Summer was never a good time for you and I. I prefer the winter, it's chilly outside so you can wear warm clothes and enjoy being inside while watching movies... it's great. I also feel more romantic in that time, too. Probably since it's the darkest time of the year, which makes it more depressing, and in winters like these when I'm alone, I guess when I do have someone, I don't take it for granted. I guess as long as winter was around, we would do fine. Summer sucks though. It's all hot and humid, and our relationship always went downhill around that time.
 I don't get why I have been caught up on you for so long. You really never appreciated the fact that I constantly bent over backwards for you and did everything I could. I seriously meant it when I said I would marry you. It was legit, hun. I don't know why I just sucked it up when you flirted with other guys and played us all like that. I took you back every time. I guess it's because I gave you the benefit of the doubt and I thought that maybe you had changed this time. I'd always end up wrong.
The girl I fell in love with went missing around the time a certain guy came in your life. I haven't seen her since then. After he came along, I could never trust you 100%, I always felt like you were keeping things from me, and later on, I find out that I was right. It hurt. Bad. I know I hurt you in the past, but it was only because I was trying to do the best thing for you, and you kinda make things difficult. My every thought and move was centered around you. I made the decision to live in Louisiana, instead to move back to my home because of you.
I gave everything I have. What did I get in return? Heartache. You'll whisper in my ear the things I want to hear and then turn around and do the same to 3 other guys. The thing I don't get is that you would get mad at me if I tried dating someone else, but yet you play me along with who knows how many other guys and it's okay?
I just wanted to let you know, that I am breaking the promise I made to you. I will no longer wait for you. If things happen, they happen. But as far as I am concerned, I am moving on- in more ways than one.
So... it's been nice.
Goodbye, Tenshi.

Whoever you are, you need to stop. I don't judge you for what you do in your personal life, and you shouldn't judge me. This site, along with my social networking profiles and old websites, are not affiliated with any other projects or employers. I have a disclaimer on my site, and that's not even necessary. I am not a representative of my employers when I'm off the clock. This is not the company's domain, this is my domain. Talk to me one on one next time- don't go behind my back without even asking for an explanation. It is childish behavior and shows horrible character. Read this article if you can't understand why bringing my personal online life into company affairs is a bad idea. [Fired for Facebook - thebatt.com]

I recently watched the documentary _No End In Sight_. The movie shows a side of the Iraq war no one has seen before. I've seen many films about the war, and most are pretty biased and anti-war. This movie doesn't bother taking sides, it just provides the facts and the true story from the people actually working in the administration during the early stages of the Iraq occupation. This inside look gives you a very real view of the planning and implementation of the war. This is a movie everyone should watch and send to everyone they know.

First off, I think I need to give a disclaimer. This is my opinion, not my employer's. This is a PERSONAL blog entry on my PERSONAL blog, that has NO RELATION to MY EMPLOYER. To those who have no idea what I'm talking about, just forget that above part. I shouldn't have to say it, but you know, people need to understand that fact.


So, I guess we have a new President. He wasn't who I wanted, either. Sadly, my choice, Ron Paul, didn't get the light of day. Hopefully, people will realize over time that my candidate was right, and with any luck, he'll run again in 2012.

By looking at the social networks, it seems a lot of my friends are upset that Obama won. I hope this teaches you a lesson on how our elections are ran. At the time of writing, Obama has 338 electoral votes. McCain has 156. Obama has won by a landslide. Just one thing... the popular vote tells a different story. The popular vote (the one that you actually vote for) has only a 3% difference with 75% reporting. Obama has 51% of the vote. McCain has 48%. This is _very_ close. Yet, Obama has already one when there is still 25% unreported. That doesn't sound a bit off? Welcome to the electoral college.

Most people think we vote the President into the White House. We don't. You may be confused. That's understandable. You may also think the United States is a democracy. You'd be wrong bout that, too. We're a Republic, just remember that when you wine about democracy. Anyway, we do not elect our President. America does what is called an indirect election, which essentially means we vote people in to vote for us.The way it works with the Electoral College, is each state gets an equal number of electors as members of the House and Senate, which is determined by population.

They pick the presidential choice, and a vice president. You have to have 270 votes to win. You can pick for whomever you want, but the idea is you are supposed to chose who won in your district. This obviously DID NOT HAPPEN. This is a serious flaw in our election process. Now before I hear ONE Republican complain, I want you to realize that the same thing happened in 2000. Al Gore won the popular vote, but the electoral college picked Bush.

Where were the cries then? Oh yeaah, that's right. They did scream and yell, but what did Republicans do? Laugh, naturally. Calling them sore losers, and well, just not caring since they won. Now, it's come full circle. Sure, I'm not happy Obama won, but you know, it's about time the G.O.P. realizes that they have truly lost touch with what the Republican party REALLY is about.

So, here's what I have to say to the Republicans: Read up on your party. You probably don't know just how "liberal" your founding members would be today. All these "crazy" ideas that you hear about, like dissolving the Federal Reserve and leaving Iraq, are actually true to the core Republican beliefs. Oh, and for the love of God, stop watching Fox News.





Oh... and one last thing.



No, you are, babe. You are.

I've been praying for you for years.
I've never laid eyes on you but long for our lips to touch.
You're the one I've been waiting on.
I lay wide eyed in bed at night wondering if I'll meet you tomorrow.
I don't know if our paths have crossed in the past our not, but I swear sometimes I can feel you here like you're next to me.
When I seek for you, I come up empty.
How long will I wait for you?
As long as it takes.
But seriously...
Where are you?
Are you searching for me as hard as I am for you?
When I meet you, will I know who you are?
What do you look like?
When I think of you, all I see is the one I've loved in the past... is this you?
I just want to know.
Maybe when you find me, you'll know.
But if you're as clueless as me, with my luck, we'll just float right past each other.
It'd be a lot easier if I just could get an answer.

I want to live. I want a life where I'm alive.



So many people, I look at, and they're dead. They've been living for years and have never been alive. I see you there, thinking your life is doing so well, and it all comes crashing down. You still give that image but behind the mask, all that's left is a lonely fool. Look at you. So pathetic now. You're dead. You might as well jump into the grave.

I don't want that life. I want to live.


So world, who's gonna be the one to show me how to live? If it's you... let me know cause I'm dying to hear from you.

Ten things I need to say to ten different individuals:
1. As everything in the world is going wrong, as everyone is changing and evolving, as everyone's beliefs change with every passing minute, in you I find some kind of calm in this chaotic world. Every fight between us has been mended by tears and hugs. Every disagreement has ended in agreement. Every unpleasant moment together has been pleasant because it was with you. You have been my life for the past 2 years. I have no idea how our future will unfold, but in it's present state, I wouldn't have it any other way. I know you could never understand just how proud I am of you and how much I really do love you. It's true.
2. You're a fag but it's okay. You've became a friend I will always be able to look back on and enjoy the times we have spent together. So many crazy things and stupid ideas, and you were there through them all by my side. Thanks bro.
3. Your not related but you might as well have been. I love you and am very impressed with how you've taken your calling so serious and have taken the role needed to accomplish the goals you need to. I look up to you when I want a figure for endurance because I know your struggle like no one else does. You are my source of hope when there is none. I know you're younger than me, but in so many ways I look to you for maturity. I love you to death and mean it when I call you my lil sis.
4. I know to a lot of people, I am viewed as a bad influence on you. They are right but they don't know that you would do just about everything we've done together regardless if I had been there. We're gonna be friends for a long time and I just hope you get laid before you're 21. Hahaha.
5. You and I used to be so close. I know we kinda are, but not. I need to see you more. I need to have my girl back. We are at a point now where alot of the childish crap is gone and we can just relax and complain about other things, like the adult crap. I just wish I could find you when I needed you.
6. I have had a crush on you for awhile. You know it, I know it, and it's mutual thing. It's just understood. We don't go there. Sucks we could never give it a try before you got locked down, but hey, at least you still have your gay friend, right? You know I'm always gonna be here for ya, and will tell you the truth no matter what you think is right, because you're wrong. Haha :P
7. What the hell happened? We used to be like best friends, then he comes in your life, and I haven't heard ANYthing from you. He hates me for no reason too, wth? Oh well, I just miss being close to ya.
8. If I ever had an older brother, I'd want it to be you. You're cool as hell and we get along way too well. I've had tons of great times with you, and many good laughs. I'm excited to see how much more fun we're gonna have now that we live closer.
9. If I was to have a younger brother, it's be you. I've trained you. I've given you everything I can to be better than I am when you're my age. I want to see you own the world one day and I'll do anything I can to help you in your journey, haha.
10. When the shit hits the fan. You're the one I call to bail me out. You're ready to help me out and to act like mom. Sometimes I need both, and I just wanna thank you for the years of being there for me.

Three men in a room.
One is looking out the window.
One is staring at the ground.
I'm observing the two.

He looks out the window, reflecting on the life he's lived. Some would look at his life as being somewhat successful. He's lived a life full of women, money, and having very good connections. He sheds a tear because, even though he's had what many people wanted, he's alone. The tide has turned and it's all gone. He's missing, but no longer missed. He considers whomever listens to him family. Sadly, he keeps running away from everyone and everything so he'll never be happy. It's sad.

He looks down, realizing his life is in total chaos. He enjoyed the chaos at first, but it has now taken everything from him. He's had similar success as the first man. He could have a different girl every night, if he wished. Not too long ago, he was throwing around money like it was nothing. Now, he's broke and everything is crashing around him. For him, the soothing light at the end of the tunnel was just a freight train heading his way.

I don't know how to comprehend how I feel. I wanted to be like them. Party, have tons of chicks, throw money around, you know, have the whole "successful" life thing. I realized that's not what I was really searching for, though. It was happiness. I assumed happiness came part of the package. I was mistaken. Funny.

"Walk in the light, and happiness will follow." Meh. I found myself in the same ruts regardless of walking in the light or not. Think about it. Don't you find yourself in the same place? Makes you wonder why we even try. I have really had different thoughts on religion than most everyone I've met. Most people would say I'm hypocritical, but that's not the case. Their image of a Christian is just wrong. That's why I don't even call myself one. It's just tied into a crappy stereotype. We weren't called to be Christians, we were called to be disciples. Yeah. Go figure. I consider myself that. A disciple. So, you know, I have this different view on everything, and I have to say, I find myself just as depressed as these two guys. Either side you go, you're gonna have the same ups and downs. Funny.

So with life being pretty much one crappy adventure after the next for everyone, I think it's safe to say that even though it can seem far fetched, a positive afterlife isn't such a bad thing to believe in. Even if you're wrong, you still can cling to hope for life in the next. It's really all I have right now to cling too, and I think it'd help these two guys out a lot. Just a thought.

Take what you will, what you will and leave.
Could you kill, could you kill me?
If the world was on fire
and nothing was left but hope or desire
And take all that I could bring forth, is this hell
Or am I on the floor over-desperate?
Hold hands streaming of blood again?
And then take full weight of me
Guard my dreams, figure this out,
It's me on my own. Helpless, hurting, hell.
Will you stay strong as you promised?
Cause I'm stranded and bare.
Meanness is washed up in all that I am
is God. Take this and all,
Then grace takes me to a place
Of the father you never had
Ripping and breaking and tearing apart
This is not heaven
This is my hell.

i saw a man die today. i don't know him, who he was, or what he did. all i know is that i saw his face the second he met death and i have never felt so powerless in my life.
there was nothing anyone could do. it just happened. and i was the only one in the world who saw him in his last second of life.
such horror and desperation on his face. i keep revisiting that moment in my mind.
all that man worked for in his life was all done away with in that moment.
he was not responsible for his death. just going about the day doing whatever he had planned and someone took his life so foolishly.
after i witnessed his death, i was just numb.
the emotions in me that were stirring turned into vengeance as i chased the man who took his life. once i saw him face to face, it made me cold and depressed.
this man could care less about what he had done.
why didn't this man who deserved the death receive it? why did an innocent man die from another's foolishness? why am i the one here delivering justice?
as i go back to where this unknown man died. i look around and see no one who was there when it happened. what is wrong with these people? how could they just move on like nothing had happened? why does no one care that an innocent man lost his life today because of someone else?
why isn't anyone MAD? WHY AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO FUCKING CARES? what the hell is wrong with this world?
i don't know. i just don't know.
you can't blame the establishment for the lack of peace and love. humanity as whole seeks the opposite.
i wish my heart was one that was hardened and could brush it off.
i just can't.
a soul was lost today and i couldn't do a damn thing about it.

i guess i'll just try to save one that can.

i blow a kiss to the life behind me. i've severed my ties and mended my wounds. i'm still weak, and my mind is at it's end. i find some kind of strength to press on, knowing whats at stake here is bigger than i. this uphill battle is so draining. what is left for me on the other side? will i make it? can i do this? doubt is a privilege i no longer have. i keep telling myself this will get easier. "just ahead... i can catch my breath. this is worth it. this is worth it." i'm so pathetic. i play strong but i'm broken beyond repair. this is my last stand. i've come to terms with that. i have my part to play. the stage is set. the show begins. i look ahead and see the audience. i can't look back, but it pains me to look forward. oh god.

what have we done?

I sit on the hilltop observing the wreckage below. I see life paths of destruction intersecting with paths of light. the weak are confused and follow the loudest voice. I am ready to jump in and rescue the lost but I know it's not my time. so I hold off and prepare for the battle of tomorrow. I hold my breath to keep from speaking. I bite my tongue till it bleeds. they are sleeping with their eyes open. only when they open their minds will they see what truth is. so I stand here on this hilltop. awaiting my tomorrow.

i march to my battlefield. weapon in hand. got a flower in my pocket and a flag above me. my voice is my power, my heart is my shield. fearing not the weapons they use on me. i hand them my flower as they stand amazed. i speak words of power, they seem to fade away. the trumpets blare with songs of freedom. this is our first step to a revolution. inheriting the dreams of those before us while passing on ours to the future. we meet destiny and embrace our new awakening. the enlightenment is pure, and so is our love. the love we spread to those who will hear it. we are the inspiration of the culture for an entire generation. seeking peace and clarity we try to stop this war. on the forefronts, the backdrops, and somewhere in between, we rise and unite. this is a beautiful thing. people all around turn their eyes to us now. we speak our message. it's our rEVOLution. if we had one thing to tell the world, we'd say what we must. so we do. through musical notes we chant our words of truth. love. it's easy.

i find myself at this all too familiar place. something about you... i can't forget your face. why do i keep running back to you? can we be together? i haven't a clue. my mind is on 5 bad trips. where is the soothing touch of your lips? i just wanna find a place to hide and stay. i know im regretting this, but lets just run away.  i'm always attracted. infatuated. but still, i end up jaded. why does this cycle continue? how many times do I fall in love with you? are you behind the door?  what am i waiting for? i can never utter these words to you. through life, we'll just pretend it isn't true.
but believe me.
i still love you.

In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man, brave, hated, and scorned. When his cause succeeds however, the timid join him, For then it costs nothing to be a patriot. - Mark Twain

I tap the mic.
This is my stage. This is my voice. In front of the world, awaiting my choice. The battle I have fought was for the better good, but the majority settled for less than they should. Their minds already decided on whom they've believed. The entire global populace has been deceived. They've infiltrated every single mind. Breathing life to an enemy whom no one will find. Hundreds of years they've enacted their plan, pulling the strings of the most powerful man. Here they are, in front of me now. Demanding that I, unto them, shall bow. Do it and live, or my life I will give.
That is my choice.
That's where I am.

Where are the people who were behind me for so long? Where are the ones who said they'd fight for this country to the end? They weren't blind anymore, so who plucked their eyes out? Do I give up my life for what I've believed? Or put all those who've died before me to shame? I cry as I know the choice I have made will end my life. I cry not for my death, but for those I've fought for.

If only they would open their eyes. Maybe these people can be cleansed from the lies. I know I always did my best. Yeah, I did my part, it's time to rest. I fought a lifelong war of politics. Thought this would be something that I could fix. I always knew it'd end this way. Heh, what a hell of a day.