Sweet Mother of the Fire Cubes! I haven't blogged since Dinosaurs became birds. It is time. How is everyone out there in the human world. I have been doing some amazing things since Christmas 2006. I have a lovely new wife and baby boy named Brendan. I have two new Hamish X books : The Hollow Mountain, and Hamish X Goes To Providence, Rhode Island. Maybe you saw me on Last Comic Standing where I made it to number six! Right now, I'm in Los Angeles selling some script ideas, fondling prairie dogs and getting my eyes waxed. Things are looking up! Keep in touch. I'll update this crap more often humans. You are Humans, right?

Hey there everyone. The babies I keep having are really prickly. I keep waking up and finding I've giving birth to several more babies who are vaguely human in shape but are covered with sharp spines. I often wake up when I roll over my newborns. Is this common? Please let me know if this happens to you.

Well Christmas is fast approaching and with it comes the Holy Festival of Loaves. Bring a loaf and Jesus smiles. No loaf? No smile.

Hey there friends,
I have been grappling with wrestlers...literally. It's only fair. What are you doing? I have a book out called "Hamish X and the Cheese Pirates" available from Penguin Canada. I also have rabies. It's from a Raccoon.

Tinkles has become the de facto leader of the apes, teaching them to spell and cook simple breakfast foods like toaster waffles and and raw bread. That they haven't grasped how easy it would be to use the toaster to make toast is a comfort to me. Tinkles has taken to wearing my pants and pretending to be me, phoning my relatives and selling them boxes of Florida Oranges in an effort to raise money to help defeat child vampirism. I now fear and distrust tinkles...but he makes lovely waffles.

I am currently living with several apes in a communal dwelling I've built out of pieces of wood and styrofoam. The apes seem suspicious of my motives despite my attempts to perform brain surgery on them for free. One Ape, whom I have dubbed Tinkles, has taken to climbing into the rafters and dangling there while imitating Steve Miller. His rendition of "The Joker" is astounding in its accuracy and emotional depth. I fear Tinkles. The Experiment continues.

I should mention that my hockey team, The Jokers, is playing in an Exhibition Game on Saturday at the McCormick Arena in sunny Parkdale in Toronto against the best Professional Women's Hockey team in the world, The Brampton Thunder. The Thunder boasts Olympic Gold Medallists Jayna Hefford and Vicky Suhara. The Jokers roster is made up of comedians and Musicians like Tyler Stewart of BNL, Orin Isaacs of Canadian Idol and Marc "All-Lines-Firing/Sport Chek Commercial" Hickox, otherwise known as Heino! the voice of Germany. Puck drop is at 8pm (I'm pretty sure...yes) and there will be fun, hockey, weeping, woe, a T-shirt toss, misery, joy, violence and a live band playing rink rock featuring Kim Temple of the Black Hearts, The Goodhue Brothers (Ian and Dylan of Whitecowbell Oklahoma) and many special guests. Benefits the Toronto Food bank. Bring dry or non-perishable food item (no cured human body parts please. It's a warm up for the Exclaim Cup on Easter Weekend. Come on and have some damn fun. www.exclaimhockey.ca