I wrote this the other night... I have been thinking about everything that has hapened the last few months, and, well.. all i can think is i want to go back to.. lets say January. There are certain people that i dont hitnk i'll find another off, no matter what, and I've come to miss them a lot. I think i have gone home like every weekedn this past month, Orlando isn't what I hoped it would be I guess.. I lost my baby (meaning my car) and well.... lets say i dont like the sharing the fridge thing. Its annoying and i hate it. I wish I was done with this and out there working that job that helps me start really living... even the job that gets me the fridge that has an empty freezer tht i can feel with cheap frozen vegies and pizza... and a fridge full of diffrent drinks and sweet tea, all the time.... that to me woud be perfection. I should be studing.. i have a test tomorrow that wother 20% of my grade.... gah... when did life get so messed up?
Not to mention the whole.. love thing.. idk.. I guess my heart jsut can't e in it anymore... and I dont think its what any one person did... its a combination of it all.. the wanting something.. and loving the feeling.. then having it taken away so easily... i dont think i can let myself get there again.. I hate it.. but.. I think i can live with it.. as long as im alowed to dream, I think i can live with it.
So the following is what i was thiking , in a way, the last week or so, I hope you .... understand...
She's so insecure,
You have no idea how many times she's been here before.
Because of guys,
She believes the lies.
" I promise" just doesn't mean what it use to anymore.
To her it means flowers,
And little ivory towers
On top a cake
That looks fake.
But them…
Where to start with them….
There are the false promises,
The lies and deceit
The forgetfulness
And everything that lies beneath
Its hard for her to see that "happily ever after"
When happy always ends
With another open glen
And a heart in need of mend
She's falling apart now,
And there is nothing that can save her
The inner turmoil has her
She thinks of them
And it hurts again
She doesn't know what she is after
All the thoughts come back,
And the hate she lacks,
Makes her heart makes her the most vulnerable target to be after.
She sees everything,
And wonders of them
How dare she turn to them!
But everything makes her think to way back when
When she was whole
With no stones to throw
And a life she wanted to give up
"How things have changed" she thinks,
as she starts to shudder
she's colder now,
she's older now
and life just ain't that great.
She doesn't know what to do,
Or what to say
To make things ok,
But hse knows she's got to move on.
She knows they don't care,
She knows they won't stare
For they don't give a rats ass about her.
She's to damn kind for her own good sometimes,
And nights like this give her away.
She's vulnerable,
Especially right now
Because of myspace and facebook,
She know how they feel
They don't know her,
They don't care.
They broke her heart and left her bare.
She needs to move on,
But somehow she can't
She cares too much
She can't forget
She blames them
And believes everyone is the same.
"why can't I just get over their names!" she thinks,
as she sees a picture.
He's with her.
He's happy
And she is jealous.
Why cant it be her,
That "happily ever after"
For years and years she has waited in wonder.
The prince on the horse
Who comes up and saves her,
Where has he been through all her blunder?
She would settle for a knight is shinning converse,
Or a geek in a pink suit,
Anything now to get her out of her roots
But she doesn't think they ill matter,
Because she still cant forget.
They are tied to her in ways she cant for get.
She never got over them ,
Did you know that?
She sees parts of them ineverything she does,
In the new friends she has made…
And it kills her..
Why cant the past just die?
Why cant she move on with her life like they have tried?
She wants to be free of the pain she feels,
But she knows that only tim will heal.
She's not sure when,
Or how long she might take,
But she knows that there are too many love stories for everyone to be fake.
There is some thing out there,
something she hasn't explored,
Something only she can look forward to.
She knows she needs to find it,
But has no idea where to go,
Right now she fears failure again,
so she wont let anything go.
Even if she found something,
she would never let her heart know.
She's not going to let it get broken so many times around,
Its locked up for a while now
So its not broken down.
She doesn't know if she is ready
So step into another unstable night,
But she will try her hardest to keep her head up high
If she faild again,
im sure she will give up
but that's why next time
he will have to promise her the world,
then give it to her
no matter what the cost
before she will unlock her heart again,
knowing it wont be lost.