it's been a day of days. nothing but a day going on during this day. totally a day. what happened today? well sire, today did. boring across the universe as far as I know. the whole world crippled with boredom unable to cure the boredom of another. ugh - hell ! the only that even kind of broke through was listening to Burzum while taking a shower and trying to justify (because i wanted to) the burning of a 1000 year old wooden church.
as most know, boredom generates eating. Q: what's the least boring thing in the world? A: the delicious thing you are chewing on.

so here's what I ate (as of 11:51pm PST):

-English breakfast tea made from a whole leaf tea bags from Coffee Bean and tea leaf. one of the 3 food items I occasionally steal. sugar and 2% milk added for best taste.

-Quaker instant oatmeal with freshly homemade fig preserves. Mark gave Krogmann some the sweet peppers we grew and he gave us a bag of frozen figs and a recipe for jam.

-5 sausage crustini's from Famima!!
-1 southwest eggroll from Famima!! (acquired for free from cashier for promotion or reward for my conversation. He said "would you like that nuked" about the burrito i was buying. I say no, but said it was cool he used that word, no one says that about microwaving anymore.

-GURU organic energy drink acquired from whole foods. Britt bought it for me :)

-Don Carlos 'the BOMB' burrito filled with cheese sauce, green chili's and beef.

-2 Guinness draught beers. one chugged directly in front of the TV out of a crappy plastic promotional tom collins glass after a demi lovato song played.

-crackers and cheese w/mustard. crackers found when raiding cabinet above fridge for "maggots"-(grain moth larvae not nasty fly larvae). sealed cheese slices found on the 'freebee' section of lobby desk downstairs recently discarded from the Caliyogurt grand opening/tenent party.
*mustard note* Fred recently discovered 14 different mustards in our fridge.

-5 individually wrapped cookies from 2005 that Mdogg brought back from Japan.

-2 more Guinness draught beers.

-1 bite of Mdogg's unnamed creation: 2 toasted eggo blueberry waffles with reese's peanut butter cup ice cream sandwiched inbetween. don't forget the whip cream and chocolat sauce!
*this bite was really good.

-2 slices of bread with peanut butter and aformentioned fig jam - also know as a sandwich.
cut in triangle style.

will update with comments if I eat anything else.

1. Just got a parking ticket for $55.00 at 2:19 in the morning on a sunday night/monday morning.
A sign that reads "No parking 2am -5am nightly" is nothing but a bullshit haha-we-got-you LA county money maker. Take the money LA, you need it to misappropriate.
It's about time ot buy even more buses isn't it?
it's about time for some more shitty public art in an area infested with gangs and drugs
it's about to time kowtow to the BRU, cab drivers union, and whoever else can flex a measly 'but I have kids" muscle
It's about time for a new dodger stadium, the current one just won't do
It's about time to beef up the salaries for the TSA thieves at LAX, they have it rough scoring bottles of Dom every afternoon.
it's about time to build yet another lane to ease congestion
It's about time to let your job take backseat to your affair
It's about time to ban another sin to make the libs happy so you can get re-elected you gay-face fuck.

It's about time to write the parking citation board because fines increase over time.
IT's about TIME TO STOP HAVING A CAR

2. On the way in my building tonight I saw a 'Dummies' book on the front desk among other freebie books. This particular dummies book was "How to play bridge for Dummies".
The title should be "How to Further Isolate yourself socially by learning to play Bridge...for Dummies".

3. Kettle Chips brand Salt & Fresh Ground Pepper chips are ruining me. I'm not sure how, but I know they are.
the ingredients are:
select potatoes (what the fuck does that mean? select?)
expeller pressed high monounsaturated safflower and/or sunflower oil (shouldn't they know which?)
rice flour,
salt (tons and tons, AKA sodium)
spices (black pepper, white pepper{great ween album}, ground jalapeno pepper)
yeast extract (how do you extract anything from yeast and why?)
dehydrated onion and garlic (i swear this is a new ingredient)
citric acid (why not?)
oil of black pepper (for good measure and witchcraft to make me eat the whole fucking bag in 2 days even though it costs $5.87!)

4. I met Dave Foley
he was nice
he now lives very close to me
can't wait to do coke with him
:)

I'm in Washington DC. took a nice long hike this balmy afternoon to capitol steps which you can't climb, or even touch. walked back in the mega heat which I later discovered to be a heat index of 9 out of 10. my poland spring long since extinguished I hit the brewpub across the street from my hotel on the way back. sauntered up the the massive wrap around bar, readily displayed the cali ID, then ordered something according to taste, not name, wasn't even given the option! hoppy IPA it was accompanied by some crab dip, the real Old Bay deal. At some point here I brandished my pitiful little notebook and jotted a few things down getting ready for NY. It's time for Beer 2. I ask about the Stout, I get a sample. then I get a sample of the porter, just cause. I say "think I'm going to go with the pale ale". 'try this' the man says as he give me my third rather substantial sampling of beer, this time a California ale. I pass on all three and go for the pale ale, which I forgot to mention I sampled first thing.
2 ideas:
-the barkeep thought I was a reviewer with my little notebook so he gave me the grand treatment
OR
-he's just that nice

I think it's the latter and I like what tiny bit of the city I've seen. took a pic of the FBI building and no one shot or yelled at me, so can't be too bad here.

here's a picture:




i'm eating oatmeal chocolate chip cookies in bed
will I eat them all?
probably yes

bars are still open but I'm at home
our apartment has a fly infestation.
before you judge let me tell you they are not the little drosophila fruit flies that arrive when you stop doing dishes and they are not the kind that hatch from maggots in a pot of old rice you left on the stove for 8 days in florida (Bobby!). These flies live some kind of one-note life which involves nothing other than re-enacting the flight path of LAX air traffic above the couch in our llving room. I'm being completely honest when i say they do nothing but make 90 degree turns like a descending 747 flight pattern. such is our cross to bear.

here's what I meant to write when I opened this window
Here are the lyrics to one of my favorite Hoagy Carmichael songs "Hong Kong Blues":

it's the story of a very unfortunate colored man who got 'rrested down in old hong kong
he got 20 years privilege taken away from him when he kicked old Buddha's gong
and now he's bobbin the piana just to raise the price of a ticket to the land of the free
well he say his homes in frisco where they send the rice, but it's really in Tennessee
...this what he say...
I need someone to love me
need somebody to carry me home to san francisco and bury my body there
oh I need to someone to lend me a 50 dollar bill and then
I've leave hong kong far behind me for happiness once again

won't someone believe
I need to see that bay agaaaain
but when I try to leave
sweet opium won't let me fly away
I need someone to love me
I need someone caaaarrrrry me home to san francisco and bury my body there

*stereotypical oriental music interlude*

that's the story of a very unfortunate colored man who got 'rrested down in old hong kong
he got 20 years privilege taken away from him when kicked down old buddha's gong

no reason to write "lebron james". just wanted to give the poor guy some more attention.

things that make me wish that LA would be the victim of the largest terror attack to date:
1. traffic/driving
*everytime I get into a car with a wheel in front of me I turn into this vindictive cliche revenge bender, like i'm driving around the physical manifestation of passive aggression. I can't stand it. It's that or I turn into a motherly sherri lewis trying to be as nice as possible, which is pretty fun when you don't have to be anywhere
*hint* you never HAVE to be anywhere.
I gotta say, letting someone in front of you with a big thumbs up and a smile feels pretty good especially when they thing you're going to give them the finger and yell.
2. listening to people talk in auditions, especially kids under 18.
3. fergie
4. people who listen to that song "suicidal...blahahaaha" with the windows down
5. the amount of TV's in restaurants
*this is not even nearly coming to a head. This is going to get really bad and it's not going to get better until some religious zealots kill 10's of thousands of people. I don't mean try to kill either. they will try to kill thousands and it won't work which means people will become even more faux vigilant thus drastically increasing the amount of flat screen tv's per capita in LA.
"Hey restaurant! I have to look at my food when I eat it! can I at least get a flat screen as a table, and as a plate if you have time!!!!!!!!!!
I need to look at moving stufff now ! lots of different moving things! I need to see sports, lots of sports, lots of informercials showing me what's built up in the walls of my colon while I eat the foods that build up in my colon!!!!"
6. people in general, the amount

NOTE: I'm willing to die in to achieve this. smote my ass with the rest of the masses if it means a better tomorrow for the willfully ignorant sons and daughters of reality TV stars.

look at what mom, alejandro and I climbed:



other things I will talk about soon:
mexico city
suicide pacts
my problem with tangled ropes/strings

just got home from publix. feel like hell. keep going "pheewww" like I have no breath.

Q: do I need a nap?
A: no just had one
a micro 16 minute disco nap complete with Bruce Haack in the background

Q: do I need caffeine?
A: prob yes, that answer is always prob yes.

Q: is that all?
A: NOOOOO

I need MEAT and VITAMINS and VEGATABLES and SPICES
solution: megadon sandwich

ingredients:

-heirloom tomatoes (cheat purchased as roma tomatoes using the self check, saving 2 dollars)
-bread
-fried egg (found in container sitting with 4 egg shells, why? I must be blacking out making eggs)
-fresh cracked pepper
-slice of lacey swiss
-slices of fresh turkey breast
-whole grain mustard

heat a lightley greased skillet. crack an egg in there. cook it with a little pepper. flip egg. add turkey slices and piece of swiss. let it get a little melty. you should have some tomato slices cut at this point. take egg concoction out of the skillet and drop onto mustarded bread. add tomato slices. places the whole fat bitch in the toaster long enough to toast the bread.
cut in half
serve on mini plastic ikea cutting board

EAT
still get sick probably and fuck up all kinds of shit later this week.

Do you make people feel embarrassed about who they voted for?
are you worried that 35 volunteer hours a week isn't enough for your candidate?
Do you wonder what happened to Cesar Chavez?
are you confused by all this Si Se Puede nonsense?
do you wish someone would cook you dog food for breakfast everyday before you went to work?


REALIZATION
my time working at a certain company that happens to own the website I am currently posting on *wink* (hey Rup! remember my farewell email?) was never during a presidential campaign. Just now realizing how great it is I never had to deal with the ramblings or the idiotic fat-headed office tards during election season. The thought just danced across my forebrain and I cringed - to the point if someone was looking at my face right now (ichat camera covered with blue masking tape! take that Snooping Steve Jobs! I'm not masturbating for apple!) they would think I just got kissed by a ghost, cold lips and all. Oh man oh man how that would suck. absolute torture. hearing about other peoples cats at 9am on a wednesday - a group of cackling caffeine charged women licking their salad-dressing drenched coffee stink mouths about cats, laughing like shit was flying between their teeth! that's bad enough. I can't imagine the pain of hearing cat-talk in conjunction with Obama/Hilary/McCain speak. Mainly Obama.

O what fools are we! O what fools we are! Fools be we us! we? that's us be fools! like a giant old broken truck whose engine refuses to die, flopping forward like a dying action hero. Vote! vote for ME! just .... one... more...vote *sputter* *sputter*....psstdtystdjerjre and the machine is RECHARCHED! thank you voter! I will remember you when I take office, first things first, gotta get this war going better, er, straightened out, er.. ... . need.. more... public .. cccconfidence, must.remove.balls from.mouth... the war was just mismanaged you see!

the above paragraph is kind of a poem in which I took artist license - oblique, vague, paranoid, etc. Here's what I really wanted to say when i opened this stupid window to type in.

1. Who does Obama think her is taking Cesar Chavez' slogan? did Chavez rise from the grave and give it to Obama deep in the night like some Mormon scripture?
"Barack, it's me Cesar. Yes, I was resting peacefully knowing I truly changed a group of people's lives forever, people who had nothing, not even a voice. Well I thought maybe you could use my inspirational message to influence the burgeoning latino population, enjoy. Remember, they're going to have a lot of money in about 20 years, a LOT of money, so be patience... oh well, back to the cold ground, please don't eat strawberries out of season"

2. alternative candidate names
Matt Romney
Rod Paul
Borat Obama
Mark Huckabee
Fred Schneider
Harry Clinton
Jose McCain
Jim Edwards
Jeb Bush

C'est ca.

and i love it...

Pay no mind, pay no mind, pay no mind.... keep trying it but my stomach keeps jumping.

I definitely know no less than 3 people who have been hit by cars and used it to pay for college or other big stuff. one guy got hit by a mail truck when he was riding his bike, big settlement

i think it..s not free!"
**************
who will pay me if I get bit by a shark? I want THE GOLD i WANT TEH GOLLLDDDD

Hey!
you!
yea you, looking pretty good right there. So not to assume anything, but let's say maybe you were wondering if you were gay, like not sure if you're gay or straight, no big deal, there's a quiz you can take to find out!


see what I mean?
NO MORE DOUBTS!
live strong in your sexuality after this quiz. Be sure to know what free offers you'd like to sign up for, cuz you got about 400 choices.

thanks bye.