Wow, it's been a long time since I posted a blog!  Just wanted to share this strange little happening and then you can all go about your day...  Today, 9/11, I have had 911 views to my profile.  Weird.  Ok, carry on.

Having a child in the post 9/11 world is difficult.  I was teaching preschool when our nation  was rocked to the core and I remember for weeks watching the students in my classroom build 2 side by side towers out of blocks and knock them down with plastic airplanes.  Knowing that these innocent children had obviously watched the news with their parents, we were ALL glued to the tv for days, I swore to myself that I would protect my future children from certain things.  Their minds can’t comprehend the tragedy of war and the destruction of terrorism and I feel it is my job as a parent to protect that precious innocence that is so easily lost by watching the evening news.  And for the last 5 years I feel like I have done my best to uphold that promise to myself.  My daughter doesn’t even know who Hannah Montana is, not that there’s anything wrong with Hannah, but my kiddo is still happy watching the Backyardigans and Little Einsteins and gets her greatest joy in life by pretending to be any kind of animal  she can think of and not a glitter encrusted, inappropriate clothing wearing, gonna burn out before she’s 20, pop star (ok so maybe I have a problem with Hannah, hahahaa).  And since I brought up inappropriate clothing... I never knew I was a prude until I went bathing suit shopping for my 5 year old.  I mean, come on!  Can I please find at least one tasteful bathing suit that doesn’t scream "Hey Child Molestor, come grab my kid while she’s at swim lessons!!"  There is no reason my daughter needs a bikini with a triangle shaped top, she doesn’t have boobs, why put her in a suit that looks like a bra?!  And when I find a cute one piece, they have the cut outs on each side or over the lower back area, it’s driving me insane!  Cuz what really bugs me is that SOME dumbass mom is buying this trash for her 5 year old daughter or the bathing suit people wouldn’t even make the things!  But I’m ranting and now off topic.....but it still bugs me

So yesterday morning we were watching the local news to see if  the kiddo’s school was open because of all the tornadoes and storms, power was out all over.  She just happened to walk into the room as a clip of the war came on the tv screen.  She was noticeably disturbed by the clip, they were running with guns in hand, smoke and dust everywhere on the screen.  Her first concern was that the army guys were shooting at her school, since we had told her we were watching tv to see if she was going to school that morning.  We have never discussed war with her, going back to that archaic belief of protecting childhood innocence, and I was completely thrown for a loop as to what to tell her.  Off the top of my head, I came up with the simplest explantion my half awake mind could muster so early in the morning, something about the army guys not being at her school but in a country far away making sure that our country, our homes and schools, stayed safe.  This seemed to calm her and she went on about her morning, my mind however, is not so at ease.  I know I am not the first parent to explain war to her child, I can’t even begin to imagine the discussions in the households in this country where one or both parents are fighting for my safety, but it’s new to me.  Finding that fine line between providing information and scarring my child for life is what I have to figure out.

Come out to the Royal Theatre in Downtown Benton to see the production of "The Man Who Came to Dinner".  This classic comedy written by Kaufman & Hart will run February 14-16 at 7pm, February 17 at 2pm and again February 21-24, same show schedule.  The theater, which is listed on the National Register of Historic Places, is located on 111 South Market St Downtown Benton.  Check out www.royalplayers.org  for more info and ticket prices.  This is my first production with the Royal Players and it's great!  Hope you can make it!  

I was just reading an article about a baby product recall.  It was an item that I do not have, but have always thought was a good idea and would probably get one for my next child, whenever he or she may arrive.  The bumpo, I think that's right, seat.  It's this neat little foam seat to help infants who have not yet learned to sit up on their own, sit up.  Great for getting them off their backs and avoiding the bald spot in their hair from rubbing it all off,  great for sitting up to look at the world around them, all that good stuff.  The thing with the bumpo seat is that it doesn't have a seat belt to keep the kids in it.  It's meant for them to learn how to sit and for them to be able to get out of it if they so wish.  My immediate impression of this seat is that it is one I would use on the floor when I am close by so that my child would not risk falling and hurting themselves.  Well, apparently I am in the minority when it comes to thinking of my child's saftey.  There are actually some dumbass parents out there who have placed this seat on their kitchen tables, countertops and other raised surfaces, walked away from their child in a seat that does not have a seat belt, and are now suing the company that makes the seats because their child wriggled out and fell off the table, kitchen counter or other raised surface and fractured their little skull.  They are claiming they didn't know they shouldn't put their fragile infants in an unsecured seat on surface 4 feet off the ground.  HELLO!!  People can't really be this stupid can they?  Please, I need to believe people are, for the most, part intelligent and logical!  Especially people who are raising children!  

I have a script in my hand... all is right with the world!  Ok, we're only a couple of days into rehearsal, but I know it's gonna be a great show!  Come see Community Theatre of Little Rock current  production "Becoming Memories" November 9-11th and 16-18th.  We'll be in Woolly Auditorium at the Arkansas School for the Blind. Friday and Saturday shows at 7:30pm, Sunday shows at 2:00pm.  Hope to see you there!   Check out communitytheatreoflittlerock.com  for more info.  

It's official, I'm a grown up.  I am now a card carrying member of the PTA, hahahaaa!  Ahh, the joy that is public pre-K.  I even went to my first PTA meeting on Thursday and found myself getting excited about the fund raising info packet they will be sending home on Monday, now that is truly disturbing!  The good thing is, it's payback time for all the crap I've purchased from other people's kids.  So if you've come knocking with a catalog of holiday wrapping paper, I'm coming for you.  

I am the worst, absolutely the worst about keeping touch with people over the years.  The fact that I've moved around a bunch doesn't make it any easier, keeping up with people from 4 states and 7 cities is beyond my abilities.  I don't know why, I guess it comes down to laziness on my part.  But this year I have had more fun reconnecting with people from my past thanks to the internet, and many thanks to myspace. It's been great tracking people down and them doing the same for me, catching up, seeing what everyone is doing with their lives, very cool.  It's amazing how sometimes you can just pick up on a conversation like no time has passed, even though you haven't seen someone in over a decade.  I hope everyone can find the time to track down an old friend and share some life stories via email or maybe a phone call.  We all need to catch a glimpse of our past every now and again to remind us of who we are and where we've been.  

I auditioned for a play this last weekend.  It's a very interesting play, it would be a definite challenge.  Now is the hard part, waiting to hear who made the cast.  Yuck.  I hate wait.  

    It started out like any other Monday.  Chris was off to work, Allison at preschool, and a house full of kiddos for me.  I was not in the best of moods as the weekend had seen the end of my twenties and I was not dealing with it very well. 
    At lunch time my mother brought Allison home from school and said that she had gotten a call from the nursing home.  Apparently he was running a fever and had been sick.  They were trying to give him fluids, but no luck.  Mom said she was going to check on him.  The afternoon was uneventful, quiet and peaceful during nap time, and I called my sisters to let them know something was up with our Bigdaddy.
    Around 5 that night I called my mom, "He's not eating anything.  I'm going over after I grab some dinner".  I said I would meet her there after dinner and spend some time with her at his bedside.  He hadn't been out of bed for a couple of weeks.  He slept most of the time, waking briefly to say funny things.  He "prescribed" a nurse some pain meds for her aching back... always the doctor.  He told my mother "I've been promoted upstairs."  "He was a good father.  I loved him and he loved me", was the response he gave when I told him I was reading his memoirs and how much I loved the story about a time when he had an earache and his father, my great grandfather, had stayed up with him one night to blow pipe smoke in his ear to help relieve the pain.  I love the picutre in my head of that night, my grandfather a small boy, his father holding him close and trying anything to make his son feel better.  This is the image I have in my head as I drove over to the nursing home to sit with my Bigdaddy. 
    I walked into his room and it was obvious what was happening.  My mother stood at his bed on his left, the hospice nurse at his feet.  "Whoah", is all I could manage.  My mother said, "Do you want to come say goodbye?"  The nurse confirmed that he was breathing his last.  I walked to his side and reached for his hand.  He didn't even know I was there, he looked as if he were sleeping.  His breathing was shallow and his head warm with a slight fever.  I held his hand and rubbed his thin hair, he didn't even know I was there.  Then a vivid memory flashed into my mind and I couldn't help thinking why this one was pushed to the front.  Of my 30 years of memories, the rope swing he put up every summer, the jokes he would tell, driving him and my grandmother back and forth from Little Rock to Knoxville for Christmas when I was 16, watching he and my 3 year old daughter  hold hands every chance they got, my mind focused on a swimming pool.  Again and again he tried to teach me to dive in the pool, a skill I have never mastered.  "I don't know what to do with this", I say to my self.  My thoughts interupted as the nurse stepped in.  "I think he's gone", she whispered.  She leaned in for listen of his heart, she nodded as she stood back up. 
    The tears streamed down my face as we stood there, my mother weeping across from me, neither of us were able to let go of his hands.  Soon the reality set in and we started making phone calls.  Nurse after nurse came in to tell a funny story or offer a hug, it's very much a blur to me now.  He wasn't suffering, it was amazingly peaceful and quiet, exactly what we had been praying for, no pain.  When I think back on it, it was one of the most painful experiences of my life, but I'm eternally grateful that I was there holding my Bigdaddy's hand... and I think maybe he knew. 
    Something in me had to get this out today.  Thank you for reading and sticking with me through this recount.  One last thing... a poem.  A poem that he wrote and that I read at his funeral.