I was looking around online for info on my house (date of construction).  Many of you know that I purchased my house with a friend from an auction company, because when it had been auctioned, the winning bidder hadn’t been able to follow through, so we were able to make an offer without a bidding war.  We probably saw it for the first time around the 2d or 3rd week of July and closed on August 14th.  Guess what date it was originally auctioned?  June 30!!!  My birthday!!!  I saw that, and after a moment’s pause started blushing.  God was at that auction on my birthday arranging to give me the house!  This house was more than just the blessing I thought it was, it was a birthday present!  I am so blessed and honored.

-David

This is kind of an experiment, but sort of a practical one.  If you feel inspired, lead, called, or just want to pray for me, try this:

"Jesus, teach David how to fight.  Please give him strength and endurance.  Teach him self control.  Give him patience to not get discouraged, and keep showing him how much you love him.  Teach him how to live from his heart instead of his head, how to take risks wisely, how to engage the enemy according to your direction, and under your command.  Send him men to train with, men that can learn together to fight as warriors of the Kingdom.  Teach David boldness, courage, and fortitude.  Teach him the power of your Love and how to walk in humility.  Amen"

Let's see what happens!

-David

I wrote the following text in my diary today.  I post it because...well why not.  Maybe someone else has felt this way.  I'm not really looking for comments or responses on this though I wouldn't refuse them either.  I post this for you, the reader, not so I can get something, but because I want to share.  For once Dear Jesus I want to share. 

    One last thing.  This is not a confession to the reader, this was written to God.  The only thing I wish to say about feedback is that if you think I'm being too hard on myself, keep it to yourself.  I know what I wrote about myself is true and I don't care whether you believe it or not.

Taking Stock of my Life:

What is valuable to me?

My relationships

Delia, Johanna, Dorothy, Damaris, Mr. & Mrs. Cruz, Ben, Emily, Nancylee, my Dad, Annie, Katie & Rob, Michael, Jonathan, Teresa, Mr. & Mrs. Diener, Kim, Shayne, Darren, Jinhee, Ben & Jenny Hornby, Brian and Stephanie Lanciki, Steve & Kristen Clarke, Brian Clarke, Jerry & Wendy Porter, Chris Murray, Bob and Wanda Murray, Dave, Tim and Warren Palmer, Aaron, Dave Golden, Tom Duffy I think I have more friends than this, but it's hard to just list everyone off the top of your head.

I was eating lunch today watching Big Fish.  I was impressed how much this guy loves this girl and wanted to be with her.  It made me think about the truly valuable things, what would I give away, sell, give up to save one of the people in the list above?  Would I give everything?  Would I give much?  Would I give anything?  What are these worldly possessions if not opportunities to demonstrate my love for the ones in that list?  And is not the call of God to expand that list to include everyone in the world?  I need to start treating other people like the treasures God sees them as.  I need to stop treating this filthy mammon with such care and dignity when it comes or is protected at the expense of people's needs and feelings.  I need a paradigm shift.  God placed me on this earth to love and be loved.  He blessed me so that I could bless others and so far I have failed miserably.  MISERABLY!!!!!  I have not loved with true abandon as God loves.  I have loved according to my own wretched horrible scale of justice and beauty.  I have failed Him who has given me so much, I have wasted my life!  I believe in Him, yet I do not love as He loves.

A thought comes to mind.

Two things we cannot do with clenched fists:

Give

Receive

It's time to open my fists and keep them that way

-David

5:30am 11 September 2007

 The Lord has granted me a gift. I have just awoke from a most beautiful and comforting dream. I dreamed that I was with my mom in her final hours. I was the only one there and we were in a public place like an outdoor shopping mall. She was fatigued but her heart was strong. She was alert and quite lucid. We both knew the end was near. I began to weep and I called out to her through my sobs "Mommy I love you so much!!!" She turned and smiled a most beautiful radiant smile and told me that she loved me too. I asked her to speak to the Lord for me to comfort me when she had gone. She said "don't you think He will?"

After a little while we looked up and a dove was circling overhead in a clear blue sky, it's white feathers in contrast to the expanse of endless blue. I knew the time had come. I took both her hands in mine and looked at her. She hadn't taken her eyes off the dove. She started walking in a circle around me and I held her hands, her eyes always to the sky. I said "mommy describe it! What is it like!?" I repeated this several times as we turned. She said nothing but her eyes grew wider and wider and the biggest smile of her life began. She began to laugh, an almost incredulous joy in her voice as if to say "I had no idea it would be like this!" Her face was a picture of the word rapture, her eyes upturned, her mouth opened wide with amazement. After another few turns she was gone. I looked up and she was a dove circling in the sky. Then the dove became an albatross, and an eagle, then a few other birds before finally it became a fighter jet which circled once and swooped down over my head with a mighty roar, the blast from the engines shook the ground and she was gone.

Well, it's been two years now since my mommy woke up to "the day that knows no night".  I want to mark the occasion, but as I usually do, I feel at a loss for what to say.  I've been reading a book called "Voices From the Edge of Eternity" which has the last words and experiences of a great many people, some famous, both saved and unsaved.  It is comforting and in a way heartbreaking.  Comforting to know that she is in such a wondrous beautiful place, a place more beautiful and marvelous than we can imagine, and that she is still very alive, indeed much more alive than when she was here.  Her spirit is what made her alive, her spirit was what made her "her", and her body was only the shell that contained it.  I know that that spirit continues to live and I will see her again, but how far away is that day!  Hence the heartbreaking.  How many years, trials experiences must my eyes witness!  I expect I will get married, have children, watch them grow, advance in my job, have so many birthdays and Christmas mornings, how many miles I will drive in how many vehicles to how many houses, before growing old and full of years to look back on my life with my grandchildren around me and realize that she was not here to share it with me.  I know she will be familiar with it, watching me all the way cheering me on as even she did while she was here.  She used to love hearing my stories.  I think that in a way I validated so many of the trials she endured to raise me and my siblings.  In me she saw victory, triumph that she had endured child-rearing and had begun to see the fruits of her labor.  None of this is intended to take away from the joy she drew from my brothers and sisters, only to describe the intensity of the love that she had for me.

    I asked God that when He comes to call me home, to send my mommy to pick me up.  I expect He will not have a problem with that.  In the time since she left, I have broken my arm, lived in the Middle East, lost (for now) the girl I love, bought a house, made a few more friends and a lot more memories.  I still cry a lot when I think about her.  What will the years bring?

  Shalom, shalom.  Meine mutter ist mit Gott in Himmel und ich werde sie wieder eines Tages sehen.  Herr beschleunigen den Tag.  Amen

I've just finished reading a blog about a church in California where the churchgoers are experiencing miracles when they pray for people that they meet through the normal course of life, at the supermarket, on the street, out in everyday life.  People from all over the congregation are bringing these testimonies all the time, largely of healings.  I was deeply moved by it as I usually am by testimonies of healing.  I thought as I read it something I've thought before, "People probably see results because they aren't afraid to ask for healing or to pray for people who need healing".  You see dear friends, I need healing.  Many of my very closest friends know this, but only becuse I've shared it with them on a personal basis.  As of now, this will change.  Shame and embarassment would have me keep it to myself, but I don't care anymore.

I have genital herpes

I've thought for quite a while that it's a shame that amidst all the testimonies of other healings that you can find, there are almost none of God healing STD's.  I think that shame and fear keep people from asking for healing or prayer and that may be exactly why more people don't get healed.  To date, outside of AIDS healing, I've heard exactly ONE testimony of someone being healed specifically of an STD.  AIDS can be communicated so many other ways besides sex that it doesn't bear the same stigma that some of the more common STD's have.  Plus AIDS awareness is becoming more and more widespread these days.  Back to my prayer request:

I contracted HSV II a little over 3 years ago after discarding my virginity with a girl I barely knew.  In the time since, my life has radically changed.  My most precious prayer since childhood was for a wife, and this seemed to be a death-knell to that hope.  The brokenness of spirit that followed my diagnosis was the most painful and perhaps the most beneficial process that I've ever been through.  My relationship with the Lord deepened so much, that I can scarcely be anything but thankful for His leading me through it, though it hurt so badly.  I can say from experience that brokenness leads to a wonderful place where it is easier to focus on the Lord and not on oneself.  For the sake of this brokenness, I can scarcely say that I wish it hadn't happened.  I do wish that I could turn back the clock and resist temptation where I succumbed, but I cannot wish to have skipped the breaking.

So, here I am.  Waiting on the Lord, hoping and praying for healing, and thus far keeping a sort of lid on things because well, sexual sin has a way of scaring people.  It's seen as a sort of "worse" sin, a really "dirty" sin, the kind that real Christians don't struggle with.  The truth is that statistically, every 4th person reading this blog knows exactly, intimately what I'm talking about.  The statistics don't change inside the church, in fact in some cases, they get worse.  So as the title of this blog says, enough is enough.  Enough with the shame, with the hiding, with the fear.  I'm asking you to pray for me, and for you to share this blog with anyone...EVERYONE that you think will pray for me too.  When the Lord heals me, I'll let all of you know and we can praise the Lord together.  Furthermore, if you know anyone with an STD of any kind, I'm asking you to get them to e-mail me so I can pray for them.  If God heals diseases, if Jesus cast out 7 demons from a prostitute, then He can heal me too.  And if He can heal me, He can heal anybody of STD's showing them of His love and forgiveness.  No more hiding, I'm all in.

-David

mailto: david@gunnersmate.com

Just this morning Ben and I signed the buyers contract for the house mentioned in the previous blog.  We've got to get an appraisal done, a termite and moisture letter approved, and the mortgage loan approved prior to closing which will be probably either Aug 10 or 27th.  I'll be gone in between those dates so we can close the 10th if the bank can get the loan approved by then, or else by the 27th.  I'm eager to get everything done, move in and start the multi-year process of working on the house.  I love hobbies and I think this house will be one of my main hobbies for the next few years.  A lot happens in a week!  This time last week, we were signing an offer to buy a completely different house!  I think that God allowed certain things to happen so that we would be where he wants us to be.  Ben and I have talked about having wives and families some day and we both agree that we want our wives to be able to stay at home especially when we have kids.  In today's economy, that is a goal that must be planned in advance.  We both view the time in this house as an investment and a plan for that goal to be reached.  With the money we'll save jointly paying the mortgage, we'll be able to improve the house, increasing equity, and saving/investing on the side.  Hopefully whenever the time comes for us to marry our wives and start our families (not too many years God!?) we'll be financially situated well enough to realize the goals we have.  I'm excited at the opportunity.  Also for me, I've lived by myself for about 6 years, and this will be an opportunity for me to get used to living with another person and sharing the workload of taking care of a house, as well as learning the complexities of home ownership so that when the time comes to begin a family, I have one less thing to try to learn for the first time.  Jesus said that He was going to prepare a place for us.  In following His example, I need to prepare a place in my life, heart, finances, etc. for my bride so that when the day comes, I can welcome her into my life, into a place prepared in advance for her, rather than trying to "make room" for her, squeezing her into an otherwise busy or unkempt life.

-David

For those who've been wondering, and anyone else who cares.

  This last two weeks, I've been house hunting.  I've been staying at my friend Ben's house while I look.  The first week was me just looking up properties on Realtor.com (thanks Katie!) and then doing some drive-by shootings with my Canon.  No, not cannon...Canon as in Rebel XT, my digital third eye for the last year.  My realtor, Tina was on vacation that week so I had to be content with looking at neighborhoods and the exteriors of the houses since I couldn't go in.  A neighborhood can tell you a lot though.  Last week, I began seeing houses with Tina, and on Tuesday I saw a house that, by Wednesday, became my favorite out of all the others.  Thursday, Ben and I got preapproved for a joint loan since we've decided that buying a house together would be a smart investment choice over buying seperately(Ben rents right now). Friday, Ben saw the house in question, and that evening, we wrote an offer.  We asked for $5k less than the list price plus $5k in closing cost assistance.  We weren't suprised to recieve a counter-offer on Saturday.

Now, Ben has been working everyday, while I've been house hunting.  I have the opportunity to take leave from work during this time, and am using it to find a house.  I've gotten very comfortable with the area that this house is in, and for the price, it seems to be the best deal so far.  Even though we had already written an offer, on Saturday Ben was feeling a little hesitant, wanting to get a little more familiar with the neighborhood.  He said he wanted to drive around it, once at night and once in the daytime.  I realized that this would delay our acceptance of the counter until at least Monday, and since the property was being shown both Saturday and Sunday, I didn't want to run the risk of having it get yanked out from under us.  I prayed about it, and the Lord reminded me to be patient because he holds everything in His hands.  I didn't want to put any pressure on Ben because I wanted to make absolutely sure that the guy paying the other half of the mortgage had come to the decision that this was the right thing to do on his own.  I called Tina on Saturday and told her that Ben was going to drive around that night and again in the morning and that I would call her as soon as the decision  was made.  She said not to worry, that when we decided to move forward, it would only take about 5 minutes and we could swing by the office to do the paperwork on Sunday afternoon.  After I hung up the phone, Ben and I went to a friends house to hang out for the evening.  When we left, we drove around the neighborhood at around 11:00 pm and it was really quiet.  I'm thinking "this is good, Ben's sure to sign off on this house after this drive."  The next morning, I went to church, and Ben drove back over to the neighborhood to look around again.  He called me up and said that he found something he wanted me to look at that might change my mind on whether this was the house we wanted.  I told him I would be right there so I jumped in my truck and headed over there.  I was kind of rolling my eyes at the thought of backing out so close to closing the deal, but I thought, if he's found something wrong with the house, it's better to know now!  We had already been all through the house, into the attic, under the house in the crawlspace, and all around.  I couldn't imagine what could be wrong with it.  I drove up to the house and Ben was parked in the driveway with his windows down.  He said "I saw some stuff as I drove around that I think you should know about..  Follow me."  And he pulled out of the driveway.  I followed him, a little upset thinking, "So there isn't anything wrong with the house!  I like the neighborhood, what's wrong!?"  I expected him to drive around the corner to a landfill that we somehow missed, or a bunch of projects or something like that.  Instead, he drives down to the main road, turns right, drives down about 4 streets and turns left onto a quiet street.  He pulls up into the front yard of a big house with a for sale sign.  The house needs some work, but it's obviously bigger than the one we were going to buy.  He says he called the agent and left a message so he doesn't know anything about it.  We look around for about a minute then he says, "I got one more to show you."  We continue down the street away from the main road for a couple hundred yards until we reach the end.  He puls up into the front yard of another house.  This one has an auction company sign in the front yard.  Ben tells me that it's 1200 square feet(200 more than we were getting with the one we wrote the offer for).  I'm looking at a yard that is easily twice as big, in in a better neighborhood and has a 3 CAR GARAGE!!!  Then Ben tells me that he called the auction manager with the number on the sign.  Apparently, the house will be auctioned soon, but it had been under sales contract which fell through.  The auction manager said that there was a possibility of putting in a normal contract before Tuesday, which might keep it from going to auction.  The asking price?  $20,000 LESS than the house we had written an offer for!  I called Tina to ask her about it and she drove over to look at it.  She said that she would look into it for us.  We talked to the neighbor across the street who said he had lived there for 11 years.  He said that an older couple used to live in the house, the man died a couple years ago, and the woman was in a retirement home.  He also said that a Police officer lived at the house next door!  We asked if he knew anything about the condition of the house, and he said that "well, bein old folks the'e ain't but so much tearin up their likely to do"  But he did mention that there might be an issue with the floor in one bathroom.  Looking at the yard it looks taken care of, and the house looks in good shape from the outside.  It was probably built in the 50's and the houses back then were stronger than the ones being built today.  All in all, I felt the Lord smiling at me saying "David, humility always pays for itself".  I've come to know how the Lord enjoys looking after me when I let Him, and I've been looking for His leading in this whole process.  I had felt no special tugs or prodding so far, and was just trusting that He would show me the way.  Everything that happened so far led us up to finding this house, though I couldn't have known that it would lead us here.  It's not ours yet, there is still a lot of stuff that needs to happen first, but I have a good feeling about this one, and I have peace.  Both Ben and I are excited about getting this house and so far the excitement has been only mine with him being reserved and a bit unsure.

The house would need central air to be installed, but that's what Ben does for a living, so we could do it ourselves at cost of materials only which would likely save us over $10,000 compared to having a contractor do it.  The house probably has never been renovated, or added to, but if it's as well kept on the inside as it is on the outside, we won't need to do anything immediately to make it livable.  It looks like a grandma's house.  The front porch is a sort of sunroom, that uses the old-fashioned glass slats, probably 4"x24" each running from top to bottom of each window.  The slats pivot to allow airflow, there must be over a hundred of these slats, maybe more.  I didn't notice any broken ones.  A house with something delicate and old like that, still in good condition speaks to the ownership.  It probably has been owned by the same couple for decades.

Anyway, I'm excited to see what happens.  Today will probably be a big day of making decisions.  I'll keep people posted.

-David

Well, I've come to the last day of my tour in Bahrain.  I remember leaving the states a year ago feeling like I was dying and being reincarnated into a different life.  Here's a short list of the changes:

-Continent

-Country

-time zone

-Culture

-currency

-housing

-vehicle

-job

-supervisor

-food

-language

-weather

-political climate

-traffic

Well here at the end of the year, I feel like I'm dying again.  I've made a handful of friends that I will miss a lot.  One friend thankfully transferred to Virginia where I will see her again, but a few others will depart to the ends of the earth.  The Arabic friends I have made will miss me, and I will miss them.  Mr Mohsin Bahman of the Technical Trading Centre is like a grandfather to me and also a best friend.  We have spent so many countless hours sipping tea and discussing everything in the world while his men scurried around the busy streets of Manama or traveling across the causway to Saudi Arabia collecting the things I needed.  When I had a project and needed advice on how best to complete it, he studied the problem with me until we had a solution, giving no thought whatever to the personal expense he was investing.  We've spoken about politics, religion, marriage, culture, and shared a great many good stories and laughs.  He speaks 4 languages fluently and uses them daily.  I've never met a kinder, gentler, wiser or more selfless man in my life.  He has a ready smile and an honest laugh.  I will miss him a lot.

My friend Mutahar was introduced to me by my friend Dan who met him back in 2003 during a previous depoyment to Bahrain.  The owner of two carpet shops, I have spent many hours also sitting with him discussing everything in the world.  He has taught me most of the Arabic that I know.  A visit to Mutahar's shop is an investment of at least a half hour of your time, and that's if you're in a rush to do other things.  All but one of the carpets I purchased came from one of his shops, which is the biggest shop in Bahrain.  During Ramadan, A commercial aired on Channel 3 advertising his shop.  Myself and three of my collegues were 'featured' in that commercial.  We happened to walk into the shop one day and saw camera crews setting up.  Mutahar walked over and asked if we would like to be in his commercial!  Being a once in a lifetime opportunity, we accepted.  The commercial isn't long and we are only in a small part of it, but it was a neat experience.

I'm glad to say that I saw a lot of what Barain has to offer, I wish I could've gone to the Grand Prix when it was here, but I was deployed at the time.  I'm looking forward greatly to going home and seeing my family again, but I'll miss the family I made here.  It seemes wherever I go, I form close friendships and I want to take all my friends with me wherever I go.  Sadly I cannot.  I wish all my friends knew the joy and peace of knowing the One I know, I pray for them.  I'd like to see them all again in heaven.  For those I am returning to, I eagerly await seeing you again.  Until then,

-David

Hey everyone,

  I've spent the last week of my life sitting on a huge Navy ship waiting for someone to decide what to do with us.  It's been really boring, I didn't make it to Oman on account of them not asking for assistance.  I saw Navy life and witnessed to some of the Navy guys about how they should turn their lives over to the Coast Guard.  I'm sure many of them will.  Anyway it's good to be back on land and having things move along.  I should be on schedule for my return to the states in only 9 days!!! yay.  I love you all, thanks for the prayers!

-David