I just wanted to say thank you, for yet another night I go to sleep with a sickened pit in my stomach and tears in my eyes. I guess I allow this to happen, but I always have hope things will change for the better. I don't know how or why things went terribly wrong......or how or why we let it get this far. All I know is that we go through a viscious cycle of circles.....circles of pain, and then less pain, but still pain none-the-less. Your mind may choose not to think about this, but your heart will always keep beautiful memories close by.

Remember when I used to be able to make anything better for you.....how I was your Saviour no matter what was happening? Why can't I be that person for you anymore? I never changed---but it looks like you did. It looks like you changed without giving me any warning. A sign would have been nice, or perhaps a hint of some sorts. There was none of that though. I merely just lay in bed longing to get back the days of the past, confused about the situation of the present and horrified about what lies ahead in my future. Where do you get off treating me like I was never the one you fell head over heels for and the one you always thought about before laying your head down on the pillow? The one who you would just hold so tightly as you closed your eyes even tighter and then everything would be okay.

There was once a time when I thought you'd snap out of this and you'd allow your mind to retrace the footsteps back to those feelings of love. Obviously I'm wrong.......and left here with time wasted. Much time wasted, but no regrets. Through all your bullshit you've made me stronger, and I thank you for that as well. Just please tell me how to get away from these feelings of loss----self-pitty----heartache. How can I stop thinking of all the perfect years we've had and how do I stop re-playing the fucked up things you've done? That's the least you could do, is just tell me how, after running my distressed heart and soul in viscous circles.

A friend forwarded this to me, and I thought it was worth sharing....

This one is for the girls you can take home to mom, but won't because its easier to fuck with a whore than work on a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with.

This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over "her", he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone.

This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too selfish to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech. for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen him from across the room leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be an "old friend."

This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep. This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment & this is for realizing that when you choose friends, you hardly choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep.

This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have settled for what he was giving because at least he was giving something. This is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we had ever wanted.

With you as my comfort,
I escape my troubles.
Softly and genltly,
You fill my mind,
And chase away my worries.

The melody of your voice
calms my heart,
heals my hurt,
eases my pain.

Your inviting smile
travels deep within me,
and erases the woes,
that exist in my world.

You are not just a bandage
that covers my wounds.
You know what we share
is right, it's just the wrong time.

I have a BAD case of insomnia tonight =( .....so instead of counting sheep i'll share some of my favorite quotes with you!

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
---Helen Keller

When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don't see the one that has opened for us.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
---Erma Bombeck

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
---Theodor Geisel

It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually.
---M. Scott Peck

Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later a collection of mistakes is what is called experience.
---Dennis Waitley

Why does there always have to be drama?? Bitch, you know who you are. Stop hatin' on me cuz he doesn't want you anymore...if he did he would be WITH you. You're his ex for a reason...try and think back to all those times things weren't working out so well and that might help you remember why the two of you weren't happy together towards the end. The fact that you were goin on and off for so long only proves one thing------if you were meant to be together u wouldn't be back and forth all the time. But you never wind up staying together because you are not the right ones for eachother.....don't mix familiarity and comfort with love and needing. Just because I make him happy doesn't give you the right to stalk me & get all psycho and shit. Remember, you are OUT of high school now so I think you should stop playing immature games. We got together AFTER you two weren't together any longer so wha's the malfunction?? Stop thinking about him, cuz u didn't want him when u had him....stop bad mouthing me because I'm prettier than you.....and maybe you will find the time to find someone new so you could get your mind off us. It's bitches like you that wreck a good relationship because you can't let go of what you never truley wanted in the first place.

If I close my eyes I can see you
In my arms I can feel you
Holding on to what was
I'm lonely..... So lonely