I'm feeling kind of bloggy. (yeah.. I know it's been a year)

Melinda Lee was encouraging people a few weeks ago to try using vanilla in savory dishes instead of just sweet ones.

So today I'm trying a coriander/vanilla beef stew with parsnips and barley. (I kind of just made it up out of thin air)  It sounds weird. I bet it's going to be good. Maybe I'll post the recipe if it turns out nice.

I think it'll taste kind of mushroomy-sagey. We'll see.

mm.. it turned out really good, but i can't really compare the taste to anything. Just the beef by itself was amazing- and yes it did taste like vanilla and coriander but it was GOOD. here's what I did (note, i didn't measure any of this but these are my estimates)

soaked 1.25 pounds of beef in 2 cups of water, 4 tbls of vanilla and 3 tbls of coriander while cooking it just under boiling for 4 hours in a crockpot. Added 1.5 cups of dry barley and 4 cups of water until the barley was cooked. Then I added parsnips and cooked it 'til it was soft and added salt to taste.

It feels really weird thinking this, even more saying it; but I really like quite a few of the old, terminally ill, or crippled people I've met. Many of them share a beautiful quality, practically all of them who are at peace do. I don't know if it is that they realize they probably are incapable of fufilling dreams of grandeur they might have once had, or they have alot of time and alot of reason to think upon what lasts in this world, or whatever it is. But they stop living for themselves so much. That's so refreshing, whenever I see it I hope to grow that trait also. How great a burden couldn't be lifted by saying 'not my will Lord, but Yours'? If that is how it is to be with us, we haven't need to worry, or be frustrated when our plans we've worked so hard to acheive (for ourselves or others) seem to slip our grasp. Free to focus on something other than our own agendas.

I really want to be a witness for Christ.. and do His work. So disapointed was I, to realize how sick I am; so much so that occasionally I am disabled enough to not be able to even think. How worthless I felt! For even those around me are being dragged down because of what I cannot change, much less solve. How long have I been sick.. since I was 10. It didn't 'matter' as much to me then, I didn't have many options. Mom prevented me from going to a doctor so I just had to wait it out.. and wait.. and wait... whenever it would strike. I could do that- homeschooled, completely bereft of anything social for the most part. All it could really do was instill fear, pain and as a result this frustrated aggression. Now there are things to lose, things like jobs and volunteer work and going out with my friends, going to church, to lose. And I have. Now, I can go to doctors- but its the same, so far nothing turns up and it's been two years. My grandmother had a problem like this her whole life and went to doctors for the same amount of time to her death, 3 years ago. What is there to make me think that I will fare better? Yet... God has not left me without provision.

It only took me something as simple and unglamorous as a walk down the Santa Ana river to change perspective. Walks have been something that waned out of my schedule as I've been to ill the past couple of months. So as you might imagine, a walk was something of a special event. Like as to a kid who lost their pet only to find it sitting at the doorstep a month later. The Santa Ana river isn't a very pretty river to most. The trail is barren aside from the industries lining it's banks, and the river itself is either shallow and you can see the waste, or deep and stagnant and reeks. But what did I care? All I could see was the sun and the happy bikers, the occasional stork and the greenery growing in that waste. I had to laugh because I remembered praying what seemed forever ago, so fervantly. I didn't want to be negative anymore. Only seeing what needs fixing is not a good way to live. heh.. sometimes it has to be so bad you have little hope before you can see the big picture. I had to rejoice then because God had heard that prayer. It reminded me of what goes unseen. Perhaps I am not as useless as I first felt. 

"Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor His ear too dull to hear"

Most everyone wants to be liked; we want to feel important, loved, appreciated.. meaningful. In order to show that to others, we focus on what's good about them . But what about those people we know that aren't so cool? The ones that are oddballs, carry baggage, plain old annoying or disagreeable- the ones that should know better. As Christians, we know we should extend love and grace to everyone no matter what trash they're dishing out. Unfortunately.. our society likes to take my first statement overboard in combination with the second statement.

Maybe.. these people should know better than to be offensive with sarcasm, ill humor, rudeness, apathy etc. If they do know, there's a few options, probably not all listed here. They know of their problems and don't give a ..., they know but can't seem to find how to fix it or don't have enough motivation, they know and they are fixing it (as quickly as they will) or some other circumstance prevents them from changing. As for those who don't know, yeah.. some of these things, these unpleasant aspects of people deterring the rest of us, they should know. But they don't. Does it really matter why they don't? The point is they don't.

So we use the "we don't want to offend them because it'll do more harm than good" or "they should know- they probably do but don't care" or just "they should change that if they want people to like them" as an excuse so we won't offend anyone and will feel as important, loved, and appreciated as we can. What if they just don't know? If they don't know and no one tells them we certainly cannot think 'they should know'.

Even more important in this is our Christian community because we're asked to keep each other accountable. That means being willing to speak up when we see each other faltering and not ignoring something because 'it's just how they are' and we don't want to hurt their feelings, while meanwhile they are not only hurting others but themselves.

 Matt 16: 21 From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life. 22 Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. "Never, Lord!" he said. "This shall never happen to you!" 23 Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

How would you feel if someone came up to you and called you 'Satan'. I can't imagine Peter felt very good after Jesus said that to him.  I can't imagine the money changers felt very good when he flipped their tables in the temple.

It's true maybe reaching out won't do anything, or they won't care, they get angry. There is a time and place for calling each other on fallacies. Not even that, what about going to the person you have a problem with and telling them when you're offended so you can FIX something instead of just playing a blame game or telling others. Sometimes love means causing sparks or temporary pain to others or yourself. It's a big motivator, for sure, if nothing else.

We don't fix things by ignoring them, we are supposed to keep each other accountable for our actions, enlighten each other, hold each other up. 

So riddle me this- what entitles us to complain and be upset about what we won't lift a finger to change ?