Clantily Scad:  The Dyslexistentialist Musings of a Misanthropic Twat
http://scandalousmuffin.wordpress.com

I made a blog for my refined thoughts however crude they remain.  If only posts could run my car.  LOL OIL PUN!

Yeah. I asked in my livejournal for suggestions for a blog title.  The only one I got was from Sara, because she's sexy and clantily scad.  I added the subtitle myself.
 
This post is probably pointless.  People on myspace don't read; they get naked.

I would get more hits if I advertised across my chest.

Ten things that people probably don't know about me, unless you know me well.

1. My great-grandfather on my mother's side, the hick side, was named Otis. He resided in Mississippi. Apparently, he was one badass motherfucker. He owned a diner and bootlegged alcohol during prohibition. He paid off the judges using liquor. He read Voltaire and other intellectual stuff and rejected religion. I wish I could've met him.

2. I'm allergic to cats. Not too badly, like I can pet them as long as I wash my hands afterwards. But one time my friend's kitty nuzzled my face (that's where scent glands are) and I broke out in hives. It sucks. I like animals.

3. I did ballet and tap when I was five. Before my dad lost his job and my family went poor. But I remember I sucked at it; I had no attention span and only did it for a couple months. Later, my senior year of high school I was being dorky in the commons and tripped over a chair, catching myself before I fell on my face. Eli commented, "You were a dancer when you were little." I looked at him incredulously. "How the hell did you know that?" "Dancers fall a certain way. So do martial artists."

4. I still want to learn how to Irish stepdance. I love Celtic music too.

5. Until about third grade, all of my friends were male. I played army, ran around without a shirt on, and liked it when my older brother blew shit up with firecrackers. Around 9 my social network became predominately female, and then it evened out in high school about 50:50. I think I have a pretty even brain gender-wise.

6. Yes, I really did rip that tampon machine door off with my bare hands to steal the money and tampons. I shoved upwards. It was weak at the hinges.

7. I have never had a real official birthday party. I was deprived as a child, and when I got older, they were just small get-togethers that my friends organized. There's always time though. I turn 20 in November. Damn.

8. I didn't have my first real kiss (and by kiss I mean make-out session) until I was 17. Seriously. I was tame until my senior year of high school. I was always a cuddle-whore though.

9. I adore Star Trek: The Next Generation and have seen almost all the episodes. I'm not even a big science fiction person; I just think that some of the writing was brilliant. Especially the episodes that make commentary on the depth of human experience and bring up questions regarding humanity and ethics.

10. Cake or pie? I once had this orgasmic cheesecake pie with blueberry pie filling on top and Clementine pieces on top of that. It was homemade. If you can replicate the result for me you will get laid.

bitch bitch rant rant fuck myspace

blah

this is the most profound journal entry ever

The name's Candice (or Scandalous if you're my former gay boss) and I like cans of compressed air and cowgirl hats.

I'm just another one of the world's semi-intelligent, confused teenagers who can easily point out all the flaws in society and offer no solution. You know--the kind that leans liberal, listens to esoteric Indie bands, reads Post-Modern poetry, and uses Wikipedia to substantiate their opinion…We're as common as sleep deprivation nowadays.

To most people, I seem pretty boring and reserved. However, I do have a tendency of instigating looks of surprise now and again. "You listen to THEM?" "You did WHAT last weekend?" "I thought Asians were supposed to be good at math!" "Candice… where did your pants go?"

I'm a self-described wannabe Jacqueline-of-all-trades. I love learning. I love traveling. I love adventures. I love thinking. I love reflecting. I love things that are transgressive, different, new.  I'll flirt with extremes, but never commit myself entirely. I keep eclectic company: cheerleaders, writers, gamers, stoners… anyone interesting with a sense of basic human decency really.  Send me a message if you'd like; I'm pretty friendly despite how much of a cynical cunt I can sound at times.

I'm complicated, not the easiest person to read, and I rather enjoy playing the part of the mysterious bystander (who hops into the action now and then).

Life's more fun that way.