The Howard Stern interview is finally going to happen. I was bumped twice, for which they were most appologetic. The second time I was bumped for Hugh Jackman. How dare Howard bump me for Hugh Jackman?!!!!! DOESNT HE KNOW WHO I AM?! I am a nobody, a fameless nobody. How dare Howard bumb me for a man who is releasing a blockbuster movie and who was voted sexiest man of the year last year?LOL. But then again, if Hugh Jackman was sexiest man of the year and Im being interviewed after him, does that make me the 2nd sexiest man of the year?

Anyway, big up to Howard for the interview. Im really looking forward to it, I have always been a fan.

The interview is on Monday may 4th at 7am EST on sirrius.

After recovery from my 'food poisoning,' Tomoko and I embarked upon a weekend of wild, unfettered hedonism. Tomoko was the most orgasmic woman I have met to date. When her levies broke, her river flowed down the insides of her legs, frequently requiring towels between her and the futon. Before the weekend was over, her face appeared stuck in the ugly position, especially after her record twenty six orgasms in one hour and that Sunday saw me venture on my maiden drive outside Fukushiyama, taking her home to Osaka. By the time we arrived in ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />..Osaka.., I had turned her into the ugly duckling six times and it was during that hour and a half drive that my post countryside plans were formulated and solidified: I would move to ....Kobe.... where we would live together in hyper-copulatory bliss............ ....

....

CHIKAKO....

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Satellite honeys were not granted more than three or four encounters. Not because of a lack of desire to, but they were too numerous and time consuming. So abundant were they that usually by the fourth encounter I had met their replacements, or in some cases perhaps, they had met mine. The only satellite honey with semi core status was a twenty-eight year old store clerk, who lived and worked in the area. ....

....

Since my arrival there, Chikako had caught my attention from the nearby jewelry store where she toiled. Not the normally petite Japanese woman, her facial features were more like those of a "Gonzales" instead of a "Tanaka" and her body type was like that of a more curvaceous Carmela Soprano, which meant she was much too big for Japanese men.  This also meant that she was without question single and perhaps had been single and sexless for ages, waiting for the first Negro ever to grace the town. After all, only a "yaudman" would appreciate her big legs and round posterior bursting through her tight black pants, and Japanese men would be clueless about what to do with those D cups.  Besides, she looked like a gaijin.....

....

I was right. It had been five years since her last boyfriend or intimate experience......

NEXT: ISLAND OF NEGLECTED WOMEN

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I had all intentions of keeping on the magnum five hundred, but you know the saying about great intentions. Tomi became my hell and in her fiery cave, I became her cave dweller. I tried to hold out until the last nano-second before withdrawing, but failed miserably and soon the Jamaican fire brigade was dousing her infernal cave with litres of high viscosity flame retardant...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />....

....

"You came inside me?" she yelled. ....

"Yeh," I answered nonchalantly. Like many descendants of slaves from similar socio-economic and cultural backgrounds, I too possessed the proclivity to unabashedly and irresponsibly sire countless children. ....

.. NEXT: TOMOKO (conclusion)..

.. ..

TOMOKO....

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New year's eve 2001 caught me at a smoke engulfed, Irish pub in Osaka, where upon emerging from the lavatory I made eye contact with a petite attractive Japanese Rosie Perez, making her way to the ladies' room. ....

"Are you going to buy me a drink?" She jokingly demanded. ....

"If your ass is big enough," I thought to myself, offended by her presumptuous attitude and turning her around to look at her butt. ....

....

She knew what time it was. After seven years in ....England...., she knew that the posterior was of utmost importance to the Negro male. ....

"Don't worry, you'll love my ass," disappearing to powder her nose. Finding the pollution unbearable, my friends and I stepped and landed at another joint called bar isn't it in Shinsaibashi. "Bar" was a well known gaijin (foreigner) spot and as the night was still early, it was relatively smoke free and sparsely populated............

..NEXT: TOMOKO (continued)..

..

Back home on the island, my Japanese friend Toshige had been communicating online with a woman from ....Chiba.... and after learning that she had chocolate eyes, especially for Jamaicans, he told her he was a Yaudie, born and raised. This hurled me into the position of Yaudie Persona Consultant, telling him what to say to her, which singers and DJs to mention, and where in ....Jamaica.... he should tell her he's from............

....

NEXT: TOMOKO

The Koreans especially, arrive in the States with archaic Confucian values, attaching one's social ranking to one's educational background, hence their condescension toward African Americans. Moreover, most Koreans went to the ..United States.. after the civil rights movement in the sixties and thus were completely unaware of the racial discrimination that African Americans had endured at the hands of white ....America..... They were also ignorant about African Americans struggle for freedom and equality of which they the Koreans are beneficiaries, only too eager to exploit their racial and social advantage.......

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..NEXT: AT LAST, BACK IN JAPAN..

..

My first Christmas on 'fantasy Island' was not spent there after all, but instead in Itaewon South ....Korea...., a very sleezy city with uninhabitable hotels. It was a spontaneous low budget trip where, to my grave disappointment, foreigners especially Negroes were not given deity status as in ....Japan..... It was a white man's paradise, which gutted me because, compared to Japanese women, I found Koreans to be hyper-super-babes, thicker, more curvaceous, prettier and possessing a more international fashion sense. So inhospitable was ....Korea...., I was blatantly prohibited entrance to night clubs. ....

"You can't come in, no brack people.," like a chapter from fifties ....Americana...., though it was December 2001. Whiplashed and frustrated from viewing all the unattainable candy, for the first time ever, the decision to buy some, began to occupy my thoughts. But even that met with rejection. "No brack man, dick too big," was often the response.....

....

Mayumi's independence from her parents, at least not living with them or having a curfew, afforded us limitless nights together in 'cultural exchange.' Initially she couldn't handle full penetration, frequently visiting the doctor for bladder infections. But in eventual expansion, she quickly grew to appreciate the ride. Her favourite position was on top where she drenched me and the sheets below in liters, earning her the nickname Biwachan, after Japan....'s largest lake. Perfect could not adequately describe Biwachan's body. From the size and shape of her porcelain breasts and phallus-hardening cello-esque dimensions, to her circular rump from which her almost too long legs jettisoned, she was faultless. Her pigeon toed walk, so ubiquitous among Japanese women, kept the scud in a constantly activated state. For some odd reason, this deformity – the result of sitting in the seiza position since toddler hood - always brought on the uncontrollable urge to bend them forward and make a full delivery, until I emerged through other orifices. This is exactly what I attempted outside the Westside Mall in ....Osaka............ ....

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NEXT: COREAN XMAS.....

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The Japanese patriarchy creates a hostile and unattractive environment for women in the institution of marriage. There is a well known saying in Japanese: Kekkon wa jinsei no hakaba.(marriage is life's grave.) and many women in contemporary Japan who observe through the media and travel, the liberties of women in the west and especially in the United Sates, are opting to remain unmarried. Hence, given the current state of connubial affairs in this country, women faced with the choice between living at home and holding all that disposable income, traveling overseas, clad in every name brand item known to people kind or, subsisting in the proverbial grave, opt for remaining unmarried and existing parasitically off their parents. The decision to delay marriage inadvertently puts many in the unmarriageable category, as the childish men in the patriarchy, have a penchant for very young women. Make no mistake, men around the world have a tendency toward younger women, recently myself included. But given Japan..'s pronounced male dominance and the unempowered status of women, in ....Japan.... those tendencies are even more pronounced and indeed more accepted.

....

One of my neighbors, a divorced, pudgy, beer bellied, balding unattractive, fifty four year old english Teacher and fake pastor, taking full advantage of these dynamics, is married to a strikingly beautiful twenty-six year old woman.......

....

NEXT: MAYUMI (conclusion)