well, it's been a while since i've been here.  Thing 2's test was not good.  She still has the urinary reflux.  We are in another holding pattern-wating gfor a year to see how many infections she gets.  This really bothers me!  She had the procedure b/c the doc said she wasn't going to grow out of this and now we're waiting again- I don't get it.  But the alternative is another procedure or surgery.  Lose-lose situation.

 

Lately things have gotten kinda weird.  I work with several people who seem to think that recent happenings all align with Revelation and that the end of the world(as we know it)is nigh!!  So, this week we packed 72 hour emergency kits.  These are kits that contain enough food to get 1 person through 72 hours in a crisis situation.  They can be put in a back-pack if you have to evacuate, too.  But, all this has made me question lots of things.....

If it is the end, I don't want to be here to use those but if  we are then what have I done wrong and not asked forgiveness for?

Have I raised my kids well enough?  Do they truly believe?  And if not will they be left behind and is it my fault?

Could I refuse to help someone else who wasn't prepared?

Was it a slap in the face of God that I prepared the kits and that I now question the beliefs that I have held for so long?

I'm losing my mind, well what was left of it.....

I always get depressed this time of year- most people don't know why.  Ten years ago, at this time of year, I miscarried.  I guess I should be over it by now but I always start to wonder what it would have been, what it would have acted like and looked like, etc. 

September really has sucked so far!!!!!!!    

I am dreading tomorrow sooooo  much!!!  Thing 2 has to have "the test" again.  This is the test where they catheterize her and fill her bladder to watch and see if it backs up into her kidneys.  This is the 3rd time she has had it and last time I ended up holding down(while she kicked and screamed).  When she talks about it she cries and I try not to cry with her.  I HATE no being able to fix this and I wish I could do it for her.  Mommies are supposed to be able to protect their kids and tomorrow I have to lead her into this and act like its okay.  The results of this will tell us if she has to have surgery.  That thought terrifies me.  Right now I am trying to prepare myself  for the day ahead.  And failing.......

Sliding is a skill that my oldest doesn't seem to grasp.  It looked like running and squatting- odd.  Can anyone teach her how to slide?

hmmm....   last thursday was my b-day.  It was spent at the ball park- thing 1 had practice.  Around 11:30 my sister called, she was really sick.  I then drove to Moody and took her drinks.  I spent the next 2 hours cleaning her bathroom (it looked like she exploded!!!!  UGLY!)  Then I fixed her another drink and slept on her couch.  Fri morning I made sure she would be okay and then spent the rest of the day getting ready for opening day at the ball park.  Sat was spent mostly at the ball park.  Thing 1s team has won both of their games so far.  Yay! 

Monday Thing 1 got sent to the principles office.  This was a first for her and I'm pretty sure she was scared stiff!  Her cell phone had gone off in class and now she has 6 days detention (5 now because today was day 1).  She was also upset that this kid who picks on her all the time had laughed when she got sent to the office.  This kid goes to our church and Thing 1 doesn't understand how someone she has known her whole life can now treat her like crap and then act nice on Sunday.  Teenagers..... 

Thing 2 brought a note home on Monday- she was good citizen for her class for Feb.  I was glad it was good news.  She was so proud. 

So, I guess we're caught up...    

Fri. I went to the plastic surgeon and had a ?? removed from the side of my nose.  This ??? has been called several different names by the dermatologist and the plastic surgeon but I don't remember what they were.  We had to pay for this b/c the insurance won't pay if the dr.s don't think it is "suspicious" and/or malignant.  So, $75 later, I have stiches on my nose (like I needed anything to make me feel prettier!!!).  And now there is more waiting for results of biopsies.  I guess I should pay close attention to the plastic surgeon when he says that I need to move further from the sun b/c my "scotch/irish" coloring doesn't do well close to the sun.  Maybe I should move to Jupiter??? 

We went to the circus!!!  I love the circus!!!  Yes, I know I'm a grown-up but I LOVE THE CIRCUS!!!  Watching all the acts and animals is sooo fun!!!  I often thought of running away and joining.  

Well, today was ok, I guess....  This morning I went to the skin dr. and she removed 3 spots (?) and they are going to be biopsied.  She also removed a bunch of skin tags from my neck but the other things hurt- now that the pain stuff has worn off.  Basically I have 3 dime-sized holes on varying parts of my person that the dr. SHAVED off!!!! EEEEWWW and OOOWWWW!!!!  She had this wicked looking razor blade that was serated!!!  And now I have to wait for the call saying that they are ok and not cancerous because they looked "suspicious" and not like the "age spots" I was more bothered by.

After that though,  the day got better.  The kids and I went to Brookwood mall so they could go to Spots and Dots ( a store that is a smaller version of build-a-bear, libby-lu and the discovery store.  Lots of cute stuff that girls like.

Well, today was ok, I guess....  This morning I went to the skin dr. and she removed 3 spots (?) and they are going to be biopsied.  She also removed a bunch of skin tags from my neck but the other things hurt- now that the pain stuff has worn off.  Basically I have 3 dime-sized holes on varying parts of my person that the dr. SHAVED off!!!! EEEEWWW and OOOWWWW!!!!  She had this wicked looking razor blade that was serated!!!  And now I have to wait for the call saying that they are ok and not cancerous because they looked "suspicious" and not like the "age spots" I was more bothered by.

After that though,  the day got better.  The kids and I went to Brookwood mall so they could go to Spots and Dots ( a store that is a smaller version of build-a-bear, libby-lu and the discovery store.  Lots of cute stuff that girls like.

Well, Cristmas is over (for now) and it was good.  Tomorrow we will go to H'ville to see hubby's family and we will come back Thurs. but the girls may stay 'til Sat.  We did the usual Christmas eve with my family at my parents. Almost everyone was there and we had a loud/good time.  It was a little  weird though b/c my mom gave us all things that were hers.  I got the cookie jar that was my grandmothers.  It is a big, red apple and I remember it being in my grandmother's house forever.  I almost cried!!  When my mom got it, after my maw-maws death she said she didn't want it and was going to get rid of it.  I told her then that I wanted itbut I didn't have a place for it.  Then , of course, I forgot about it.  It has been in her basement and she hasn't gotten rid of it (I really thought she would have by now- it has been years!!).  I know that my mom is planning on moving and just trying to get rid of stuff but it still felt really odd!!!  And then, as we were leaving, it got weirder!  She gave hubby the watch elf.  (for those of you who don't get that- the watch elf is a tiny elf that she would put out in out of the way places and occasionally move around.  This was (is) the elf that reports back to Santa about our behaviour).  Hubby had told her years ago that he would love to have it but she told him that one of the girls(my neices) would get him.  It just felt like she was giving all her stuff away like she's not going to be here!!      

O.K.- I know that I'm 41 and I know that my parents are old but I'm not ready to face life without them.  I honestly don't know if I ever will be ready.  It has been a hard year for them - they have watched friends and family members die.  They deal every day with not being able to do certain things anymore.  I came home Christmas eve and cried (like I'm crying now) because I realized that this might be the last Chrismas I have with them.  Sometimes, being a grown up scares me..... 

Baking christmas!  Tonight the girls and I baked the first batch of christmas cookies.  I say the first batch b/c we make several kinds and tonights was sugar cookies(my mom's tea cake recipe actually- I like them better than sugar cookies.  Not as sweet and a little nutmeg- yum!).  Tomorrow will be ginger bread cookies. Lots of rolling and cutting, sugar and sprinkles.  Lots of mess and lots of fun.  Tonight I floured the table, a chair and my leg!!!  The cats were very interested in all the activity but didn't like the smell of flour. The house smells like cookies and there is sugar in the kitchen floor (another accident :)- life is good for now.  But tomorrow I go back to work and M goes back to school- she missed today to go to the dr. b/c she has and ear infection.  Hopefully she'll feel better by this weekend...