like others on here I am all aflutter over the sexiness of
Beth Ditto.. i want three... or, at least her to talk to me while I dribble and gurgle in a vague way of acknowledgement.
I do that with people I am attracted to.. well at least it feels like it from in here *taps head* And it doesnt reall go away for quite some time if I do actually manage for them to bash me over the head enough for me to realise they want me to fuck them.. not the big sexually ravenous beast that sometimes I play at home. No no, I am a big wuss. Eventually I get my act together, if it has a kinda BDSM element from the beginning, with me in either role, I get it together pretty damn quick, some people dont even notice the huge freakouts I have before any
encounter....
it is interesting, and to be brutally honest I am surprised I ever manage to get laid,
or meet people who want to deal with my dribbling long enough to get to some of the deeper stuff underneath, unless you enter into some deep gender stuff with me... then I think i will jump on real quick... or about horses, dogs, cars or gangster movies. I am a typical 14yo boy *laughs*
I remember in one of my previous relationships with Ms_V, during that all important courting time, we hadnt slept together, I had been trying to help out at a court session as security for a friend - and things just clicked, so obvious to everyone, except yours truly. So we were flirting, she was rubbing my shoulders, I was being mr dense-as-hell, thinking "hey wouldnt it be nice if she likes me" and coming out with "hey, I hear you have a cat, tell me about him" and she thought I was not interested, when we organised for her to "give me a neck-rub at my house next week, be there at one" I truly thought, down to the ground, after both of us flirting our asses off, that I was truly only going there, for a neck rub. She was amazed at my dense-ness on these matters... I soon figured out what the deal was *grin * this was quite some time ago, around 6-7 years.
not much has changed....
Things with
darkling_grrl were almost as painful, with me not sure if she liked me "in that way" in spite of the outrageous flirting we were both doing. Things with dogBoy
were also similar in that he had to ask me "if you have a curfew tonight" and it still took someone else spelling out what exactly *that* meant before I worked out that he wanted me to come home with him. Not that I am1000 percent sure if people who reads this would want to say, but other people can possibly add how much of a stupidly dense guy I have been with them.
not that it happens often that people try to pick me up in bars, but, I can usually put 2+2 together, get four and make stuff happen, whether a later date or even just fucking in the toilets... maybe my self esteem isnt as caught up, or possibly just the tequila knocks down my walls *laughs*. PLay parties are the same, though on occasion - (more of late) I need to be specifically asked, as old fashioned flirting gets lost on me, and I need to be sure that I have "been invited".I am finding it strange, that as I go on - in certain situations and places, I can just be upfront and not so afraid of rejection. There are moments when once a couple of years ago, I picked up a boi by sending him a drink across a room with a bartender I knew, and later ended up being "terrible"*grin* to him in the corner, with a minimum of fuss, or the rejection possibilty freak out (which is kinda like the "spider dance", but not as loud and on the inside - one day I will give you a physical version of the spider dance) It is not gender (or lack there-of) related... though it has something to do with my own self representation and crap self esteem..at least I think it is....
I know something though, it IS frustrating, for all concerned at times.. I want a way to get over it, but to do that, I have to establish ways to better my self esteem - and not become the super arrogant asshole I become when I try that usually.