i dnt feel good 2 day at all not mentally or phyisically i juz need a vacay sumwhere n da middle of nowhere i wish pain killers could take all the pain away i dnt even know wats wrong i thought i was ok but i guess all that smiling and faking like i'm happy n like er thing is ok was not good 4 me i was only sikeing myself out WAT AM I 2 DO NOW GOD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

L ife is only wat u make it  a wise person must said . But sometimes i dnt think u make life it makles u , u juz only make the right decisions out of the choices that u r sand 4 some of us the choices we have 2 choose 4rm arent that many. Sometimes i feel like u dnt live life it lives u and u jus go thru all the twist n turns n ups n dwns until u come to that point were u try to take control and stabalize urself.

I ts so confusing sometimes with all the lost loves family problems n financial situations u barely have time for u n dats wat drives us mostly crazy life afta high school iz no jokes aside from all the partying n new friends its the most difficult challenege i've ever faced between work n school i barely get to even look at my own face n da mirror sometimes lol but i do it so dat my dreams wont be drems dey will be reality

F riends dat i knew since when done changed up on me u know how rite b4 u graduate yall plan how yall gon go clubbin 2gether but afta we walk cross the stage i dnt see there face n when i do dey dnt even wave n den thers the friends dat u got afta high school dat ain't doin shit n try 2 blame the economy or God bcuz dey chose 2 be low lifes i mean its hard n erday iz a struggle but if u sit on yo ass or lay up wit yo nigga u aint gon neva get no where. im tryin b cuz i dnt want 2 look bac 5yrs 4rm now n be rite here n liberty city

E veryday is something new a new problem but i gotta be happy i dnt care how i do it thru every struggle i have 2 smile cuz at least i got 2 see anotha struggle but one of dese days i'll be a house hold name n 2 er body else out dere grindin ur name a be one 2 we juz cant give up b cuz quitters neva win and winners neva quit but rite now im made i had 2 miss da alonzo morning all star basketball game goin dwn at da arena so i wuz at da crib juz blogging

YOU NEVA GAVE UP ON ME WHEN OTHERS BAILED

YOU NEVA LOOKED DOWN ON ME WHEN I FAILED

YOU'D GIVE UP YOUR LIFE 4 ME 2 RISE

YOU NEVA ANY OTHER PLACE BUT AT MY SIDE

YOU GIVE ME LOVE SO THAT I CAN SURVIVE

YOU GIVE ME PARADISE WHEN I NEED TO ESCAPE

YOU GIVE ME COMFORT WHEN I AM AFRAID

YOU SHOWED ME HOW 2 BE BRAVE

YOU ARE MY SUN ON MY DARKEST DAYS

YOU'RE MY MAP WHEN I GET LOST

YOU'VE GIVEN ME EVERYTHING NO MATTER THE COST

YOU'VE FEED MY SOUL WITH KNOWLEDGE, FAITH, & HOPE

YOU'VE FEED MY STOMACH WITH COLLARD GREEENS AND FRIED CHICKEN

YOU STOOD BY ME WHEN OTHERS DID'NT

YOU BELIEVED IN ME WHEN I WOULD'NT

YOU GAVE ME EVERLASTING LOVE,JOY,AND FAITH

YOU GAVE ME RELIEF WHEN I FELT PAIN

AND I AM THANKFUL AND BLESSED TO HAVE YOU EACH AND EVERYDAY

I REALLY HOLD ON TO ALL YO PROMISES

FOR YOUR WORDS MEND MY HERAT AGAIN

AFTER THE SWORD OF LIARS CUT MY SOUL

YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM MENDS IT TO A WHOLE

WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE ENDING IT ALL 

TO YOUR ARMS I'LL ALWAYS CRAWL

YOU CONSOLE ME & HELP ME BREATHE BEAUTIFUL LIFE AGAIN

SO THE TEARS I SHED WON'T SHED AGAIN

AFTER THE RAIN I KNOW THE SUN WILL RISE

EVEN THOUGH IT MAY ONLY SHINE FOR A LITTLE WHILE

I'M FEELIN KIND OF BLUE NOW

SO DON'T LET ME DOWN

GO AHEAD MAKE ME SMILE 

yesrterday i watched a movie i neva watched b4 and it really pissed me off it was PHAT GIRLZ u know the movie with monique and it got me all heated every 5 secs it was i hate skinny bitches and skinny bitches are evil all that is a spoonful of bull shit they swear that it's a battle between the big and small women that those of a smaller size pick and riducle those of an enormous size well that's not the case a lot of big girls feel that just bcuz we can find clothes in our size that is so good and we don't have no problems in our life like sometimes boyz don't look at us and say blah she to skinny or she ain't got enough ass 4 me etc. they think jus cuz we are the size we are  we happy and life is like a box of chocolate for us well to monique and all her phat girls fuck ya'll be cuz we have peoblems 2 there are plenty of problems including weight problems and love problems and paht girlz are evil 2 ya'll can be so harsh i mean i'm sometimes ya'll will curse out a skinny girl 4 no reason believe me i konw it's always benn that way 4 me girl you so skinny i bet all you eat iz carrots and lettuce or you so skinny you look sick i remeber b4 i gained weight back in middle school a big girl i ain't gone say no names told me i look like i got aids now mind you i don't no her all we had was one class toghter in which i ast in the fornt and she sat way in the back and she said this to me why i don't know so pplz stop with all the skinny vs. fat because it's hard 4 us to so thers no weight promblem you jus have a problem with a fierce skinny girls weight

I CAN'T HELP IT IF I SPARKLE AND SHINE.

I KNOW YOU NEVA SAW A GIRL ONE OF A KIND.

I AIN'T NO DIME, QUARTER OR DUB.

I DON'T WASTE MY TIME ON NO SCRUB.

I PLEDGE TO BE THE ME YOU SEE.

I DON'T FOLLOW NO CROWDS I HAVE INDIVIUALITY.

YOU MAY THINK I'M AVERAGE.

BUT I'M PASS THE BAR.

I AIN'T GONE BE FAKE OR PHONY.

I'M GONE BE ME.

SO I SEE U LOOKIN

I SEE U STAREIN

NEVA SAW ANY ONE LIKE ME.

SO I'M USE TO HAVEIN ALL EYES ON ME.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dis iz 4 my go getterz and money makerz nothing comes to u either u have to get it or take the shit don't waste yo time worried about yo next move or the next person juz do the shit get up and do it like nike if you got to hustle make it do what it do don't let nobody dim yo shine you betta blind a bitch and don't think evrything will come to you if tomorrow ain't promised to u common sense should tell u money ain't neither and last but not least anymoney iz hustle money and hustle money iz bigg money remeber dat starting at pennies can get you millionz LOVES YA,

JAE