Dreaming instrumental of the transient lifeway. One step further down that inescapable road of intermediary restlessness. Drained from the long live treetops and a sense of duty that percolates in the unknown masses. Delved by the quadratic, inspired by the attempt of dogged distant débutante's desires. Harumphed, harangued, and halted. Misquoted by the moon while in conversation to the sun but the clouds had no say. Gold seamen and a desperate attempt at naval metallurgy. My face wiped to blight the sight of all whom it touches and the soul should sunder from the unwavering understanding that I shouldn't but already did, no wonder the wonder to wander in wanton wishes. Crushed in all embraces this spring has ground me up yet again. I'm not bitter, I'm resigned to a life of solitude and separation. To be engulfed in a field of drugged deviants. So life, this is what we have, what now?  

Who are you?! How did you find me!? Nothing to see here! Move along! I’m hiding now! And who the hell was that on the telephone! I’m scared! I’m not shouting, you are!

Ich habe für dich gewartet. Warum muss ich mich bestrafen? Alle will ich ist Leiben und Lieben aber diese sind nicht für mir. Tiefer in das Dunkel gehts mir, denken daß mein hochgeistig Ideale habe mir ausfallen gehabt. Andauern Sie mit mich. Miteinander wir können faulen. Miteinander, ohne dich. Ohne dich. Real Fruenden sind in Aktionen, nicht in die Worte.

Tired and annoyed. I completely forgot that I had a class starting on the 4th, so I missed the first week of it. I feel like I have bitten off more than I could chew with classes and assignments, and on top of all that, I need to find a part time job. Which is to say that the only time I can work is before 10 am, and weekends. I just want to curl up and fade away. When do I have time for all of this? I wish I knew, but I had better find out. I know that I will be able to do all this and get everything done. I just feel ill from the pressure. I don't know. I really don't.

Just a short poem written last fallish. Plagiarized from the person under my skin.

An Accord

Some accordance of isolation is keeping me away
This lonely sigh is but my destiny
I haven't understood all these passes
Until they have already passed
Looking at her I only see me
Alone and mistreated by all except all
So I huddle within and hide from myself
In the hopes that if I can't find me then nobody can
I want it so much that I deny it from me
So quiet I still breathless and free
That the darkness I see engulfs not just me
But any image of her, you and he.

A little fiction for you all, enjoy. Plagerized from the person living under my skin.

            Breathing deeply is the only way. All the pain, the nausea, to heartache, it can go away if I breath deeply. I don't want to suffer anymore, but the very remembrance is enough to bring back everything. Deeper, breath deeper. I look forward to a day when I won't suffer for this anymore. Even if by my own hand that I suffer, I try to shrug this, but it seems that I've developed a habit of it. Suffering for you.

            Walking down the street, I catch your fragrance, the smallest scent of you, and the nausea returns. The physical illness brought upon by your memory. I will it to end, but want it forever, all my love for you lets me feel. The love is deep, pulsing, all encompassing. The loss somehow goes deeper, tapping into the darkest reaches of my soul. With icy clutches of bony fingers it slowly steels me, to be tempered by ice and frost. Only the effervesant memory of you keeps the fingers from taking me completely.

            But it was you that let those fingers find me. The icy hands are the result of your decision. The choices you made, my failings toward you, the choices I couldn't make. I thought I saw you yesterday. I couldn't breath. My vision went black, and you had gone. I know now that I love you still, but that I wasn't strong enough to admit that, even to myself, until you had gone. This pain in my chest is but the legacy of a fool, gone now are the proud thumpings upon my chest in the presence of men, and arrived is the desperate clutching of an impoverished creature.

            My misunderstandings and blind pride hid from me what I knew to be too precious to loose. I claimed happiness, but denied it out of sheer fright. You were the one, the all, and now you have moved on and found happiness anew. But I, I failed, and am now faltering. I had, and now I don't. I don't blame you, how can I? I still love you, but these icy fingers claw at me once more. Breath deep. Close your eyes don't let them know they have you.

            My breath is failing now. I can't seem to get air in. Gone are the deep breaths, and in there place, short gasps. Everything is too bright. The hands have me now, the cold isn't so bad once you get used to it. The claws don't dig in anymore. A tear? I can smell the warm saltiness of this last drop. The tang of the salt is overwhelming. Is that you? I can smell you now. And in all the light I swear that you are leaning over me. The cold is gone, replaced by warmth. A smile is trying to steal its way across my face, but the effort is too much. I want only to sleep now. The pain isn't gone, only distant.

            My breath stops. The cold steel of the gun in my hand is the last thing I feel. Your face the last thing I see. Your fragrance the last thing I smell. But the lingering doubt…

Yup, here I sit once again in Rawlins, Wyoming. This time not for very long, but long enough. I get to return to 'rango again on Thursday, but that, my friends, is only brief. Seeing as how I have to be back here by the 28th through the 5th. Which means I will miss seeing Alex again. I always enjoy visiting him this time of year.

Anyway, the reason for my being here is money. Simply put I need some to continue school. I am working on my design degree, and am almost done...maybe. who knows, I could decide to want the coveted and not really needed masters... We'll see. Once I have my second bachelors, there will be no stopping the awesome power that is me...no really, don't look at me that way, I mean, it could happen...fine, be that way. Rain on my parade, snow on my sundae, eat my banana smoothie. Killjoy.

So I get to make money, enjoy the company of my dad, and be cold, miserably deathly cold. Not to mention an Internet connection that is as inconsistent as a stealth elephant. Working great one minute, then the next, WAM, nothin'. Bugger. So I cant watch videos, or go to the sites that I usually do, like the escapist and homestar. Selah. But I will hopefully get some graphics done, and maybe even a video... Not that I can upload anything as of this moment.

I also went through and read many old posts here. What nonsensical crap. Some of it. Others I like. I had quite the streak of intellectual/philosophical thought there for awhile. And I liked it. It was fun...what the hell happened. the high ideals of my early twenties I guess. Then I began concerned with crap, and consequently went downhill from there. But that's the way it goes sometimes.

Well, with that, I think that I will end this post with the usual shenanigans. This post will be simulblogged on Ich Will Nicht over at that blogger place, and was completely plagiarized from the person living under my skin. Also to any new readers, I just want you to give a big Al Pachino HOOHAW!....congratulations, you are now a member of the Al Pachino hoohaw club. Adieu!

From writing my art theory final. I just don't want ot finish this bloody thing. But if I do, then all is well in the universe...or at least the Joeneverse. I just noticed I have 1800 total views. Thats like a landmark or summin. I should do something for it. I may... I may not. The hand of fate can shake my ass..The skipper 's my friend, not the captain....I don't know whats gonna happen...

plagerized from amny sources, including Bob Schneider and the person living under my skin...

  In that a video of me has made it to you tube. Now I can easily see what kind of idiot that I present to you all, and can only say I'm sorry, I had no idea. You may now flog me upon the whipping post. I do apologize. I don't know what else to say. Frankly this is anembarrassment and I hope that I can rectify this situation to you all. The person under my skin suggests doing something about it, but I don't know, I think for now I will wallow in unrepentant blathering.
    No seriously, in a way this is kinda cool, I do find the eye of the other upon myself a little strange, but doesn't everybody? Anyhow...
    This semester is almost at an end and I couldn't be happier. Even though I have to go to Wyoming in December to work, I think that the break will do me some good. I can work, and maybe do some art. Oh the life of the artist for me, yo ho. Well, what else can I say? Nothing really, so I guess that I can end this with the usual statements. This post has been completely plagerised from the person living under my skin, and will be simulblogged on Ich Will Nicht. Tchuss. Selah.

Und mit dieser Ankündigung, amtlich anküde ich meine rechtmäßige Aufstellung zu der Präsidentshaft! Alle Luete wählt für mir!