It has occured to me that in the past year -despite all silly rushes, mad heart beats, and promising beginnings- i have been more than mildly disappointed with a lot of things. i've accepted that though because life is all about disappointments. in the last year, i've acting like cathy the good girl and acted like cathy the ********** - you wanna insert your own adjective?

i'm glad for 2008 though. it's not like i didn't enjoy it... hell yeah it was awesome! it's taught me special things about myself that if had not happened to me last yr, would probably happen to me this yr. i'm just glad that i don't have to go through it again :-)

I've learnt where my heart is at - it is where it's always been.
I know i'm a glorious being (am positive i will surely become one as well),
i'm kind... most of the time, but i'm still learning patience, which no worries, will be tattooed on my arm (perhaps not literally though).
I've learnt not to blame other people for their own naughty actions. i don't hate anyone, it's not possible for me to. and i know no one hates me - therefore would never act to spite me. saying that, yes, i've stuck a big ol' syringe into that big ol' ego and sucked her flat. pride ain't power. plus i think humility suits me better.
i've learnt to just accept that i will not 'like' everyone. i'm going to be more honest with myself and others and stop acting like a spoilt brat occasionally... err... constantly.. errrr you get my point. don't wanna be a hypocrite - when i say i dislike fake/pretensious people - i don't wanna be talking about myself.
you feel bad? say so
you feel bitter? let it go

i'm feeling fancy (so perhaps that should be tattooed permanently on my arm:)).
happy new year, my fellow lovers&dreamers

♥ cathy

HE loves everybody, he wants to be king.
Truth is that most love him back. Lucky king.
He doesn't think about her in that way.
She wishes he would feel more. She thinks she could feel more.
He takes her by the hand and it's the most unromantic episode
She doesn't mind, because he takes her by the hand.
She's going to take 10 steps back...
It's deep waters she's plunged herself into.
She always told him she couldn't swim.
He never did believe her, but i'm sure he does now.

you know that feeling of eventuality. Not due to obligation or poor circumstance, but because of a mutual desire... Yeah, i felt that tonight. And you know that feeling of satisfaction, because you realise your strength much sooner than anticipated.
That too, i felt tonight. I feel awesome right now.

I don't have to want you in vain
i don't have to need broken promises
i can love you from exactly where i stand.
under your tongue i'm like a tether
inside you i've got my fingerrs
One more excuse, nothing left to lose.
i know you want me.

because you're always there, right? even if i want you here...
just one moment held us together, we connected, to some degree.

can't say for sure what's right or wrong
i can't even say if my feelings are strong.
all i know is that i'm crushin on you
but it's not something i'm about to persue
history tells us we're in bad form
and it's not worth us trying to transform
but i'm liking this feeling, this heartrush
makeup's gone, i got a natural blush

it skips a beat and the drums go wild but her knees are grazed from stumbling around, the crowd gathers momentum as the lead singer hits a climax
screaming
like on their hit seventh track.
the sound is trapped in her ears, this is the feeling she had always feared. beads of sweat and she covers her mouth it's coming, but not the way she wanted it out. she knew he was a rock star, she knew he knew his game and all the while she knew what the situation would entail. still she listened to the tracks, and the album was her new black - a new genre she got into, although the style wasn't her favourite.
it's her fault.
-explains the reason why she stays out of the streets.
-is the reason she's so cold at night even under the sheets.
the sound is trapped in her ears, this is the feeling she had always feared.
the syncopated rhythm that her heart now beats controls her mind, her thoughts, her words, the pattern in which she sleeps.

i wish had qualities like sympathy/fidelity/sobriety/sincerity/humility
instead i got lunacy.
don't wake me up today. under my duvet's where I wanna stay
don't wanna come out to play. doesn't matter what you say, anyway.

(until I'm in melbourne…. :))

sometimes i don't know when i act. i was never the leading lady, but i always enjoyed being on stage. but when i say "i don't know when i act" i mean i don't know when i'm being Cathy or this other persona i seem to have developed lately. so when ido something wrong, i usually blame this other character in me who acts OUT of character from the real Cathy (gosh if i even know who she is anymore). but then sometimes, i act 'out of character' so often that maybe i'm just in denial of who i really am. i always try to justify my actions by repeating to myself, 'it's not me, it's not me' but really, i'm out of character so much that i actually now think it IS me.
wow, it's not the best feeling when you realise you aren't really a nice person.

May all sentient beings have happiness and its causes
May all sentient beings be free of suffering and its causes
May all sentient beings not be separated from sorrowless bliss
May all sentient beings abide in equanimity, free of bias, attachment and anger

http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/immeasurables_love_compassion_equanimity_rejoicing.html