Maybe if I just peel back a few more hours of night
fill them with slow, lulling music
time will stop.
TickTI

Perhaps the deep will carry over
into another dimension,
another time,
where I feel different than this.
Theres a chance I will reawaken
without pain,
perhaps memory,
of the weight of this heart.
I dont want to know it anymore.
So alert and aware of my surroundings
Each tapped piano key rings louder than a church bell
I wait with heavy eyes for them to signal a change
That maybe I could bring my eyes to close

Listen for the note

I whisper a wish

My body is seized
And Im in slow motion
seeing within my lids, the complicated feelings materialize
Complex chaos morphs into the simplest forms
Understandable bodies that move with ease and grace
Just floating, not stumbling over anything
A flash of light would blind me briefly
A sweetness gently brushing my lips
Id hear the hushed cries of another
Singing an angelic hymn
Leaving me butterfly kisses on my shoulders
The ring comes to a climax
And its echo quickly dies out
Without warning, Id awake
Aware of the sudden change but
Having new, painless memories at the same time
Am I stronger? Better?
Do I care where I am?
Or what?
Does it matter anymore?
Im free

But what if I couldnt go back
Would it be worth it?
Maybe just a few more hours..

So confused and hurt I cant imagine tomorrow anymore.
I drip into the ethereal a melting dream of perfection and
hope to come out in one piece.
Coast through the mountains of depression building up around me.
Ignore their blackened, towering peaks that stare me down awaiting my reaction
while I breeze by, carving in and out of the depths of their crevices.
I am swimming, gliding through, feeling the chilled, numbing air whiz past.
So cold on my face the beads of sweat freeze in pretty crystals of emotion.
They fall to the ground so slowly and with such calm that I hold my breath in anticipation.
Suddenly, they crash with such a defeaning shatter.
I scream.
LOUDER.
My bloody hands slap hard against my ears.
A world with the sweetness of peaches and the familiar taste of friendly
lemonade had on sun-filled summer days has been blotted out
to make way for the stain of an eerie strangers goodbye.
Why cant I forget it?
Why cant I cling to the memory of wholeness?
The journey goes on as my misunderstanding swallows me and will continue
until I find my way out and the desire for escape no longer lingers.
when pain like that of murder gone unpunished subsides and
I can release myself into the real world again.

Love Falls a liitle writing about my thoughts today I know this guy named Mike, well Michael actually, but I'm not even sure anyone calls him that anymore. I still do but I don't know if he notices or cares. He's kind of that way about most things. I can't really read his mood all that often, despite my sharp analysis skills. I wish I always knew what he was thinking. Sometimes I pretend that I do. Sometimes I pretend that I can see the brilliant thoughts in his head. Each of them beautiful and carefully built, ready to be expressed, yearning to be released on an unsuspecting crowd, shocking the hell out of everybody daring enough to stand in its path. I know they are there; they have to be. Otherwise, how could such a beautiful mind do such powerful things, such creative and moving things? Even if they are few and far between, they still occur, and they must be a sign. A small sample, perfect in its individuality, but like saltines at a banquet, existing among a quantity of wonderful things to indulge in. That's what I think Michael's head must be like, so strong and with such an undying connection to its vital partner, his heart. Sadly, this beautiful mind and heart seem wasted since they lack regular use and care on a deeper level. A powerful wall blocks out much of the sensitivity needed to handle such delicate thoughts and emotions. What seems to him to be protection actually hinders his entire life, holding inside the best parts of him, the invisible parts, the parts that I pretend to see. It's weird the way I connect with him. A strange partnership based on childlike innocence bound us together long ago. Even the times I thought it was weak, we would bend but not break apart. It's a force to be reckoned with, unlike any connection I've shared with any other person. Most of the time I feel a sense of guardianship over him, as if I will always be held partially responsible for him. I want to be responsible. I want to take care of him in a way that will save him from everything, even his own mistakes. It's an overwhelming emotion that grips my heart and the deepest parts of my soul. It's like a heightened pitch that only dogs can hear, a high frequency kind of love. It has a different wavelength, simply travels on a different level altogether. When it wrenches me, it renders me almost motionless. Movement is only conveyed through tears that I choke on as the lump in my throat swells. Or maybe that's my heart swelling up. It's as if my human heart cannot contain any more than human love, so this superhuman, high frequency love cannot be held within the confines of my flesh. That's when it bursts, so full and with such potential. It pours out over me in a rush of adrenaline, joy, and of course, those tears I was choking on. Then I start thinking of that beautiful soul of his again and I want to smile at the brilliance of his life. And then the pouring turns into love falls, gorgeous fountains of deep-running emotion adorned with light and color and life. My life, my heart, falling over his. I love my brother.

Disappointment by Sarah Alberg
I've been dissed,
I've been ditched
I've been dogged,
I feel lost
I can't seem to stay clear
of the seams and this tear
just keeps growing inside of me
ripping up parts of my heart
it envelopes me,
tells me I'll never
find just what I'm looking for
what am i looking for?
More than just more,
I need Someone to stand by me
Not hold my hand for me
But take a stand for me
Knowing I've got part of them deep inside of me
But why can't I find it
I try but it's missing
It's nowhere to be found
But I see it all around
Now I feel a change coming on
I can't help it I'm gone
I'm so sick and just tired
Of getting so fired up
Bout something my mind made up
So I'll just let it go, I'll just flow
let it out of my soul
cuz I hate to just know
I feel empty not whole
I just don't wanna need at all
Wanna be free of it all
And I hate to feel hate
And this anger inside
I must put it aside
And stop waiting stop playing
The game hoping my
Dream will come true and
Materialize and formalize
While I socialize but these green eyes
Are done with the crying
Finished with dreaming
Tired of getting hurt
Watching my feelings work
I'm angry with pain
And it pains me to anger
Oh what a tangled mess
So much stress,
It's a curse I aint blessed,
I've been sent
to live with disappointment