Petraeus: "We Have To Talk To Enemies"

McCain-Palin Are Dishonorable Sleaze

Pronouncing Words Correctly is Elitist and Snotty

CBS Dean Reynolds is a Wimp

Debatable Humor: A Marathon Presidential Postmortem

Greatest Reality Show On Planet: America Gets A Bullshit Meter

Do You Smell What ihe Media is Cookin': Debate Preview

Palin: Screw Your Stupid Questions

LA Times Pairs Palin with Lohan

Dear Presidential Debate Moderators (and all media in general),

In this topsy turvy world of infinite opinions and sources and studies, all easily available at the search of a google, and the click of a mouse, I have one simple request for you journalistic referees: Do your fucking job.

Click here to keep reading ...

Bob Cesca wrote a post yesterday detailing the McCain-Palin campaign's strategy to win the election - blurt out random crap (great piece, recommend reading). It appears that last night, in her interview with Katie Couric, Gov. Palin put that strategy to work.

Kouric asks Palin about the bail out, and here is the response:

Click here to keep reading ...

I am by no means an environmentalist. I smoke and toss my cigarette butts wherever, I litter, and I fart constantly (methane mothafucka!). However, I do know the difference between a solution to a problem and repackaged spin ridden talking point bullshit being passed off as a solution.

Click here to keep reading ...

http://piano-fight.blogspot.com/2008/08/cnns-leslie-sanchez-vomits-all-over.html

McCain Campaign Run By Poo-Flinging Monkeys

While I do try to reserve my vitriol for the bullshit peddling mind numbingly stupid national press, sometimes my anger gets the better of me and I lash out at the campaigns, and the candidates. In this case, John McCain and his campaign.

If you haven't heard about the religious forum hosted by Rick Warren at which both candidates appeared, it's probably because the media have yet to dub the whole fiasco some dumb fucking name like "Cone-gate".

Sen. Obama was to appear first, followed by Sen. McCain, both of whom would be asked the same questions on a range of topics dealing with faith. To make sure Mr. McCain woud not have an advantage, Warren told the audience in attendance that McCain had been placed in a "Cone of Silence" which would keep him from hearing what questions were asked of his rival and subsequently, would be asked of him.

Only problem is, he was still in his motorcade when Mr. Obama took the stage. So when Andrea Mitchell reported this FACT on NBC, Mr. McCain's campaign manager Rick Davis was totally pissed that Mitchell was "repeating, uncritically, a completely unsubstantiated Obama campaign claim" and fired off this response to NBC:

"The fact is that during Senator Obama's segment at Saddleback last night, Senator McCain was in a motorcade to the event and then held in a green room with no broadcast feed."

So, to be clear, Mr. McCain WAS NOT IN THE STUPID CONE OF SILENCE. Not to mention, immediately after stepping on stage with Pastor Warren, McCain lied to him:

Warren: "Now my first question, was the cone of silence comfortable that you were in just now?"
McCain: "I was trying to hear through the wall."

No you fucking weren't! You were riding in a fucking motorcade!

Beyond that, both candidates spoke to the Veterans of Foreign Wars this week, and Obama leveled this charge against his opponent:

"A year ago, I said I would take action against bin Laden and his lieutenants if we have them in our sights and Pakistan cannot or will not act. Senator McCain criticized me, and said I was for 'bombing our ally."

Which by the way, the US eventually did and took out a couple high ranking Al-Qeada officials. But that's beside the point. Here was the McCain campaign response:

"Unlike Barack Obama, John McCain doesn't have to compensate for a lack of credibility on the international stage with inflammatory and public threats against American allies," said McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds.

First off, this was not a threat against an American ally, it was a threat against Al-Qeada, and second, THAT IS NOT A FUCKING RESPONSE. Is McCain's campaign being run by fucking chimps? The campaign did not even address the issue! It fired off some horse shit about not having to compensate for being morons, when in fact, they absolutely fucking do.

And finally, and this should tell you something about the state of the race for the presidency, Barack Obama out fundraised John McCain amongst US troops, stationed both abroad and in the US by a margin of six to one. The effete, latte sipping, chablis drinking, prius driving, gay loving, baby killing, tax hiking liberal received six times as much money from soldiers than a decorated POW war hero.

It might be time to fire Rick Davis.

Yes, this title actually makes sense even though when said aloud it sparks a sudden need to tear at your own eyeballs while your head throbs in agony. In its seemingly endless ability to avoid reporting on ANYTHING of value, CNN masterfully puts out this pointless exercise in inanity:

"Edwards affair: Was media part of a 'conspiracy of silence'?"

First and foremost, this is a non-story. Period. John Edwards is a private citizen who does not hold public office, and what he does in his personal life has NO EFFECT on ANYTHING other than his personal relationships. The affair was not illegal in any way (a la Spitzer whore) and it happened almost two years ago. I mean isn't there some kind of statute of limitations on these things? And if there isn't, why isn't the media breathlessly covering John McCain's former infidelities?

However the bigger over arching problem here, is that instead of devoting extra coverage to, you know, that war that just started over there in the Europe, or the warS that are currently raging in the middle east, making it nearly impossible for the US to do anything about that war that just started in Europe, CNN decides to devote its time, energy, and resources to ... self reflection.

"Rumors about John Edwards' love affair had been circulating for months, but it wasn't until the former Democratic presidential candidate admitted to the affair that national news organizations jumped on the story."

And from that sentence, as you've probably guessed, CNN goes on to detail each step of the reporting on the Edwards affair and how and why the national press refused to report on it and blah blah blah til your eyes bleed.

One fascinating aspect about this useless excuse for journalism (and this type of coverage in general) is that the only actual quotes in the piece were pulled from interviews on TV. That's right, ZERO actual reporting done for this piece beyond watching CNN.

However my personal favorite part of this story is that after CNN takes a long, hard look at itself, to question whether it was a "condescending attitude toward a tabloid's reporting" or "bias toward a Democratic candidate" or "sympathy toward Elizabeth Edwards" that caused the gaping silence in the MSM, the story concludes that in fact, it was none of those, rather the lack of reporting resulted from a strict adherence to true journalistic ethics and standards:

"CNN's Howard Kurtz said news organizations were clinging to a very important standard: Don't run allegations that you can't prove."

Which, I suppose, is why it's completely all right to run a headline like " Edwards affair: Was media part of a 'conspiracy of silence'?" - because unlike other specious allegations made by trashy gossip rags, CNN can easily prove that the media in no way took part in a 'conspiracy of silence' by simply quoting its own TV network: "On this particular story, most major news networks took the stance that the rumors of an affair were not newsworthy."

Until, of course, the subject of those rumors admits they are true at which point the story becomes newsworthy presumably because it has to do with sex and someone else is fuckin and I'm not then dammit they're gonna take some shit for it! Or something.

In his bio posted on the Huffington Post, Lee Stranahan informs us thusly:

"Lee Stranahan is a writer, photographer and independent filmmaker. He makes short political parodies for news junkies that mash-up current events, advertising techniques, obscure references and things he saw on TV during the 1970s. It seems that he's not funny when he parodies people you like but is paradoxically quite funny when he parodies people you hate."

Lee Stranahan also feels the need to refer to himself in the third person. Paradoxically because he is a douche. And not funny ... ever.

On Friday, Mr. Stranahan posted a piece on the John Edwards affair titled, "Say It Ain't So, Elizabeth -- You Knew But Supported His Run For President?"

After typing this title, Mr. Stranahan immediately opened his mouth and inserted a pair of big floppy donkey balls. Having gargled his ass testicles, he then proceeds to begin his post with this:

"You do it yourself, that's what really hurts..." - Radiohead, Just

He begins with this Radiohead quote because, presumably, he is just that much of a tool bag. He goes on:

"As I write this, we're just a couple of hours into the official mainstream media phase of the John Edwards scandal and I'm already surprised. Something has happened that I didn't anticipate. I've lost respect for Elizabeth Edwards."

How kind of you Lee - I mean yeah, who hasn't lost respect for this woman who is cancer stricken and now publicly humiliated? But to be sure, let's see exactly why Mrs. Edwards has lost his oh so cherished respect.

"The John Edwards interview -- which he states will be his very last comment on the subject -- hasn't aired yet ..."

Translation: I have no idea what he's going to say but I figure I'll just guess and condemn both him and his sick wife anyway.

"... but we do have a statement from Elizabeth Edwards ... she knew about Edward's affair prior to his run for office."

And the point is ...

"Just taking the Edwards current statements at their words, I am left with a very uncomfortable truth -- both John and Elizabeth Edwards cynically used their marriage as a means to help John Edwards win an election."

And there ya go Lee, you just blew it. And here's the phrase where I KNEW you were an inconsiderate unabashedly stupid human: "cynically used their marriage" ... my question Lee, is HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW? Exactly how do you know that the promotion of their marriage and family was cynical? Have you never heard of a married couple dealing with one partner's infidelity and moving past it? Do you believe that never happens? Do you believe that a marriage can not become stronger after having dealt with something like that? HAVE YOU NEVER WATCHED OPRAH?

"I'm sure I'll get some angry comments here but if you're an Edwards supporter, let me put this bluntly; if you gave John and Elizabeth Edwards time, money, support, or goodwill, they played you. They made a conscious decision to make their relationship a focus throughout the campaign."

After reading these sentences and subsequently bashing my head into my desk repeatedly, all I can ask is this: exactly what does John Edwards' plan to eradicate poverty have to do with the fact the he is in fact human and had an affair? Exactly what about Mrs. Edwards' plan to support her husband (with whom she had already dealt privately) in his bid to eradicate poverty by ascending to the White House, has anything to do with whether or not the couple has had fidelity issues?

"Then when the rumors first surfaced, they made the worst decision of all; they decided to lie about it and to keep lying about it for months."

Maybe it's just me here, but exactly what right do you, or me, or anyone outside John and Elizabeth Edwards have to know what's going on in the private life of two people? So fucking what if they lied about it? If your wife had an affair, Lee, would you walk into the office on Monday morning, grab a bullhorn, and ceremoniously announce it to the entire staff? And furthermore, why the fuck do you care? It's actually a little perverted that you EXPECT people to go public with EXTREMELY PERSONAL details of their lives, especially when those details HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HOW THAT PERSON ACTS PROFESSIONALLY.

"Elizabeth Edwards shouldn't have supported his bid for the White House and she especially shouldn't have helped him promote the story about what a great husband he was."

Why the fuck not ass? Is it not possible that, you know, having already dealt with the problem, their marriage was stronger, and she may have, just possibly, MEANT WHAT SHE SAID? Is your view of marriage, life and politics so myopic you can't even friggin contemplate that? (Note: I am not saying that's what happened, but to just assume one thing and run with it while not considering another possibility is INFURIATING)

"Elizabeth Edwards as a wife, friend, and adviser should have told her husband emphatically and in no uncertain terms to wait and to get the story of the affair out in the open as soon as possible. Imagine if the affair story had been revealed back in early 2007. Some people, myself included, wouldn't have cared much in the first place. Others would have forgiven Edwards an affair in four or eight years, especially if Edwards filled that time with good works and devotion to his family."

A short list of political figures who have fucked around while still managing to become some of America's most heralded leaders:

JFK (while his wife was in labor, with multiple women)
Franklin Roosevelt
Eleanor Roosevelt
Bill Clinton
RFK
LBJ
Thomas Jefferson
Ben Franklin (never married, but fucked his way through France)

"Because I believe in the Edwards agenda, I still want to believe in the Edwards as people. Right now, though, I don't see either of them as victims of anything but their own ambition."

Lee Stranahan, as much as I want to believe you are not a shit for brains douchecock with a view on life and politics and morality which can only be described as TOTALLY ASS BACKWARDS, I don't see you as a shoveler of anything more than complete ass crap.

Good day, Sir.

Wack stories from around the world in the last week (plus annoying commentary!):

A former aide to President George W. Bush is suing Walt Disney and the stars of the political comedy "Swing Vote" claiming that it rips off his own version of the story, titled "Go November."

Should the allegations prove true, I can't say it's surprising that the only
good idea to come out of the Bush White House was fictional.

A new study found that female Trinidanian guppies would rather risk being eaten by predators that hang around with obnoxious males in search of sexual favors.

Note to would be flirters: For women, conversing with a man they find too aggressive or obnoxious is worse than death. ... Teddy.*

Despite being a massive hit with children and adults alike, German lawmakers want to ban Kinder surprise eggs on safety grounds, press reports said on Thursday. Millions of the chocolate eggs with a toy inside are sold every year in Europe's biggest economy, but according to a parliamentary health commission it is dangerous to combine food and toys in one product, the Bild daily said."

German Lawmaker 1: Maybe we should stop putting tiny, easily swallowed and subsequently choked on toys INSIDE CANDY marketed for children.

German Lawmaker 2: ... Why?

After a seven year old girl posed him a question at a town hall meeting, Democrat Barack Obama answered, ""Why did I start running for president? I got hit on the head with a rock. When I woke up, I'd made my announcement and then it was too late."

Which once again proves my theory that Barack Obama is a secret gay Muslim racist who refuses to recite the Pledge of Allegiance and murders defenseless kittens by choking them with a burning American flag.

Henry, a 111-year-old tuatara lizard, had grown fat and lazy since arriving in New Zealand but recently reacquainted himself with an interest in sex after a cancerous tumor was removed from his ass.

If I had a nickel ...

Saudi Arabia's religious police have announced a ban on selling cats and dogs as pets, or walking them in public in the Saudi capital, because of men using them as a means of making passes at women, an official said on Wednesday.

Which begs the question, when did Teddy and his dog go to Saudi Arabia?

English police have issued a snake alert after a boa constrictor escaped from its owner's home in Kent. "We believe the snake will be looking for a damp, dark and warm location, and as it had been recently fed it will be fairly lethargic."

... That's what she said.

A social graph derived from billions of instant messages validates folklore that there are about six degrees of separation between any two strangers on the planet. A research team at US software giant Microsoft studied 30 billion instant messages sent by 240 million people in June of 2006 and determined that, on average, any two could be linked in 6.6 steps.

Story: Was out wit a girl the other night who brought along her friend Ellie who has been living in New Zealand. Turns out Ellie used to live in Santa Barbara, where I went to high school.

Ellie: "You look familiar."
Me: "So do you. Do you know Dan or Dave Burke?"
Ellie: "No."
Me: "Heard of the band Ona?"
Ellie: "Oh yeah! Do you know Ben Wagner?"
Me: "You bet your fucking jesus balls I know Ben Wagner!"
Ellie: "He's my sandwich buddy!"
Me: "Yahtzee!"

Turns out, Ellie and I had been friends on MySpace for about two years after meeting randomly through Ben Wagner.

With subculture emerging as a top attraction in Japan, the government Wednesday gave an official welcome to foreign cosplayers, hoping to turn the hobby into a diplomatic tool. Cosplay -- short for "costume play" -- refers to hobbyists who dress as imaginary characters, often from Japanese "manga" cartoons, and act out their fantasies.

..

Next week, Japan's foreign ministry will welcome a high delegation of Klingon ministers as well as Elron, King of the Elves.

A Spanish doctor, whose clients included leading sports figures and politicians, has been arrested after a webcam was found in the lavatory of his Barcelona consultancy, police and media reports said Thursday.

When did Teddy become a doctor?

A Serbian travel agency is offering tours of the hangouts frequented by Bosnian Serb genocide suspect Radovan Karadzic in his guise as an alternative health guru.

There is something similar offered in the United States ... it's called a tour of the White House.

Thanks for reading!

-CB

* For those of you who don't know Teddy, he is a great guy, an old friend, has been dating a wonderful girl named Gilian for years now, is the last person on the planet who would make an unwanted pass at a woman, and is in dire need of a good ribbing.

Candy Crowley, a CNN reporter who for some reason I used to think actually reported on things, has irked me in the past, and at this point I should really know better - Candy Crowley couldn't find a story if someone nailed a flaming article to her forehead.



The latest of Ms. Crowley's highly informative pieces is posted on CNN.com and, as usual, it leaves the reader with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in the way of an actual fact.

"It is vice presidential season, where every picture looks like a campaign brochure and introductions sound like tryouts. Few know what's going on, and everybody gets asked about it."

That last sentence should have tipped me off that this was more non-informative manure, but I stupidly allowed it to bring to mind the question, fucking WHY? If nobody knows what's going on or how it will actually effect the race, then why the hell are you asking about it Crowley? Do you honestly believe someone is going to slip up and leak either candidates VP pick? Or that one of the potential VP's is really going to say something other than the line of crap they feed every journalist when asked, "Well I'm not looking to be VP but I'm sure I wouldn't turn it down."

No shit Mr. Potential Vice President. I wouldn't turn down the second most powerful job in the world either. But I digress, back to Ms. Crowley and her non-reporting.

"Clinton lost her Obama vice presidential buzz weeks ago. "

She is SOOOOO two weeks ago, and therefor, could NEVER be VP.

"Last week it swirled around Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine ... a devout Roman Catholic and a moderate Democrat who might help pull his Southern state into the Democratic column."

Fucking brilliant analysis here: If picked, the guy who Virginia voters chose to lead them might help Obama win Virginia.

"Hundreds of miles to the west in Elkhart, Indiana, Sen. Evan Bayh and Sen. Obama were looking chummy co-campaigning, and there was an Obama ad team crew shooting video of Bayh at the event."

More than a couple of things wrong with this sentence. 1) Your evidence as to Bayh looking like a solid VP prospect is that he and Obama looked chummy together? Obama also looked pretty chummy with the toothless diner waitress in Indiana and I'm guessing she's not on the shortlist. 2) There is an Obama film team shooting ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING he does. This is why his website can boast something called BarackTV.

Did you do ANY actual reporting here Ms. Crowley? Like, you know, cultivate a source inside the campaign? Ask that source a question? Even an anonymous source? Or just directly ask the campaign a question? ANYTHING? No? Ok, just checking.

"Bayh is a Midwest moderate and a platinum name in Indiana, a Republican stronghold. But Obama might be able to change the pattern of history and shake up Electoral College calculations if he put an Indianan on the ticket."

Again, the analysis is mind blowing: the guy who Indiana voters LOVE (i.e. elected) might help Obama win Indiana.

But wait, Ms. Crowley is not done ...

"It could be either Bayh, or Kaine, or neither of them."

... She has to be fucking with the us right? She has to know how PROFOUNDLY STUPID this sounds right? She's has to be at her desk just giggling over how idiotic a job she has and that someone is actually dumb enough to continue signing her paychecks.

"Also in play: former policy power player and Delaware Sen. Joe Biden, and the well-credentialed governor of New Mexico, Bill Richardson."

Also in play: other Democrats.

She goes on to inform us that Republicans from other states might help John McCain win those states, and ends by serving up this robust burst of flatulence:

"They are all like that, these vice presidential maybes, skirting, flirting, trying not to seem eager, while still being available."

Really? Politicians vying for an important and powerful position don't want to look like they're vying for said position? That's the point of your article? After typing that last sentence, Ms. Crowley no doubt went outside and pissed all over Edward R. Murrow's grave.

What is so INFURIATING about all of this, is that the national press has oh so cleverly coined this type of coverage, The Veepstakes, and cutely scoff at how silly the whole thing is, in that nobody actually knows who is going to be picked, or how that pick might actually effect the election. They then sit down at their keyboards, or in front of a camera, and proceed to report that they HAVE NO EARTHLY IDEA who the VP will be or how that choice might play out, but it could be the guy from this state because choosing him might help the candidate win that state. That kind of arrogance is actually insulting.

These reporters have a massive soapbox. They are broadcast 24/7 on OUR AIRWAVES, they are backed by multi-million dollar marketing machines which make it nearly impossible to avoid their coverage, they have access to the best political, social, policy, and political minds in the country, and they spend their time avoiding those experts like the plague, relegating complex policy discussion on life altering issues to a ho-hum 10 second sound bite, and instead proceed to guess, FUCKING GUESS, about what MIGHT result IF something else happens, then expect their audience not to run wildly screaming into traffic.

So for all these "journalists" who are guessing (I would use the word hypothesizing, but that implies some form of education was involved in the process) on who will be picked as the number two on either ticket, I am going to end all of the speculating right here, and right now. The candidates are going to pick ... A POLITICIAN. Now move on, and start doing YOUR FUCKING JOB.

For my 9-5 job I spend a good chunk of time simply reading the news. Being a campaign junky while harboring a fierce hatred of the media, I find myself in absolutely horrendous moods on certain days. Unfortunately for Gloria Borger of CNN, this is one of those days.



Ms. Borger, CNN's Senior Political Analyst, posted an article on CNN.com yesterday that is the epitome of our broken main stream media and a sound example of utterly useless journalism.

"In case you hadn't noticed, this is the summertime lull in the presidential race."

Really? I hadn't noticed, because in case you hadn't noticed PARIS FREAKING HILTON just got involved. Beyond that, exactly what should have clued me into this reported lull? Mr. McCain citing Paris Hilton in an advertisement (that actually went on television)? Or her subsequent response (which, oddly enough, offers a more clear energy policy than the McCain camp can muster). Or was it the 200,000 people that flocked to hear Mr. Obama speak in Berlin? Or a few weeks ago when Jesse Jackson wanted to cut off Mr. Obama's nuts. I take it all back, Ms. Borger is correct, absolutely NOTHING is going on this BOOOOORING campaign.

"It's also the time when candidates road-test messages, strategies, speeches and ads for the general election ... and the time when the candidates pick their running mates."

Excellent analysis here: This is the time when candidates are campaigning.

"So far, this summer has been full of charges and counter-charges, but nothing has moved the dial much."

Hhmm, there's something in that sentence that bothers me, but I'm not sure what it is just yet ...

"First came the charge, hotly disputed, that Obama decided to go to the gym rather than meet with the troops."

Yes, Ms. Borger, I remember that "hotly disputed" charge, but my recollection is a bit fuzzy, I'll read your next sentence so you can remind me WHY it was so "hotly disputed" ...

"The McCain campaign had more success breaking through with the Britney-Paris ad, which made for good television, but left lots of independent voters (and rank-and-file Republicans) scratching their heads."

Whoa wait ah, hold on just a second here, WHY was that "didn't-visit-the-troops-because-he-wanted-to-go-to-the-gym" charge so "hotly disputed"? Because, as you so deftly neglected to point out, it was ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FALSE. The Department of Defense had reminded the Obama campaign that visiting troops in a political nature is prohibited under current DOD policy, which meant that a retired former general traveling with the Obama campaign as an advisor, as well as the entire campaign staff including its 40 member traveling press corps, would not be allowed to go. That's the reason Mr. Obama did not visit US troops at the Ramstein Air Force Base, it has NOTHING to do with going to the gym.

And unfortunately Ms. Borger, your article epitomizes what is so horrendously wrong with the national press. You're job title labels you an "analyst", but when analyzing a charge leveled by a candidate, whether or not it was "hotly dispute", you provide ZERO, absolutely ZILCH in regards to informing your reader about the veracity of the disputed charge.

What I find so INFURIATING about all of this is that informing the public about whether or not something is true, not simply parroting a quote from one campaign and the retaliatory quote from the other, actually providing facts so the reader may discern which candidate's statement is actually true, IS YOUR FUCKING JOB, and one at which you FAIL MISERABLY.

"Then came the grenade: McCain campaign manager Rick Davis charged that Obama had played the race card in a speech. Obama denied it, but it made news."

Once again, ZERO ANALYSIS on who actually played the race card first, or if anyone HAD actually played the race card, just the parroting of charges leveled by each side. She goes on to write ...

"McCain camp tactics have worked at least to some extent, taking Obama off-message over the last week. Last week's message was supposed to be about the economy, and Obama found himself defending his remarks on race. This week, it's energy -- we'll see if Obama has better luck breaking through on that front."

"We'll see if Obama has better luck breaking through on that front." An interesting choice of phrasing considering that the "luck" you speak of hinges ENTIRELY on whether or not you DO YOUR JOB and fucking report it. This week both candidates laid out detailed plans for how they plan to deal with the current energy crisis (McCain's is here, and Obama's is here). But is there any discussion what so ever of those plans? Any information given as to who is proposing what and how it might actually work and/or hurt the environment/energy crisis/economy? Nope. None at all.

Exactly how does Ms. Borger expect either campaign to "stay on message" (whatever the fuck that means) when the actual message, i.e. the policies proposed to correct our country's never ending spiral into the toilet, are never actually discussed by the only industry which the Constitution explicitly protects so that it may do so without fear of repercussion?

This tit-for-tat reporting is so mind numbingly stupid I actually lose brain cells reading/watching/listening to it. This country's problem is not that Americans aren't a smart and decent people. This country's problem is that the national media, by stubbornly refusing to do its job, is actually lowering the political discourse so much it is making the country dumber, and even worse, disengaging the electorate with politics. When voters perceive politics to be a trivial and mindless pursuit (as the media portrays it as), voters stop listening, stop debating, stop thinking, and stop voting.

In closing, the two things ruining this great country are the national press' inability to do its job and Starbucks serving extra hot coffee (yes, in case you didn't know, you can now order your coffee "extra hot" at Starbucks). Please, someone kill me.

..

Dear Mr. Newsom,

First of all Mr. Newsom, I want to thank you for being San Francisco's playboy mayor for almost two terms now. Every few months I know I can look forward to opening up a paper and reading about a) your 20-year-old girlfriend drinking wine at a city event b) your drinking problem leading you to the arms of your campaign managers wife c) your engagement to a hot blond actress ETC. I LOVE reading stories like these, it makes me proud of the city in which I live, to know the mayor is having just as good if not a MUCH BETTER time of life than I am.

That said, I must now turn my attention to your proposed city wide ban on cigarette sales in drug stores and ask this pointed and thoughtful question: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?

Look I know you wanna be governor after Arnie's out. I think that's pretty clear to everybody and this cigarette in drug store ban is part of that campaign. But this law is total crap for two reasons.

First, it fucks up my day. There is a Walgreen's or RiteAid on every other block in this city and if you take smokes out of those I'm going to have to trudge an extra TWO BLOCKS to get a pack of cigarettes. That's right, two whole blocks, IN THE WARM SUNNY WEATHER.

Second, and this is the real important one, do you not realize that this law will most assuredly piss off your core constituency and most supportive base, the who-gives-a-shit-party-time-morons-who-don't-give-a-crap-about-your-utter-lack-of-ability-to-do-anything-actually-worthwhile-for-the-city?

That is your base Gavin. How do you think you continue to get elected after the catastrophic failures of programs like Care Not Cash, or business leaders' rejection of The City's demand that employers pay for workers' health care, or the fact that you can't get same sex marriages passed in San Franfreakincisco. Also, the 2016 Olympics aren't coming to SF (your fault) and the San Francisco 49ers want to move to Santa Clara, not to mention basically all the candidates you endorsed in city elections lost.

Honestly, I could give a shit about all of these fuck ups. I didn't vote for you because I wanted you to improve the city (NOTE: as a Canadian citizen, I have no legal right to vote what so ever), or pass legislation, or help get like minded leaders elected in every district. I voted for you (NOTE: still no voting rights here) because I want a reckless pretty boy in a high profile position that, when I read about the monthly fuck ups, makes me think, "Hey, if THAT guy can be mayor, I can do ANYTHING."

So in closing, please keep up the good working totally fucking up every month or so. And as for trying to pass any meaningful legislation, PLEASE FUCKING STOP IT. You are bad at it, and this law especially (drug store cigarette ban) is sub-moronic.

Sincerely,

Non-Voting Rob

"The question is whether it (Obama’s speech on race) can put out the pastor’s fire."

That was the question posed by CNN’s Candy Crowley at the end of her piece covering Sen. Barack Obama’s much discussed speech on racial tensions running through the campaign and throughout the country in general.

And it was exactly the wrong question to ask.

What Ms. Crowley missed in her coverage and interpretation of the speech was ... well, the entire point of the speech. Her report aired on CNN’s 360 with Anderson Cooper, which opened the floor to a panel of political ’experts’ for discussion.

And when given the opportunity to raise the level of discourse in politics and the news media, when given the opportunity to discuss the merits of what Obama had said, when given the opportunity to go on national television, in front of millions of viewers, and address the issue of race in an honest and insightful manner as Sen. Obama did, this panel of ’experts’ pissed the opportunity away.

"What will be the political impact of his words today?"

"How does this play out amongst white men?"

"Did he distance himself enough from Rev. Wright?"

It was as if Campbell Brown (filling in for Cooper), had no idea how to discuss the speech in a meaningful light. The entire broadcast consisted of the political ramifications and the completely unfounded predictions of the effect the rousing oratory would have on voters.

This is the inherent problem with the main stream media today. The panel on 360 could have hosted a historian to discuss the timeline of the civil rights movement and ’white flight’ from urban areas, a social worker to provide context on the rise of crime in relation to poverty amongst inner city dwellers, a civil rights attorney to discuss the pros and cons of affirmative action, a social scientist to elaborate on the over arching effects of racial quotas in education and any number of actual experts on subjects that actually matter.

Instead, when presented the opportunity to discuss actual issues, actual problems facing the nation, actual solutions to those problems, and an actual debate on the merits of those solutions, CNN took the opportunity and squandered it in the name of the horse race.

Basically, since Katrina, very little housing has been built and rents have skyrocketed, so 39,000 families now live in FEMA supplied mobile homes throughout New Orleans. These families were just told their houses contain unsafe levels of cancer-causing chemicals (formaldehyde) and should relocate as soon as possible (to escape the formaldehyde).

Note: these mobile homes were supplied in 2005. Residents have been complaining of health problems while FEMA has been insisting the trailers are safe ... since 2005.

It's kind of like getting your landlord to unclog the sink, except your landlord says it's not clogged. Meanwhile the stagnant water is literally killing you.

FEMA: Cleans Up Disasters, By Killing All the Victims

So if FEMA can't do ANYTHING right. And FEMA reports to ... well, it doesn't really appear that FEMA reports to anyone. Who the hell can help New Orleans?

Yao Ming.

Over the weekend, NBA players in town for the All-Star Game will work construction on new houses - Yao builds the second story and handles the boards. And, I almost forgot, they're distributing food to 2,500 needy families. Via no-look passes.

It's kind of like the clogged-sink-landlord-murdering-you thing except once you get evicted for complaining too much Lebron James builds you a kitchen then cooks dinner.

So what's the catch?

Attendance at Hornets games is way down, and the team, which is back this year after two temporary years in Oklahoma City, signed a new lease which lets them leave in 2009 if attendance doesn't improve.

But not to worry Hornets/New Orleans/Homes-That-Don't-Kill-People Fans, I have a solution. The Bush Administration should turn oversight of FEMA over to the NBA, which can then build houses and feed everyone, so those people will have some cash to splash over Hornets tickets, driving up attendance, and keeping the team in the city.

It's kind of like that clogged-sink-landlord-murdering-you-til-Lebron-builds-house/dinner thing, except after that happens, everyone gets a house (and dinner) then goes to enthusiastically cheer on the Hornets.

"It's too bad
The things that
Make you mad
Are my favorite things."

If you know what this is from, good work - you have excellent taste. If you don't, no worries - hopefully you can at the least relate to it.

I was just standing outside my office, quietly, unassumingly smoking a cigarette, when a coworker walked up to the door, and on his way inside, shook his head, and said, "Bad, very bad."

He was referring, of course, to my smoking habit. Really? Smoking is b-b-bad for you? Noooooooo. Pardon my language here, but I am fucking sick of this shit. I am so fucking sick of non smokers wagging their fingers, shaking their heads, and chastising me at every chance they get, which seems like every time I smoke, that what I am doing is "baaaaad".

Yes. Thank you. I am aware of the fact that this is a horrible habit. I am keenly aware of the fact that smoking will increase my likelihood of catching a cold, impair my ability to walk up these absurd San Francisco hills, and assuredly shorten my life span. And you know what, I couldn't fucking care less.

I love smoking. I love the fact that I get to leave my desk every few hours to head outside, not be bothered by anything at work, and take some time for myself. And you know what I think about when I smoke? Whatever I fucking want. I daydream. I imagine my future successful life. I people watch. I plan my weekend. I consider something that's royally pissing me off, take time to think it through, and eventually, after seven or so smoking minutes, let it go.

What I really can't stand, is the need that others apparently have to comment on my unhealthy habits. When I eat McDonald's, I get shit for eating shit. I know it's fucking bad for me and clearly, because I am eating it, I don't fucking care.

What right do these morally superior and nosy health advocates have to take pot shots at my choices? None is what. The have no right to do so. They just do it.

If I want to smoke cigarettes, eat shit food, drink to excess, and get the bulk of my exercise while trudging around the hilliest city on earth, I damn well will. And from now on, every time one of these meddling douche cocks takes aim at my health habits, I will make it a rule to fire back with an assault on their misguided understanding of common manners, politeness, decency, and their inability to mind their own damn business.

So fuck off health nuts. You want to exercise, eat well, and not smoke or take a few too many drops of drink, fine. Just don't shit on me because you're jealous that I do.

I need a cigarette.