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mardi, juillet 07, 2009

A little insight

Everyone always wants to know why im so depressed and upset,

but my trials and tribulations they seem to forget.

They ask me what is up with my attitude,

and why is it that the closest people to me are the ones that get treated so rude.

Now im not saying they dont have their own problems in life to worry about,

but mine follow me and leave me full of sorrow remorse and doubt.

Its like im fighting the pefect enemy,

and my loses are bringing me more and more misery.

I treat my closest friends really bad because of unresolved trust issues,

and that only leaves them with no choice and a hand full of tissues.

In alot of ways i blame people i shouldnt for the problems i brought on myself,

and i pull my love away from them and put it back on the shelf.

As messed up as that is its all i know,

and it will only get better as the time will grow.

I have to learn to trust all over again,

but its hard to with a life full of heartache and sin.

But at the same time people need to understand where i come from and what ive been through,

when they told me one wrong move u will be paralized and im sitting there going why what did i do.

Or when i got the phone call one night saying one of my friends had died,

but caring about everyone else so much that i didnt deal with it i just held them while they cried.

You know im not trying to say i am the only one that goes through this,

but i am wondering when will my life again be full of bliss?

11:54

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mardi, mai 26, 2009

your choice

So you got a new man in your life,

but to be honest im not happy for you because he is strife.

Yeah he might be your man and everything,

but the fact of the matter is to me he is nothing.

But if he makes you happy thats your business and i wish you the best of luck,

but just know for that punk ass i will never give a fuck.

He isnt half of the man i am and nor will he every be,

and one day when he treats you like shit you will see.

You know i love you and always will,

but me being happy for you and him is a completely different deal.

He needs to understand im not scared of anyone,

i never have been never will be until my life is done.

If he thinks he can use intimidation with me,

he has got another thing coming and he might as well let me be.

I hope he understands that we were something before yall even met,

and he has something i have already had but not something i regret.

So now he doesnt want you talking to me,

the decision is left up to you to set one of us free.

Or for you to stand up and show him you are your own person,

before the situation does nothing but worsin.

I just find it so funny that he feels so jealous and threatened by me,

that he has to take your right away of you being free.

But i wont make this any harder for you than it already is so just let me know,

what your final decision is and if i should go.

3:43

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dimanche, mai 10, 2009

yeah....

Another night full of beer and self distruction,

drinking beer and smoking cigarettes with no interuption.

At first i thought it was because i was missing someone or something,

but now i dont really know what to make of this feeling.

I guess its just my way of healing,

the broken man everyone keeps seeing.

But the pain still hasnt stopped,

and all of my feelings still havent dropped.

Right now im just not happy and its kinda got me wondering why,

why everytime i get by myself i just wanna cry.

I'm not the man i once was before,

because for some odd reason my heart feels like its tore.

I just feel as if i have the weight of the world on my shoulders,

and i am having to constantly dodge the boulders.

I hate feeling like this,

and im coming to find out my old self is the person i really do miss.

I miss always being happy,

but its hard to be like that when you feel so crappy.

I guess Im in a state of depression,

with no signs of progression.

Maybe one day i will get back to the way i used to be,

when the good side was all i could see.

9:16

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lundi, avril 27, 2009

i dont know why i even try to explain

Sitting alont again looking at four walls,
As another dear drop falls.
Screaming in the dark knowing noone hears me,
But i still dont care becuase right now my head isnt where it needs to be.
Sitting here with eyes full of sadness and a heart full of anger,
I know that all that will come of this is danger.
I miss my better days,
When i was sooo much better in so many different ways.
From the outside i look calm, cool, and collective,
So noone even understands i just need someone to be suppotrive.
The ones who know me best,
Can look in my eyes and tell i need rest.
The words of people have taken a toll on me,
But maybe one day they will realize what they have done and made me be.
The pain in my back gives me a since of life,
But then i look back with a heart full of strife.
It got this way from trying to please and impress everyone,
Now i just need someone.
I'm tired of thinking of what could have been,
or maybe what should have been.
Its all over and done with,
Thats why tonight im sitting here with this fifth.
The burning of this whiskey is the reason im in pain,
Its actually the only reason why im still alive and or sain.
I've been through alot in vein,
Hell I have even stood by myself in the rain.
Noone realizes i constantly fight my demons,
And i constantly look for new reasons.
Here lately the more i sit in the dark alone,
I find comfort in the silence of the tone.
So go ahead walk out of my life like most everyone does,
And i will sit here and think about how it was.
One day i will realize i pushed you away,
And then it will be to late you will have gone astray.

11:35

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lundi, avril 13, 2009

dunno anymore
Humeur actuelle :

déprimé

You know here lately no matter how i act i have been in a state of depression,
And i am really hoping it doesnt turn into any aggression.
I miss the feeling of fullfillment,
And this has left me with nothing but resintment.
So now im looking for my purpose in life and why im here,
Because right now i feel as if i have almost no one any where near.
Youn know there are nights that i honestly want to break down and cry,
Then some nights i wonder why i even ever try.
I miss the feeling of people being proud of me,
And in my future failure is all i can see.
I have never been the one just to quit or lay down,
But here lately in depression i seem to drown.
I just wish one day things would go right,
So that i wouldnt feel like for happiness i would have to fight.
I feel as if im losing everything,
And as if i have no sense of being.
You know i dont know why i explain how i feel,
I guess why is to show everyone what i feel is real.

3:39

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samedi, avril 04, 2009

better.....
Humeur actuelle :

anxieux

So i am feeling so much better to get these things off of my chest,
And now my heart can finally rest.
Even if it is still broken at least its not hurting,
And now every pain has stopped even the burning.
I missed you for a really long time but i loved you for even longer,
But now my heart has changed and not even in anger.
My life has changed,
And my heart has been rearranged.
Its not a bad thing at all,
Because for the longest time you were the onely one i saw.
Now that it has come to end,
All i ask is that my back never does bend.
Even when i think of you and miss you,
i will realize that we are through.
You know the last kiss made me realize my future with you,
Because when we first kissed it was almost has if i had just flew.
As if i had just defied the laws of gravity or motion,
and feeling your soul as deep as the ocean.
But all of those feelings changed,
And like i said my heart has been rearranged.
Its nothing against you its just time,
And thats why this will probably be my last ryhme.

2:48

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mardi, mars 31, 2009

learning to live again
Humeur actuelle :

artistique

When i talked to you the other day,
You asked me have you lost feels or gone a stray.
I paused for a moment to make sure the right thing came out,
Just so there would be no question or doubt.
Its not that i dont miss you and its not that i hate you,
Its just i have moved on since you told me you were through.
You know you had my heart and what we had was great,
But us not being together is just my fate.
I still love you but please realize its easier for me not to talk to you,
Because for the longest time i told myself that we were through.
You will never realize how much you meant to me,
When i looked into my future you were all i could see.
Now that we are done im finding out who i really have came to be,
And i am realizing that the sun is finally shining in and i can finally see.
There is a great future ahead of me,
Because for once in my life i feel as if i am finally free.
I spent alot of days wondering why you left me,
And realized we both had a little fault and that was plain to see.
Now that i see youre with someone else i am very happy for you,
I really want it to work out between you two i really do.
I have just come to realize that we are better off with another person,
So the feeling that we have will not worsin.

7:35

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mardi, février 03, 2009

and i thought i was doing better
Humeur actuelle :

en colère

you know here lately i have been getting shit on by alot of people and you know what right now it ends i have been letting alot of shit just roll off my back well guess what it is fucking over you know i forgive but i wont forget what some people have done to me lately makes me wanna watch them burn in hell slowly and hear every damn scream i mean come on who stoops as low as trying to fuck my ex fiance and after trying that you try to make me feel bad because i didnt tell you that someone was talking to your ex girlfriend thats pretty fucking shitty and i hope you realize that you are nothing but a lil bitch to me and i hope you got something to say about it maybe now you will be man enough to say it to my fucking face im tired of letting people walk on top off me so it will stop right now it comes to an end and if you dont like it you can blow it out your ass and walk out of my life.

11:57

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jeudi, décembre 04, 2008

days go by
Humeur actuelle :

déconcerté

so another day goes by and you wish that something would change that everything will be better and everyone will realize that your not promised tomorrow and they shouldnt take anything for granted. The winter is here and it has got me thinking i know thats weird but you will never realize how cold the wind is until you dont have someone else to stand by you to warm you up and you will never realize how dark it can get in the middle of the day. Its true that you never miss someone until they are gone well i miss alot of people and i am just coming to realize how much i do miss them i miss times being easier and i miss the touch of a certain girl i just cant let go of i miss her beautiful eyes i miss her smile i miss everything about this girl she is gods greatest gift that he has ever given to me i just dont know why he had to take her away i know it sounds weird but its like everytime i go outside or i sit alone and i feel that cold breeze i think about her and miss her warmth and touch but she will never know how i truely feel because i had to much pride to tell her and i guess i am my own worst enemy sometimes but thats just my thoughts wrapped up just gonna let yall know whats going through my head

3:49

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