20 Things you realize during a recession:

1.  The expiration date on canned goods doesn’t mean anything.
2.  Spam isn’t really all that bad.
3.  Telemarketer are pretty understanding if you start balling on the phone.
4.  Butter and sugar sandwiches were good when you were a kid…and they’re just as good now.
5.  Tissue paper from an old gift bag in your closet is a good replacement for toilet paper.
6.  Taking a shower with dish or laundry detergent doesn’t make you itch as much as you think it would.
7.  Putting sweet-n-low in kool aid is just like putting water in a champagne bottle at the club.
8.  You catch yourself paying more attention to homeless peoples signs, so you can get ideas for yours.
9.  You ask the kid that cuts your grass if he needs a partner.
10. Halloween, Christmas, and Easter candy can be considered a meal.
11. Ketchup usually can cover the taste of any old foods.
12. Flushing your toilet once a day works wonders on the water bill….just light some incense.
13. Febreze is just as good as cologne.
14. Giving blood more than once a day is okay, just don’t drive.
15. Sleep is a good cure for hunger.
16. Women are really understanding at the club, when they’re laid off too.
17. When you see little kids eating their boogers it makes your stomach grumble.
18. The line at the unemployment office is really long when you realize you’re missing your second nap of the day.
19. You’re more violent when you realize that you have time to go to jail, and they have free food.
20. Billy Mays is pretty entertaining on those late nights when you don’t have cable.

The Hotdog Sandwich: This has always been a personal favorite of mine. When there's no meat in the house and you have a lion type hunger for a quick and easy meal.

The Ghost: Bologna has gotten a bad wrap over the years. I find it amazing that people will damn bologna, but will eat hotdogs religiously…..IT'S THE SAME SHIT!!! One's round and tubular and ones flat get over it….sorry I got side tracked. The Ghost is a term I gave an odd meal that basically is a sandwich with no bread. Sometimes you don't have any bread, or you have the heel of the bread and that heel-ish next piece of bread. And you're just not feeling that. So you grab a slice of bologna (or your cold cut of choice) and a slice of cheese. Stack or roll together and bite. And add to the effect, put a tablespoon of mayonnaise on a saucer and dip your ghost in it…….deeeeelish!!!

The Bologna and Egg Sandwich aka "The Bus Stop": Okay I know you're wondering why I called this one "The Bus Stop" the name derives from my past experiences with this sandwich. I've always made this sandwich when I wanted a warm filling breakfast before heading off for a long hard day of sleeping in school.

Sugar Ice: This is a simple and sweet drink on those hot summer days. This is usually consumed when there is "ABSOLUTELY" nothing sweet to eat or drink in the house. I've found that this is used in extreme cases only.

Ramen Noodles with Cheese: This was a personal favorite of mine in the early 90's which would explain the gallery of chubby early teen pics in pictures. My mother is a cook by trade so which mean there was not a lot of cooking at home going on.

Swamp Water: Have you ever had the dilemma of going to the kool-aid drawer and realizing that you don't have two flavors that matched? But that's not gonna stop you from enjoying a cool refreshing drink right? So what are you gonna do? You grab what you have left……and make a picture of kool-aid with grape and orange. And you ask yourself where does the name "Swamp Water" come from? It comes from the brownish green color the kool-aid takes from the mixture of the two flavors. Feel free to be creative and explore the mixtures of different flavors and see what you come up with.

The Choke Sandwich: No jelly? Or have you seen your sister making a PB&J sandwich and licking the knife and sticking it back in the jelly jar for more jelly. Or have you opened the jelly jar and realized that the jelly could possible be two years old, and has peanut butter residue in it……in short a total turn off!!! But it's not over for you. A choke sandwich is a peanut butter sandwich. The name comes from the difficulty of swallowing of each bite. To add to the degree of difficulty add more peanut butter, and use wheat bread instead of white.

The Governor: Do they still make government cheese? With the condition this country is in we could see it make a comeback. In short "The Governor" is a grilled cheese sandwich made with thickly sliced government cheese. It melts fast and easy. If you are unfamiliar with government cheese use it IMMEDIATELY. Once it hits air, it will start to mold. And be careful when eating this sandwich. When you bite into it the cheese will ooze out the sides and burn the shit out of your face.

...to my hair. yup, it's leaving me. but i'm beating it to the punch...shaving cream and mach 3 here i come.


dear, hair

aaaaaaaahhh!!! i remember the good old day we had together. the afros when i was small. corn rows before they were apart of the nba uniform. care free curls, and gheri curls. i had a $40 curl done at a salon when i was 8 years old. i was flipping in the sandbox the next day and landed on my head.....drippy curl + sand = shaved head and ass whoopin' to the new yorker (a black man's mullet) and who can forget the boxes, the stair step boxes, and the gumby's.....with the parts or jordan logos! to the fade, taper or bald. having arguments with friend about who's waves were tighter. and on to the duke kits, yes...the curls was bangin. a personal favorite of mine, and the ladies too :wink: but now i notice that swirl in the back of my head is turning into a sunroof. i can feel the breeze off a fart on the back of my head. and my hairline is fading away like the sun over the mountains. rogaine?.....no. implants?....hell no. voodoo?.....doesn't work. i have excepted my fate....BALDNESS. and the glare off my smooth, bald head will shine down on humanity.......and make life a little brighter for all young, and old. oh hair how i will miss you. you will be gone but not forgotten. you will always be in my heart...and on my back. i will join the ranks of the michael jordan's, the sinead o'connors, and the rupaul's of this world. but life will continue without you.....my old friend!!!


sincerely,
quincy...soon to be charles barkley" bevineau

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i wrote this a long time ago, and just recently found it.  hope you enjoyed it!!!

this in not a survey to be answered.  this is a series of random questions to guage your BLACKNESS.  but if you would like to copy and paste this as a survey, feel free to do so.    also feel free to comment........enjoy!!!

1. has your ears, neck, or scalp ever been burned by a hair care product?

2. do you or someone you know refer to a location "north" of your city or state as "down there"?

3. are you, or do you know someone moving to atlanta?

4. do you consider a job that pays $12.00 per hour a good job?

5. do you think 2pac is still alive? *bonus* do you think he's living in cuba"?

6. who is bill duke?

7. have you ever had a fake necklace stolen?

8. have you ever drank anything from a mason jar?

9. do you consider anything re-usable with a lid tupperware?

10. were you raised by your granny?

11. as a child, did you ever have to get out of bed to dance for your parents house guests?

12. have you ever witnessed a relative pull a gun or knife on another relative?

13. do you own a bootleg version of the denzel washington movie "american gangster" (the really clear one)?

14. has anyone ever written you a bad check for less than $10.00?

15. have you ever been called "shawty" by someone that you're taller than?

16. have you ever taken a bath in water someone else used?

17. have you ever bought an article of clothing from a liquor store?

18. if someone needed too, could you connect them with "the bootleg man"?

19. have you ever bought anything less than $100.00 on credit?

20. do you think mario van peebles movies are terrible?

21. in your life, has sleep, water, or taking a shit ever been used as a substitute for medicine or medical attention?

22. have you ever eaten the meat of an animal that you cannot or will not be able to buy in a store (example: racoon, squirrel, rabbit, turtle)?

23. do you have a bottle of lowry's seasoning salt in your kitchen?

24. have you ever owned a jar of "nu-nile" wave grease?

25. have you ever owned anything made by "world of curl"?

26. are you related to anyone with the last name Gulley?

27. are you related to any celebrities by marriage?

28. do you think veternarians are uncessesary?

29. has any of your utility bills gone unpaid as a result of an expensive vacation?

30. have you ever been in a fist fight as a result of the outcome of a video game?

31. have you ever eaten your breakfast on the school bus?

32. do you know anyone who carries a bottle of hotsauce on their person at all time?

33. have you, or do you know anyone who has taken over a car payment or a rental lease for some sentenced to a long prison term?

34. have you ever complained about white people to a close white person in your life?

35. do you know any small children that can do all of the latest dances, but cannot read or write?

36. do you know anyone with the nickname "peanut or pooky"?

37. do you think february being black history month is bullshit?

38. do believe in the "undercover brothers"  (example: eddie murphy, johnny gill, will smith)?

39. have you, or do you know anyone who has used an old broken floor model television as shelf or a stand for a new television?

40. do you own any article of clothing with a dead musician on it?

41. is "red" a flavor of kool-aid?

42. have you ever suffered an injury dancing?

43. have you ever owned a pair of shoes that cost more than your whole outfit?

44. do you believe that was the real 2pac in all those music videos after he was murdered?

45. have you made fun of someone, or have you been made fun of yourself, for not being able to "moon-walk"?

46. do you consider paul wall, eminem, and the miami heat point guard jason williams "one of us?

47. do you, or does someone you know have "good hair"?

48. have you ever used your "cherokee heritage" as an explantion for your high cheek bones?

49. have you ever use the phrase "it's because i'm black" when you were losing an argument?

50. have you ever been hesitant to eat fried chicken or watermelon in the presence of white people?

Written by: Quincy L. Bevineau (http://www.myspace.com/aspeqt)

VH1 Behind the Music: AspeQt (deejay/super producer)

AspeQt was born Quincy Jean-Pierre Bevineau on August 30th 1977 to a mother of French and African decent. Little is known about his father, but it was once rumored that he was the Invisible man. AspeQt's earliest childhood memories were of the harsh winter he and his family had to endour living in the Yukon. Death and famine was no stranger to this young boy. But Mother Bevineau managed to keep her three children alive on large amounts of bologna she unwillingly stole from the fur trading post five miles from their home. Believing that he was a burden to his mother, young Quincy set out on his own. By way of the railroad he found himself in southern Georgia, where he took on many odd jobs. While working at a Vaseline factory he befriended a man named Bruce Woyan. Bruce and Quincy later quit their jobs and toured the south as tag team wrestler. Bruce, went by the monicker "Mad Dog" Buzz Sawyer, and Quincy was the masked "Yukon Black". Despite his very young age Quincy was an accomplished wrestler. He and Buzz held many tag titles in many southern region. But Quincy's career was cut short when he suffered a pinky injury in a "Lumberjack Tag Match" against bitter rivals "The Russian Bear" Nikita Koloff and "The Hands of Stone" Rony Garvin. After his last match he said his goodbyes to all his adoring fans. But the hardest part was parting ways with his brother of the squared circle Buzz.

Quincy set out once again with no destinaton in mind. He traveled the world by plane, train, and automobile with visions of fame and fortune. When what seemed to be his chance at stardom fell right into his lap in Hertford, England. While in the Green Teeth Pub, Quincy met Ian Gillan. Ian was in a scrape with some of the local thugs after a disagreement over a game of Hungry-Hungry Hippos. Quincy, still with his pinky injury managed to thwart the thugs much to Ian's delight. Ian and Quincy quickly became friends and formed a rock band named Deep Purple. The band toured Europe with Ian on lead vocals and Quincy on French Horn. Success quickly came to the young men of music. But with success, come casualties. In a whirlwind of drug, alcohol, and loose women Quincy easily lost his focus. With a $300 a day Metabolife habit Quincy fell ill while performing in front of thousands in Barcelona, Spain. After three months on a coma. Quincy woke up without his dignity and his band he loved so much. Alone and too weak to care, Quincy lost his desire to live. When a nurse named Ula took a liking to the broken soul she had cared so deeply for, for the last three months. Ula was extremely beautiful, and had a fetish for hairy men. Quincy's heart easily became Ula's and they live happily together for two weeks. When asked why the relationship was so short, Quincy was quoted "Shit once you get the pussy.....you just kinda lose interest" So once again this free spirit set out again, guided only by the stars in the sky. And that's when he found himself in the United States once again.

With thoughts of living "the normal life". And with his fifteen minutes of fame dried up by injuries and fat-burners. Quincy found himself in Hollywood, Claifornia. While working as a waitor in a swanky resturant Quincy met many famous faces. Many of which knew him on a first name basis. The likes of Fred "Re-run" Berry, RoboCop, and Kurt Rambis all knew Quincy by one name "friend". After a hard night of waiting tables Quincy stopped into a liquor store to get a bottle of his favorite, yet expensive wine, Thunderbird. While feeling the effects of his beverage of choice, he began to wonder about the family he had left behind so many years ago. After many letters and phone calls, Quincy discovered that his family no longer lived in the Yukon. He managed to pull some strings, and got a favor from a friend of a friend. And met Robert Stack, the host of the television show "Unsolved Mysteries" Mr. Stack agreed to reunite Quincy with his family under one condition. He had to beat an early Nintendo game called "Contra" with one man. With the thoughts of his mothers kind face, and the smell of bologna Quincy excepted the challege without hesitation. With the rectangular controller firm in grip, and a wolverine like urge to kill. Quincy easily defeated the game. With a look of amazement Mr. Stack pulled out his bag phone, and made the call that could possibly reunite our hero with his family. The episode aired on NBC on May 16th 1991, right after the movie "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo" starring Shabba Doo and Boogaloo Shrimp. Early the next morning Quincy got the phone call he had been waiting for. It was Robert Stack on the phone, with that deep voice and creepy ass theme music playing in the background. Mr. Stack informed Quincy that he had found his family. They had relocated in Rockford, Illinois. Quincy was on the first thing smoking out of California....Rockford bound. With only the clothes on his back, Quincy was fianally "home" with his family.

The reunion was filled with joy and tears. As all the Bevineau's embraced one another. Quincy had discovered that his older brother Nathaniel was the CEO of the Luster Hair Care Product Company. Nathaniel was personally responsible for the booming sales of Luster's S-curl line, and was pulling down a solid $15.00 an hour. And Quincy had also learned that his younger sister Whitney was an up and coming hand model. Best known for her soft caress of a sweaty can in a Colt 45 beer commercial. And as for his sweet mother, she was well taken care of by her children, and stayed home and watched Lifetime and old westerns all damn day long. And that is the end of our feature on AspeQt. You may ask what is he up too these days. In an over the phone interview he informed us that he embroiled in a heated legal battle with the production company that made the film "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" he claims they stole the idea from his autobiography.
And he also started his own soul food resturant slash real estate company called "Ribs-n-Cribs" and plans to expand nation wide by 2008.