This is an issue that i have been having to deal with lately that is really making me extremely pissed off to the nth degree that ive started swearing lately( and i dont normally cuss)

I used to date this guy back in 2003 for about 3 months. We broke up and stayed very close for a long time up until today. The cannons let loose today and hell's fire was opened.

He and i would hang out every so often until he graduated from college back in may of 2006. Then during the summer we would hang out some more even though i was dating my current bf. We were just two friends having some fun and hanging out, until about november when he ended his job ( it goes from nov until feb).  That's when the trouble started!

He didnt understand that i was in a committed relationship. He didnt understand that i had to take care of my dad and help my mom out becuase my dad was in and out of the hospital with cancer. He didnt understand that by me saying no to hanging out anymore that i wasnt being mean but that i was going out with my other friends, my family and spending all my other time with my job and especially with my bf kevin.

I guess what he was having the most trouble with was that i had moved on and found a guy who was perfect for me and he was having so much trouble keeping a gf or one that would accept him. He hated that i was choosing between him and kevin. HE should have realized from the very beginning that i was always going to choose kevin instead of him when it came to hanging out. And most of all he never understood why i would never go on a date with him even if it was just friends.

Now i ask  you... is it fair to ask a friend who you clearly know is in a great relationship with a guy or girl to ask that person to hang out and then get jealous when they choose the bf or gf over you and then make them feel sorry for you because they dont have someone?  

                                          Thunder  

            Thunder is like two parents pissed off at each other

            Throwing insults

            Hitting

            Screaming

            Like two children in a temper tantrum match

            To see who can outwit each other

            One minute is calmness

            The next like a tidal wave at sea

            Crying

            Yelling insults and throwing blame

            At one another

            Why cant an argument be like a garden

            With calm serenity

            Instead of thunderbolts and Satan's torch

            Biting us in the butt.

            Eventually there is calm

            But not before the storm.

            For without a storm,

            Without the rain

            There cannot be peace and healing.

The World

            The world is like a basket of emotions

            All mixed together on a clothes line

            Waiting to dry

            Piles of colors

            Being thrown together

            To symbolize what we are really worth

            In this world.

            I see men, women and children of all ages

            Watching each other in awe

            Wondering what it would be like to live their life

            Wear their clothes

            And maybe sleep a little easier at night

            I watch whites look at blacks & still sometimes see racial difference

            Blacks looking at whites & hoping they won't be attacked racially.

            I see children looking to their parents with

the hope that one day their parents will treat them as equals

and their parents looking at the children they raised hoping that

something,

just maybe a little bit rubbed off on them.

Snow in the winter is like the innocence of children laughing as they slide down the slipping, sloping hills of life from childhood to adulthood.

The autumn leaves drop

Dropping symbolizing each day that we have tried to fulfill

As I look to the ones who have raised me

I am happy at all they have accomplished

Raising two kids in a world of mixed judgements,

Mixed emotions

And made a name for themselves

Not only in their town

But in the world

Parents

            Tears are flowing as the rain shoots down

            They're at it again only this time it's the civil war of fighting

            I should have seen it coming, from the insults

            The strategic planning of keeping the emotions within

            Just erupt into a waterfall of hell's basement.

            I should have seen it coming

            My friends all did.

            I should have come up with an escape route

            So they won't know I'm here

            But that shouldn't matter

            They never know I'm here

            Who will take care of the dog?

            Who will take the furniture?

            Or even the house.

            I can't for I'm not old enough

            Then again

            Who will take care of me?

            Should I go with my mom?

            Will I go with my dad?    

            I don't know

            I can't decide

            If I go with my mom, she'll take me away from my dad

            And if I go with my dad

            He'll run away

            And ill never see my mom

            Why, oh why must I think of everything?

            When I see my parents

            I see them looking back

            On the one hand I see a family

            I see many years of longing to be free

Free from the heartache that we call a home

            But on the other, I see years of anger,

blame and countless events where

            I have had to run to my room to escape

            Run down a chute like a mouse escaping a hawk

            I'm tired

            I want this all to stop

            Please make it stop

            Wait!

            What is that?

            Is that what I think it is?

            Could it be?

            Yes!!

            Silence?

            Glorious, long awaited silence

            I hope I can keep this happily grateful present

            That I have long waited for.

            Yes this is the moment I have been waiting for

            Divorce!

            I can rest again knowing that soon there will be happiness.

i know i havent written a blog in awhile but i have the most incredible news that i just cant hold it in any longer...

How cool is this? i am a cousin once again!! my cousin Sara and her husband Mike just became parents to identical twin girls this past thursday afternoon. They named the twins Claire and Alice. I havent heard those names in such a long time, at least its better than Apple or something simliar to those names of fruits or vegetables that people are naming their kids these days.

One was 5 lb 3 oz and the other was 5 lbs 6 oz and in awesome physical condition. My only regret is that i wasnt able to go to virginia and see the girls. Does this make me a 1st cousin or 2nd cousin? ive never really known the answer to that question!

So again this is so awesome and hopefully as soon as i can get some pictures ill put them up so all my friends can see what they look like. my mom received one the other day and they are soo smalll and i cant wait until i have a child of my own one day but im not in too much of a hurry. One day perhaps....

can anyone answer this simple question for me?

How is it that guys think its ok to tell you that they love you when they dont? or that they will tell you something that they know you want to hear just so youll get off their back about it?

And why are women so gullible about it?

let me know what you think!

i know its been awhile since i have written a blog so here goes...

school- i cant believe that i only have 12 more classes to take before i do my student teaching... its hard to believe how fast 4 years have gone by and even harder to conceive that i am goign to be a senior this year... i need to get done with the classes but at the same time i really need time off to have some fun and recouperate from the hard and stressful work. im attending Lindenwood university with above a 3.0 gpa ( i never thought id say that since my gpa was laughed at in high school). im majoring in Elementary education with emphasis on guidance counseling..

family- my family is awesome.. my brother, who also goes to lindenwood as a junior, is majoring in criminal justice and is also in the Army reserves as a logistics specialist( supply clerk) like i was when i was in the army over in italy. im really proud of him, but i dont think he can even understand that with all the sibling rivery that goes on between us..my mom is about to graduate from the same college as my brother and i and is majoring in mass communication. i cant believe that after 20 years she will finally be done, i am also extremely proud of her and honored to have her as my mom.

and to all my friends that i havent heard or talked to in a long time... I AM NOT ENGAGED OR MARRIED. please dont take this the wrong way, i am not angry or upset that people ask me its just that he is no longer in the picture so why talk about him. he abused me and that is why i wish never to talk about him.

on the other hand, for the past 8 months i have been dating an incredible guy named kevin who lives out near where i  go to school. we get along great and i love spending time with him. i took about 2 months off for reflection on my life before we started dating and im very happy that i did for im looking at life with not as much innocence as i used to. he has introduced me to so many aspects of life that i didnt know existed or did know but have not had the chance to explore. you know how they say ," dont judge a book by its cover?" He is the type of guy who is mostly an observer but can tell you so much about himself just by looking at you. hes not a complete romantic but i can totally tell how he feels when hes with me. Though the other night i think i completely scared the crap out of him when i vented about stuff the other night. sometimes its really hard to tell how a guy is feeling especially when they listen to their head more than their hearts. and they say women are hard to figure out. Hah!!!!

well thats it for now.. im just in one of those moods where i have to shout it from the rooftops how happy i am...