Hey!  Back from Vegas!  It was my first vacay in over 7 years, and it was AWESOME!!!  I had the best time, with the greatest guys, and it was gorgeous.  We were in and out of Vegas proper several times, but were staying in Dolan Springs, AZ, just outside of Kingman.  The desert is astonishingly beautiful in it's severity, the skys at night are magical, since it's remote enough that there is very little light pollution.  The Vegas strip is incredible, but I think I liked the stars in AZ even better. 

I had SO much fun with the guys, even though I spent the better part of the week cleaning out costumes in a storage unit.  Still, I got a lot done, and had a great time.  So many stories, so little time . . . and after all, some of what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, right?

Don't change your MySpace top 5.
-Fill the people in below.
-Answer the questions truthfully.

number 1: Angela

number 2: Ash

number 3: Rusty

number 4: Will

number 5: Anthony

Will 1-5 repost this?
Well, it's stolen from #2, the rest may if they don't have anything better going on.

Randy Clifton died yesterday at 12:01pm Las Vegas time.  That would be 3:01pm Indianapolis time.  Randy was an extraordinary entertainer, a brilliant writer, talented carpenter and set designer, my co-worker and my friend.  He was just 60 years old, the same age as my dad.  He was practically a vegetarian, physically active (still could kick his leg up over his head from dancing since he was 4), never smoked, never drank.  That he passed away has come as a profound shock to everyone at the Cabaret.  We had this week off, and all planned to use it to veg, to catch up, to get some perspective before the shit hits the fan at the holiday season, which is our busiest time of year.  Obviously, none of that is occuring.  We now have to cope with our personal loss, in addition to figuring out how we rework a show that was at least a third Randy.  We are a tight group, a sometimes dysfunctional but always loving family, and I know we will pull through.  But I grieve for my friend who is gone, and for my friends who are left to pick up the pieces, whose lives were entwined with Randy's for far longer than mine was. 

I am grateful to my friends, and my family.  I am reminded of the importance of telling the people you love that you do, in fact, love them; that you are proud of their accomplishments; that you will be there for them, because you know that they are there for you.  It can all go in an instant, with no warning whatsoever.  So don't wait.  Go do it now.

It's been one long day.  I'm kind of counting back to yesterday, but since I have been going from about 9am yesterday through now, it all kind of runs together.  Yesterday began with a trip the gym for a RMR, which measures your resting metabolism rate.  Mine is 1580, which isn't too bad.  What it means is that apparently, my body needs 1580 calories to function on a really basic level.  If I eat 1580 calories a day, and no more, every action I take beyond simply exisiting will burn fat.  If I do 500-700 calories worth of whatever per day, then I will lose 1-2 lbs a week.  Very scientific, and actually quite doable, since I can do 500 calories easy on the elliptical, and a 1600 calorie a day limit isn't shabby.  

From the gym to Avon, to take Lilly to my parent's house, from Avon to Mass Ave, for lunch with my favorite ex-boyfriend, Rusty/Sven.  I actually got teary when I saw him, but it was an emotional moment for me.  We had a lovely lunch, trying to cram 13 years of life into 2 hours.  We decided it'd just be easier to hang out and do it again.  So it's a good thing. 

Then I had to go to Fat Dick's Video, to drop off a wig.  Long story, but the upshot of this one (per my promise to detail it for Sven) is that Fat Dick's is a (the?) primo gay porn video outlet in Indy.  I was told that it was just behind Landes, and so I knew exactly where it was, but as the building is off what is essentially an alley, has one door, no windows and is gated, I wasn't sure if that's where/what it was, but yes, it is.  Oddly enough, it's not listed in the yellow pages or on Google or Mapquest.  Sadly for Sven, I really didn't get a chance to detail any of the contents of the store by chronology, genre or alphabetically by sex act, because when you go in, it's almost like a Dr's waiting room-there's a big "check-in" type window, and mostly empty lobby, although there is a table with some "reading material"  wink, wink; nudge, nudge.  And a gumball machine.  Go fig.  To the right of the window is the door to all the goodies, but as I was just "dropping off" I didn't even attempt to go any further.  So for any of you wondering about the true glories of Fat Dick's Video, you will just have to go exploring for yourselves. 

From there, home to try and rest before going into work.  Didn't really get any rest, then got to work for a sound check and was in crap voice.  Apparently flat, a lot.  Not good.  Low energy, low self-esteem . . . THEN the killer: 

It's anniversary time, and we have this old couple married 69 years.  Think about that.  These people were MARRIED 9 years before my FATHER WAS BORN.  What's more, they were still very much in love, and into each other.  Usually we sing to them, but no, she wanted her husband to sing to her, and he sang "Let me Call You Sweetheart" to her, as Brian and Anthony played, and she sang harmony back to him.  They did this leaning on the piano, looking into each others eyes.  She told the audience that she married him because he had the most beautiful blue eyes, not for his money, because he didn't have any.  They were unreal.  I almost started to cry, and had a bitch of a time keeping it together for the rest of the show.  Russ thought it was because he was tough on me about being under pitch, and starting a movement the wrong direction, but it was actually because those old people were so sweet, it underlined that I am actually pretty lonely.  It's great that they are so together, but it makes me wonder if that sort of connection is even possible these days, because everyone seems so broken, or jaded, or impatient . . . most people can't manage a relationship more than a year or two, then just decide to chuck the whole damn thing.  I would LOVE to have someone I loved who could love me back like that. I miss that part of life a lot.  I've not had any romance in my life for a really, really long time, and I miss it very much. 

So I went home, cried and went to bed with a tylenol pm . . . up a few hours later, back to work feeling like crap, but got better as the day wore on.  Tense rehearsal, which also lightened up a bit as it went on, then dinner, then out to Avon, a long talk with my mom about her vile mother (my grandmother, who deserves/requires her own blog entry) and moving and all that rot, drive back home, and now this.   

I feel the need for more venting, but it will have to be another day.

WHO IS THE MOST DIFFICULT PERSON (ON STAGE OR OFF) THAT YOU HAVE EVER WORKED WITH?: As Angela said, the "director" of Girl Party.  Incompentent, Stupid, Terrible, Shitty, Obscene . . . need I go on?

EVER BEEN NAKED ON STAGE?: You obviously have never seen me naked (nor are you likely to)

IF YOU WERE ON BROADWAY RIGHT NOW, WHAT SHOW WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN AND WHAT ROLE WOULD YOU PLAY?: I'd be 3rd fat girl on the left to just say that I was on Broadway.

LAST SHOW YOU ADDED TO YOUR RESUME: Costumer for Urinetown

LAST SHOW YOU AUDITIONED FOR: My job at the Cabaret

DID YOU GET INTO IT: Totally.

So, my 5 year old daughter is concerned that she's fat.  Which is a load of utter crap.  Apparently the kids at her babysitters have told her that she's fat, and so I am restraining from going into the babysitters and opening a big ol can of whoopass on the little bastards.  I know it's wrong to actually hit children.  But I can understand the desire. 

And it's hard to explain the difference between Mommy needing to lose weight, because Mommy got fat through a series of binges trying to emotionally deal with career frustrations and a destructive marriage and a pregnancy and now works on it to not only look better, but avoid an early grave, and her just going through growing pains.

So.  Just 3 more weeks at the babysitter, then a month and a half at Grandma's before school starts, and we go through all this again for the next 12 years.  Whee. 

Today I drove myself, Randy and Russ to Peru, IN.  We were going to visit one of our best, sweetest Cabaret customers ever, Bonnie. 

Bonnie has been coming to the Cabaret for about 2 years, and swears it's the best thing that she's had in her life-she loves the show, us, everything. She'd always bring friends-often filling an entire bus just to get a trip down, and paying for everyone.  She'd bring us presents, and tip us, even when we told her time and time again that she didn't have to.  We'd cater to her, doing things for her we wouldn't do for anyone else, just because it was Bonnie, and we loved her so much. 

Bonnie is dying of cancer.  She's 80, and was just starting to live the life that she deserved to live, having been in a difficult marriage and home situation for most of her life.  She is so bright, vital, and loving, it's devastating to see her so frail and sick.  We see so many people at work, many who are just bitter and nasty and miserable.  It makes it that much harder to see such a bright light go out.

She's the type of woman who was always "dressed"-full makeup, sparkly, coordinated outfits, the works.  The boys were shocked at her appearance today, but I really wasn't.  I've seen worse and knowing how ill she is, I was expecting it.  We were all crying, we took pictures and she asked me to sing. 

Now, I HATE doing the trained monkey act, as that was a staple of grandparent visits throughout my childhood.  I don't fancy myself to be that great, especially without accompaniment, but I sang a few verses of the song she requested there in her room.  The whole thing was just wrenching.  She said that she could go to heaven now, and I am fully expecting her to pass soon.

Since October, our Cabaret family has lost a grandmother, a father, a much-loved pet, and now a dear friend.  Russ said that he heard a quote once that loss is a gift, because it makes you appreciate the things you have. 

I suppose that's true, but I think I've been gifted enough for awhile.

I was browsing Napster, as I often do, trying to find new material for work.  I'm on an ultra-lounge kick at the moment, as I think it would be a riot to do a segment in the show that was a total rip on the lounge scene of the late 50s/early 60s-it's the only excuse I can think of for velvet jackets, beehives and blue eyeshadow. 

Anyway, so there I am, when I discover the brilliant Richard Cheese.  He has several albums-Appertif for Destruction, The Sunny Side of the Moon, etc . . . and is a comedian who does Grunge (and other non-Vegas style music) in Vegas Lounge style, complete with house band.  Magnificent!  You haven't heard NIN's Closer until you've heard Richard Cheese do it. 

I also discovered Mrs. Elva Miller, something of a sensation in the mid-60s, who somehow got a recording contract with Capitol-the same label as the Beatles and the Beach Boys.  She is so bad, she makes my Grandmother sound almost tolerable.  To torment your friends, or for use at your next hostage negotiation, you can't do better than The Best of Mrs. Miller.

Mike Nelson once said "Fewer Dead Squirrels in the Punchbowl = More Friends"

I was the dead squirrel tonight.  Glad I went, but really . . . I was not much fun to be around.  I've been anxious and a little depressed all week, and I think it all kind of caught up with me tonight. 

Got to see Chandra, who is leaving in a few weeks for China with the Peace Corps.  Her wedding pix are some of the most amazing I've ever seen.  Granted, the girl looks like a model-tall, thin, blonde, lovely . . . but her photographer did an excellent job.  Her wedding pictures are artsy, elegant AND hot.  Hand to God, I've never seen "sexy" wedding pictures, but her's are.  Go to her page and check it out. 

The whole gang was there, Julie D brought stuff and the girls made necklaces, Kurt made the toast of the night, but I won't be repeating it here.  (Yeah, girl's night tonight had a few guys . . . we're versatile that way)  Much love was given in absentia to Claire and Will and Jeff, who have a fan club even if they don't know it. 

I am going to go to bed and attempt to be more normal tomorrow.  Wish me luck . . .