a rare update i know.  but this struck me the other day.

i bit my lip.  hard.  but i guess there's no other way to bite it.  and i was wondering after it happened.  what the hell do i need to chew so fucking hard?  it was a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.  i don't need to tear into that thing like i'm pulling raw leg muscle out of a zebra. it's bread.  potato bread at that.  it'll tear.  but i missed.

and my lip started bleeding.  now i don't know how much force exactly is exerted when eating, but the pressure with which i came down on my lip was enough to break the skin.  this is highly unnecessary.  so please people....chew lightly.

or seagulls will eat your parents.

blog titles are hard to come up with sometimes.  and since i've been taking over the Tommy & Rum-blog on a pretty much daily basis, this is to let you know that these trite feeble attempts at comedy will become more scarce because quite frankly i'm running out of material.

sucks, i know.  especially for all 4 of you who read these.  now you'll REALLY have no clue what's going on with me.  cuz i take these so seriously and put up emo poems about cutting other people's wrists.  what, cut my own?  GTFO, that would hurt.  LOL OMG PWN3t

however you can find some of my exploits on craigslist now.  but you're really gonna have to start looking hard.  try "chance encounters".  just waiting for a serious response.  that brings the lols, fo rillz.

This is a serious blog unfortunately.  my lease is up next month.  need roommate.  want to move back to chesapeake.  can swing aboot 450 a month on rent.  srsly.  no goddamn cats is pretty much my only request.  i hate them.

need to get moving on this very soon.  so maybe i should have posted a bulletin....but nobody really reads those since some people post 423049 a day and screw up the whole system.

so i was looking through all the comments i've received since i joined myspace.  and the funniest by far was this past february from rob:

"if you become a local celebrity, what is the over/under on number of chicks that come forward and say "hey i know that guy...he called me a walking yeast infection" ??? "

the magic number is 4, in case you were wondering.  whether they come forward, that's out of my hands.  L0LZ0RZ

the title of this one makes me LOL all over myself. 

i really need to get back in the mix and start stuntin on dem hoez more often.  it's a skill i've neglected and i fear that unlike riding a bike, you can indeed forget how to stunt on hoez.  because an unstunted hoe is kind of like a rabbit with a solid brass coin purse.  nobody knows how he got it, and damned if he knows how to use it.

i think.

but seriously, don't let your hoez go unstunted.  it is your civic duty to stunt a hoe if you see one in public unstunted.  just imagine an entire society of hoez that have avoided somehow being stunted.  i shudder to think of a world in such shambles.  srsly.

so do us all a favor.  stunt more hoez.  then take a nap.  cuz that's what good waffles do.  ya waffle.

so bill invented this, but i have to get it out there.

there's seriously nothing grosser than when a female rocks red lipstick.  "makes me wanna puke".

that's instant dick repellant.

just like my beard is instant pussy repellant.

if i put a "category" on these things would it attract more readers?  cuz i'm pretty sure that's the last thing i want.  people are gonna steal all my shit....and all my shit's stolen as it is.  not cool.

the bearding is going as planned.  going to be MIGHTY very shortly.  because MIGHTY in all caps is the only way to describe it accurately. 

my guitar hero skills are being talked about far and wide....people are calling bullshit on me who have never met me.  let me just say this, I AM THE REAL DEAL people.  i gots them magic fingers.  yeah i went there.

©

anybody steals this, they're fucked.  and not in that good way.  the bad way....the man jail way.

to profess my undying love for Cristina Scabbia.  her band totally sucks....but goddamn.  tonight showed me.....well, the shape of her ass.

seriously. 

i had other stuff i wanted to type here, but i think i had too much to drink.  OMG I'M SO COOL I GET DRUNK.  stfu n00b.

the more i work, the more i come to despise hair bands.  i mean really really despise that shit.  poison is playing right now and i want to fucking shoot myself.  or just shoot poison.....which is probably a better idea.

this thing gets mad views sometimes....yes, angry views.  at least that's how i picture it.  i hope you're sitting there shaking your fists at  your computer screens, damning my name and my very existence while shouting aloud "why would you type that, why would you think that's interesting you receding hairline having bastard?"

well that's just hurtful and i hope you're happy.  ya cunt.  oooooooh...the c word.  blow me.  when did this get so angry???  i've been in a great mood all day....must be the energy drinks.  I DO COCAINE!!! KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAYAAAAAHHHH!!

screw you all, Dr. Rockso rules.  and if you don't know...then press ALT+F4 right now.

no i cannot escape food in my titles.  i'm sorry...it just happens.

i finally got the ideas in place for the cartoon i want to make.  and as soon as that happened....a million jokes starting coming at me all at once.  so whenever i get the computer hardware and software and all the other thousands of dollars worth of equipment together....i'm going to work on a pilot for adult swim.  seriously....this is going to happen.

and it's going to rule.  good things in store my friends and phony acquaintances.  good things.