Bling,Bling, i got the ring!!!! A week ago, I was enjoying an evening with my sisters and boyfriend (at the time). we were all having a good time and all the sudden, Brads gone. He said he was going to the car to get his belt. (He has been working 6 days a week, 10-12 hr shifts so he has been losing weight.) He was gone for a while and all the sudden he appears. On his knee with a beautiful ring. he said, "Baby, I love you, will you marry me???" Of course, i said hell yeah.  So there it is, i am engaged to the most wonderful man on earth. November 15th I will be Lisa Dawn Lloyd!!!

So here it is...thirty years old, single mother of three. Bartend for a living because thats what I love to do. Independent (as Webbie says, "Do you know what that means?") Yes own house, own car, two jobs (I consider motherhood a job) work hard. Some would consider me a "bad broad" Not me, its life. Life is what you make it. Everyone gets handed a set of cards and it all depends on how you play them. You have to know when to hold em and when to fold em. I have held these cards for quite some time but very careful on how i play my hand. There have been many times that I have wanted to "fold em" but took a step back and realized that I (along with many, many others) are blessed. Many people live easy, dont have to worry about financial situations. Always able to do what they want, when they want. Dont have to worry about finding babysitters, how they're going to pay rent. Refiguring budgets just to pay for gas now. People look at this in many different ways. Some pity themselves and wonder why God handed them such a crappy hand. Some choose a quick death and fold em in desperate times. Some don't do anything but cry. There are times that I have wanted to cash out but thought that would be very selfish of me. Im not the best at what I do. If its a Long Island or family day. I have made mistakes. The point is I move on and don't dwell. I have made some of the best friends over the last year and am down to two. NOW...I know what friends are. I have made a ton of money and spent it on nothing. NOW...I know a budget. I have told the world that I wanted to spend my life with one man. He left. NOW...I know true love. I may not have all the money, I many not have the "friends" I thought I did and I may never find that "special someone" but what I do know is:

I woke up this morning, I was able to have a hot breakfast, I was able to take a hot shower. I was able to listen to music and sing aloud to my favorite songs in my car. I was able to laugh with my children. I am blessed. You don't have to go to Church every Sunday and give 15% of your earnings to them (I don't and havent in years) but if you believe and thank God for your blessings, life is good!!!!

The day you wake up on a sidewalk or under a bridge. The day you go hungry. When you cant tell anyone how you feel or can't hear the raindrops...then you have reason to doubt.Until that day, be thankful for your blessings. Dont dwell on what you don't have, be thankful for what you do and make the most of if.   

The last few months have been the best ever in 30 years...i have developed friendships with a few people that have had a huge impact on me...3 guys. Three of the most wonderful, funny, understanding, drunken (lol) men I have ever met are my bestest friends-EVER. We have hung so tight. Damn near daily for a few of us. Now things are changing and it scares me. One left for the Army today (damn was that hard) the other two have "girl"friends now as they did not before. I just don't feel like there is room for me. I tried to go back to an ex but turned out shitty again. So here i am...again...questioning this whole "life" thing. I have no direction and hate change. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

I haven't a clue of what is going on. Somebody please explain this to me. Here's the deal. I met someone. We were together for six months. Six of the most wonderful months ever. Spent practically every waking moment together. He even came to work with me. Six months of no arguments, no fights and GREAT "homelife." One day he decides to go with his brother and we were going to meet for dinner later. WELL...he was 6 hours late for dinner. By that time I was rather buzzed and didn't much care. I complained a bit but was done with it. Then, there it was. He had a fucking hickey on his neck. We were at my job so I could't act a fool. I said, with a smile, "You're a dirty bitch" He told his brother that they had to leave before I lost it. He left that day and never returned. I have seen him one time. One time since he walked out on me in October 16th. And to top it all off when he runs into any of ur mutual friends, they ask if he has seen or talked to me, he responds badly. "Hell Naw" or "For What" is what he says. Now I never ever cheated and I never ever lied. I took care of him and ALL his needs. This is the thanks I get. Never the fuck again...........................