1) If I answer the phone 'answering service' do not ask me again if this is the answering service, I just told your dumbass it was.

2) Please don't ask me what Dr is on call. I will tell you at the end of the call if I think you need to know.

3) If it was really an emergency you wouldn't have hung up after you found out someone other than YOUR Dr is taking call.

4) If you really feel it is an emergency and I page your Dr, do not call me every 10 mins after you place your first call. I'll tell you that I'll page it again but I really won't just because you pissed me off.

5) If your kid has been running a temp of 103 for a week and you pick 11:30pm to call us, I'm not gonna take you seriously.

6) Your Xanax is not an emergency. Period.

7) Learn to read the god blessed thermometer. Don't call us and tell us you have a 107 degree fever when it was really 100.7 - These are common numbers we all learned in school.

8) Antibiotics are not emergency medications, they're just not.

9) Paging a Dr. for an appointment or work note is not an option, ever.

10) Please don't call me and tell me you need 'a pointment'. It's 'an appointment'. Please speak the language we all agreed on.

11) If your first name is Joe and your last name has 16 letters, don't just spell your first name. I'm perfectly capable of spelling your first all by myself.

12) 9pm is not an acceptable time to call and speak to your property manager about a letter you received because your boat is parked in your front yard.

13) No, we don't care if you got a tow sticker on your windshield.

14) We also don't care that you have 15 kids in your house and your water is shut off because you didn't pay the bill. You have lived there for 3 years, you should know your water bill is due.

15) If you are calling a pharmacy and I ask you what the call is regarding, don't tell me medications. No shit Sherlock!

16) Nurses rarely ever have the correct information and if they do have it, they never have it ready.

17) Please don't call me an answering machine, I don't beep.

18) Pink eye, yeast infections, sore throats, rashes, ingrown hairs and stubbed toes are not emergencies.

19) Do not argue with me because I won't page the Dr to refill your birth control. Try keeping your legs together and you wont have to worry about it.

20) If you call one Dr and I answer the phone, you ask for pain meds, I tell you no, DONT CALL ANOTHER DR. I'll know it's you and chances are I'll tattle on your pill poppin ass.

Hell...explained scientifically

   The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

   The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

   Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat) heat)?

   Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

   One student, however, wrote the following:

   First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.  So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.

   I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.

   Therefore, no souls are leaving.   As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

   Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.  Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.   With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.  Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

   This gives two possibilities:

   1.   If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

   2.   If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

   So which is it?

   If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

   The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

   THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+ 

 

 

I loved this so much I had to put it in my blog!

I must have been absent the day my English teacher covered the difference between capitol and capital. Ive been spelling it wrong for years and noone ever thought to kindly tell me I look like an idiot.

And whose bright idea was it to put a friggin P in raspberry?

Then we wonder why people have such a difficult time learning to use the english language. Maybe if we had 1 unified spelling for things it wouldnt be such an issue. Is it cancelled or canceled....oh wait its both. WTF!  We have silent P's and silent K's. I say we all just spell it phonetically (fa net ic ly) and be done with it. For example; Fone, Newmonia, Nife and let us not forget Razzberry.

How sickening! I hope to God that they just turn those same dogs loose on Michael Vick. I for one would pay good money to see those dogs crush his windpipe and rip it from his throat. Im not sure if any of you reading this promote dog fights but if you do, I should be removed from your friends immediately. The simple inhumanity of breeding a dog solely for purposes of fighting them to the death so you can have a little extra money in your pocket is nauseating. Im sure Michael Vick will be a big celebrity upstate with this NFL status and the dog fightin allegations. Anyone who enjoys this brutality is worth every red cent of my tax dollars that it took to put your sorry ass away. What is wrong with people in this world? Its not just the dog fights. 14 year old boys are taking the lives of other from fights over girls, Jordans and every other insignificant thing thats happens by them. People show no remorse for their actions until the reality of a 30 year prison term is thrust upon them. At which time they suddenly become Bible beating, God fearing men and women. Even then, we release them on the blind faith that these people have reformed while behind bars watching other inmates get shanked in the shower and expect them to go on to be productive members of society. Only to watch as that revolving door of the justice system sees them through many more times because they have fallen back in to the same lifestyle that landed them behind bars in the first place.