We finished recording On the Blog 3 last week at the Sound House studios in Shepherds Bush. 

Seven months of painstaking scriptwriting suddenly blown in six glorious days in the studio with the cast. 

It was lovely to see everyone again in such funny, playful form.  You know, like they actually enjoy working on the series.  Damn their eyes!    

It’s always difficult to tell at this stage quite how well we’ve done, partly because none of it ever sounds quite like we imagined it would do - often it’s loads better - and partly because what seems hilarious in the studio doesn’t always translate through the edit. 

However, if the series turns out to be anything like our time in the studio, then it’ll be very funny indeed…

And a bit over-tired.

With perhaps the faint whiff of man-wind.

We’ll just have to wait and see…    

The wife and I went to see In The Loop on Friday. 

Thoroughly enjoyed Peter Capaldi’s movie-stealing performance as Malcolm Tucker.  Particularly his uncanny ability to suddenly pitch up unannounced at various important political meetings like the Prince of Darkness.  Quietly appearing from the shadows.  

Imagine our surprise when, as we walked out of the cinema, who should we bump into in the queue in front of us?  

Peter Capaldi himself.

Spooky. 

Fuckity-bye!  

Democracy Is An Illusion and Capitalism Isn’t Working read banners at the today’s G20 protests.  

Presumably that’s the same democracy that allows the people who were carrying the banners the right to protest and that’s the same capitalism that pays the £7million estimated policing bill?

Hmm...

Posters publicising the new Horne/Corden movie 'Lesbian Vampire Killers' have been banned from public transport because they are 'sexually offensive'. 

To whom?

To vampire killers? 

Have there been thousands of letters from angry vampires writing in to complain that they're offended?  Not your average law-abiding liberal vampire either but actual murderers writing stiffly-worded missives to their local council about their human rights being flaunted in this scurrilous manner. 

Exactly what percentage of vampires (the murdering kind, I mean) are lesbians anyway?  I would hate to upset an entire section of the monsters community with my ignorant speculations but I assume they're in the minority.

Also, they're vampires.  Shouldn't we perhaps be more concerned by the fact that they're terrifying blood-sucking monsters rather than worrying about whether they will or won't get a tiny bit miffed by a little poster on a bus?

It’s been described variously as ‘unacceptable’, ‘disgraceful’, and ‘the lowest moment in ITV’s history’.  The Chairman of ITV himself even called it an ‘on-air shambles’. 

Yes, dear reader, you guessed it.   It involved your bum-eyed correspondent. 

Little did I think last year when I was filming an advert for Tic Tacs that just 12 months on I’d spoil literally millions of people’s enjoyment of a football match, embarrass an entire terrestrial television network and be threatened with ‘murder’ by the TV critic of the Daily Mirror. 

As you may have heard, last Wednesday there was a rather important football match live on ITV between Everton and Liverpool.   After nearly 2 hours of a tense, captivating encounter in which either side had yet to score a single goal, in the last minute of extra time ITV suddenly cut to an ad break and instead of the dramatic late winning goal viewers were shown a 30 second advert for Tic Tacs involving your humble narrator.  

The nation was outraged.  People up and down the country screamed at the television in unison.  Screen grabs of the advert have appeared in The Sun and The Daily Mail featuring me grinning like an idiot in my little tights and wearing an enormous minty pellet around my midriff.   The head of the FA has even promised a full investigation and Russell Brand wrote about it in his column in the weekend Guardian. 

The advert was even shown - in full - on the BBC News At Ten along with a rather smug and gloating report on ITV’s shortcomings. 

Needless to say, I’ve check with my agent to make sure we’ll be invoicing the BBC for my fee. As ever it was the Daily Mail who reacted with the most venom calling us, “irritating anthropomorphic mint sweets squeaking about on a golf course”.  Apparently we not only, “make the Teletubbies look like the finest Michelangelo sculptures” but, “the Liverpool defence and the Tic Tac men” are, “pretty much indistinguishable in terms of mobility”..... 

Charming.   Mother!  Open a new file.   Add it to the other bad reviews… 

It’s quite something to be involved in, ‘the lowest moment in ITV’s history’.

That’s a bit like being the dirty end of some dog doo. 

Next stop: Channel 5.