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Jonathan



Last Updated: 11/21/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 30
Sign: Gemini

City: CENTRALIA
State: Illinois
Country: US
Signup Date: 2/1/2006

Blog Archive
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April 12, 2009 - Sunday 

Current mood:  sad
Category: Life

Webster’s New World Dictionary defines ‘friend’ as “a person whom one knows well and is fond of,” as well as “an ally, supporter, or sympathizer.”  And although no one would think of Zeke as a person, he was a friend in every other sense of the word.


 

Zeke was born sometime in the spring of 2003.  We never knew his biological parents, but his previous owners were obviously not cat lovers, as we found him and four of his siblings hiding out in a garage belonging to my paternal grandparents.  Zeke and his siblings were adorable (I’ve never seen an ugly kitten), but ill.  We took Zeke and his twin sister (whom we named Lola), and the others were given to friends.  We chose the name Zeke for my grandfather, for whom Zeke was a childhood nickname.  Lola, unfortunately, passed away a couple of days later (bad heart, the vet said), but Zeke was strong.  Zeke was a survivor, and quickly adapted to his new life with us.

.. ..

I’ve often heard that pets tend to take on some of the characteristics of their owners, and while this was somewhat true of Zeke, he was definitely his own cat.  He was one of the most intelligent animals I’ve ever seen.

.. ..

Despite having a standard cat vocabulary (eight billion variations of ‘Meow’), he developed certain physical ticks that were impressive.  For example, he learned how to knock on a door when he wanted to come in from one his late-night mouse hunts.  This wasn’t anything we taught him; it was something he just picked up on his own.  He also learned to control his meowing to indicate different things.  A long, low meow indicated hunger, while a rapid high-pitched warble meant “I want to go outside.”  Others still meant hello, goodbye, etc.  As far as cats go, Zeke was one of the smartest I’d ever seen.

.. ..

But back to the definition of friend.

.. ..

For the last 5 years of my life, staying alive had been the all-consuming, all-driving force in my life.  Leukemia is a petty disease; it doesn’t care who or what you are, it’s an equal-opportunity killer.  Once I was out of the hospital, normal life resumed...for everyone but me.  My parents went back to work, my friends went about their lives, and I was home alone most days, unable to leave the house thanks to my weakened immune system.  I was lonely.  I thought that I had traded the prison that was my hospital room for the prison that was my home.  There was one key difference about home, though (besides the lack of a sterilized institutional smell) and that was Zeke.

.. ..

He was always willing to pay me attention.  When I was sad, he would snuggle up next to me, putting one his little kitty arms around my neck as he rested his ear against my neck, presumably listening to my heart beat.  His purr had a nice tenor sound to it.  It was a welcome port in the storm.

.. ..

Zeke had the spirit of an adventurer.  Not content to be a housecat, he went out every night, hunting for mice (which he would often bring to me as some sort of tribute) or defending his territory (our 40-acre farm) from other cats and the occasional stray duck.  The world was a wonderful place to Zeke, and he spent every minute he could exploring every last inch of it.

.. ..

Zeke was not a fighter, but he took no shit from the other cats in our neighborhood.  He would put on the bravado until the intruder would leave, then curl up in my lap and quiver like furry Jell-O.  He hated conflict, but he always seemed to face it head-on with a brave expression on his face; something I wish I could do half as well.

.. ..

Zeke met his end early Saturday morning via a car, and I’m sure it was an accident.  We buried him in the backyard near one of his favorite places, a woodpile ripe with the mice he would bring to me as a token of esteem.

.. ..

He was a true friend.  He was understanding, protective, brave when he needed to be, and a source of comfort and pride for my family, and especially for me.  Right now, the world seems like a cruel empty place without him in it.  My heart will heal in time, but right now there’s an ever-expanding hole in it, and there’s nothing I can do to fill it. 

.. ..

Love ya, Zeke.  Rest in peace.

January 29, 2009 - Thursday 

Current mood:  drained
Diagnosis:  Severely sprained tailbone.
As many of you know, it has been snowing like mofo here in the wilds of Southern Illinois.  I was walking out to my car and slipped on the snow-covered concrete steps, landing squarely on my tailbone.
This wasn't the first time such an event had occurred, but this was the first time it happened and I couldn't move my legs immediately thereafter.  Using only my arms, I dragged myself back to the front door and pounded on it like there was no tomorrow.  Luckily, Dad heard me and dragged me inside. 
After a while in front of the fireplace, I could move my legs again, but not very well. 
I saw a doctor the next day and he diagnosed me with the above affliction.  I can walk better, but I have very limited range of movement.  I'm walking like Frankenstein's Monster.  I hope this gets better soon because the pain is almost unbearable. 
So that was my Tuesday.  How are you all doing?
J.
Currently reading:
A Lion's Tale: Around the World in Spandex
By Chris Jericho
December 24, 2008 - Wednesday 

Category: Life

I'm a daddy.  Figuratively speaking.

Not the daddy of some disgusting biological organism whose current life trifecta can be described with "eat", "sleep" and "shit". No, no, no.  I'll leave that type of common creation to the plebians.  My plans go beyond such drivel.

My 'baby' is BYZANTINE GAMES.  My baby will make great videogames, or my baby will be disowned and possibly sacrificed to Azmodeous or one of the other Elder Gods.  Byzantine Games will be a haven of creativity, where everyone has a say and everyone gets a piece of the spoils.  We will hire the best.  We will create the best, or we will die trying.  Nothing will be done at a substandard level. EVER.

Two years ago, I had what alcholics call a Moment of Clarity.  And in that moment, one thing became painfully clear.   I WOULD NEVER BE HAPPY AS LONG AS I CONTINUED TO SERVE OTHERSI am not wired that way.  I've tried filling my life with friends, family, lovers, and religion, and they have all failed me (thus far).   I'm only happy when I create and when I can foster creativity in others.  And that's what Byzantine Games is all about:  creativity.  Are we going to change the world?  Hell no.  Are we going to change the way you play and view videogames?  YES, WE CAN, and YES WE WILL.

I also know that I can't do it without you:  the gamers.  Without you, we fail.   And if we fail you, then we deserve to fail.  I would be eternally gratefull for your continued support.  This is the scariest thing I have ever done (not counting the whole cancer thing).  I am afraid.  I am excited.  The future looks bright.  Join me, won't you?

J.

PS:  Regarding www.byzantinegames.com - it's mine.  I own it lock, stock, and barrell.  It will be up soon.  Watch for details.

November 30, 2008 - Sunday 

Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Hey, y'all.  Long time, no post.

I need help naming my company.  We make - rather, we will - videogames.

Read my suggestions.  Give me your opinions.  Suggest your own.  Please.  I need your help with this.

Venomous Duck Games
Iconoclastic Games
Virtual Chocolate
Imaginary Worlds
The Imaginarium
Harbinger Games
Heroes Anonymous
Spastic Games
Noobicide Games
Dominator Entertainment
World Weary Games
Frustrated Incorporated (yes, I know that's a song)
Think Tank
Terra Obscura
Ninja Aardvarks (or Aardvark Ninjas)
Binary Empire
Digital Empire
Dirt Nap Games
Seductive Games
United Federation of Gamers (UFG for short)
Omerta
Byzantine Games

Thanks for your time and your help.  As I said before feel free to post your own ideas here. 

Much love,
Special J.

September 30, 2008 - Tuesday 

Current mood:  artistic
Category: Life

...that one day, I would own my own software company.  That I would be chief creative director of my own studio...That little black boys and little white girls and every other kind of gamer on Earth would give me money for my products...That I would be hailed as the creative genius I strive to be.  All I need is filed paperwork, some talented employees, work space, and most importantly, start-up capital...

Then the stock market dropped 777 points in one goddamned day.

The odds of me getting a business loan now are slim.   Slim is not 'impossible'.

I'm tired of working for others.  Time to work for me and make me rich.

I may need your help.  Please.

J.

Currently playing:
LEGO Batman
Release date: 2008-09-23
August 20, 2008 - Wednesday 

Current mood:  crushed
Category: Life

...why people aren't around as often.  Granted, I'm not the world's nicest guy (never claimed to be, either), but people seemed to not care anymore once I announced I was in remission.  I'm starting to wonder if you're angry at me because I lived.  Did everyone have some sort of a betting pool about when I was going to die?  Did my survival fuck up that pool, and everyone lost money? 

Sure, I know you got lives of your own.  You live far away, you have responsibilities, commitments, etc. that you have to honor and I get that.  But when I was about dead, suddenly everyone became interested in me.  Now that I live, you all don't seem as interested.  It's like you're all irritated by that.  I don't know if that's just specific to me or if it's true of all people you know that miraculously survived a horribly debilitating disease.  

For the record, I'm not looking to start a pity party here.  I'm just kind of sad that my friends seemed to have left me on the curb.

Long story short, I'm not sure any of you really care anymore.  It's like you want me dead.  And that sucks. 

July 30, 2008 - Wednesday 

Category: Life

Hello again.

I started my own page over at DeviantArt.com.  The purpose of said page is to show off my abilities (such as they are) as an inker and perhaps save myself some postage from mailing out samples.

Though there is nothing there yet, there will be in the future.  Here's the link:

My DeviantArt Page

June 23, 2008 - Monday 

Current mood:  bummed
Category: Life

Howdy, friends.

Sorry I've been away, but frankly, I grew so tired of the sound of my own voice that I just didn't feel I had anything to say...until now.

Yesterday, one of my heroes died.  His name is George Carlin.  He was 71.

George Carlin was and is one of the biggest influences on my life and view of the world.  For those of you who don't know who he is, shame on you.  Here's the cliff notes:

Although he is (in)famously known for his diatribe "The Seven Words You Can't Sy on Television", Carlin was a visionary.  Carlin's real gift to the world was his ability to see through the mundacity and the bullshit of everyday life, and to make you laugh about it.  Sure, he worked blue like nobody's business, but I think part of this was to focus his unbridaled rage and disgust (a quality I think we both share, for better or worse), while still keeping his composure and making the audience laugh about it.

George Carlin produced 24 albums, 16 HBO specials, 3 books, and had roles in several movies, including "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure," "Dogma," "Cars," and several roles on television, including his own short-lived show on Fox and a recurring role on the children's show "Thomas the Tank-Engine".

He will be missed -- by me and all his fans around the world.

Do yourselves a favor. Find an album or an HBO special.  Listen, watch, learn.  You'll be glad you did.

-------

From Centralia, with a heavy heart, this is Jonathan signing off.

Currently listening:
Classic Gold
By George Carlin
Release date: 1992-10-27
January 7, 2008 - Monday 

Category: Life

I'm still in the hospital.  I never left, in fact.

The Graft Vs. Host Disease (GVHD) has ravaged my colon.  I can eat solid food, but I can't digest any of it very well.  I am in constant pain and have to manage said pain with copious amounts of morphine.  They are treating me with steroids and other drugs.

I am bald, though my hair is coming back in gray as a mule's ass.  I have lost a lot of weight.  I came in to the hospital weighing nearly 300.  I now weigh 220.

I am getting better, but it is a slow and agonizing process.  I am not going to die...at least not from this.  But I will be here for quite some time.

On an odd but positive note, I am being featured in an upcoming medical journal.  Apparently, the process they used to reverse my transplant doesn't work very often.  I am one of the few survivors of said process.  How odd is that?

J.

PS:  My voice is back.  Feel free to call.

Currently reading:
I Am America (And So Can You!)
By Stephen Colbert
Release date: 09 October, 2007
November 17, 2007 - Saturday 

Current mood:  sick
Category: Life

So I'm back in the hospital.

Why?  Gastrointestinal reaction to GVHD (graft versus host disease). 

The good news is that it's eating the leukemia cells that have popped up.  The bad news is that it's eating some of the good cells too.  And for some damn reason, they decided to fight this battle in my intestines.  Can't keep down any food or liquids with blasting it out of both ends.

BTW, you're welcome for that visual.

So the earliest I get out of here is Tuesday, which will get me home in time for another semi-dysfunctional Thanksgiving (full of insults, insinuations, condescention, and outright horseshit). 

I'm going to roll over and go to sleep now.  Those of you who know my number, please don't call me.  Not because I don't want to talk to you, but my throat is sore and I CAN'T talk to you.

Audi 5.

Jonathan