

Furthermore your school will not allow you to starve. If you go to school and get a plate of food and say you have no money are they going to tell you you aren't allowed to eat? Of course not. Who would have the balls to do that. School is free. Lunch is free. Don't pay for your lunch

9. Band

When you were in the fourth grade you chose an instrument and you were taught to play this instrument using muscle memory. Now you've been playing the clarinet for 7 years and maybe you're awesome at it but you have no understanding of why your instrument does what it does and why you are playing the note you are playing and why it works (math?). This is because you got fucked and you were taught wrong BY YOUR SCHOOOOOOOOL. What else do you think your school's taught you that was completely wrong? Just music?

10. School Sports

If you like playing baseball but you aren't among the 25 best baseball players in your school who the fuck are they to tell you you're not allowed to play baseball for the school you go to in the neighborhood you live in where your parents pay taxes for you to go to that school? Fuck that. If you want to play baseball walk onto that field and say you wanna play because it's your right as a fucking resident of your school district to be able to take advantage of any and all programs offered by the school.

11. After-School clubs

Go home!

{disco vietnam}