I really hate it when I get those pangs in the heart. You know the ones. When you're alone, probably in the dark somewhere, and out of nowhere, it hits. That need to be in love. The feeling that suddenly everything is wrong and you desperately need someone to be with you.

Then, the next thing you know, it's all you think about. You dream about it. If only there was someone you could just connect with on that really deep level and know that everything is now okay in the world.

It can be triggered by a multitude of things from a certain scent, or a song, or even just the feeling of being somepalce that you might consider even remotely romantic. Try to push the thoughts away, and they only come back stronger. It feels like sitting on the edge of death for some reason. Like a step foreward and it's all over with, because that longing is there, but there's no way to satiate it.

That's when the thoughts of calling old flames come floating by. That one guy, that just was not the right one suddenly seems so appealing. Of course the call is never made, based solely on the fact that there was something not quite right about him. Or there might be another one that seems a little better, but there's no way to get in touch with him. Now begins this vicious cycle of self induced depression.

But the real problem is that maybe it's not needed. Maybe what is needed at the moment is to just feel that longing and let it fill some empty place for a bit. Of course, that place feels even more empty because the only thing filling it is a fantasy about something that isn't there to begin with.

But in the end, the  feeling passes and it's back to  the real world. But it was nice to bath in that little bit of melancholy for that short while, and the soul feels a little less burdened. 

Feeling of loss and loneliness run deep,
But there's a light far in the distance.
He runs toward it, pushing himself to reach it,
Knowing that it's all he needs to keep going.

Just a bit further, almost there.
Now bathed in warmth, basking in the light,
Washed clean of transgressions against himself,
He is elevated, riding the waves of elation.

Slowly the light fades, he's ready for it this time,
He knows it will happen and prepares for the worst.
Feeling the inevitable loss of ephemeral joy,
Night seeps in, invisible, silent.

Loss rears within once more,
Loneliness replaces the warmth and light,
He mourns for his lost, knowing that it was meant to be,
The decision is made and followed through.

Punishment for an absence that was self-inflicted,
The allowance of comforts is not a luxury that is taken.
Fasting from happiness he rises again,
Learning self reliance once more, he vows it won't happen again.

I lie in the grass
The sun touches me without burning
Wind caresses the entirety of my skin
and the water of the lake is still as glass.

Calmsets in as I lay
Blanketed in thoughts of nothing
Warmth heals my dangerous thoughts
If only for a moment.

I feel nothing as I lay
Everything resides in the sun and the wind
Though I be a creature of the dark
Free from my own pollution permeates me.

Sleep washes over me as I lay
Wiping the memory of life clean
Scent of cool water and the willow upwind
Lift me from my senses. 

I lay in the grass 
Nothing can touch me
Everything is of me
For 45 minutes of peace.