Release and breathe.....

 

There comes a time in your life when you have to realize that with every action there is an reaction. You can't walk around and say or do things to people with out expecting that. It's so easy for a person on the outside of a situation to say " Let it go" but sometimes the wound is a little too deep to cover with a band-aid. We all have been hurt, but what works for you may not work for me. Like my mom always tells me "What's good for the duck, isn't good for the goose." There are methods that you should take, but if you already know how the outcome is going to be then you just don't say anything at all. I wouldn't call it holding grudges, I would say it's just not my style (holding grudges). Sometimes SILENCE is the best medicine. Or in my case, I just turned it over to God. But when the pain leaves you in the position where you sleep is robbed, and your mind is scattered. Then you have no choice but to say something. Walking up to someone to say "what you did really pissed me off, may come off the wrong way."  Then that's when you bring on the wonderful world of communciation through technology. When you give someone valuable information, and it is infact repeated the exact way it was said.... then what do you do. People have no idea how words can sink into your soul alot deeper than noticed.  So rather than me acting "out of character" and be labeled as "dead ass wrong" then... I choose to go the route that I did. Now, should I apologize, NO. For what? Now, did I consider the other persons feelings, of course I did. I could have done far worse than the response that I choose. But where would that have gotten us? NOWHERE! I will always love this person, but just right now is not a good time. Maybe I'll see her when she's at the store and God may say, "now is the time" or maybe outside and God will say "now is time". I chose to send an email because that was the only way I could effectively get release with out a huge arguement. If  I had chosen the method recommended it might had made it alot worse for the person whom I was talking too, I don't like to cause waves in peoples homes. Especially not when they have children...

Lately I have been served ALOT of lemons. I asked God why? Why me and why now? Then he showed it to me. Sometimes he has to move people or situations in order to line you up for your blessings. People maybe a little funny at first but in the end it is you that TRULY matters. Will I sit back and allow people or situation, to hold me hostage from my blessings.... no I WILL NOT! So everyday is a learning experience.

Can't even believe God allowed you to step to me,

For your charm was all I was able to see.

You came in smooth and played the roll so well,

In my brain you were determined to dwell.

You see snakes come in many different forms,

Their only goal is to leave you battered and scorned.

I allowed myself to believe that you needed me,

When my high horse lifestyle fell you was eager to flee.

See your attraction wasn't soley geared toward me,

You was more attracted to the fact that I had money.

I hardly listen to rumors... you can't assumed everything is true,

But how do you react when they all say the same thing about you.

You conquered me when I was low and pumped me up with "I love you"

Truth is, it wasn't me that you loved... just what I could do.

You left me stuck up a creek with no rescue boat,

I will once again arise from this hold and I too shall float.

See you got back on you grind and made a little money,

Towards the ones who helped you... now you actin' funny.

When I see you I will smile because you'll have no clue,

Just like Usher...moving mountains...except my mountain is you.

We all have paths to walk, run, skip whatever. Are you on the right one. If so how are you for sure. I believe my path has and will take me to many different places. I crossed and recrossed paths with the most interesting people. This week alone I have recrossed paths with someone whom I haven't seen in 8 years. To me that is a HUGE ordeal. Out of all the places in the world he could have been he was outside of my mother's house parking his car. Which made me wonder.... what does God have in stored for me today.  Now, earlier today I had made plans to attend a family function but for some strange reason my spirit was not leading me in that direction (God knows best). When something inside keeps nagging at you listen to it. TRUST ME. This dude had a message for me. I told him about the family function that I had made plans for, his response was..."you made plans, you never make plans". I laughed and said after all these years you know me like a book. He says because you only allow certain people to know you because you are very protective of your heart due to the blows in your past is. He says I believe it's what they call discernment. He said your the type of person who doesn't take bullshit very well. He says dam to think of it you don't take alot of things well. I told him one of my pet peeves is for people to talk alot of shit when they aren't exactly on point. I told him about my current state of being, all those who know me know what I mean. I fucking hate it when people keep repeating the same old bullshit over, and over. I clearly don't tell you how to count your sheep, so leave mine the fuck alone. If I didn't hit your buzzer....then your opinion isn't really desired. I believe in the says "ask and ye shall receive" well... if I didn't ASK for your opinion, then how do you expect me to RECEIVE it (lol). He says that's funny alot people talk out of turn. Its always the ones who don't have control, who try so hard to tell you how to gain it. I said to him once you place EVERYTHING in God's hands that is when you let it go. God always has the finally say so, I told him if you don't take anything else from me take this. Listen to God first. The devil comes in many forms, and may sometimes use those close to you to set you up. How can the blind lead the blind. He said yeah that's just like me giving you hair advice. I don't even have hair, some backwards stuff.

 

So leave you my readers with this.... Though I may be going through a storm, what right do I have to give a forecast (think about it). Like mama said..."to each their own" if you can't control your red wagon, please get off of mine.

 

 

Alicia

It is sad that she would stoop so low. I considered this bitch to be my rock, and what did she do? I pushed my ass in front of the fucking bus...once again. Wow! How can you do that to people with no hit of shame? How the fuck can you honestly look me in my face and say "I love you" when in reality your just waiting to stick the knife in my back. I don't live to please you, God has the final say on my soul, not you. I'm in tears right now because I don't take well to many females because of shit like this. How can you wish bad on the only person who was in your corner? WHEN YOU HAD NO ONE ELSE I WAS FUCKING THERE!!!!!  WOW! All I can say is WOW! Dam I seen your true colors, them bitches didn't shine through they exploded in my face.

 

NOW I KNOW THE DEVIL IS REAL!

Where is it cool to sell out a friend? Where is it cool to bring people down to make yourself look better? Where do they allow their children to look like fucking bums, and you come out looking like royalty? Where do think it's cool to allow your man to tell you where you can and can't go, but he goes and comes when he feels like it? Where is it when a grown ass woman has to get "permission" to have company in her own dam house? Where is it that you have "in home pussy" but you fucking everything that has legs? Where is it cool to make babies then say you don't want them? Where do allow children to tell their parents what they are and are not gonna do? Where is it funny to laugh at children who are special needs? Where do they allow people to correct the parent who is correcting his/her child? Where do they allow you to discipline other peoples children, but can't nobody discipline yours? Where is it that a full blown lesbian approaches you about a dude she likes (pick a team hun)? Where do they allow their baby mama's to suck dick just so they can get a free bag of weed? Where do they think allowing children to run around at 11:15 at night is okay? When is it cool to keep your kids in the house because you don't like the neighborhood children? Where is it cool to stop other children from having fun because they are making too much noise? Where is it cool to curse out peoples children? When is it cool to steal from the one who is helping you? When is it cool to carry a friend when your man/woman is insecure? Where is it funny when a crack head knows your child by name? When is it cool to support your you dam near 40 year old child because they don't want a job? When it is cool to buy a car but you can't seem to support your child? Where is it cool to to call the police because your baby daddy don't want you anymore? Where is it cool for 2 grown ass people to shack up with his/her mama? Where is it cool for you dick to smell like it molded? Where is it cool to tell someone they need to loose weight when your not a "swimsuit model"? How can you allow your 14 year old daughter to have a myspace page and tells everyone she's 16? How can you sleep with underage girls and you have a daughter? How can allow your children to come outside with their heads not combed but you get yours done every weekend? How can you allow your 15 year old son to have sex? Since when is good to encourage your children to curse at adults? Since when did children say they are ashamed of their parent because they are ugly?

 

AGAIN I SAY WHERE DO THEY DO THAT AT????

I learned a very good lesson today about friendship. What is a friend? The word FRIEND means: A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. Now ask yourself are you any on the above? Of course your someone who people know, sometimes you are someone who people like, but are you someone who people can trust? That's the million dollar question. If you trust no one then how can others know to trust you. I know what it like to befriend someone who clearly does not know how to be a friend. My problem is I see not what a person is but what they have the potential to become. I constantly find myself using their flaws as building blocks.

Senario 1: I had a "friend" who was about to be put out I paid this person's rent for 4 months (when I had it like that) mainly because I work with that "if it was me" mentality. To find out this person had someone else doing the exact same thing, except this person was pocketing my money instead. Now this person sees me and knows I am struggling and turns their nose up and keeps walking. Karma.... believe in it.

Senario 2: I had a "friend" who I invested some funds into I'm talking like $1500. This person was one foot from the streets. I did because I thought about this persons child. I wouldn't want my seed on the street. 3 weeks later this person hit the lotto for $15,000, and made up some reason as to why we could no longer be friends. I told them okay, karma....believe in it.

Senario 3: I had a  friend whose child had no clothes or shoes, for what ever reason, I took this person shopping only to find out that they returned all the items purchased and pocketed the money.....karma..believe in it.

I have come to conclusion that I am not good when it comes to money and the needs people have. This blog was not about money...  those senarios are true. It just burns me up when you have and they don't, you give and they won't. I just laugh because the same people you see coming up are the same people who pass you coming down.

 

I am not a good judge of character or intentions. One things for certain, Two things for sure I believe in God, and now everytime someone comes to me with some need of ANY size I ask God to give discernment. It bothers me when people are only a friend when they know it's coming back to them. If you give with the intentions to receive...then you get nothing! If you are a friend just to benefit... then you GET NOTHING! Becareful of those whom you place that label on. I have 1 BEST friend, and  2 friends. I have many associates. I hope no one gets offended but it's the truth. Alot of people call me friend, sadly I don't give them the same title. Because people throw the word "friend" around like they throw around "i love you" and majority of them have no clue what both of those mean.

♥ Alicia ♥

 

Blown like..., some clown calls himself breaking into my house on Mother's day. When I caught his ass he had the nerve to ask me to come here, and that he had to pee. I believe someone is praying for this clown, because had he gotten in, you would have seen me on the news. I would have seriously hurt this dude. I thank God that my son wasn't home. God has away of preparing us for things like this. Just 3 days prior to this incident, I switched rooms with my son, and had this weird feeling which lead me to doing so. Thank God I did. You always get a warning sign, it's up to you to follow them. Then to make matters worse. He tore my screen off my window. So, I call the police they come let them big dogs loose, and find nothing of course. They decide to dust the screen and window for prints, don't know what they found. So, I hit up one of my homies to come chill with me for the night, so I can get a little sleep he doesn't even show up. I went bed about 6 my son got up about 8, I've been up ever since. Oh, and here's the best part, my house gets flooded from rain Sunday night, I'm talking kiddie pool in the kitchen. I am so tired, I don't know what to do...