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Life, Love, and Spanking According to Erica Warning: May contain sarcasm, cranky rants, blasphemy, controversial opinions, etc.

Erica

Erica Scott


Last Updated: 11/17/2009

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Gender: Female
City: ENCINO
State: California
Country: US
Signup Date: 12/27/2005

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Wednesday, November 25, 2009 

Current mood:  indescribable
OK, I know this is the season for all sorts of stupid holiday kitsch. All those cute white-trash collectibles from Betty Sue's House of Dreck -- twisting Elvises in Christmas outfits, fish that sing "O Come All Ye Faithful," holiday outfits for your pets, etc., etc. But this one takes the (fruit)cake.

I was in a gas station mini-mart last week, and on the counter with the candy bars and the beef jerky and the fake roses was a basket of rubber duckies. Some of them were decked out in bright red Xmas shawls and caps, which is ridiculous enough. But I do live in Encino, after all. "My people," as J calls them, needed equal time, apparently. So, nestled among the Xmas Ducks, were a bunch of these:



That's right, kids, it's the Hanukkah Duck. A Jewish rubber duck.

Check out the details:



Our little feathered friend comes complete with a Star of David on its chest and a dreidel on its wing. And yes, that is a yarmulke on its head.

I picked one up and blurted to the cashier, "I have to buy one of these, because no one will believe me if I try to describe it. This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen!" He was laughing his head off at me.

Please, please tell me that no one would seriously buy this and put it in their child's bathtub!! Oy.

I chose "indescribable" as my mood for this blog, because there was no option for verklempt. Did I mention today that the holidays drive me meshuga?

Speaking of which, it's time to break out this little guy, once again:



And bah humduck to you.



Monday, November 23, 2009 

Current mood:  tired
...the weekend went well after all.

I showed up at J's house on Friday night with some pastry he likes as a peace offering. I hate fighting with people I love; it makes me feel miserable. The evening was peaceful.

On Saturday, Sandy texted J and said yes, dinner would be great, and if he was up for playing, that was great too. So we decided we'd go to the Lair after all, with Sandy and her friend D. Sandy was concerned that I wouldn't have anyone to play with, if Craig wasn't there. I told her it was OK, I had no expectations of playing, I was just going to socialize this time. And really, any night I get through the evening at the Lair without seeing something that makes me sick is a good one. (my emoticons aren't working at the moment, so picture a sarcastic smirk)

So we met Sandy and D at one of our favorite restaurants a little after 8:00, and had a lovely dinner with lots of chat and laughs, lingering over coffee. And then it was on to the Lair. Can I just say J was in his element? He had three dates!! He milked the hell out of that, too. I'm sure there were some men at the Lair watching him walk around with the three of us in tow and thinking, "Geeez, what has he got..." I could tell you, guys, but I don't think you want to know. (grinning)

Around 10:30, Sandy and J began their scene, so D and I went outside to sit by the firepit (it was freezing outside last night -- well, at least by California standards) and she and I ended up chatting away for two hours about the scene, about relationships, about life. She was absolutely delightful and it turned out we had a lot in common. She's relatively new to the scene, so I was sharing some tidbits and stories and time flew. Next thing we knew, it was after 12:30 and we went back into the kitchen to get warm and have a snack. J and Sandy finished up around then and joined us. They'd had a good scene. Yes, Sandy topped J, and I don't get into those details, but he enjoyed himself and I'm happy about that. So the four of us hung out in the kitchen with some others, laughing and talking. I think Sandy and D made quite a splash amongst the regulars; it was fun to watch.

And today Sandy had a date to play with my buddy Real_Discipline -- can't wait to hear how that went! Thanks, you two. It was fun for us, and I hope you had fun as well.

So, it's Thanksgiving week. Allow me to be honest here, if you will. I used to love Thanksgiving; it was my favorite holiday. Before my mother's mind went south, I loved going to her place for TG dinner. She made the best turkey and stuffing ever, and I loved hanging out there, cozy and warm and stuffed, sleeping over and staying through Saturday, shopping, eating leftovers. A couple of times J came with me and that was lots of fun. But now? Those days are gone. And yes, I know I could go elsewhere. But I really don't want to. Friends are shocked and saddened when I say I'd rather pretend it's just another Thursday, but they shouldn't feel bad for me. I don't feel bad for me. I really don't care.

J's family used to have big TG gatherings (which I happily escaped, due to going to my mother's), but now, everyone is sort of off on their own and they don't have the family dinners anymore. J is bummed that he's not invited to any of his siblings' homes, and I'm sorry for him, but it's a relief for me. What's the point of going somewhere just for the sake of going somewhere, if you don't enjoy yourself? What is Thanksgiving, anyway? It's a day where people get together and eat too much and watch football. As for the giving thanks thing, I can do that just fine right here. I can stop in the quiet of my own home, reflect on the good things and people in my life, and feel tranquility. And, best of all, I can wake up on Friday morning and not feel like a bloated beach ball.

So, cranky of me or not, I am hoping J's family doesn't come through with any sort of last-minute invitation. It will just feel obligatory and I'd rather pass. Last TG I stayed home by myself and I was as happy as could be. Honest.

I know, I'm a strange bird. On Saturday night, D asked me if I get along better with men or with women. I had to think about it. The best answer I could give her was, "I'd say it's about 50/50, but I don't really like people overall!" She laughed. Yes, I was playing it for a laugh; I like plenty of individuals, 'tis true. But en masse? They wear on me quickly.

For the rest of you, whatever you're doing, I hope it's enjoyable and festive, and it's what YOU want to do. Life is too damned short for obligatory stuff you hate. Be safe, and for God's sake, roast your turkey. Don't deep-fry it. That's disgusting.
Saturday, November 21, 2009 

Current mood:  blah
Sometimes, I struggle with wanting to make this blog entertaining. I've had some fun posts lately and I want to continue the trend. But sometimes, I got nothin'.

No, I'm not depressed. I'm just blah. Or is it blech? Is "blech" in the dictionary? It should be. It's such a perfect description of how I feel sometimes.

My work situation is frustrating. I have been searching the job sites and posting my resume all over the place. I updated my resume, had some new business cards made, am trying to gear myself up to finally tap into a previously undiscovered source of great work. So far, it's not happening.

Last week, I got a cold call from a web site hosting company, offering to evaluate my business web site for $10. Why not, I thought. I ended up chatting with the sales guy for several minutes. He was very nice, and told me that when I get the evaluation from the company, they'll follow up with me and offer me services to upgrade and maintain. And they'd be expensive. But if I wanted, he could help me out on his own and charge me a lot less. Interesting. His name was Josh and he said he ran his own business doing this stuff, and asked if he could call me at a later date after I got the evaluation. I said sure.

An aside about my web page. I haven't updated it in years. About four years ago, someone built it for me for $250 and set it up with a host and so forth, and I have the passwords and links and all that stuff so that I can update it myself. Well, guess what. I don't know how. I figured I'd have the guy update for me when I needed it, but he and I fell out of touch. So now I'm stuck with this thing that I don't know how to work with.

This week, I got a callback from the host company. Sure enough, the guy gave me a long spiel about meta-tags and keywords and backlinks and all sorts of other stuff I know nothing about, and said for an initial fee of $400 and then for $100 a month thereafter, they'd upgrade and maintain my site, and ensure that it was search engine optimized. Hello??  Josh had said that he could do the same thing for me for about $20 a month. The guy was pushy and I had to back out by saying I'd think about it. He asked if I had any questions, and I said yes -- was another one of their salesmen, name of Josh, available? His voice got uptight and he said Josh no longer worked there. Oh, crap. He probably can't call me now, since he no longer has access to my number. And I didn't take his.

Perhaps I should call my computer tech and ask him if he offers search engine optimization services, and if not, can he recommend someone who will do it efficiently and cheaply. I really need to start marketing myself better.

Playwise, I'm frustrated with the L.A. scene and how all the good groups and parties seem to be elsewhere these days. Nothing I can do about it, but it still makes me feel like I'm back in my old days of living on the periphery, on the outside looking in. Stupid, I know.

A bit of news: Guess who is going to be RealSpankings' new male spanker? D! Congratulations, honey! Why not... they are Colorado-based, so that makes perfect sense. I'm not a RealSpankings fan, honestly, but perhaps now I'll have incentive to change my mind.

This weekend, our friend Sandy (Cassandra Park) is here from the East coast. Tomorrow night, J and I will be meeting her and her friend for dinner, and then we will most likely head for the Lair with them. C & C were going to go too, but that fell through. I have mixed feelings about going to the Lair without having Craig to play with, but we'll be hanging with Sandy and her friend and they are certainly fun. I doubt I'll play, but one never knows. Hey, there's always those chocolate chip cookies.

It's Thanksgiving next week. (sigh) Please, can't I just go to sleep? Wake me up when December ends? Or at least after all the hype over New Moon and Sarah Palin's book has died down.

I'm just so damned cheerful, aren't I? Oh well. Y'all know who you're dealing with, when you log onto this blog. If you want someone to blow sunshine up your a**, you're in the wrong place. :-Þ

But hey, have a nice weekend anyway.

EDIT: You know what? I need to add to this, because I wasn't completely forthcoming. I'm also in a majorly sucky mood because J and I were arguing on the phone last night. The reason isn't important; it's stupid, like most arguments. But we got caught up in it and all I wanted to do was get off the phone, because my M.O. is to run and hide, and his M.O. is to hash it out, and he can get rather relentless. The more I want to escape, the more he digs his heels in, and I end up losing my temper and saying things I don't want to say. Finally, after over an hour, I lost it and tiredly said, "Oh, go to hell." Not nice. I know that. He then said that he didn't like being told that, and then said, "What if I walk outside tomorrow and get struck by lightning, and 'go to hell' becomes the last thing you ever said to me?" Auugggghhhh. Manipulate me, why don't you. Somehow, we ended the conversation on a reasonably peaceful note, but it left me feeling drained and tired.

Sometimes, I just get so damned tired. I get over it, and I'll get over it this time. But between work struggles, play struggles and relationship struggles, I'm not feeling any ho-ho spirit at the moment. Far from it.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009 

Current mood:  naughty
Thanks to Spanking Universe, I've been reading more blogs lately. A while ago, a snippet from a DD (Domestic Discipline) blog was posted in a blog entry called This and That, a collection of snippets from several blogs. Following are five rules, according to DD/HoH (Head of Household) practitioners, for proper behavior during a spanking:

1. One must lie still during chastisement, and not attempt to wiggle out of the way of the spanking.

2. One must not try to block with her hands. This is so dangerous, especially if an implement is being used.

3. Unless you are asked a question you should remain silent, other than repentant tears and sobs.

4. Do not attempt to fight a punishment. If you are told to lie over your HOH's knee so he may begin, just do it.

5. For HOH's: lecture, lecture, lecture. This is one of the most critical things in DD. A lecture can make a difference between tears and stoic behavior.


Mind you, I am not posting these to ridicule them. Clearly, there are folks who follow these rules and believe in them. Whatever works. However, for those of us who are on the not-so-submissive side, these rules are not applicable. Therefore, as a public service, I hereby offer my own version of How To Behave During a Spanking.

1. You are not a sack of potatoes. Kick those legs. Pound the carpet/bed/couch. Squirm. Wriggle. You're going to get spanked anyway, so why make it so damned easy for the top?

2. Reaching back with your hands is not a good idea. Not because it annoys the top, but your hand might get clobbered and that really hurts. So keep them in front of you. Of course, if a wayward elbow or fist happens to connect with the top's shin, that's OK.

3. This is a spanking, not a visit to the library. You don't have to be quiet. Use your voice. Scream and yell. Fuss, cuss and whine. The only exception to this is if your top asks you to repeat some ridiculous phrase, like "Thank you, Sir." Then you should remain silent. Or improvise. If you're clever, you can make "Fuck you, Sir" sound sort of like "Thank you, Sir." They're both one-syllable words that end with k.

4. Put up a little resistance beforehand. Why should you accept your fate with such stoicism? It's going to hurt either way; at least you'll have the pride of knowing you tried to avoid it. Argue, reason, plead, refuse to cooperate. Don't remove your own clothing. If he wants anything up/down/off, he can do it himself.

5. Tops: Scold all you like. Just bear one thing in mind -- no matter what you say, all we hear is blah blah blah.

6. Bonus tip: Implements are wretched things and deserve no respect whatsoever. If one is placed within your reach, fling it across the room. If one is broken on you, gloat and cheer. If your top asks you to kiss one, blow raspberries on it.

So, what did we learn? How about a little pop quiz?

1. When a top asks you, "Why am I spanking you?", you answer:
    a. Because I was a bad girl, Sir.
    b. I don't know.
    c. Because you're an ass.

2. If a top says, "Stop kicking!" you:
    a. Stop kicking immediately.
    b. Tearfully plead, "But it hurts, Sir, I can't help it."
    c. Snap, "Stop spanking!"

3. When a top tells you to pull down your panties, you:
    a. Immediately pull them down, and take off your dress for good measure.
    b. Look at him pleadingly and say, "Please, not my panties!"
    c. Snap, "Pull them down yourself! Is your hand broken?"

4. If a top asks, mid-spanking, if you have anything to say, you reply:
    a. I'm sorry, Sir.
    b. Please, no more, it hurts.
    c. Yes. Go f*** yourself.

5. If a top bruises/blisters his hand spanking you, you:
    a. Kiss his hand, then promptly fetch him an implement to finish the job.
    b. Promise you'll be better, so next time he won't have to spank so hard.
    c. Laugh your head off and call him Edward Sissyhands.

I don't think I need to post an answer key -- y'all know me well enough to know what the right answers are.

No need to thank me for this PSA, folks. I am here for you.



Saturday, November 14, 2009 

Current mood:  sassy
It's Friday the 13th. For the triskaidekaphobics out there, you have nothing to fear. Well, except for possibly encountering one of these morons.

As promised, since Wednesday's CHoS was merely a bonus...

Actually, Wednesday's entry has a part 2. I rarely reply to these comments, but this one was so outrageous, I simply had to say something. So I wrote back:

I guarantee you I am not a man, former or otherwise. But thank you for making my day with that insult.

He then replied:

do not need the last word in this.. but     didnt mean to insult   maybe you coud tye me an blindfolld me so I could make it up to you    like being used by you

I suppose I coud. OR... I could just block you, so you can't bother me anymore. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Moving on...

omg i don’t wanna be rude but are you really 52? u r freakin hott!

Why is it whenever someone says that they don't mean to do or be whatever, they then proceed to do what they just said they don't mean? (And if you could follow that, props to you.)

u are very sexy feets...i wanna see u feets...i have the webcam..


And I have the delete button. (click)
 
a profissional spanker is waiting to chat with you


Uh huh. Keep waiting. And if you're going to claim to be one, it might be helpful to learn how to spell profEssional.

I like the shadow lanes and nu wests, i have seensome and think there wonderful. If youd ever like a friebdly chat , just get to me here, ive just ennlolled.


There's more than one Shadow Lane? Which one did I shoot for?
 
And finally, this little charmer:

if yoou would like someone to put his handsome head under that skirt and  please let it be me


Yup, that's the first thing I think when I see an attractive man: "Put that head up my skirt!" Oh, and I saw your picture, honey. Apparently you have access to a stunt handsome head.

Enough of this hilarity. I must haul myself up onto my big pretty feets and be productive. Have a great weekend, y'all.

Thursday, November 12, 2009 

Current mood:  disgusted
OK, kiddies. I'm two days early, but I simply couldn't wait. Every now and then, I get a correspondence that is so outrageous, it commands its own separate column, and I just got one of those today. Craig has suggested that I compile a CHoS Top Ten, or Top Something... maybe 20? If I were to do so, the following would definitely be a contender.

Ready?

Wait for it...

  ( first of all you have a nice ass--saw your pics  ) and Ihave to admit.. saw your profile pic and I thought maybe you were a former man    OK that being said Iam intriqued watching and lookin at people... wonder what happens to you after a spanking  ( ha big hands and feet)   and would like it if you could use um   ( has this fantasy of being blindolded)      question     are you interested?

Whoa. Back up. I'm having a little trouble getting past that first comment. No, not the one about my nice ass; the one about my looking like a former man. Say what??

My mind reels with responses to that, and most of them are quite obscene. So I'll put it to you folks instead. Many of you have met me in person. Others have seen several pictures of me, have seen me on video. Tell me... Do I look like I have a F***ING Y CHROMOSOME to you??

Allow me to set the record straight. I have ovaries. I have all the requisite girl gear, and I was born with it, thank you.

Moving on. As for the rest of this disjointed mess, is it possible to decipher it without the aid of recreational substances? I doubt it, but I'll attempt to parse it anyway.

What happens to me after a spanking? None of your damn business.

Ha big hands and feet? WTF? Is he saying I have big hands and feet? Are we back to the former man thing again?

Would like it if you could use um... Um, what? Speak up, junior. Use your words.

Has this fantasy of being blindolded [sic] -- My turn to go "um..." What does that have to do with anything?

question  are you interested?  In what? Never mind. Don't answer that. If it has anything to do with you, the answer is no.

And finally, if you want to people-watch, I suggest you go to Wal-Mart. Really, I'm not all that "intriqueing."

Every time I think I've heard it all, someone adds to the Encyclopedia Stupidica. I need to go to the gym and blow off some aggravation.

Stay tuned... I'm still going to have my regular CHoS on Friday!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009 

Current mood:  blank
I have absolutely no reason to blog today, not really. But I feel like it anyway.

So, in no particular order, no rhyme or reason, here are some thoughts for a Tuesday afternoon.

People, the word you mean when you write discrete is discreet. D-I-S-C-R-E-E-T. Yes, there is such a word as discrete. It means absolutely nothing to do with respecting privacy or maintaining a prudent silence. It means separate and distinct.

Dominate is a verb. Dominant is an adjective. If you write, "I am a dominate male," you sound like an ass. Learn the difference.

I quit SpankoLife. Nothing but glitches upon glitches. And when you mention them in the Technical Issues section, the only help you get is being told you should download the Firefox browser, because Internet Explorer won't work. Why the heck should I upload another browser for one site, when IE works for everything else? Why not just fix the workings so that the gazillions of us who have IE can use it? I suggested this, and was told if I didn't like the site, I was welcome to leave. I found that to be an offer I couldn't refuse.

On the other hand, a lot of spankos are turning up at FetLife, and if you have a problem, they actually respond to it. I highly recommend it.

Conan O'Brien, he of the magnificent mane of flaming red hair, is developing a big ol' bald spot on the back of his head. Say it isn't so! He's just a kid, right? Right?

If WordPress is so great, why are most of the spanko bloggers on BlogSpot? I went to WordPress, and found it immensely confusing and complicated. Then again, I am a total ignoramus with the workings of these blog sites. Which is why I cling so tenaciously to this site, even though I'm probably the only person left on the planet who blogs here.

Is it just me and my tastes, or are Jimmy Fallon's skits and sketches on his late-night show painfully stupid? I like him. I like his style. But whoever writes those bits, especially the audience participation ones where people come up on the stage and basically make asses of themselves, need to go back to writing school. Yeah, we're all attention whores. But I don't think I'd want to lick a goldfish bowl, or dance around vigorously trying to shake off mittens and a cap, or play an invisible set of drums, on national TV.

On the plus side, I really do like his "Head Swap" skit. Catchy tune.

They have cell phones that have every freaking app under the sun, that do everything for you except shave your nether regions. So why can't they invent a cell phone that doesn't drop calls?

Do we really need another version of A Christmas Carol? Particularly one with Jim Carrey? Jeeezus.

Don't mind me. I'm feeling especially square-peggish lately.
Monday, November 09, 2009 

Current mood:  amused
This weekend was the Florida Moonshine fall party. Our friends Craig and Cindy went; they went last June as well, so now they have been to two SL parties and two FMS parties. Because Craig and I have become semi-regular play partners, it seems that wherever he goes nowadays, whomever he plays with, he hears a recurring protest from several of the bottoms:

"I'm not Erica!"

This cracks me up. Clearly, my reputation continues to precede me, even at events I've never attended. Craig has developed a mighty powerful hand over these months and even I have to admit it's quite formidable! That one scene he did where he didn't give me a warmup, I was painfully aware at how strong his hand has become. And because I write about our scenes in such detail (as he does too, on his own blog), readers sometimes feel a little intimidated and are quick to pull out the "I'm not Erica!" reminder when they find themselves OTK with him. Of course, this isn't necessary. Craig is the sort of player who adjusts to each individual partner. But still, this phrase makes me giggle every time I hear about it.

Now, I'm hearing that some women at FMS are going a step further -- that they actually intend to have panties custom imprinted across the bottom with, you guessed it, "I'm not Erica!" Oh_my_God. Yes, Craig informed me of this during his FMS reports.

Well, folks. I think there's only one thing for me to do.

Before the next big spanking event, be it FMS next June or SL next Labor Day, I think I should custom order some panties myself. A cute pair of hip-hugger boy shorts, maybe with some lacy trim? We'll see what styles are available. And across the back, what will they read?

Yup.

I AM Erica!!

  Of course, I'd probably regret announcing that, after a while. But the laugh factor would be tremendous.

I hope everyone had a great time, spanking or getting spanked to their hearts' content. J and I had a quiet weekend, although he did manage to concoct a lame-ass excuse for spanking me. We were talking about West Side Story, of all things -- he'd seen the stage play a long time ago, and I've seen the movie a million times. He said something about a character named Diesel, and I said I remembered no such character, so perhaps he wasn't in the movie. So I looked it up online. Sure enough, the play did have a primary character named Diesel, but in the movie, he had been written out and his character was combined with Riff's.

So I go into the living room and say, "We were both right. There was a Diesel in the play, but no Diesel in the movie." He then says, "Whaddaya mean, we're both right? I was right; you were wrong. You said there was no character named Diesel." I said, "I said, not in the movie! I didn't say not in the play!" He insisted that I'd said there was no such character, period, and he was right, I was wrong, and I had to admit to it. Excuse me??? NO ONE challenges me on movie trivia, dammit. I loudly insisted that I was right about the movie, and of course, because might makes right, J stormed over, threw me over his lap and started spanking me vigorously, insisting that I say I was wrong.

Well, guess what, folks? I said a lot of things (I believe "fuck you" was one of them), but I did NOT say I was wrong. And he finally stopped. Perhaps his hand hurt. Because we were in the living room, he didn't have his evil hairbrush handy, thank god. How unfair was that?? Sheesh! I never said he was wrong. I said we were both right. Tops and their bass ackwards logic!

I wish I'd had my camera with me today. Driving up into the canyon where J lived, after brunch, he had me stop the car in the road, and look to my left. In the bushes on the hillside, munching away on leaves, were four deer. Four of them! They just looked over at us calmly and went on munching, and we sat and watched for a few minutes, until a couple walked by with a dog and they scampered away. Soooo cute!

Onto another week. I still haven't heard any Xmas carols on the radio, but I'm certainly seeing holiday commercials. I'll take that shot to put me to sleep for two months any time...
Saturday, November 07, 2009 

Current mood:  nostalgic
When I posted my 100 Random Spanking Facts, I got several questions regarding my call-in to the Dr. Phil show, as I figured I would. Some of you remember the story, because you were there on my MSN board as it all played out. But many of you weren't. So I figured I'd recount it, to the best of my recollection.

Seven years ago, when SCSW was quite lively, we had a member named Jesse. Y'all remember Jesse, don't you? Little spitfire, always wrote in a red font, signed her posts with a rose emoticon. God, I loved that kid. Anyway, for reasons I don't recall, maybe it was on a dare, she had contacted the Dr. Phil show via email, introduced herself and talked about her spanking fetish, about the scene, etc., and wanted to know if the show had any interest in such a topic. I guess she didn't expect to hear anything back, but she did -- and they wanted her to come on the show! Imagine her shock... anyway, she backed down, because she didn't want to appear on national TV, talking about her personal kinks. But she told them she had many friends in the scene, and perhaps one of them would be interested in taking her place. The first person she mentioned was yours truly.

So I thought, why not. I wrote a letter to the show's coordinator, introducing myself (I recently discovered I still have that email, tucked away in my archives). And sure enough, I heard back from the woman, who wanted ME to come on the show. I got all excited -- wow! I'd be on TV! The attention whore in me jumped up and down, and thought, how fun this would be. I didn't even think about the possible ramifications -- until I told J about it.

He asked me if I'd lost my mind. Did I really want to out myself on national television? Not just our friends would see me, he reminded me. Everyone would see me, or hear about me. And if I didn't care about outing myself, didn't I realize that I'd be outing him as well, by association? Well, crap. No, I hadn't thought of that.

Damn. So I called the coordinator back and said I couldn't do it. Then she asked if I'd like to be an anonymous caller instead, on "Ask Dr. Phil Day." They had that theme now and then, where people would call in with their issue and he'd give them a quickie analysis of it on the spot, with the help of his audience. She thought that topic would be very interesting and pique a lot of curiosity, and they'd use it during "sweeps" month. To this, I said yes, absolutely.

Of course, it's hardly a spontaneous thing, as it seems on the show. The callers are pre-screened, and everything they plan to say is pre-approved. I had to write out what I was going to ask Dr. Phil and send it to her for her OK. That was a little awkward, since she had no idea of anything I was talking about and discussing it with her was a bit weird. But I figured she'd seen/heard it all, on that show. Basically, I was going to talk about having a lifelong spanking fetish, how I belonged to a group of enthusiasts who numbered in the thousands and spanned the globe, and would ask him what his take on it was. Pure titillation, now that I look back on it. I was just being used as "weirdo of the day" for sweeps ratings. But I didn't know that then.

So, the day came, and I had to call in to the show early, and sit on the line, listening to the segments before me going on. And then it was my turn. Dr. Phil came on the line, and I opened up my mouth and said my spiel. As I did, the camera panned the audience. Mouths dropped open. Eyes widened. Some people grinned; others looked horrified.

Dr. Dickhead then proceeded to completely drop the ball, and instead of replying to me, he went straight to the woman in the audience who looked the most scandalized, and said, "What do you think of what Louise [the name I used] asked?" And she blurted, "She's a freak!" Nice. Then he comes back to me and says, "Well, Louise, do you think you're a freak?" I said no, I do not, and then added, "Don't knock it until you've tried it." Laughter.

I honestly don't remember the details of what was said in the next couple of minutes. Mostly he kept talking to that one uptight woman (sheesh, pull out the corncob, lady), and not letting me say too much. Finally toward the end, he wrapped it up in a bow with some canned psychobabble about how whatever consenting adults do is OK, and as long as you're safe/not hurting anyone/blah blah blah, whatever floats your boat.

I then cut in and said, "Well, that's pretty much what I thought you'd say, Dr. Phil. In fact, my friends and I thought maybe you might be into it yourself."

The audience laughed like hell. And for about two seconds, the big pompous gasbag was speechless. Then he kind of sputtered, "Uhhhh... I consider myself fairly avant garde. But I'll leave the spanking to you!" Idiot.

So, that was the closest I ever came to being on television. I wish I had used my real name, instead of copping out and using a fake one. But J insisted my voice was recognizable. I didn't want to freak him out, so I complied.

Putting that list together brought back a lot of memories. I really have had some interesting adventures since 1996. I hope to have many more.

Speaking of adventures -- this weekend, in spirit, I'm elsewhere. On the East coast, I am longing to be at Florida Moonshine, where many of my friends will be. Have fun, all of you. Save up lots of stories for me! And on the West coast, D is teaching a spanking class, with demos, at Sanctuary in Denver tonight. Knock 'em dead, honey. I know you'll do great. Wish I could've been your "lovely assistant."

Have a great weekend, y'all.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009 

Current mood:  thoughtful

I've seen this floating around in the spanking blogosphere lately. My first thought was, how the hell does anyone come up with 100 items? It’s not that easy. I actually had to compose this in Word, which I never do, so I could come back to it.

Granted, none of this is new material. I've been blogging for years and posting on forums for many years before that, so I don't think any of these tidbits will come as a surprise to most. Then again, who knows? At least it gets all the facts and figures and trivia down in one place. A lot of it, anyway.

So, for those who already know all this stuff, I apologize. But truly, I can't think of anything else to write about at the moment. These are in no particular order.

1. I played spanking games with my dolls when I was little. Specifically, Ken spanked Barbie.
2. Yes, I looked up the word "spank" (plus paddle, wallop and all the synonyms) in the dictionary.
3. My parents weren't spankers; they were more into grounding, taking away TV privileges, stuff like that. I remember a few whacks and one OTK spanking, but other than that, not much, considering I grew up in a time where everyone smacked their kids.
4. As a child, I wrote spanking stories, drew spanking pictures and created spanking scenarios with my Etch-a-Sketch.
5. I first saw a boy give a girl an OTK spanking when I was 15. He was 16, she was 14, and it was brief but energetic. I had a rabid crush on him from afar after that.
6. I got many threats of spankings in my teens and early 20s. I always wished the boys would follow through, but they didn't.
7. In my first job out of college, I worked as a proofreader for a typesetting company whose biggest client produced porn, so I had to proof a lot of smut. Once in a while, to my delight, there were kinky spanking scenes, and I read and reread them.
8. I blush. Bright, hot, beet red, forehead to neck, when someone threatens me with a spanking. I hate it.
9. I collected comic books when I was a kid. Every time I got a new one, the first thing I would do is flip through to see if there was a spanking scene. There often was.
10. I discovered Shadow Lane via an ad they used to post in the classified section of Cosmopolitan magazine. It was my first clue that there were actually organized groups for people into this.
11. My very first adult spanking was Memorial Day, 1996. I met the man by answering his ad.
12. Eventually, the roleplay I did during that first spanking was adapted into the script for Spank Thy Neighbor.
13. My first spanko crush ever was Keith Jones.
14. I met my boyfriend of over 13 years by placing an ad in the "Alternatives" section of the LA Weekly. I wasn't online yet. I got about 250 replies to that ad.
15. The first kink party I ever went to, and played publicly at, was not Shadow Lane. It was a Threshold Halloween party, in October 1996. Threshold is a BDSM club; gawd, did I see some weird stuff that night. Like an old man dressed up in a hoop skirt ala Scarlett O'Hara. Except he had no underwear on under the skirt. Ew. 
16. My first Shadow Lane party was February 1997, at the Sportsmen's Lodge in So. CA. I have been to every SL party since. Even then as a novice, I bruised one man's hand.
17. When I first got into the scene, I had a "no implements" rule. That sure changed!
18. I was terrified of the cane. The first time J used one on me, it was just six light strokes, as I stood clinging to an overhead bar. Afterward, my hands were so frozen onto that bar, he had to peel them off, finger by finger.
19. My first public scene at Shadow Lane was a double caning; I was on a spanking bench, and J and a friend of ours were on either side of me, caning me simultaneously.
20. I was too shy to introduce myself to Ralph Marvell. So J took matters into his own hands, waited until we were standing next to each other at a Vendor Fair, and then bumped into me, sending me crashing right into Ralph. Then he (J) said loudly, "Erica, you just bumped into that man. That's not very nice." Oh, that man of mine.
21. It was a public scene at SL in Palm Springs 1999, with Ralph, that gave me the courage to inquire about being in spanking videos. We drew a huge crowd and got a standing ovation.
22. My first video was shot in January 2000. I was 42 years old.
23. I got to keep the red suit from my first SL video. Once, I wore it to a vanilla Xmas party for J’s work. He almost croaked when he realized where I’d gotten it.
24. I discovered at my first shoot that I was good at ad-libbing smart-ass remarks. It quickly became a trademark of mine, on and off camera.
25. I worked for five months at a pro dungeon in 2000, as a sub. Needless to say, I wasn’t very good at it.
26. At this dungeon, I wore a silver collar. It is the only time I have ever worn one, and I never will again.
27. The weirdest thing that ever happened to me in that dungeon was a client sang “You’re Lovely to Look At” to me. Swear to god.
28. The nickname “Bionic Bottom” was given to me by Keith Jones. We once did a two-hour scene with a lot of caning, and during aftercare, I faded so quickly that he commented, “Excuse my French, but your bottom is fucking bionic. It’s healing right before my eyes.”
29. I look ridiculous when I pout. Therefore, I smirk instead.
30. I love to be spanked one cheek at a time. However, dead center strikes are the absolute worst, for me. Makes things hurt that I don’t want hurting.
31. I generally prefer to keep my legs closed during a spanking. Better protection.
32. I hate heavy wooden paddles, anything studded, and rubber. Oh, and whips. I prefer sting over thud, but whips can cut, and go places I don’t want them to go.
33. I helped co-manage a very active spanking forum on MSN for several years, before they shut down their Adult Groups. Our group orientation was M/F only. At our peak, we had about 15,000 members.
34. When I first got into the scene and was learning who was who, my first “role model” was Chelsea Pfeiffer. I watched her in Blue Denim, and loved her feisty, bratty character—who was named Erica.
35. Several years ago, I made a pre-arranged phone call in to the Dr. Phil show, on “Ask Dr. Phil Day.” I used the name Louise (my middle name) and asked him for his take on the spanking fetish. The pompous fathead tried to make a fool out of me, but I had the last laugh on him.
36. Speaking of Louise, I share that middle name with two very popular spanking models. Not naming their names, though.

Some spanking fantasies I’ve been lucky enough to make into realities:

37. Going to spanking parties and playing publicly.
38. Acting in spanking videos.
39. Getting a spanking from my handsome and sexy (and definitely non-spanko) personal trainer.
40. Writing my own video scripts.
41. Compiling and self-publishing my spanking stories.
42. Collaborating with Danny Chrighton to write, shoot and produce our own spanking video, with the exact script I wanted.
43. Going through a very intense discipline scene, and then the top sending me flowers.
44. I’m not big on nudity in spanking videos; it often seems gratuitous to me. However, I appeared naked in When Danny Met Erica, to purposely send a message to the youth-worshipping industry, and society in general: “Hey! This is what 50 looks like, you ageist asshats!”
45. The word “bottom,” in spanking context, gives me goose bumps and butterflies. Particularly when it’s combined with “bare.”
46. Conversely, the word “tushy” makes my flesh crawl.
47. I also like the other “b” words: behind, backside. Butt is OK, but it doesn’t give me the same thrill.
48. I really don’t have a problem with the word “ass.” I just don’t like it in scene context.
49. My all-time favorite mainstream spanking scene is the one from Wagon Train with Robert Horton and Susan Oliver. It doesn’t matter how many times I see that scene; it always makes me swoon.
50. I like the Elvis/Jenny Maxwell scene in Blue Hawaii, too. But the movie is awful.
51. I know this is practically sacrilege in the spanking community, but I don’t like the movie McLintock. I don’t like John Wayne, either.
52. J and I have had the police called on us twice, because of spanking noise. Two different homes (both his), two different neighborhoods. Fortunately, both times we managed to convince the cops that there was no domestic abuse going on.
53. When J lived in Studio City, we ate Sunday brunch every weekend at a restaurant with underground parking. Guess who got spanked in that parking garage nearly every Sunday?
54. I once was playing with a friend at his office after hours, and the janitor walked in on us at 9:30 at night. Thank goodness, we heard him coming and stopped what we were doing, but I’m sure he heard a thing or two. He was in a very big hurry to clean up and leave.
55. I am not into pranks as a rule. However, one of my finer moments was having a friend Photoshop-alter a picture of me being spanked by a playmate; I had him replace the top’s head with Alfred E. Neuman’s head. (You know, the kid from Mad Magazine.) And then, of course, I posted it in the MSN forum, saying, “Look, everyone! This is what [deleted] looks like! Isn’t he cute? Shame about his front tooth—I guess some overzealous bottom kicked it out with a stiletto heel.”
56. Most creative/bizarre retaliation/punishment ever: I had to learn—and sing—the Oscar Mayer Wiener theme song… in Spanish. Don’t ask. And yes, I was being spanked while I sang it.
57. I have counted swats in Italian, French, Spanish and prime numbers. Sorry, German lovers. I can only count to four in German.
58. I do not switch. I have topped once, on video, for Spanking Epics. I had to paddle my “daughter” in Schoolmaster’s Revenge. Fortunately, it was a very brief scene. I hated every second of it and I still can’t watch myself topping, but I really wanted to be in that video. It was worth it, But never again.
59. If I were to ever get a personalized license plate, I’d try to get away with “emknaps.” (spank me spelled backward)
60. I have had my spanking pictures appear in the amateur photography section of Taboo magazine.
61. Another fulfilled fantasy was appearing in Shadow Lane’s Stand Corrected magazine. I just made it—I was in the final issue.
62. Something I haven’t done yet that I really, really want to do: Go to a Florida Moonshine party.
63. Someone whom I haven’t played with yet, but really, really want to: “Uncle Eric” from Denver:
 


Some day, that look will be fixed upon me!

64. Another word that brings out the goose bumps and the blushes for me is “punish.” I have no idea why.
65. I think it’s extremely hot when a man is strong enough to throw me over his shoulder and haul me away for a spanking.
66. Even though they are popular with many in the spanking community, I do not own a single pair of white cotton panties. I am not pre-adolescent. However, I do have a white lace thong and a pair of white bikinis with colored trim.
67. I am an introvert. I know I don’t seem like one at spanking parties, but my natural predisposition is to be a loner and avoid crowds. For whatever reason, a sort of alter ego makes an appearance when I’m in a spanking realm.
68. Very early in my scene days, a top bought me a garter belt and stockings. I had no idea how to put them on; I had to ask him to fasten the garters for me. I know how to do it now, but I still prefer to ask J to fasten them for me.
69. I have trouble with eye contact when spankers are scolding me. I always want to look down, away, anywhere but in their eyes. Very squirmy.
70. Although I have put my hands back to my bottom during spanking videos, I never do so when playing on my own. Getting your hand whacked accidentally (or on purpose!) with an implement is not fun.
71. I am a firm believer that spanking is on the bottom only, or on the uppermost portion of the upper thighs (AKA the “sweet spot”). Hitting on the legs, calves, feet, hands, breasts, etc., is not spanking. And it’s not for this girl.
72. People ask me which of my videos I like best. I like them all, for different reasons. But I think I am the most proud of When Danny Met Erica.
73. Favorite sacrilegious line ever: While playing a fake nun in Trouble in Carson’s Gap, ripping the veil off my head and grumbling, “Christ, this thing is hot.”
74. Favorite adlib (well, one of them, anyway): When Steve Fuller’s character in The Spanking Professor claims that I inferred something, and I reply, “No, actually, I implied it. What kind of professor are you, anyway?”
75. Favorite comeback to an adlib: Same scene—Steve’s response to me is, “History professor, dear. And your butt’s going to be history in about five minutes.” Clever man, that Mr. Fuller.
76. Most foolish adlib ever: When about to be whaled on with a nasty implement by “Dr. D,” who says in a sarcastically jovial voice, “What’s the matter, Scott??”, I snap back, “Nothing, Dr. Dumbass.”
77. Sometimes, during spanking scenes, I really don’t think before I speak. Shocking, I know.
78. I actually like the way my bottom and legs look on camera. But I don’t like my face. My initial reaction when I first saw myself was, “Oh my god, is my nose really that big?”
79. Watching a man roll up his sleeves, while pinning me with a stern stare, turns my knees to Jell-O.
80. If you call me naughty, I squirm in a good way. If you call me nasty, I cringe.
81. One of my former play partners was married to the Progressive Insurance girl (not anymore, however, and she’s remarried). No, she wasn’t really into being spanked, hence his playing with others (with her full knowledge). I once talked with him on the phone and she was yelling bratty commentary in the background.
82. I dressed up once like a schoolgirl, about 12 years ago, for a party. I let J and friends of ours talk me into it. I felt like a complete fool and never did it again.
83. No one in my family knows about me. Not that I have that much family anyway...

84. I love OTK, lying over a chair or couch, on a bed with pillows piled up under my belly. But one position I categorically refuse to assume: bending over and grabbing my knees/ankles.
85. I love chocolate anytime, but it tastes especially wonderful to me after a spanking.
86. My favorite spanking video of all time is
Shadow Lane’s Spoiled Rotten, with Keith Jones and Tanya Foxx. After I saw that, I had a fantasy of being spanked over a pool table.
87. I actually lived that fantasy as well. It wasn’t as hot as it looked on video; in fact, it was damned uncomfortable!
88. I once toyed with the idea of getting a tiny pair of red lips tattooed to my bottom (as in Kiss My Ass). J talked me out of it. I’m so glad.
89. A top once told me I had “Victorian white” skin. I always thought “Victoria White” would be a good scene pseudonym. However, I decided to keep it simple and stuck with my real first name.
90. There wasn’t any particular significance in choosing the last name Scott. My real surname starts with an S as well, and I wanted something simple that people would remember and spell correctly. (I was tired of seeing how many different ways the model Kiri Kelly had her name butchered.)
91. I don’t like having my hair yanked on during a spanking, but if a man winds his hand into my hair and then simply tightens his fist, that makes me shudder in a very good way.
92. I detest it if a top demands that I call him “Sir.” But under the right circumstance, I find myself saying it voluntarily.
93. However, I will never, ever, EVER call a top Daddy, under any circumstance.
94. Many women fantasize about movie/TV stars spanking them. I’m the only one I know who fantasized about being spanked by a fictional character on a soap opera.
95. I love to sit on a top’s lap afterward and be held close.
96. As much as I look at myself in mirrors, I don’t like to be spanked in front of one. I will bury my head in my arms. Actually, I tend to do that anyway.
97. I don’t like having to pull down my own panties; I find it much hotter when the man does it for me.
98. I have a problem with safe words; I’m too stubborn to use them, even when I should.
99. My favorite analogy about spanking and sex is that they are like cake and ice cream. Some people like them together. Others prefer to enjoy them separately. I love both, but don’t like to mush them together. I’d rather enjoy each one individually and fully.
100. And finally… my absolute, all-time, far-and-away favorite spanker is…
...
...
...
...
...
...

Yeah, right!! Do I have “stupid” written on my forehead?? Even if I could pick one, I’d never tell!

Saturday, October 31, 2009 

Current mood:  mischievous
Happy almost Halloween! Here's some scary stuff for ya.

cute is cute and your a fuckin damn cuite!


You heard it here, people. I'm not just cute -- I'm fuckin damn cute. (I'm going to assume that cuite was meant to be cutie.)

cum to me in vegas using my decades of experence make your kitty purr in exotuc sex grampa master xxx

I've got a newsflash for you, grampa. The only thing that gets me to that hellhole called Vegas is the Shadow Lane parties. My kitty can purr just fine right here at home, thankyouverymuch.

But wait, there's more. This guy was on Alt.com -- check out his profile blurb:

Iam a 72 year ould white male that likes esotic sex. IM LOOKING FOR A TOTALLY uninhibited woman for kinky sex. I AM VERY ORAL ACTIVE


And here I thought it was just the Text Generation who couldn't spell. Pray tell, what is esotic? Did he mean exotic, erotic or esoteric? And is it just me, or does Oral Active sound like a good name for a new mouthwash?

I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry at the next one:

i generaly date woman older than me theres many reasons for that.i luv the matureity and nolage and sefistication.and in generaly atracted to older woman since i was a teenager.thats a nuff about me.


How does someone who writes like this function in life?? Can someone please enlighten me? I really am in need of this nolage.
 
Before I post the final one, let me reiterate, folks -- I do not make this stuff up. I swear. These are posted to you as I receive them, except I delete the names and email addresses. Truth is stranger than fiction.

have 30 + years of experience, am skilled in almost all facets of the lifestyle, enjoy breast bondage, nipple play, oral, anal, and a good woman who is dedicated and serves me because she wants to. I have a 3bdrm home, a 1200 sq ft workshop I am remodeling into a dungeon, and I seek a good woman to join me here and enhance this home of mine. age means nothing to me, the more novice the better as there are less bad habits to break.Maturity and knowledge count for something, experience and wisdom also. I am strict, firm, but careing and thoughtful. I provide all necessities for my partner, including a good social life, a stable home, good training, protection mentally and physically, and require no outside work.I would think that in this uncertain day and age that there would be a good real slave ready to accept a good home. If your tired of the chase, the pain of the fakes and frauds, tired of the search and not finding what you seek, drop me a line ok.I am a totally open Master, I do beleave this is a two way street, and that a real true sub/slave will overlook the small things in life, as we are all not perfect. My messenger is xxxxxxxxxx at y Hope to talk to you there.I will make the first contact, the rest is up to you if your willing to take it further your contact to me is necessary, I will not chase, I have the means and ways of making a good life, and I am certain one who seeks it will find me.


He's not going to chase me?? Boohooooo! I'm crushed!

Please tell me that no one would seriously respond to this. Please, please, please. I'm begging here. I'll bet his stable home is literally a stable.

To all the smart, articulate, clever and classy men I know: I LOVE YOU! THANK YOU FOR EXISTING!

OK, that's a nuff. Onward to the weekend. Guess who's sick again?? (sigh) Looks like I'll be Nurse Erica for Halloween. Sucks. Oh well, you guys can have some extra Halloween fun on my behalf. Eat some chocolate for me.

Have a great weekend, y'all. Stay safe.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009 

Current mood:  moody
So why am I blogging? I dunno. Because I feel like it? Oh, and for you observant types, I'm not actually blogging at 10:30 PM -- it's only 3:30. Why did I manually set my blog time up 7 hours? Long story, but that's the only way I can get updated on Spanking Universe in proper time. For whatever reason, this site sets my clock seven hours back, and when I blog, it turns up wayyy down on the page on Universe, saying that I blogged seven hours ago. Lame! You know, things should work better. I'm just sayin'.

I do have some work to do, but I'm procrastinating. Come on... would you be in a huge hurry to proofread 200+ pages about statistics?? I didn't think so. Thank God, it's just proofreading, not any sort of editing. I don't have to understand what I'm reading, just fix the occasional spelling error. (yawn) On the plus side, this is from a favorite client who never pushes for an unreasonable deadline, never complains about the bill, and actually volunteered to give me more money per hour when I hadn't raised my rates with them for years. So, I can't bitch too much.

Can I just say that I'm happy to be back home from the gym? I've had my quota of people exposure for the day. When I go on Monday mornings, it's a very different sort of crowd -- a lot of housewives and retired older men. And they love to talk. And talk. And talk. They either sit and hog a piece of equipment, or they cluster around right in front of one and I can't get to it. Usually I can tune their chitchat out, but today, a man and a woman were discussing, very loudly and in graphic detail, the intestinal woes of the man's dog. Oh, for God's sake. Do we all really need to hear this? I tried cranking up my iPod a bit, but their voices were so loud, I could still hear them over "Novocaine for the Soul." Fitting, that. I could have used some novocaine for my ears. I'm quite proud of myself, though. It took a lot of my own intestinal fortitude to refrain from snapping, "Will you shut the hell up?? You're making me sick!"

Oh, and just a bit of warning -- come two weekends from now, I believe I'm going to be quite cranky. (OK, crankiER. Happy now?) It seems that these days, all the fun spanky stuff is going on everywhere else but here. First. there's a Florida Moonshine party that weekend. I have yet to make it to one of those, and I really want to. And that same weekend, at a club called Sanctuary in Denver, D (yes, that D) is going to present a class about spanking. How fun is that? Talking and demonstrating. He wrote to me and asked if I'd like to fly out and be "his lovely assistant." Don't I wish! That certainly appeals to the exhibitionist in me! Plus, Sanctuary is mostly a BDSM club, so I guess this class/demo is unusual for them -- I could show them a thing or two about just how much fun spanking is!   Alas... I don't have the $$$ for these trips. Sometimes I wonder how people afford to go to all these parties. Do they give up eating or something? (grumble) Yeah, sour grapes. I'm envious. I wanna go, dammit.

Boo-freaking-hoo. Not to worry, though. I do plan to snap out of this mood very soon. It's tiresome. Besides, I need to keep my crankiness in reserve for November/December. Oh boy -- it's the holidays again, people! You know what that means! The Grinchette returns!

Yeah, I know what I need. You don't have to tell me. I'm going to go read about statistics now...