Status: Single
Age: 32
Sign: Capricorn
City: Las Vegas
State: Nevada
Signup Date: 12/14/2005
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Tuesday, December 08, 2009
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Category: Writing and Poetry
The colder it gets, the more my blood boils, bloodily breaking on up through my sanguine surfaces... ...steaming out of my pours spreads saintly stains across the diamond mosaic of skin seen up too close...
(The less my eyes stay closed, the more colors fill my kaleidescopic delirium with amoebic technicolor negatives exponentially dividing the corners of my vision into glowing oily doily patterns floating flat atop wastewater racing down gutter rivulets.)
...this was its state:
when thoughts ran like paints on a pallette began futile attempts to keep primaries apart and inevitably ended up with tertiaries (luminaries) swirled into singularities (unique) perfectly whirling betwixt the safely solid worlds of mundane purity?
Not many things beat a color that can't be recreated!
Try as you might you'll never get right that sole shade of insane quite the same ever again or forever until all ends...
...means the same with epiphany, (such slippery serendipitous moments of perfect certainty, dashed destined designs of doom) pieces of time made the most precious by not being observed or preserved (or spied lasciviously to be pseudo-storied for the weather-whore's morning report)
Jets of genius flash across insides of eyelids, seconds before sleep steals such sublime prime epiphany away, with a chance, slim to none, of an absent-minded muse's exact enchanted flare splashing the same honest glowing wings of silver sostenuto sound the winding way back through the lassitudes of your
cold... cramped... consciousness...
I'm so frosted my outsides are sloughing like glaciers so crimson in springtime as what should be numbed with cold 'stead accents any bumps, bruises and biting whips of wind turn cracked and bleeding hands into claws that shed blazing hot sheets of curled peeling crisp cracking flaps of bright red windworn skin, the discarded flakes flying in circles round cycloned maelstroms freeing my outsides until beneath my pockmarked useless skin can be clearly seen the dark pink and purple raw nerves exposed for all to peruse and abuse, I wish for unconsciousness as what pieces of skin aren't dried enough to break off is peeled back and pinned open to display all my blue red purple pumps piping life from carcinogen to carbohydrate and back again, the tumescent heart pumping black and languid, with the grace and initiative of a pre-teen who refuses to dance the first time ever asked. "Behold the body breathing!" the fibrous monster's cheekbones exposed in a permanent rictus grin and laughing like no laugh heard ever before by mortal ears, then screaming almost in a sing-song falsetto, "I feel SO alive and beg all you little filthy SHEEP, I wish you, no I BEG YOU TO SCRATCH and to SCRAPE your dirty claw-nails along my exposed endings! Red, bloody, YES GOD THERE YES!!!! Under my skin, HARDER!!!! Little PIGS!!! Scratch my MEATS OUT, little idiot SPAWN!!!! DON'T STOP!!! That's it, that's good little heels, so I can makes certain and know for really REALS... for sure that I'm not dead yet and this isn't Hell. Well? WELL??? WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!" as I lose my voice with a crack and the screams turn to hoarse whispers my insides exposed and sooner or later the world's future failures and sluts will get there hands in me and pull out my guts... "Why are you waiting? Come one and come all, see the fall of all that was, and all that shouldn't have happened to begin with," {stifled sobs and snot-rockets blasting out from my skeletal bloody-mess face as my voice gets more soft as I realize disgrace}... "...you may do as you wish with all that still IS, pull pieces and meat and make old boy, old me here scream just as loud as we can, as that's not less then deserved... As you sow, so you reap, and murderers' dinner is served with the eyes intact so the life they watched leave those orbs of perusion haunt their tongues and their dreams until the ends of all days on all earths..."
I pause and then poked prodded pulled apart until crazed I start chewing my tongue and biting my lips off until I can choke myself on my raw flesh and finally...
...cold will do what it's meant to and numb forever, amen, and not burn like this cold had done ever again..
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Wednesday, November 18, 2009
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Current mood:  amused
Category: Life
I don't know why I put "not a poem" by the titles when I have only written one entire poem for like the past year, but if you go back in time and pages and look through my blog archives you will be able to read some of my best (and worst, lol) poetry ever, just a suggestion if you are ever bored or want to know more about me and my art and stuff and things.
The following is a report my attorney (and father, yes lucky me) had me write up and since every one is posting their experiences with this company online I figured here would be a good place for it, since quite possibly some of my readers may have been called by this company within the past week.
FYI, I had a paralegal search to check and I currently have no outstanding warrants, judgements, or complaints out against me. I had to just check, even though I was 99% certain that I didn't, because I am paranoid by nature, and after reading the following you will understand why:
Report of actions of Smith, Dean & Associates towards Ian Douglas Eastmond
To whom it may concern, On Friday November 13th 2009, between 2:30pm and 3:30pm PST I received a voicemail message from Angie Smith, from Smith, Dean & Associates, stating that she was an investigator from their fraud department and that she needed to speak with me about papers being served regarding a check-cashing scam, that I had to call her at 904-721-3705 ext. 212 immediately or if I had an attorney to have them contact her, and that if I would not contact her she would "send the papers on down to county". My phone was off at the time so I don't know the exact time she called, but at the same time she had left the same message on my mother's home phone and also called the cell phone of someone I had lived with over 3 years ago and left the same message. I consulted my attorney, Mark Peplowski, who told me that I could call them and give them his office number so that they could call it to get an address to send the alleged service of process to. At around 5pm PST 11/13/2009 I called the number Angie Smith had left on my voicemail, 904-721-3705, and received the office voicemail stating I had reached Smith, Dean & Associates after hours and to leave a detailed message and a case number if I had one. I left a detailed message stating that my name was Ian Eastmond, and that I was returning Angie Smith's voicemail message and that she could contact my attorney's office and get the address she could serve process at from the receptionist. The following day, on ..11/14/2009.., the family members and friends who had been contacted by Angie Smith called me, concerned as she had left messages stating I had committed check-cashing fraud and that I was being investigated by the Nevada Attorney General. I advised my mother and ex-roommate about the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act and that any collection agency (as I was suspecting they were) were only allowed to contact a place I did not live at one time only, and then after that if they were contacted again they could tell the collection agent that they would file a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission, and advised that they do so if they continued receiving calls from Smith, Dean & Associates. On Monday, November 16th 2009, at 3:10pm PST I received a voicemail message from Jason James from Smith, Dean & Associates from phone number 904-721-3711 (missed call as my ringer is off at work), stating that he had to speak to me about people who would be coming to my home, my family's house, and my place of employment to speak to me about a fraud charge and that I needed to contact him immediately at 904-721-3705 ext. 203. I was not happy, as I had left instructions on their company voicemail when I returned Angie Smith's call about what phone number they were to call to contact my attorney, and if they were a collection agency that they never stated that their calls were an attempt to collect a debt as is required under the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act. After I got off of work at 3:45pm I called Jason James, and told him that I had received Angie Smith's call and asked if he had received my voicemail message, he said they received no message from me, I told him that I needed to give him the phone number to call to contact my attorney and he told me to "shut up and stop right there because I'm going to tell you what is going on." He then proceeded to tell me that I had committed a felony by willfully writing a bad check to Cash Plus and that I was on camera in their office on December 21st cursing and yelling at them when they were trying to collect a debt from me, and that the check I had written them for $721 came back insufficient funds from my Bank of America account, and that he was an investigator with the fraud department of Smith, Dean & Associates and he had contacted the Attorney General of Nevada, and that according to Nevada law I was guilty of check fraud which is a felony, I cut him off and told him that if he has papers to file, he needs to contact my attorney, and he rebutted stating that there were no papers being filed, that someone from the Sheriff's office was going to come and arrest me and take me to jail immediately, I told him that he needed to call my attorney, Jason asked me "is it a criminal attorney" to which I answered yes, he then said, "have your attorney call me right away." I verified the phone number that my attorney was supposed to call was 904-721-3705 ext. 203 and Jason James confirmed that phone number and extension, and I told him that I would have my attorney contact him immediately. I called my attorney Mark Peplowski, and told him what had just occurred. Mark Peplowski called the phone number I had given him and was sent to voicemail, and left a voicemail stating that he was an attorney and that they needed to contact him immediately. He then called me back and told me not to speak with anyone from Smith, Dean & Associates ever again, and to not answer any phone calls from them, and that he had left a message asking them to contact him so he could get a fax number to send over a cease and desist letter. That night I did some research on the internet and found out that Smith, Dean & Associates was a collection agency that uses empty threats and strong-arm tactics to collect debts from people who owe on payday loans by threatening them with immediate arrest and by harrassing their family and employers and telling 3rd parties personal information about the people they are collecting from, and that they used to be called United Processing, Inc. and that the Illinois Attorney General had filed suit against them barring them from doing any business in the State of Illinois due to their unlawful business practices. I have included pertinent links to websites and press releases about this company as well as their company information at the end of this report for reference. In my opinion, this company violated the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act by attempting to collect a debt from me through extortion and scare tactics instead of operating in the proper and legal fashion as is outlined in that act, and in doing so caused me great emotional distress by threatening to have me arrested immediately over a payday loan I took out around two years ago in good faith that I would pay it back. Since then I have been in financial hardship as I lost my job shortly after taking out the loan and have not been gainfully employed from ..3/6/2008.. to ..11/2/2009.. and recently began a new job, which I was in terror of losing when I heard Jason James's threats. According to the FEDERAL TRADE COMMISSION ANNUAL REPORT 2008: FAIR DEBT COLLECTION PRACTICES ACT: "THREATENING DIRE CONSEQUENCES IF CONSUMER FAILS TO PAY: The FDCPA bars debt collectors from making threats as to what might happen unless the collector has the legal authority and the intent to take the threatened action. Among other things, collectors threaten to initiate civil suit or criminal prosecution, garnish salaries, seize property, cause job loss, have a consumer jailed, or damage or ruin a consumer’s credit rating... REVEALING ALLEGED DEBT TO THIRD PARTIES: The FDCPA generally prohibits third-party contacts for any purpose other than obtaining information about the consumer’s location. Collectors calling to obtain location information also are prohibited from revealing that a consumer allegedly owes a debt. Improper third-party contacts typically embarrass or intimidate the consumer who allegedly owes the debt and are a continuing aggravation to the third parties. Contacts with consumers’ employers and co-workers about consumers’ alleged debts also jeopardize continued employment or prospects for promotion. Relationships between consumers and their families, friends, or neighbors also may suffer from improper third-party contacts. In some cases, collectors reportedly have used misrepresentations as well as harassing and abusive tactics in their communications with third parties, or even attempted to collect from the third party." Also, according to an outline of the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act from Wikipedia:
"Prohibited conduct:
The Act prohibits certain types of "abusive and deceptive" conduct when attempting to collect debts, including the following:
Hours for phone contact: contacting consumers by telephone outside of the hours of ..8:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m... local time[2]
Failure to cease communication upon request: communicating with consumers in any way (other than litigation) after receiving written notice that said consumer wishes no further communication or refuses to pay the alleged debt, with certain exceptions, including advising that collection efforts are being terminated or that the collector intends to file a lawsuit or pursue other remedies where permitted[3]
Causing a telephone to ring or engaging any person in telephone conversation repeatedly or continuously: with intent to annoy, abuse, or harass any person at the called number.[4]
Communicating with consumers at their place of employment after having been advised that this is unacceptable or prohibited by the employer[5]
Contacting consumer known to be represented by an attorney[6]
Communicating with consumer after request for validation: communicating with the consumer or the pursuing collection efforts by the debt collector after receipt of a consumer's written request for verification of a debt (or for the name and address of the original creditor on a debt) and before the debt collector mails the consumer the requested verification or original creditor's name and address[7]
Misrepresentation or deceit: misrepresenting the debt or using deception to collect the debt, including a debt collector's misrepresentation that he or she is an attorney or law enforcement officer[8]
Publishing the consumer's name or address on a "bad debt" list[9]
Seeking unjustified amounts, which would include demanding any amounts not permitted under an applicable contract or as provided under applicable
law[10]
Threatening arrest or legal action that is either not permitted or not
actually contemplated[11]
Abusive or profane language used in the course of communication related
to the debt[12]
Communication with third parties: revealing or discussing the nature of debts with third parties (other than the consumer's spouse or attorney) [13]
Contact by embarrassing media, such as communicating with a consumer regarding a debt by post card, or using any language or symbol, other than the debt collector’s address, on any envelope when communicating with a consumer by use of the mails or by telegram, except that a debt collector may use his business name if such name does not indicate that he is in the debt collection business [14][15]
Reporting false information on a consumer's credit report or
threatening to do so in the process of collection[16]
[edit] Required conduct
Further, the FDCPA requires debt collectors to:
Identify themselves and notify the consumer, in every communication, that the communication is from a debt collector, and in the initial communication that any information obtained will be used to effect collection of the debt[17]
Give the name and address of the original creditor (company to which the debt was originally payable) upon the consumer's written request made within 30 days of receipt of the §1692g notice;[18]
Notify the consumer of their right to dispute the debt, in part or in full, with the debt collector. This so-called 30-day "§1692g" notice is required to be sent by debt collectors within five days of the initial communication with the consumer, though in 2006 the definition of "initial communication" was amended to exclude "a formal pleading in a civil action" for purposes of triggering the §1692g notice, [19] complicating the matter where the debt
collector is an attorney or law firm. The consumer's receipt of this notice starts the clock running on the 30-day right to demand verification of the debt from the debt collector. [20]
Provide verification of the debt[21] If a consumer sends a written dispute
or request for verification within 30 days of receiving the §1692g notice, then the debt collector must either mail the consumer the requested verification information or cease collection efforts altogether. Such asserted disputes must also be reported by the creditor to any credit bureau that reports the debt. Consumers may still dispute a debt verbally or after the thirty-day period has elapsed, but doing so waives the right to compel the debt collector to produce verification of the debt. Verification should include at a minimum the amount owed and the name and address of the original creditor. [22]
File a lawsuit in a proper venue - a debt collector may file a lawsuit, if at all, only in a place where the consumer lives or signed the contract[23] "
As Smith, Dean & Associates has grossly violated this act in contacting me over the last few days I am writing this report for my attorney, Mark Peplowski, to take appropriate action as necessary under the law. Sincerely, Ian Douglas Eastmond Tuesday, November 17th 2009 Public information about the company I am complaining about in this report: Smith, Dean & Associates (formerly United Processing, Inc.) 101 Century 21 Dr #107 Jacksonville, FL 32216 Phone: 904-721-3705 "Restraining order issued in Wabash County Circuit Court halting collection agency’s actions in Illinois.
By BOB LIVINGSTON — staff writer Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan has filed a lawsuit in Wabash County Circuit Court against a Jacksonville, Fla. collection agency for allegedly employing deceptive collection practices and using threatening and abusive language while attempting to collect alleged debts on behalf of payday loan companies.
Associate Judge Joe Harrison of Wayne County has set an hearing on Wednesday, Jan. 28 at 11 a.m. in the Wabash County Circuit Court concerning a Jan. 21 restraining order, which halts a Jacksonville, Fla.-based collection agency from doing business in Illinois.
The order is part of a lawsuit brought against the collection agency, Smith, Dean and Associated, formerly known as United Processing, by Attorney General Madigan. The action also names Lisa Waters Smith, individual and as president an director of Smith, Dean and Associates, and United Processing.
The suit alleges that United Processing, as well as Smith, Dean, sold and distributed debt collection services to Illinois creditors seeking to recover debts from Illinois residents who were residing in the state at the time of the collection attempt.
Madigan’s suit alleges that between Jan. 1 and July 31, 2008 United represented itself as having the ability to act on behalf of creditors in Illinois, but that statement is untrue. At least five Illinois residents filed an affidavit concerning United’s practices in attempting to collect debts.
Attorney General Madigan said about the case, “These defendants used malicious tactics to bully alleged debtors, their family members and even their employers. This case in an egregious example of the unscrupulous methods often used to collect debts. These methods violate consumers’ rights and certainly will not be tolerated in Illinois.”
Madigan is asking the court to enter a permanent injunction preventing the defendants from engaging in debt collection services in Illinois. The suit also seeks to have the court order the defendants to pay fees, franchise taxes and penalties for their failure to obtain approval to operate in Illinois as an out-of-state corporation and file the legally-required documents.
Madigan is also asking the court to order the defendants to pay a civil penalty of $50,000, additional penalties of $50,000 for each act committee with intent to defraud, and costs for the investigation and prosecution of the case.
The suit alleges, also, that United representatives, as well as Smith, Dean representatives, used abusive language in its efforts to intimidate alleged debtors, that it used profane and abusive language to persons not the debtor and disclosed to a person not the alleged debtor that the alleged debtor owed a debt and made this disclosure while the defendant was attempting to obtain location information about the alleged debtor.
The suit alleges these actions by Smith, Dean as well as United Processing, were in violation of the Illinois Consumer Fraud and Deceptive Business Practices Act, and in violation of the Business Corporation Act.
Actions alleged by United Processing and Smith, Dean and Associated include disclosing private information about alleged debtors to persons that did not have the right to such information, such as employers who did not have a legitimate business need for that information; did not provide five days prior the written notice to the alleged debtor that United intended to communicate with the alleged debtors’ employer; and failed to obtain authorization by law or a court of competent jurisdiction to make such contact.
Other alleged actions, according to the suit, included the making of threats that included unless the alleged debtors paid the debt immediately the Department of Family Services would remove their children; threatened alleged debtors with arrest by the sheriff; threatened alleged debtors with criminal proceedings; and threatened the alleged debtors with two years in a federal prison.
The callers also represented themselves as attorneys, according to Madigan’s suit.
United, which voluntarily dissolved its existence in Florida on or about Oct. 22, 2008, was not authorized to do business in Illinois. It was also not licensed with any state having reciprocal licensing provisions with Illinois.
United changed its name to Smith, Dean and Associates on or about Nov. 10, 2008. However, there were no changes to its office numbers, management, address or in products or services.
United operated at least from July 7, 2007 in Illinois as a collection agency and attempted to collect alleged debts from Illinois residents.
http://www.tristate-media.com/articles/2009/0 ... /news/news4.prt
Caller ID: 904-721-3705 Caller: Smith, Dean and Associated Caller Type: Collection Agency" References / Links: http://www.ftc.gov/os/2008/03/P084802fdcpareport.pdf http://www.illinoisattorneygeneral.gov/pressroom/2009_01/20090122.html http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fair_Debt_Collection_Practices_Act
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Thursday, October 22, 2009
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Category: Writing and Poetry
(the thing that kills you might make you great)
kept hungry and alone with a canvas and the tasty brain-dead paint the tainted muse (perfect beautiful fantasy perfect body perfect flesh everything you lust and long for) perched on your windowsill idly toys with her scythe as you catch a glimpse of her reflection out of corner eye: just a skeleton in loose black robes? corrupted? infected? amiss awry botched broken cracked?
pay no attention to the man behind the (counter telling you to take every few hours with food) there's no place like home
away from the judging eyes where you can unpack, and recharge, and unwind, and fall farther and farther and farther and farther and farther away...
...and the farther you fall, the more remote your control, the closer she drifts toward you less like a ghost or a dream and more like a dream date unwinding from the windowsill sinuous, floating down feline eyes greedily glowing green inundant with lustful reverence for you and you only your fantasy your true honest desire slinking to you at a breeze's glide on sleek porcelains figurine legs dainty feets perfect pinks toenail slow as you sow and soft (as you open a vein to spill your life's blood and you gasp at the pain as your blood flows on its own to the palette, pools, red, near blue dreams, the grey tears, the ash waste, the black drool) she softly parts moist swollen babydoll lips wet inhales over pink swell of tongue like she's close to a kiss and the nymphetted slip of an animus sylph whispers:
"Oohhhoo...yes...oh yess promises...wishes come yes...true...promissses...love! You will have loves...you will find comes, love...true love...loves will find you...never ignore you...promises true...dreeeams come, coooome...come, desires, inspires...desires...inspire!" ...her slow whisper gradually grows into a sound of an infinite breathless chorus, radiant rapturous choir... ...sweat mixes with the colors paints lines curves cuts streaks smooths as you feverishly slash strokes of vivid inspiration with twisting throbbing tendon wrists and bent brushes flawed frayed dried shut torn open broken break as... (her voice her otherworldy polyphony of whispers, the tintinnabulum of her breath and her steps mix into one long vibration, wordless with the symbols of the final pattern that sets all things in their proper place as it thrums from the perfect O she makes with her wet rosebud mouth to resonate from your solar plexus and echo through your insides to purr at the ends of your capilaries)
...as you have nearly perfected your opus: YOU FINALLY REALLY UNDERSTAND!! and she presses her body into your side, her voice beyond the most beauty never heard by anyone, singing only for you, just for you, and you've broken all brushes pens pencils you're using the side of your hands, your fingertips, you're almost there it's crystallizing you quickly close your red raw eyes and see it perfectly, the infallible vision of what she's been telling you engraved into the mirror of your mind, eight fidgeting fingerbones rest in the bottom right corner of eye mirror eye with tendon-tearing pressure your fingertip crushes the paint into the canvas- one...last... finishing... touch! And you exhale, collapse, you're spent, you're done, and you've finished...
...after you catch your breath, panting, soaked, you sit up and consider your work... ...minutes later staring in awe at the thing you've created, mouth agape:
The perfect details, the flawless message. You didn't think you had it in you. You didn't even know such a thing could exist. Original, unequivocal, exemplar of masterstroke masterwork masterpieces... ...and now promises! You're tired, yes, you love the peace and quiet but... ...um...hello, promises? Slut concubines? Galore, or something... ... you've still got pants-problems from the closeness of her...
...and of course she's gone.
You can still feel her breasts against your ribcage the silk touch of her velvet fingertips tracing your jawline the smell of her strawberry breath the heat between her thighs pressed hard against your hip and the sibylline melody of the song she sang is somehow stuck in your head...
in your head- in neat lines on your mirror- in your medicine cabinet- in a green bottle in your freezer-
...her ghost haunts the silver cans piled in the corners...
They'll understand when they see what I've done, you think, but suddenly a very different voice of voices, not unlike sounds of knives scraping bones clean and teeth breaking, jerk you, body and soul, back to the depths that you let yourself sink to... "The sheep can't ssssee, ssavvy? S-s-ssome should ass-similate, conceive, digesst-st-sts, but they won't, they can't, don't now how, waahaaah-baaabaaah-baaaaaah! Ss-ssick shitssss! ass-assinine senssselesss sy-sy-sy-sycophants," the skeleton (thought you saw) hisses and stammers in time with your heartbeat that falls like a hammer, as your hope, like a crystal swan, shatters neck-first against the hard windowsill. From the cracked window wind, cold and dry, dessicates, splits skin between raw-red eyes-
Again start to cry, squeeze out tears as they shut again, stand with a sigh, again, back to the muse that you know is a lie.
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Thursday, June 04, 2009
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Current mood:wistful
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
I am still very sad after hearing this morning that David Carradine died and may have killed himself. Suicide is a very personal topic for me, as my natural father killed himself and I have had problems with suicide attempts over the years. One thing that seems to be a constant in a lot of it is that art burns out of artistic people, it's like blood from wounds. It's not easy to be that brutally honest with other people or even with yourself, it takes its toll. 72 isn't a young age by any means, and Mr. Carradine had a long, happy life, but I've been listening to him and reading about him and studying him and the more I learn about him the more I respect him and look up to him, and (what is frightening in a funky way) the more I relate to him. All I can say, is that he had a long, interesting, wonderful life, and although it's over his story is not.
The following is a link to his official website, which has bios, pics, art, things like that. The acting bio seems written by someone else, but this link is to his art bio which he wrote himself, and reading it reminds me of me.
Goodbye David Carradine, Grasshopper, Bill. You were, and always will be, The Man.
http://www.david-carradine.com/artbio.html
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Saturday, February 21, 2009
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Just came from the funeral; so many people have been touched by my Grandpa's life there was quite a lot of people who came to pay tribute. Here is a link to the on-line obituary, if you knew him or have anything to say you can sign it: http://www.reviewjournal.com/obituaries/individual_display.jsp?obitID=4987901
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Saturday, February 14, 2009
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If anyone who grew up in Henderson and was Mormon they probably knew my granparents, the Ryans, who spent their last working years as the custodians of all the Mormon churches in Henderson. Pauline Ryan died in 1999, and her husband Paul has just joined her in heaven, since that is the place they made for themselves after death. (Since I have converted to Buddhism I have different plans for my own afterlife, but I think everyone should get what they want when they die.)
Rest in peace Granpda, sorry it took so long for you to be with your sweetheart again and sorry I didn't do much to make the wait more bearable. All of my love to you you sweet silly old man.
Ian
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Friday, February 13, 2009
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I dreamed a dreamed and saw a saying explaining the meaning of life embedded in cobblestones fonted in Celestial on a sidewalk in a perfect cold town above stairs leading down
I woke up and forgot what I had read and the feeling of loss was like soft satin against my soul what was written in stone wasn't meant for the waking world and the message was for me alone, like a kiss from someone you'll never see again.
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Friday, December 26, 2008
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I used to be an insomniac and couldn't sleep, now I am whatever the opposite of that is and can't wake up. I have 3 alarms and people calling me to wake me up and still can't do it, I have at least one day a week when I over-sleep and sleep around 16 hours, sometimes more, and wake up feeling like I got run over by something large and wearing golf cleets.
I slept through Christmas which isn't such a big deal as far as religion goes because I am not an Xian (not in the conventional sense), however I missed being with my family, and that made me so depressed when I finally woke up (8 hours late for Xmas dinner) that I wanted to kill myself, then I wanted to get drunk instead of killing myself, and now I just want my headache and self-loathing to go away. (BTW I am neither dead nor did I drink, in case anyone cares.)
I don't even remember my alarms going off nor do I remember anything like people trying to call me, except that I was having VERY vivid dreams about being on a boat in China (it was slow, but not overly so) and there was gambling and magic rituals and magic talismans and it was seriously intense and there was some gunfire.
I have been working 12-hr shifts from 6pm to 6am for 4 days, then get 4 days off, then work 3 12-hr shifts, then get 3 days off. I worked Xmas Eve/Xmas 6pm-6am then got Xmas off, went to sleep around 11am and woke up after Xmas 12am having realized I spent the holiday with the magical Chinese in dreamland.
I really am not happy.
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Friday, October 10, 2008
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I expected sugar but got saccarine I can't get rid of your taste in the back of my throat
every time I swallow I see your eyes accusing me of using you and begging me to do it again
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Wednesday, October 08, 2008
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smash my head open with your hard heart and eat all the little pieces
like an oversized lollipop with your name written on it in pink frosting
exists for your destruction and consumption and who would want it any other way?
hurry up it's getting too loud in here.
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