WHaT?

I am going to be customizing my Wells Fargo Check Card using their cool Card Design Studio... but I need your help!
I want to hear your ideas for what I should put on there. Here are some ideas I've had:
Welfare Card (EBT Platinum)
Official Witness Protection ID
Registered Sex Offender ID
Police Mugshot

RuLes

There are no rules but if you really want me to think of using your idea it has to be good and it has to be funny or weird no matter where I go. Local jokes won't really be funny to people anywhere else so try to think broad.

WheN?

Now! Get crack-a-lackin!! Post your comments below, or on my website, www.CharlieMoreno.NET Remember to include a photoshopped image if you got the skills.

A Fox News reporter confronted a Black Panther Party member over their presence at Philadelphia polling station.


BET News is now reporting voter intimidation by White Tigers!!


Read more here!


I will be posting my blogs on my regular website (www.charliemoreno.net) from now on if they don't apply to MySpace.
MySpace advertises like crazy, so I don't see why I should help them make more money.
Go to my website instead. Please. Thanks!

I'm getting ready to drive to Colorado to work at Loonees Comedy Club.

It's 3:30 am and I just remembered the condo where they put us up has no wireless internet.
Road Runner has "DialAccess" for traveling customers. Perfect.
I download the software, I download the number list.
But I can't seem to register on their website for an account.

So I try their 24 Chat Support....


Niso: Hello! Thank you for choosing Road Runner Internet technical Chat. My name is Niso J. How may I assist you?

charlie: i just wanted to know if there's an alternate way to register for a dial access account. the website registration is not working

Niso: Do you get any error message while registering Dial Access?

charlie: yes, it said "An error occurred processing your request. Please try again later."

Niso: I understand that you are unable to resister for Dial Access as you get An error occurred processing your request. Please try again later error message. Is this correct?

charlie: yes

Niso: I will definitely guide you in the right direction to get this issue resolved. Feel free to ask questions along the way.

Niso: Before we begin, please provide the following four pieces of information for security check and to verify your account:
1. The account holder's 10-digit telephone number. (xxx-xxx-xxxx)
2. The account holder's Full Name (First and Last)
3. Please tell us your name.
4. May I have your preferred e-mail address?
charlie: 347-952-4641 Charlie Moreno. That's me and charlie@charliemoreno.net

Niso: Thank you, Charlie.
Niso: Which Operating System you are using? Is it Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows 2000, Windows ME or Windows XP?

charlie: Right now, Windows Vista. it's going to be used on a laptop running Win XP. but i already downloaded the software and the phone number list. The problem is i can't register to use it. the website doesn't work.

Niso: Charlie, I am sorry to say that Dial Access is not compatible with Windows Vista.

charlie: that doesn't matter. i'm running on another computer, with XP. I DON'T need help with the software. I need an account.

Niso: The following link will help you with the Windows Vista manual configuration.

Niso: http://help.rr.com/hmsfaqs/e_Vista_products_besteffort_dialup.aspx

charlie: I need an account. Not help with the software

Niso: The following link will help you to register Dial Access.

Niso: http://dialaccess.rr.com

charlie: thats where i've tried to sign up. it's not working.

Niso: Are you getting an error?

charlie: Yes. "An error occurred processing your request. Please try again later."

Niso: Try clicking on the submit button.

charlie: Are you NOT paying attention? It doesn't work. I said that to you already. An error occurred processing your request. Please try again later. is there other way to register?

Niso: Are you trying to register from the Vista Machine?

charlie: yes. but why would that matter? why would a registration form on a website need to be Vista compatible?

Niso: Sometimes webpages do not work with Vista.

charlie: I've been a web developer for 7 years. i'm glad you taught me that. i have never heard of that before. Vista is an operating software, not a web browser. i'm glad you are so aware of the difference. can somebody just create an account for me?

Niso: I would suggest you to try to register from any Windows XP machine and check if it works.

charlie: So I have to register from an older computer just to sign up for the service?
that doesn't make sense. Is there any other way to register for an account?

Niso: That is the only way to register.
Niso: I regret the inconvenience caused.

charlie: you should regret the time you wasted of mine. you couldn't have said that 15 minutes ago.

Niso: I am sorry, Charlie.

charlie: shut up

I slept about 3 hours last night then I had to drive 4 hours to Midland.
I got there an hour before the show started.
It was a typical bar crowd. Loud and rowdy. Mostly because of poor crowd control for a comedy environment, but it happens. They've only had comedy there for a month I think. Either way, I like a challenge, and I love bars. Together they remind me of family.

There's something about a smoke filled bar in Texas with neon lighting that brings out the "hell ya" attitude in people. A lot of comics fear it, but it's a good thing. As much as I like performing in full time comedy clubs that have the typical system in effect I also do like a battle I have to fight through to earn respect.
I love when the audience can communicate with you. It doesn't happen much in a comedy club because they're scared the comic will pick on them. I hate comics that depend on the front row to get laughs. I like people to talk to me. Not so much heckle me, but just communicate like you would a friend you're drinking with in a garage. Bar crowds should be treated that way. They want to hang out.
Whether it's by sending you shots after their cell phone goes off in the middle of a joke and they are cool enough to make amends or whether they get quiet after a joke you thought was funny fails miserably.
I got both tonight. Haha. Plus more. It was a very A.D.D. show, but I love the honesty of a bar crowd, especially the new ones that are there to judge how funny you are based on the lack of fame you bring to the table.

I've gotten to perform at sports bars while a big game is on.
I've performed next to billiards tables.
I've performed at the Uptown Comedy Club and the famous Apollo Theater in NYC. Bring it on bitches. I might go down in flames, but I'm taking hostages in any case. I love what comedy is and the grave it can lead to with one miss worded joke.
Bar crowds are like 3rd graders. If they want to say something they just say it. Sometimes it makes you laugh, sometimes it makes you want to quit and find another job.
Although I've written on my blog that I am semi-retired from road comedy I have to say this, I can't quit this. I'm an addict. I may take some time off, but I just can't work a regular job.
I hate people for the most part, but I love the ones that relate to my comedy. I guess I do love the attention. Bullshit "it's for the artform" doesn't sound right anymore.

Tonight I pissed off a mom and maybe her daughter (I think she walked off because she had to poop though), but I met some great people even for a few minutes.
I jumped back in the car about 20 minutes after I got off stage and started driving home to El Paso.

I had a great time but it seemed to go too fast.
I wish I could be on the road more, but unless gas prices go back to $2 a gallon or I start making some headliner money I think I'll bask in the glory that is the comedy business' "hell gigs". I seem to have gone to part time traveling comic, but it's making me appreciate it more.

Maybe next time I can be in Midland a little longer and use the hotel room for more than a shower.
I hope I can get back there soon. I had fun and I think the audience did also.
If you were there, please let them know there at Kroc's that you enjoyed my comedy.... lie if you must.
A girl in the front got up and left to the bathroom after a few suicide jokes.
Her mother told me not to tell anymore suicide jokes because their emo daughter was a cutter. I thought that was funny she even gave me the finger across the neck to say "cut it out". I actually managed to turn the audience on her and had the rest of the audience laughing at her daughter's mental instability. I'm a comedic genius. (and asshole) but my job is to make them laugh.
Fuck it, there's going to be casualties and friendly fire. I got a job to do.
Maybe her daughter should find a better mental disorder like bulimia.

I had a good time Midland.
Hope to see you again soon!


P.S.
To Kroc's Bar: I know you're reading this. I want to come back but let me headline and bring my own opener or emcee!